Jason hated to leave Carly alone with sonny given everything that was going on, but he was glad that she had asked him to spend time with Michael. He hadn't really had a minute alone with him since the accident, and there were so many thoughts tumbling around inside his head that he needed to get out. As he slowly sat down at his bedside, Jason remembered the first time that he ever held Michael in his arms. He looked as small and innocent now as he did then. Looking back, it was only now that Jason could see how things had gone so wrong.
"Hey, Buddy," he whispered, leaning forward intently to take Michael's hand. It was warm and showed signs of life, but he didn't squeeze Jason's fingers back. "You know you have a lot of people out there fighting for you. What good does that do us now? We should have been fighting for you before this even happened. I am so sorry that I wasn't there. It doesn't matter why I was gone. There is no reason big enough to explain my failure to protect you. You are more important than anything in the world to me, and I should have been there. I promise you that I will never make that same mistake again."
Running his hands over his face, Jason tried to gather his thoughts. The guilt swimming in his mind reminded him of why he was here. "When your mom showed up that night in the rain, I made a choice to become your father. In all the years since, I've never once doubted that decision," he proclaimed. "I knew as soon as I looked into Carly's helpless eyes that there wasn't anything I wouldn't do to keep you both happy and safe. And when I thought that meant stepping aside to give Sonny my family because that's what she thought she wanted, I did it. I did it for you both. Now I know that I should have fought for what I wanted. I should have fought for what was mine."
"I've never stopped loving you like my own son, not even for a minute. When we thought we lost you two years ago, I mourned you like a father would mourn his child," Jason remembered. "However, I never gave up hope that you were still out there. Maybe no one else would believe, but your mom and I were sure that you were alive. Now, we're facing another situation where no one thinks you are going to wake up. Well, we've always defied the odds, Buddy. It's time for us to pull off one more miracle. They didn't believe in your mom or me, but we proved them wrong. Carly and I both know that you can do this. We know that you will."
Studying Michael's placid face, Jason looked for any sign of movement. He didn't really expect there to be any, but he had to look all the same. "There is a lot of stuff about me that you don't know, things that I should have never tried to hide from my family. I lied to the people most important to me over something that I know would make you happier than anything in the world. I'm sorry that I haven't told you the truth about Jake yet, Michael. I want you to know that he is my son. I should have told you that you have another brother…I can't help but think that you would love him like one. You and Morgan both would have been so great if I had just given you that chance. So would your mom. I thought I was doing what I should to protect my child, but instead, I left you in harm. I'm going to figure out a way to protect both of you now, I promise. I don't want to lose my family now that I am determined to finally really have one."
"That's the thing about hospitals, you see, they give you a lot of time to think," Jason continued. "Life can change in an instance, and in those moments when the world stops and everything hangs in the balance, you figure out what's really important to you. You realize all the things you tried to deny and grab onto the things that you can't imagine living without. For me, that is you. That is Morgan and Jake. It is my children, the three boys that I love more than anything I've ever known. It shouldn't have taken me this long to figure it out when it's so easy. Knowing you, you probably figured it out years ago."
Smiling to himself, Jason figured that Michael likely had a pretty strong inkling of Jason's true feelings not only about himself and Morgan but also for his mom. "And I guess if I'm going to be honest here, you know how I feel about your mom. You'd be so proud of her, Michael. She has been so strong," Jason told him. "Did you know that there are people out there who are afraid of me? I know how I can come off, but your mom has never seen me that way. She's always thought that she was the dangerous one. She's right, Carly is the only person I've ever known with the capability to wreck me. A single tear in her ocean blue eyes and I am totally destroyed."
But it was more than that for Jason. Carly was his addiction. He wasn't scared of anything, but he was terrified of being in love with her. High speed motorcycle races and a round of Russian roulette with the five families had nothing on a single kiss from Carly. They were the classic case of fire and ice. Drawn to her like a pyromaniac and fire, he would fall blindly into her knowing that he would get burnt. She was passionate, outspoken and fiery while he was more reserved, intense and disconnected. No one understood how they could fit together, but what they didn't see was the softer sides of who they were. Carly might burn him but she would be waiting on the other side with a refreshing mist of water to put the fire out.
"At the end of the day, I don't care about being destroyed," he confessed to Michael. "You can only protect your heart for so long. Life isn't worth living if you're not sharing it with the people that matter most. I can go on pretending for the sake of keeping the peace and having her in my life, but it's going to be empty if I know that we should be something more. Holding her like I have and being here with her like this has shown me that much. I wish you could be here to share this with me, Buddy, but I don't have to hear your voice to know that this is what you would want."
Leaning down, Jason felt his eyes welling with tears as he rested his head against Michael's beating heart. He had to know that he was alive. "I love your mom, and I am going to tell her that. And when you wake up, we are going to be a family," he promised. "I hate that it took this happening, but I have to believe that something good has to come from this. I am going to do my part in finding redemption, now all you have to do is your part." Finally, he allowed the tears to brim over as he openly sobbed against Michael's tiny body. He prayed that God would take all pain from the boy and put it into his own body. He prayed that he would wake up. He prayed that he wouldn't have to give Carly any more bad news. He prayed that they wouldn't have to bury their son.
He must have been sobbing for a few minutes because when he felt Carly's hand resting on his shoulder, his body was completely spent. Still clutching Michael's hands, he turned his eyes to meet her wavering gaze. "How did this happen?" he sobbed, biting hard his bottom lip to try to get his tears to stop. He didn't want to cry in front of her. It was his job to be strong. "Carly, I'm so sorry that I let it get to this point. I promised to take care of him, to protect our son. Maybe he would have been better off if you'd never come that night."
"Now you listen to me," she said firmly, staring him straight into his eyes. "Michael, our son, loves and worships you more than anyone on this planet. The way he looks at you reminds me that I made the right choice when I asked you to be his father. I don't blame you for this. This is not our fault. You would never let me blame myself, so I'm not going to stand here and let the blame fall on you. This is life, and it happened. We can't change that. What we can change is what happens from here on out. I won't have regrets for the life I've made. I just want to make sure that I finally get the won that I've wanted all along."
Sighing deeply, he took one last lingering look at Michael before standing up. "We have got to get out of here. I know that you don't want to leave him alone for too long, but you need to eat and get a shower. I'd like to change some clothes. We could be gone for less than an hour tops. Sonny could stay here while we're gone to spend some time with him alone."
Under ordinary circumstances, Carly would never leave Michael like this, but she trusted Michael. If he thought for even a second that it would be risky to leave him, he wouldn't even suggest it. However, since he believed it was something that he thought they needed, she would play along. "We could stop by and see Morgan for a little bit. I'm sure he would like it if his Uncle Jason helped me tuck him into bed at the penthouse," she agreed. "After that, I have some place that I would like you to take me."
Jason knew instantly that she was talking about their place, the dive that started it all. From a long game of pool on a 20 bet to the game that he lost on purpose so that he could hold her in his arms to their nameless nights in his tiny apartment over the bar, Jake's was the scene of their beginnings, middles and ends. Whenever life threw one of them a curve ball, they would return to that felt table and work it all out over a game of nine ball. He had sent there to play a game when he had brain surgery three years ago. She had asked him to take her there after she was shot in the storm. The last time they had been there together was in a dream – hers during the building explosion and his during the surgery in Seattle. It was theirs, a place that they could always come home.
He nodded with a genuine smile, glad that they would get an escape from reality, however brief it was. She took his hand to help him up and entwined their fingers together before leading him from the room. Sonny was waiting outside with Max, wringing his hands nervously as he paced the hall. "Jason and I are going to run by the penthouse to check on Morgan and change clothes," Carly told him. She was still angry and bitter, but her son needed all of them to hold it together right now. "Spinelli and Mercedes will be with him. We should be back here in a few hours. If you could just stay here until we get back, I'd really appreciate."
"Of course I will stay with Michael," he agreed, reaching out to pat her forearm. "I had a car downstairs waiting for me that you can just take. If you need anything else, please don't hesitate to call."
"My bike is actually in the lot," Jason countered before Carly could speak up. He had one of the men bring it over earlier because he knew that he would get a yearning for the wind in his hair. While Elizabeth had always thought of long rides as something that belonged to just them, Jason had always remembered the vivacious blonde who had owned them first. They were a lot like his heart in that way.
They stayed in the hallway long enough to watch Sonny take his place next to Michael's side before walking back toward the waiting room. Elizabeth was on the phone behind the desk of the nurses' station. Carly hesitated as they passed her. She had always been jealous of the wholesome nurse to some degree, but after finding about Jake, it had gone to a whole different level. Elizabeth had given Jason the one thing that Carly hadn't been able to give, a child that was biologically his own. She knew that they would always be connected through Jake, but Carly knew that she had a place in his heart all to herself. She didn't need envy Elizabeth because she wasn't the one Jason wanted by his side. That place belonged to her.
Elizabeth's eyes darted to where Jason and Carly had paused outside the elevator. She heard Carly's say her name in a low voice before glancing over at her. She was compassionate toward the blonde for what she was going through as a mother, but that didn't change the fact that Elizabeth hated her. They had no respect or need for each other. Their only true connection was through Jason, and a part of Liz had always known that she would lose if it ever came down to it. By the way Jason was looking at Carly so attentively, she knew that the time had come.
She knew that she could use Jake as a weapon against Jason, but what would be the point? In the end, Jason would always return to Carly and she would never come first. Elizabeth couldn't blame him for that. Maybe if she had fought harder to be in his life months ago when she told him it was pregnant she could be angrier, but to be anything else but accepting would be selfish.
"It's okay if you want to talk to her," Carly whispered as she peered into Jason's eyes. She needed him to know that she was okay with this because no matter what happened, he needed Jake. For once, Carly was going to put aside her anger for the sake of her best friend. They both needed something to make this happy right now, and for Jason, that could be his son. "I can just go home and meet you there or even wait here. I'll understand."
He reached up and brushed a tendril of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear lovingly. He needed to talk to Elizabeth, but more importantly, he needed to be with Carly. "Everything else can wait right now," he assured her. "Right now, I just want to take you home and eat a frozen pizza on the couch while we read Morgan a bedtime story. After that, we're going to go make a bet at Jake's and see if I can still throw a game your way."
She smiled widely before reaching over to press the elevator button. As the doors opened and she stepped in, she looked back at him. "Losing that game was the best thing that ever happened to you because if it hadn't, I never would have happened to you," she reminded him. "You might think that you lost that game on purpose, but I think that we both won."