August 23

Dearest Diary,

So mother nature is on her period again, cramps n bloating n all, n she is out for blooood. There's been tornadoes… flying cows… shitty ass relationship development… basically, it's Twister all over again. Actually, it's exactly Twister all over again. Imagine that ;3

On the bright side, tho, we got outta school early, n I came home n played xbox and, as usual, beat gill's ass (even tho he hacks like a mother fucker) and, as usual, sucked Kiku's (but only at Japanese games, which are totally lame anyways).

N then it got late n the power went off n I was like "noooooooes!" (noses are love) but then I realized this was the PERfect time for a one-man get down featuring Alfred and his absolutely to die for dance skills. so I run upstairs and grab a candle n light er up, find my ipod, and strip down to my boxers (cuz honestly, what peeping tom is desprate enough to watch me dance parshally naked in the middle of a tornado? Well, not counting Francis, of course, but that's kinda a given).

So I start blasting the music n beasting around like the hawt piece of ass I am (why is it ok to say hot piece of ass but not hot piece of dick? I mean, they're in the same general area- it's just one is used for taking and one is used for giving. Well, if ur gay that is. Or have a one night stand with a dildo. Or perhaps several stands with a dildo. Or even multiple dildos…)

But I digest. So I'm gazellazellinaround, looking pretty damn great, if I do say so myself, when suddenly, I start gettin super frickin hot. I mean, this ain't your normal hot. This is polar bear in Texas hot. Like, so hot i feel i'm gonna die. So I go to turn the fan on, and guess the fuck what? It ain't even fuckin working. Yeah. Who knew? Apparently when the lights go off, so does the ac.

An I'm like… shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. But then it occurs to me that I seriously don't give a damn. And I start dancing again. And I come pretty damn close to fainting. But it was still pretty damn great.

Deffinitely one of the funnerest nights ever in existence period.

Oh, and did I mention my parents weren't home? You shoulda seen the look on mom's face when she walked in my room to tell me to shut my music off XD

She won't be forgetting that again soon.

Lotto love,

Alfred Crotchgrab Jackson

A/N: Well hello there ladies and gents :D Sorry about the super long wait, but… meh, school is tough. Expect most updates to be like that from here on out. Um, just fyi, I've gone back and taken out all the years from Alfred's posting dates. This is because I don't really want this to become intertwined with actual history. Like, I don't want to have to write his reaction to different things going on in the world, because it will invariably be MY reaction, and I hate it when other writers do that, so I'm not about to start. Basically, if I say something has happened, it has, and that is that. No complaints.

Quick explanation: I think instead of 'digress' Alfred would think it was 'digest' and make a complete idiot of himself… so ya. There ya go.

And I know some of you may think this chapter is based off of the intense storms in meh dear old state of Tennessee, but this was actually written a while back, during all those tornados rampaging the south.

Oh, and just to alert you all, my name is going to be changed to "EyeIzAwezum" or something of that nature :)

Dank an: TheByeGirl, .x, Original509, Soul and Heart, Hitsu4HinaEva –Hair-Sama, o0DeeDee0o, OMGitsgreen, and Mothy.D

You all are so great :3