A few days later Danny was back in my room, begging me to take him back. But I refused. I was still furious at him for calling himself a monster. I kept calling him a monster, too. I kept yelling at him, calling him the worst monster that I had ever met. I yelled at him, screaming that I hated him. My chest ached greatly when I did, the spirits having taken me off the pain dulling medication the day I wad woken up. Danny was healed completely, though he told me he was still having those episodes and days where he would forget. He told me through the door that those days didn't matter, that on those days he still loved me, and he continued to beg for me to take him back.
But still I refused.
He continued to beg, saying that he was sorry for calling himself a monster and that he didn't think of himself as one anymore. But I knew that was a lie. I could tell by the way his voice faltered that he did still think he was a monster. He was lying to me about not thinking of himself as a monster, and I hated it. So I continued to refuse his apologies, so much so that I made him cry in his desperation.
"Please, love," he begged. I could hear the pain in his voice, the desperation and the love he still felt for me. But I didn't want to hear it. I wanted him to go away. I wanted him to stay away forever. Forever because he had called himself a monster. Forever because he had hurt me, strangled me. Forever because I still wasn't sure if he was the leader of the half-monsters or not. Forever because….
Because I didn't want to be attached.
I didn't want to seem like that desperate girl looking for love who'd accept back the man who had hurt her just to feel loved. I didn't want to be that girl who feared or doubted the love of the man who had hurt her. I didn't want to be the girl that men used to please themselves because she was too weak to say "no" to the first one who had hurt her.
But…
I also didn't want to be hurt. I didn't want to see Danny hurt. I didn't want to ignore the love I still felt for him. I didn't want to cry alone when the man I still loved could cry with me. I didn't want to yell and scream and hurt the man I still loved.
I didn't want to do any of that. I wanted him back. I wanted him to hold me again, and tell me he was sorry. I wanted his promise back. I wanted to accept him back into my life. I wanted the comfort he always gave to me when he knew I needed it. I wanted to comfort him again, to soothe him when he cried. I wanted everything that we used to be back.
But yet I didn't.
Hesitating, I called him in. His crying and begging stopped, and I heard him sniff, picturing him wiping the tears away from those deep blue eyes that I had fallen in love with, that I still loved now. When he opened the door, I saw those same deep blue eyes, puffy from his crying and a little red at the corners from his nights of no sleep. He had dark bags under his eyes from his nights of no sleep as well, all spent out my medical room door.
Before I could speak, Danny spoke first. "I'm sorry, Ty. I'm sorry I c-called myself a-a monster, and that I hurt you and yelled at you and didn't fight for you sooner. I'm sorry. I-"
I silenced him, feeling ever the more guilty about the decision I had come to and was about to voice the more he spoke. "Danny…. This… Us…. It's not working out." I started. He whitened, color draining from his face.
"Wh-what do you mean, love?" He stuttered.
I bit my lip. "I mean… I think we just need to take a break for a while. Go back to just being friends. I've hurt too much every time we argued while we were still together that… I don't know if I can do that again. But… I'd like us to still be friends, if that's okay with you."
I saw his eyes water again, and he bit his lip, looking away from me as he nodded. "I… I understand, love. We can be friends…" He slipped the ring he had gotten me into his pocket, wiping at his eyes.
My heart broke when he did that, and when he called me "love". But I didn't voice that to him. Instead, I continued. "And… that means no more calling me 'love'. No more kisses, no more 'I love you''s, no more of that stuff. No holding hands, no cuddling…."
I saw my words break him more and more with each word I said, and I watched as tears slid down his cheeks, me trying to keep back my own. I didn't want to do this, but I had to. I had to show Danny how much he had hurt me while giving us both a break to think over some things as well. So I continued.
"Though… Maybe… One day… We can start a new. If all things go well, with us just being friends, then…. Maybe… maybe we can become more than friends again. Okay?"
He nodded, sniffing and wiping at his eyes. "O-okay." He forced a small smile at me. "Gotta keep up hope, r-right?"
I bit my lip and nodded. "Right…" I murmured, looking away from him.
Danny sniffed a few more times before sighing. "I should leave you, now… I'll… um… Come in some other time… Think over some things…"
And with that he left, and my tears finally escaped me.
...
Mmmhm. :3 There's a reason why this one isn't a romance genre. XP