The After School Special
~Chapter 4~
Bella's POV
I knew I had seconds, maybe even milliseconds. I turned in a full circle looking around the dining room for any kind of weapon. I figured that I wouldn't be able to fight any of them, I would leave that to Edward, but I could at least grab something to defend myself – who was I kidding - at least slow them down for a second. Hopefully that would be enough time to have Edward stop Rosalie from murdering me in a gruesome way; if I could slow her down maybe it would just be a bloody one.
The only thing I could find was a whole wall of crosses. I blanched for a second. Vampires and crosses - how does that…never mind, I need a weapon. I saw the biggest cross hanging on the wall, it looked heavy, and my mind immediately told me to rip it down. I grabbed the bottom of the cross and leveraged it against my shoulder to lift it off the wall. I stopped only for a moment to realize how biblically hilarious it must look and then the cross slipped in my hand and scraped across the wall. Fuck, this thing is heavy.
I heaved it across my body and rested it on my other shoulder, ensuring that it could at least slow Rosalie down for a second before she ripped my still-beating heart from my chest with her bare hands. The bottom of the cross scraped across the table and then everything started happening at once. It seemed like I blinked and the dining room was filled with Edward's siblings. The cross bit into my shoulder and I shifted it for a moment, assessing the situation at hand. The two boys were holding Rosalie back with only the table separating us, Edward had lost his jacket in that split second to my right, his mom was standing off to the side toward the kitchen, and that strange sister of his was standing to my left.
In the moment that I realized they were suddenly standing there, they all froze and seemed like they were on the verge of laughing at me. Despite the apparent laughter forming in their eyes, I was still highly aware of the fact that Edward's sister had come to kill me. My blood was thudding in my ears, my heart pumping in my chest, and I gripped the cross more firmly in my slippery hands and ground out as menacingly as I could,
"Bring it!"
"Awesome!" The biggest brother, the linebacker on steroids, boomed into the room, doubling over in laughter and dropping his side of Rosalie. I gripped the cross tighter but suddenly I felt like laughing too. I tried to hold back - this was quite a serious situation still - but then the other brother holding Rosalie let her go and started laughing, Rosalie's mouth turned up, and the room exploded in laughter. With both laughter and adrenaline pumping through me I started shaking, hard, and the cross started to slip.
"I'm going to drop it!" I cried out in laughter.
"Jazz, knock it off!" The little brunette sister laughed and reached over and plucked the cross out my hands like it was a pack of Ramen. This made my eyes grow wide with horror, yet I couldn't stop laughing; I doubled over and grabbed my sides trying to bring in gasps of breath.
"She needs to stay Edward! She's…hil…" The linebacker started and then just threw his hands up succumbing to his laughter. I still had no idea why I was laughing, but tears started to form in my eyes. I struggled to take a breath and felt a round of hiccups form.
"What's," hiccup, "happening?" I hiccupped again.
"Jasper!" The brunette laughed and I watched Edward's mom move toward the other brother and put a hand on his shoulder, attempting to hide her laughter behind the back of her hand. Edward's shoulders were bouncing and he had leaned against the table. My stomach cramped with hiccups and I slowly sank to my knees still laughing. It was horrible. How could laughing hurt so damn much?
Jasper – I'm assuming – took a deep breath and closed his eyes and then suddenly I was released from the laughing magic that he had cast over the room and fell forward onto my hands, gasping in deep breaths between my hiccups. The whole room seemed to sigh with relief and then I saw Rosalie's feet move under the table. I jumped back up to my feet and threw my hands across my throat but instead she went nose to nose with Edward and growled out,
"This isn't over."
I blinked and she was gone, along with her huge boyfriend. Rosalie didn't try to kill me. I was alive. I slowly lowered my hands and saw Edward shake his head, no doubt having another silent conversation with someone. The brother, Jasper, was now upset and I started to feel angry as well despite still having hiccups from all the laughter. Something was very, very wrong. The only thing I knew for certain was that I needed to leave this house – immediately.
I cleared my throat and then attempted between hiccups, "so I'm gonna go."
"No, you can't go." The brunette sister immediately replied and Edward's mom started moving toward me as well with an embarrassed look on her face.
"I apologize, Bella, please don't let this one lapse in control change your mind about our family." Esme started giving me a soft look. I looked around the room, everyone but Edward staring at me, and tried to swallow despite my dry throat.
"Thank you, but I think I should go."
"But today was supposed to be the day." The brunette sister shook her head with a disappointed look. WTF? I took a few steps away from her. Oh lord, was this it? They were going to eat me now?
"Look, I'm not going to say anything. You can let me go. Your secret's safe with me. Even whatever happened today – and I don't want to know what that was." I put my hands up and took a few more steps toward the front door.
"But Bella," the creepy stalker sister started, and Edward snapped his head toward her and gave her a warning look; she shrank back, the room filled with tension so thick that I started to feel claustrophobic and I took my chance. I made a mad dash for the front door slipping and sliding in my socks and hit the living room only to find Rosalie and her steroid filled boyfriend lowly mumbling toward each other.
"Ah, don't leave yet! You're way too much fun!" The boyfriend called out to me and I couldn't help it I let out a little 'meep' and froze in my flee stance. Rosalie rolled her eyes and let out a long and bored breath,
"We're not going to kill you. Fuck-face over there," she raised her voice and pointed her head toward the dining room, "should have told you that Jasper can control emotions. And that Alice can see the future and she thought you were going to be best friends today. I might not have super powers like the rest of them but at least I have tact." She finished by almost spitting the last word out and my shoulders dropped.
"What?"
"You heard me right." Rosalie raised an eyebrow at me and then grabbed her boyfriend's arm and started dragging him out of the house. I watched them leave trying to process the information as Edward and Alice walked out into the living room. Edward still wasn't making eye contact with me but Alice seemed to be looking through me. I wrapped my arms around myself and opened my mouth in preparation to ask a question but my mind drew a blank and I just closed it again. Esme moved out into the living room next and gently announced,
"Maybe now is the time for a tour?"
I nodded, though not knowing why, and she moved past the two of them and put a soft hand on my shoulder and pointed toward the stairs,
"We bought the land back at the turn of the century, it was a fantastic piece of property. It has gone through its renovations over the years, and most recently we commissioned a local architect to give the house a more modern feel." Esme moved up the stairs and made a wide gesture. I looked over at Edward, still looking at the floor though I could see every line on his forehead, and Alice continued to dissect me with her eyes. I took a few thumping steps, the wool socks slipping against the hardwood floors and followed their…I guess mother, I was still really cloudy on that one…up the stairs.
She graciously continued, "as you can see, we've vaulted the ceilings and added an entire wall of windows to give a much more cathedral and open feeling."
I didn't bother to look back again, or pay attention to whatever she was trying to distract me with; there was no point. I had the distinct feeling that Edward Cullen would be a memory by morning - again.
Edward's POV
You are just going to let Esme give her a tour of the house? Are you a cretin? Are you really the jackass that Rose seems to think you are? Has losing your virginity turned you into a pompous asshole? Honestly, I expected better from you.
Alice continued to silently berate me as we watched Bella and Esme slowly move up the stairs. Esme was utterly confused at my behavior; Alice, on the other hand, was following very closely my future as I was wallowing in my self-made hell. As they crested the top of the stairs, I turned to Alice and hissed,
"Yes, I am all of the above. Better she calms down before I drop her back off at home than drop her off at the police chief's house coming off an adrenaline high. Besides, it doesn't matter what happens now."
"Please," Alice rolled her eyes and let out a very dramatic sigh, "can you pull back on your Progressive era angst for a moment?"
"Someone's been paying attention in American History." I sarcastically snapped.
"I swear it's like you refuse to leave the Victorian era, and you weren't even born then." She quipped back and then we looked at each other for a moment and started laughing.
"Talk to her." Alice gave me a long look.
"Why would she want me now? I don't think there was a worse way to introduce her to everyone." I moaned and leaned against the back of the couch.
"Talk to her." Alice repeated and looked at her nails, inspecting the almost invisible cracks in the paint job.
"Could that have gone worse?" I let out a disgusted huff.
"Jasper could have lunged at her." Alice told her nails. I pushed her away from me. "What? You asked how it could have gone worse. Leave it to Emmett to save the day again."
"Again?" I crossed my arms scared for what was about to come out.
"Rose was about to hurl her car into the science building and take you out. She got about mid press when Emmett just tackled her and then proceeded to make out with her so not to confuse the locals." Alice shrugged.
"That was going to throw them off the trail?" I gave her an incredulous look.
"The whole school thinks we've got some kind of Flowers in the Attic incestuous thing going on, Edward, what more could we do now to shock them? Play on the old tried and true if you ask me." Alice sauntered away but not before calling over her shoulder, "Talk to her!"
I shook my head and looked up the stairs; nothing about this day was going to go right, was it?
Bella's POV
"Of course we do try to rotate our pieces that we lend but this one in particular I'm just too fond of to loan out. Carlisle bought it for me on our third honeymoon and the lines and color really make it stand out from his other pieces. It is…priceless." Esme sighed at some random piece of art on the wall. It looked like a team of kindergartners were set loose on a giant canvas if you asked me, but I was never that into art. I smiled and nodded and then Edward appeared next to us, silently and suddenly.
"Oh Edward, lovely! Why don't you continue the tour and show Bella our Pollack?" Esme smiled and put another cold hand on my shoulder before leaving. I still felt pretty shaky from all the crazy events that had happened downstairs, and Edward was being more awkward and silent than usual, so I just tried with whatever I could come up with to break the ice,
"Please tell me Pollack is a painter."
"Not a big art fan?" He quietly asked.
"I got really good at distinguishing gang territories back in Phoenix." I joked. Edward stared at me.
"Excuse me?" His face scrunched up in confusion.
"Because of all the…graffiti…" I felt my face turn bright red and looked away. Right – I knew there was a reason I was supposed to leave. Edward Cullen and his super hero, vampire, Gates-status family were not meant for my world and I needed to go home and forget this day had ever happened.
"Ahh, of course, the Graffiti Art movement of the 70's." Edward nodded. I shook my head and suppressed the groan,
"I really need to go."
"Bella I'm sorry." He immediately started.
I held my hand up to stop him. "I know you're sorry, but this is obviously not going to work out between us. I'll just go back to my life, you go back to ignoring me, and we can suffer through the rest of this semester in awkward silence."
"Please don't say that." He quietly pleaded and I felt a little part of me get incredibly angry. Really? He was going to continue to pull me down this rabbit hole with him against my will?
"I told you, back at the hospital, that I wouldn't say anything. I won't. I don't do that. I keep secrets. I now have to keep a lot more than I ever wanted, but I'm willing to do that because…I like you. But you have to admit this is way too crazy." I crossed my arms over all the baggy clothes I was wearing and took a look past his shoulder into his expansive glass house.
"But if you like me then why are you pushing me away?" Edward asked and something snapped in my brain, word vomit,
"Because your family is some crazy hybrid baby of Buffy and Marvel Comics! That guy almost made me laugh up a lung on your dining room floor and your other sister got all creepy stalker on me. Then I come to find out that they have magical powers? I thought you guys were just vampires! Why do you have to go and have super powers too? So what's the big dude's power? Ability to crush things with his pinky? Is he part of the Fantastic Four? Is Rosalie 'Mystique'? Is your dad 'Captain America'? Is your mom 'Wonder Woman'?"
"Wonder Woman is actually DC Comics." Edward shot in. I leaned forward and pushed him, despite him not moving and yelled out,
"Shut the fuck up Edward!"
I threw my hands over my mouth in horror at what I'd just done, but downstairs all I could hear was laughing - lots and lots of laughing. I felt my blush go down into my bones and lowly asked again,
"Can I please just go home now?"
"No way!" Someone yelled from downstairs. "Keep going! Really lay into him, he likes a flogging!"
Edward clenched his fists for a moment and then took a step away from me and motioned for me to go downstairs. I let out a sigh of relief and quickly moved down only to be met with all his siblings again, perched on the furniture like an art director had strategically placed them to look fabulous. Emmett, the big one, jumped off the armchair he was sitting in and stopped a few feet away from me,
"Please, you can't go. We've been waiting a century for someone who can shut him up!"
"What?" I shook my head. Emmett smiled really big, almost scary big, and then answered,
"He can't read your thoughts. He can't stay two steps ahead of you."
"It's true, it's the first time in nine decades that he has to have an actual conversation with someone, and he sucks at it." Rosalie picked something off her dress, never making eye contact with me but smirking none the less.
"Edward, what is she thinking right now?" Emmett pushed. I took in a short breath and looked toward the front door. Now it was going to get embarrassing on top of horrifying and incredibly awkward – fantastic. Was there any other emotional scarring that needed to take place before I left this glass house in the middle of nowhere?
"You know I don't know." Edward ground out. The room exploded in laughter and then Alice took a step toward me and gave me a small smile,
"At least hear him out in the car."
"Does that mean I can finally leave now?" I inched toward the door, she nodded and I strode right out, not saying goodbye, not attempting to get my clothes back, not worrying that I was about to spread mud all over Edward's car as I schlepped through the muck of it. I just needed to get home and die of shame on my bed and pray this day was a horrible dream. Edward was right behind me, and as the front door shut I heard Emmett call out,
"Rose as 'Mystique'? Comedic gold! He better not fuck this up, she's perfect!"
Edward let out a groan and then quickly mumbled,
"I'll get the car, wait here."
He took off in a blur and before I could even get a good look at the property the Volvo was purring before me and I hopped in. I was determined not to say a word, I was determined not to even look in his direction; I was determined to ensure that the estrangement between Edward Cullen and me was immediate and finite, but that was before he turned on his CD player.
Saaiiiddd one two princes kneel before you, that's what I said now.
Oh god – Spin Doctors? How did Edward even own this CD?
Princes, princes who adore you, just go ahead now.
His hands clenched around the steering wheel, he glared out the windshield, and I pressed my lips together to not laugh at how ridiculous his owning this song was. God I hope it was only the song; I couldn't name a single person that owned the entire album.
One has diamonds in his pockets, now that's some bread now.
This one said he wants to buy you rockets, ain't in his head now.
His fingers kept moving away from the steering wheel like he was about to turn the music off but then he kept second guessing himself and clenching his hand again.
Marry him, or marry me, I'm the one that loves you baby can't you see.
It was in the middle of the song too. Had he been listening to this on the way to my house? Was he totally singing along all chipper and shit? OMG – I bet he was. I bit my lip.
I ain't got no future or family tree but, I know what a prince and lover ought to be.
I could just imagine him with that Eddy Furlong haircut and his Kurt Cobaine flannel trying to blend in with the Seattle grunge scene, all while listening to Spin Doctor's on his Discman. I turned toward the window and bit my pointer finger hard to stop the snort of laughter that wanted to come out.
I know what a prince and lover ought to beeeeeee….
I was seriously playing pogs and wearing slap bracelets while he was moping around campus listening to the Spin Doctors. He was so fucking old! Was he pretending to snort coke in the bathroom in the 80's and wearing a 'Members Only' jacket? No, he was probably more 'Flock of Seagulls'. No, no, no - The Cure. Totally The Cure! I couldn't help the small laugh that escaped my chest as the Spin Doctors continued to list the ways that I could 'just go ahead now'.
And if you'd like to buy me flowers, just go ahead now.
A series of flashes of Edward being forced into the fashion of the decades danced through my thoughts and I started hunching my shoulders attempting to stop the peals of laughter that were about to escape.
Oh! Just just go ahead now! Ohhhh your majestyyyyy!
I pressed my forehead against the glass of my passenger side window, my shoulders shaking, my breath burning in my chest, as I pictured Edward scowling in skinny black jeans and way too much eyeliner.
"Are you alright, Bella?" He asked, concerned, and I couldn't help it: I started cackling like a mad woman.
Edward's POV
There it was – I'd finally driven her crazy. There's only so much the human brain can take and I pushed her past the brink. There was no going back. She was laughing so hard that she was snorting in air, waving her hands around, and shaking the car slightly. She kept mumbling things between breaths like: cure, seagulls, and eyeliner. She was making absolutely no sense, and was starting to cry she was laughing so hard. How was I ever going to explain this to her father?
I couldn't just ditch the girl on her front lawn, rolling and hyperventilating as she succumbed to her ravaged mind. I turned the corner for her street and Bella took a large breath and leaned forward toward the dash. I slowed to a stop in front of her house, the police cruiser still gone, and Bella sat back up, wiped the tears off her face and let out a long sigh. She didn't seem insane. In fact she turned toward me, looking completely lucid and smiled,
"Maybe your brother is right."
"How's that?" I asked quite cautiously.
"Maybe I'm exactly what you need." She unbuckled her seatbelt and gave me a long look, "maybe you need someone to humble you a bit."
"I'm quite…" I started, affronted.
"No," she cut in. "You're not. But if today's music selection is any indication, you need me around just to make sure no one actually sees past the James Dean exterior you've got going on and finds the inner emo kid dying to get out."
"Excuse me?" I felt my eyes grow large with horror: music selection, James Dean, emo?
"It's okay Edward," she patted my arm and then reached for the door handle, "I won't tell anyone you used to dress up like The Cure."
I locked the car door.
Bella started laughing uncontrollably again and then turned toward me and pointed yelling out, "I knew it!"
"You know nothing," I quickly shot over her and then reached a hand out to check her forehead. "I think you're in shock."
"Is there any time you won't think I'm in shock?" She pulled back from my hand and gave me a challenging stare.
"When you stop making wild accusations or laughing uncontrollably. You know they used to hospitalize women for hysteria." I answer feeling very smug in my response. A very wicked smile spread across Bella's face and she took a moment to relish the obvious barb she was about to throw.
"Is that the excuse you'd use when the 'jailbait' would get too clingy back in the 1900's?"
"They've never been jailbait, I'm seventeen." I flatly countered.
"The end of Prohibition must have been hard for you." She pushed raising an eyebrow at me.
"I said I was seventeen, my ID doesn't always say that."
"Is that why they let you bang your sister in Kentucky? Legal age, right?" Bella crossed her arms and glared.
"Do I even get to defend myself or will you continue to accuse me of things you don't know?" I immediately questioned.
"That's the problem, Edward – all I've tried to do is get the truth from you and you keep dodging it. I'm tired, and cold, and I have to get into the house and erase the message from the school saying I ditched my last two periods before my dad gets home. So unless you have some huge revelation that's going to make me change my mind about the whole fucked up situation I've put myself into, I need to go. Now."
Her fingers wrapped around the door handle and she jerked it open; a wave of cold slipped into the car and I took a deep, searing breath of her blood and the pine and rain, and it clicked into my brain – Alice's final parting words to Bella, the whole disaster of the day, my absolute panic at the thought of losing her, and the only truth that would get her to stay,
"I'm a virgin."
Bella's POV
"Come again?" I instantly responded not even knowing where the words were coming from. Edward stayed very quiet, his golden eyes locked onto my own and I actually stopped breathing. There was no way. There was absolutely no way that the man before me had never plowed a woman. I saw girls stuffing panties in his locker every fucking day. There was no way.
"I have never been intimate with a woman, before you." He carefully worded, and then swallowed and looked at me for another moment before looking away. In that instant all the anger and disgust, frustration and exasperation that I had been counting on pooling and saving for the rest of the semester evaporated out of me and into the rain. It was like I was seeing him for the first time all over again. Except this time I saw who he actually was, not the bravado and leather jackets and sex hair: he was just like me. He was a wallflower, a nerd, a geek, a virgin that desperately wanted everyone to glance right over him so he could just get on with his existence; apparently until I showed up.
"You and Rosalie?" I nearly whispered.
"She's married to Emmett. They've been married for…decades now. Carlisle saved her, thinking we'd like each other, but as you can see we still don't get along," he answered, looking at his hands.
"You and Alice?" I choked.
"She's married to Jasper. She'd been waiting for him since she was turned, when she saw him in a vision. But she is my best friend." He gave me a quick glance and then looked out at the rain soaked neighborhood.
"Everyone is married? How long have you been living with a house full of married people?" I couldn't help the disbelief that crept out with my question.
"A very long time." He sighed.
"Why didn't you tell me you were a virgin too?" I asked and closed the door, adjusting back into my seat and turning to face him completely.
"It all happened so fast, and I was trying really hard not to break you." He shook his head and turned the car off. "I'm not the man you think I am."
"Obviously." I nodded and fell quiet.
"Can we start over?" He broke the silence and I looked up at him and nodded. He extended out his hand and a small half smile spread across his mouth, "I'm Edward. I'm a vegetarian vampire."
"I'm Bella," I smiled and shook his hand holding onto it much longer than you're supposed to. "I'm a nerd."
"No you're not," he ducked his head and then ran his fingers up over my wrist sending a flash of goosebumps across my arm. "Would you go out for dinner with me tonight?"
"Yes." I felt myself blush and leaned toward him. "What time are you picking me up?"
"Seven?" He fluttered his fingers across my wrist again and I felt a jolt of lust spread warmly across my stomach.
"Better make it six thirty; my dad will want ample time to intimidate you with his gun collection," I smirked.
"Perfect," he smiled that crooked smile again and then leaned into the back seat and retrieved my backpack. "I believe this is yours."
"How exactly…" I started and then waved it off. "Doesn't matter. So I'll see you at six thirty?" I cautiously asked and felt a cold sweat break out across my palms. Why was I nervous? I'd already fucked this guy – twice. But the geeky part of me was still freaking out at what I was about to do.
"Of course." He smiled and then opened his door. Before I had a moment to try and figure out why, he was already at my side and opening the door for me. I fumbled out of the car and clutched my backpack to my chest, and in that moment remembered that I was still in his mother's baggy clothes. The socks hit the wet pavement and I cringed.
"I'll wash all this stuff for your mom." I apologized and looked down at my quickly soaking feet.
"Don't worry about it." He smiled and closed the door behind me. "I'll see you at six thirty."
"Yep," I blushed and started making my way up the driveway. He waited, standing next to the car as I tried to move as fast as I could in my socks, sloppy with rainwater, and my book bag falling from my arms. I shoved the front door open and turned to wave; he gave a wave back and then ducked into the car and speed off.
I closed the door behind me as the dread of knowing I had nothing to wear flooded me.
Author's Note:
Sadly – I do not own Marvel Comics, DC Comics, any of the characters therein or the Spin Doctors. Though I love all of them dearly!
Stephanie O - Big thanks for another fantastic edit! Hope you're still having as much fun as I am!
Friend - Banter, banter, banter.
To all the reviewers - Thank you so much for the likes, the adds, the follows, the reviews, the everything. This story hasn't gained a lot of traction but nothing makes me happier then seeing someone else that finds this fun little tale as hilarious as me. Thank you!