First to all in the path of Irene. I hope that you are all ok! My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thank you for all your reviews and alerts. I have to say a big thank you to Maverick88 who has managed to do the impossible and teach me via email how to watch Rookie Blue online even though season two is yet to be shown in the UK. After a really bad day Thursday when I decided to have a major pity party I managed to cheer myself up and watch season 2 from start to episode 9 and then this morning I got to watch episode 10 and I thought it was great but reading the episode guide and seeing the promo for episode 11 I can't wait!
I am sorry that you have had to wait for this. I am still writing Midas but I have serious writers block but it will be finished! Ok on with the show!
Disclaimer: I still own nothing
If Tomorrow Never Comes – Part 4
Sam let Andy finish up the cleaning that she wanted to do in silence. It was not a mood that Sam was familiar with were Andy was concerned but he knew that she need it at the moment and when the time for her to talk came he would be there to listen.
"Andy, everything's clean now. If you scrub that any harder it's going to disintegrate"
"I know" she replied in a whisper as she put the cloth down. Washed and dried her hands and turned to him. He could see the multitude of emotions that were playing across her face. Sam pulled her in to him he wrapped his arms around her and rested his cheek on top of her silky hair.
"Are you going to be able to sleep?"
"I've got some pills left over from when I was shot" She felt Sam nod and she moved out of his embrace and headed to the bathroom. Andy opened the cupboard and read the instructions. It said two before bed but she only took the one. She brushed her teeth and moisturised before changing into yoga pants and a vest top to sleep in. She didn't have anything else. She was normally by herself and slept in her birthday suit. She finished off with brushing her hair until in shone. She remembered being a little girl and sitting on the floor while her dad brushed the tangles out. She felt the tears start again and took a deep breath to try and hold them in. All Sam had seen today was her crying. He must be sick of it. She knew he didn't do well with crying women. But today. Today Sam had been there for her every step on the way. She swallowed the last of the threatening tears and headed out. Sam had put his sleeping bag on the sofa and his pillow from home. He was stripped down to his boxers when she came out. She stared at the slight before her. She remembered the night of the blackout. How had she been so stupid to turn him away? Then a wave of guilt washed over her as she realised that she shouldn't be thinking about things like that at this time.
Sam stood at watch the barrage of emotions that played across her face and wondered not for the first time what was going on in that beautiful head of hers and that's what she was to him beautiful. With her hair shining like a halo, face clean of make up slightly red nose and eyes from crying, all Sam wanted to do was hold her all night and take away her pain. Under the circumstances though he felt that he would be taking advantage. So he nodded his head towards the bathroom indicating that he wanted to use it.
"Can I?" he questioned and walked towards the door way where she still stood
Andy shook her head as if clearing her mind "you know you really don't have to stay the night"
"I know but I want to"
"Thank you Sam" Andy kissed him in the cheek and headed to her bedroom
"Night Sam"
"Night Andy" Sam replied as she closed the bedroom door most of the way. It was a little ajar and Sam could see her climb into bed and turn the light off.
The next morning Sam awoke to the sounds and smells of breakfast. The smell of fresh coffee and the sound of the bacon sizzling in the skillet. Andy was in the kitchen cooking up a storm.
Sam pulled on some jogging bottoms and wondered into the kitchen
"I'm sorry did I wake you?" Andy asked as she took in the sight before her. She didn't think she had ever seen a more beautiful sight before in her life. Sam was taking in Andy's face and the dark rings around her eyes.
"That's ok" Sam replied as he took the mug of coffee that Andy handed to him made just the way he liked it.
"Sit, breakfast is ready"
Andy then served breakfast. They sat and started to eat.
"How did you sleep?"
"Ok, the pills knocked me out but I don't feel refreshed. How did you sleep?"
"I was ok. Your sofa is pretty comfortable, I've slept on worse" Sam smiled at Andy. She smiled back but it didn't reach her eyes. The rest of breakfast was in silence. Sam cleared the table and Andy headed to the shower. Sam cleaned the kitchen while Andy got ready for the day. Sam went to get ready and helped himself to his clothes from Andy's closet and automatically put his dirty ones in the basket.
When he came out Andy was sitting on the sofa with her knees pulled up and her chin resting on top.
"Andy"
"I'm fine Sam. I just don't know what I should be feeling or what I should be doing or how I should be reacting"
Sam sat down next to Andy and pulled her into his arms.
"There is no correct way to feel or react to this Andy" he kissed the top of her head as she started to sob
"It doesn't seem real yet"
"It's not real yet. You're not even going to start to until there is something you want to say to him or something you want to talk to him about or share with him" Andy continued to sob in Sam's arms he rubbed her back and gently kissed the top of her head. They sat in the quite for a while before there was a gentle knock at the door Sam eased himself from under Andy and opened the door to Zoe and Traci.
"Hi" Sam stood back to let them in kissing them both on the cheek. Zoe was used to this display of affection from Sam but for Traci this side of Sam was a complete mystery.
"Hey Sam" as they carried on Traci thrust a covered dish at him and went to sit with Andy. Zoe smiled at him and went to Andy.
As Traci and Zoe talked to Andy, Sam decided that this would be a good time to head to his and collect his post and do some other things at his. He wasn't going to go if it meant leaving Andy alone but as Zoe and Traci were there he would go. Andy was flanked by Zoe and Traci on the sofa. Sam sat on the coffee table and took Andy's hands in his
"Hey, is it ok if I go and sort a few things out at mine? If you don't want me to go just say."
"It's fine Sam"
"Ok I'll be back before Zoe and Traci go ok" Andy nodded Sam stood and grabbed the keys to his truck, kissed Andy on the head and went out the door.
Sam headed to his and collected his post. He emptied his fridge taking out everything that was perishable and dumping what had gone out of date. He wasn't expecting to be home for a couple of weeks. He then went to his closet and pulled out his dress uniform, shoes and socks. Sam took one final look around check that he had switched everything off before heading out. He stopped on the way back and dropped off his uniform at the dry cleaners that Andy used near hers. Mrs Thorpe smiled at Sam when he came in
"Hi Sam, How's Andy?"
"She fine thanks Mrs Thorpe"
"I was worried she didn't come in yesterday to collect her uniforms and she's always so prompt"
"She got caught up. I'll take them now for her"
"You two make such a cute couple. Have you moved in together?"
Sam blushed "were just friends Mrs Thorpe"
Mrs Thorpe got all flustered "oh but I thought, I mean the way you are with each other"
Sam gave Mrs Thorpe the full power of his dimples "That's ok Mrs Thorpe , I'll make sure your one of the first to know if anything happens" Sam handed over the cash for Andy's uniforms and headed back to Andy's smiling at the thought of collecting her dry cleaning.
Sam headed back and had lunch with Zoe, Traci and Andy before they had to go. The rest of the afternoon and evening was spent on the sofa with Andy cuddled up to his side and his arms around her as they watched TV. They had a break at when they cooked supper together but after cleaning up they went back to the sofa and about 11pm they followed the same routine as the night before.
The next few days followed the same paten. Zoe would turn up with something for lunch and during the afternoon various people from the station and the rookies would stop in to see Andy and if there was anything they could do for her. At night Andy took a sleeping pill and Sam slept on the sofa. Both of them in limbo until Tommy's body released and they could plan the funeral. On the fourth day there was a knock at the door Andy was in the bedroom.
"I'll get it" Sam said as he wiped his hands on a towel to dry them. He flung the towel of his shoulder
Sam opened the door.
"Hi does Miss Andrea McNally live here?"
"Who are you?" Sam was very defensive
"I'm Detective Stevens" Sam took a moment to realise who he was
"Oh you're handling Tommy's case. Come in. I'm Sam "Sam turned as he heard a noise behind him
"Andy this is detective Stevens who is handling your dad's case"
"Hi Andy McNally" Andy shook the detectives hand
"Hi I'm Dave Stevens"
"Take a seat" Dave to the chair while Sam sat on the sofa and Andy automatically curled up into his side.
"I understand you're a cop"
"Yea, Sam is too. He's my partner"
Dave glanced at Sam, he never sat with his partner on the sofa like that but then his partner had been a burly bloke not a stunner like McNally.
"I spoke to your sergeant and he asked that I fill you in. Your dads body will be released tomorrow and the death certificate will be issued" Sam could feel Andy start to quiver with tears and he tightened the embrace" We still have to wait a few days for the toxicology reports. It looks like it wasn't your dads fault. Judging by the skid marks and what we have learnt he just got caught up in the middle. The truck driver was nearing his limit on his hours and the car looked to be on the wrong side of the road. The inquest will be opened next week, when all the results are back, but you don't have to be there for that. We will send you a copy when everything is complete"
Andy just nodded through her tears. She was so fed up with crying. Detective Stevens stood
"If there is anything else I can do or any more information you need here is my card" he handed the card over. Sam took it and stood shaking the detective's hand.
"Thanks for coming over and filling us in. We will make all the arrangements concerning the body"
Sam showed the detective to the door and went back to Andy
"How are you feeling now?"
"Is it wrong to say relieved?"
"No. Do you want to talk about it?"
"I'm relieved that it wasn't his fault. I'm still nervous about getting the results of the toxicology report but now I know what's happening I can start to move forward. Do stuff. Not sit here not knowing what to do. And you can give up your babysitting duties and get your life back"
"Andy I don't want to be anywhere but with you"
Sam was a bit startled by his admission and wondered what way Andy would take it. It wasn't really the right time to tell her but he knew with Andy there was never going to be a right time. She took it the right way and kissed him briefly on the lips
"Thank you Sam"
They spent the afternoon discussing what needed to be done and what needed to be arranged, they cooked together and then cleaned up. They sat down to watch a movie. Andy started to feel herself fall asleep.
"Hey I'm heading to bed. Good night" Andy leant in and kissed him on the cheek "Thanks for everything Sam" Andy decided to try and sleep without the pills. She changed and climbed into bed.
Andy woke with a start at found that she had only been asleep a couple of hours. She could hear the TV still on. She walked in to find Sam asleep with his feet still propped up on the coffee table. Andy smiled to herself and turned the TV off and gently nudged Sam.
"Hey it's time for bed" Sam looked up at her heavily lidded and took the hand she was holding out. She helped pull him up and followed her still holding hands to her bedroom. Andy climbed into bed and Sam stripped off down to his tight briefs and got into bed. Andy switched the light off and Sam pulled her to him and they fell asleep wrapped around one another.
Well that's another chapter finished. I found this hard to write as everyone deals with grief and loss in different ways. I've lost a few people that I was very close to and it changes each time and never follows a set path. I hope that I have handled it ok. I didn't want to make it to heavy but I didn't want to skip over the loss you feel. Please let me know what you think and thank you for taking the time to read.