AN: These are still all set back near the end of the first season. At this point, Kikyo's fallen off the cliff, and everyone thinks she's dead again.
I know Inuyasha is in the trees above us, but I rarely see him, and when I do, he doesn't speak to me. He's barely spoken to me since five days ago. Even though my bleeding's stopped, he won't come near me unless it's absolutely necessary.
I can see Miroku's wise eyes often flicking to me, then up to where Inuyasha leaps from branch to branch through the trees, and then back to me again. He knows something's not right. I'm half surprised he didn't see the whole thing, and I have no doubt that if he had known what was going to happen between Inuyasha and I at the hot spring, he would have been spying. I'm surprised he wasn't spying on me bathing anyway. He must have been afraid Inuyasha would chop his head off. What a show he had missed!
"Have you ever seen a female dog in heat, Kagome? Do you know how they attract the males?"
For a moment, I'm puzzled by the change of subject. Then it hits me. Female dogs bleed when they're in heat. Suddenly it all clicks together. He still doesn't care about me. There's no emotion behind the lust in his eyes. It's an instinct. A purely physical reaction. The dog in him reacting to what it sees as an invitation.
I can feel the tears slipping down my cheeks, and suddenly he is with me again. I can't help the gasp as his warm tongue laps at my wet face, reminding me of a puppy I had when I was just a little kid. With a low groan, he buries his nose in the hollow of my throat, licking at the sensitive flesh. Then I'm on my back, and he's stretched out on top of me, still licking at my neck, and I'm thinking how easy it would be for him to rip the towel off and do whatever he wants with me, whether I like it or not. And I'm ashamed to know I would like it.
I want him. The feeling is new and strange and wickedly delightful. I have no strength to resist him, to resist the little licks and nibbles and kisses he keeps placing all over my chin and neck. Why doesn't he kiss my mouth? I want to feel his lips on mine. But dogs don't kiss like people. And right now, I don't think Inuyasha is nearly as human as he is dog. I reach up, touching his wonderful ears. For a moment, he leans into the touch, rubbing his head against my hand just like my puppy used to. Then suddenly, he tenses again, his eyes flickering to meet mine, his expression a dangerous mix of lust and anger…and sorrow.
"Kik…Kagome…"
Then he is gone, leaping up into the trees above, fleeing from me. I didn't miss the way he almost said her name. Is that it then? Did he use to treat Kikyo like this when she was bleeding? Had he done with her what he had chosen not to do with me? Jealousy and sorrow and white hot fury burn through me. I suppose on some level I am grateful he left me when he did. It would have been wrong, to do what I wanted to do. And I am glad he did not choose to use me simply to relive a memory. Still, I hate him for never touching me without thinking about her.
It's been five days; five days of near silence between us. I'm not sure if he's ashamed, or regretting, or just stupidly angry at me for looking and smelling like Kikyo. Guys can be such idiots.
The sun is setting, and Inuyasha calls down to us to make camp. He doesn't come down. He just moves farther away and parks himself in the thick branches of a huge hardwood nearby.
As night falls, I curl into my sleeping bag and try to sleep, though I know it is impossible. Miroku is sitting staring into the fire. Shippo is sleeping on my backpack. Suddenly Miroku's violet eyes fall on me. For a moment, I assume he thinks I'm asleep and is considering doing something weird to me while I'm unaware. But then I realize there is nothing but a sort of kind curiosity in his face.
"What happened between you and Inuyasha, Kagome?"
Worried that he will hear, I glance towards the tree where Inuyasha perches, a brief spot of red in the darkness.
"He's asleep, I checked. You don't have to tell me, Kagome, but if you need someone to talk to…I'm here."
I force a weak smile.
"Thanks Miroku. It's just…he keeps acting like…like he feels something for me. But every time, I eventually realize it's just Kikyo he sees when he looks at me."
The monk nodded sagely.
"I thought that was what the problem was. Give him time, Kagome. Remember, even though it's been fifty years since Kikyo's death, he has not had that amount of time to mourn her. He did not realize she had died until Kaede told him shortly after you first came here."
"How did you know that?"
"Kaede filled me in."
"Oh."
"Anyway, he's only had a very short time to mourn Kikyo, and just when he might perhaps be to the point of moving on, Urasuay resurrected her. And now he has to deal with figuring out just what happened that day. It's no longer just sorrow; now he feels the need to avenge her as well. Also, it's hard for him to handle the fact that she fell off the cliff still hating him. It's hard to feel closure about a death when you know the person died…died twice, in fact…believing you betrayed them. Give him time, and I imagine that after we defeat Naraku, after he gets that closure, he'll look at you and realize what a fool he's been to hold on to a memory when he could have had you all the while."
I can't help but smile at the honest kindness in his words. He is making a lot of sense, too. I glance again to where Inuyasha sleeps. Miroku smiles at me.
"You'll see, Kagome. Everything will be alright."
When I snuggle back down into my sleeping bag, sleep finally comes.