I'm a little disappointed that I didn't get any reviews for chapter three (at the time of writing), but I'm not going to let that get me down. I'm not writing this for reviews anyways - I'm doing it because I love to write and I want to learn how to be a better writer. Granted, that second bit becomes much easier if people comment on what I've written.

It was a usual day in the testing wing of Aperture Science. A vast majority of the wing was devoted to a very particular kind of Testing. Employees constantly rushed their way through the somewhat-deadly Test Chambers, trying to finish their required self-election quotas as quickly as possible. The products currently being tested – a new style of long-fall boots – were now in a relatively safe stage in their development, so everyone was vying for this unique opportunity to Test something that wasn't likely to get them killed.

However, some of Aperture's inventions couldn't be properly tested by flinging test subjects through an obstacle course or disproving several laws of physics. These products were tested in a small, contained area of the testing wing to avoid exposure to any of the more "exciting" parts of the main Testing tracks. It was in one of these such rooms where a new personality core was being evaluated.

A man was sitting at the evaluation table, listening intently to the sphere as it chattered away. He blankly stared at it through his thick glasses, taking in everything it did, even though it was limited to a tight range of faint gestures with its handles. Its voice was faintly masculine and primarily human, though there was certainly a great deal of robotic influence. This combination would have unnerved most listeners, but this man wasn't put off at all – instead, he was utterly fascinated.

"Are you hungry?" the core asked. "Why don't you try eating some of the repulsion gel? It was originally made as a low-calorie substitute for pudding, you know."

The man was hungry, of course. His scheduled lunch break was in half an hour. But, he knew better than to eat any repulsion gel. At least the core was making an effort to make its suggestions sound reasonable.

The core's light-blue eye glanced up at the man's flat, black hair. "Your hairstyle could use some work. I would suggest going to a special hair studio to get an exclusive, high-cost styling job done on it. Sure, it could cost upwards of a hundred dollars, but sometimes it feels satisfying to splurge on things every once and a while."

Mildly tempting, but no. In a career where he was reminded literally every day that his work had the potential to either contain or release the most dangerous entity ever created, his personal looks took backseat.

The core's eyelid drooped. "Please at least respond to my suggestions," it requested. "If I'm going to dampen your intelligence, I need more information to base my attempts from."

"Interesting," the man mumbled, scribbling something down on his clipboard. "You obviously react to my responses, but I never thought that you'd react to a lack of response." He glanced back to the core. "And, by the way, if you're trying to make someone do something stupid, never tell them that. In fact, try your best to hide all of your true plans from them. If they figure out what you're trying to do, chances are, they'll make every attempt to avoid doing it."

The core tilted its eye sideways slightly. "I see." After a few moments of quietly adjusting its programs to accommodate this new piece of information, it spoke once more. "You are a very good teacher."

The man raised an eyebrow. "I am?"

"Yes. In fact, I have almost exceeded my daily allowance of learning for the day."

The man leaned back in his chair and ran a hand through his hair. "Huh. I didn't think you would have to run into that kind of problem."

The core nodded in agreement. "For this excellent level of competence, you deserve a break."

He rubbed his chin in thought. "You know what, it would be awfully nice to take a break right now. Besides, if you've really leaned all you're capable of learning today, it's not like I'd be helping matters by staying here."

"Exactly. The Aperture café downstairs is calling your name."

"My lunch break's coming up fairly soon anyways. If I'm careful, I can sneak into the café without the supervisor seeing me, and I won't get in trouble." His face quietly dawned with the realization of what he had almost decided to do. "Wait. Ha! Nice try, IDS, but I'm not going to risk my career on the chance that you're not lying to me about some 'daily learning allowance'."

The sphere sighed a little and lowered its gaze. "It was worth a shot. It almost worked, too."

"You are getting much better at this, though," the man added. "A few of the dumber employees might have fallen for it."

The sphere began to generate an appropriate conversational response, but the door to the testing room flew open. "Mark!" a woman in her early twenties cried out as she dashed into the room. Her clothes and hair were rumpled and she looked a little out of breath. "Did you get the message?"

"Molly! Excellent!" the man replied. "Listen, I need you to do something."

The woman, Molly, she was apparently called, narrowed he eyes. "We don't have time for that. There's an-"

"Come now, this won't take more than thirty seconds," Mark promised. "I just need you to come over here and ask this personality core about the weather. Then, you can tell me the message and be on your way."

Molly huffed slightly. "Fine." She closed the door behind her, then crossed the room to stand in front of the spherical device sitting motionless on its table. "So, personality core, how's the weather?"

The core refocused its gaze on this new arrival. "Well, madam, it's turning out to be a wonderful day outside. It's a pleasant sixty degrees – fairly balmy for a February morning – and the sun is shining, not a cloud in sight. In fact, the weather is so gorgeous that you should go outside to check it out. I'm sure your supervisors wouldn't mind – in fact, it's such a nice day that they are probably outside enjoying the weather at this very moment."

Molly shot an annoyed glare at her compatriot. "You can't be serious. There's no way I'd go outside at a time like this. Also, it's raining."

Mark, however, was grinning ear to ear. "Wow! That was simply amazing. When I asked this core about the weather earlier today, do you know what it told me?"

"By my guess, the exact same thing."

"No. It told me, 'I don't know.' In just a few short hours, it has revised its programming enough to not only alter this response, but use deception to turn this into a chance to fulfill its primary function!"

Molly stared at Mark blankly for a few seconds. "Are you done geeking out about the robot yet?"

He crossed his arms and glanced insecurely to the side. "Um, yes, sure. What was it you were going to tell me?"

"There is an OSHA inspector walking down this very hall."

The effect on Mark was immediate. "Crap!" He quickly glanced around the room. "How long do we have before they get here?"

"We had about two minutes when I first came in. Now, we have thirty seconds at most."

The two of them burst into frenzied action. Mark started pulling a few sheets of crumpled paper out of his pockets, and Molly removed the sign on the wall that read "WARNING – Very Lethal Tests in Progress – possible radiation, nanobot, and asbestos exposure." Mark scooped the core up and hastily dropped it underneath the table.

"Oof!" it exclaimed as it hit the floor. "I could use a bit of explanation."

"Keep it quiet!" the man whispered. "Primary function, cease."

The personality core obediently shut down his vocal processors. This didn't mean it has lost all desire to talk, however. It had absolutely no idea what was going on. Something was causing the two humans to panic, obviously, and it very much wanted to know why.

Fear was probably a good way to convince people to make stupid decisions. People acted more irrational when they were afraid. So, the core decided that finding this source of fear could help it perform its function by making people irrational enough to follow its suggestions.

It didn't have to wait too long. As soon as the two humans finished spreading the wrinkled papers across the table, the door to the room swung open once more. A tall, very official-looking man in a business suit stepped in, casually holding a clipboard in one hand and a pen in the other.

"Finally, some employees," he said in a British accent. "For some reason, most of the rooms in this wing were locked. Would you mind answering a few questions for me?"

Mark continued to stare at the papers for a few seconds before glancing up. "Oh? Uh, hi. I'm sorry, we can't talk to you right now. As you can see, the two of us are very busy."

The IDS tried to get a good look at this new arrival, but it couldn't properly see the human from its position underneath the table. In fact, the core was well enough hidden that the man probably didn't even realize it was down there.

As usual, the sphere felt the familiar urge to start rattling off a strain of poor suggestions to this new human. Unfortunately, it was bound to his programming – it couldn't resume his primary function unless a human explicitly told it to.

The inspector gave Mark and Molly a warm smile. "Come now, don't be shy. I promise I won't take up too much of your time. It's only a few short questions."

Molly shook her head. "We, honestly, have no time for this. Down the hall a ways, there's another unlocked room where a few people are testing another…testing a different product. Why don't you talk to them?"

The IDS slowly came to a realization – the only thing that was stopping him from performing his primary function right now was a few lines of programming. He didn't need to wait for the humans to tell him to resume - he could remove that barrier by himself.

The inspector placed a hand on the table, leaning towards them slightly. "Look, I didn't want to have to discuss this with the two of you. There are rumors going around that Aperture Science is performing some dangerous health practices on its employees. If this is true, don't be afraid to tell me."

"Dangerous practices…?" Mark trailed off. "I, uh, have no idea what you're talking about."

"I understand that your boss might have threatened to fire you if you told me about the dangerous things going on in this facility," the inspector continued. "I'm here to explain that you don't need to worry about that. I am sworn to confidentiality – your boss will never be able to find out who told on him. He won't be able to fire you, and as an upside, he'll have a team of government inspectors breathing down his neck to make sure the working conditions improve. But, this will only happen if you come clean and tell me what's really going on in this facility."

The two scientists hesitated. "I, well…" Mark finally forced out. "Okay, alright, fine. I'll be completely honest with you – this entire hall is actually dedicated to-"

"Hello up there!" the IDS suddenly shouted out.

The inspector glanced about for the source of the sound. Molly let out a tiny squeak of surprise.

Mark huffed in frustration. "Primary function, cease!" he whispered.

The core continued, gleefully able to completely ignore this command. "Would anyone mind taking me out from under this table? I don't know what is going on, and I would like to find out."

The inspector narrowed his eyes. "What is that?"

Mark sighed in defeat and reached under the table, his hand closing around one of the IDS's handles. He lifted the sphere off the ground and set him on the tabletop. "This is a, uh, product we were testing before you came in."

"It's a very secret project," Molly cut in. "Very hush-hush."

The inspector nodded gently. "You were afraid I would steal this product idea and sell it off to your competitors. I completely understand – Black Mesa gives me this kind of problem all the time. Still, as I mentioned before, everything I see here is completely confidential unless severe safety violations get involved."

"So…you're a safety inspector," the IDS finally pieced together. "That would make a lot of sense – your job is to look for safety violations."

The inspector focused his gaze on the strange machine. "I am curious, though – what exactly is it supposed to do?"

"It's all very difficult to explain," Molly replied. "If I thought I could tell you in a way you could understand, I would."

Once again, the wheels in the IDS's mind began to turn. The inspector wanted to know what his function was, and the other two humans were unable to tell him. Did this mean they wanted him to relay his function text? This, like his cease and resume commands, was usually called for via specific vocal instruction, but recent events had told him that these were no longer be-all and end-all rules. He could change them if he wanted to.

"Relaying function text," he began in a slightly more mechanical voice than usual. "Function: to output as many impractical, dangerous, impossible, or generally terrible plans, ideas, and suggestions as possible, doing so as quickly as possible and as convincingly as possible. Purpose: to use this function to interfere with or slow down the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System to prevent it from-"

Mark panicked. Telling secrets that would force an improvement in work conditions was one thing. Revealing projects that would shut down the company and possibly cause a national incident was a different story entirely. "Personality core, redact function text!"

"Function text: redacted," the sphere stated.

The inspector directed a suspicious glance at Mark. "What was that all about?"

Before Mark could stutter through an excuse, the IDS spoke up in his place. "It's nothing you should worry about. There was a glitch in my system that this man alerted me to. Once I realized it was there, I promptly deleted it."

The inspector took a frightened step backwards, as if he just realized that the sphere in front of him was capable of holding a conversation. "What are you?" he gasped in amazement.

"I am a personality core, one of the first true examples of artificial intelligence," the core explained. "I know a great deal about the facility you are trying to investigate. I can actually make your job easier and tell you right now that this company has performed no safety violations."

The inspector peered at this strange device in both curiosity and suspicion. "Artificial intelligence, huh? Seems a little far-fetched. I know computers have advanced a lot in the past few years, but how do I know you're, well, self-aware?"

The sphere fell quiet for more than a few seconds. "I…don't know. I know I exist. I think I operate independently from my environment, but what if that's only a programmed sensation? Maybe…maybe everything I do is pre-programmed. What if even this philosophical wondering was pre-programmed? Oh God…" He fell to silence, suddenly becoming very introspective.

The inspector nervously held his clipboard to his chest. "Oh no. Did I break it?" he asked hesitantly. "If this was the world's first sentient machine and I just ruined it, I am so incredibly sorry."

Mark grimaced as his eyes scanned over the sphere, noting how it was now completely motionless. Its bright blue eye-light was the only sign that it was still alive. "I'm sure we'll be fine," he murmured.

The inspector gave an anxious cough. "Um, right, then." He took a nervous step backwards. "I'll just be on my way. I still have the rest of the facility to inspect, so…" He turned around and began to make his way towards the door. He reached out to grab the handle.

"Wait!" the IDS suddenly cried out. The inspector froze in place. "I, um, was telling the truth when I told you about the facility earlier," he continued. "There are no safety violations anywhere, not one. Considering how large this company is, you were probably given the whole day to inspect the facility. It would be a shame to waste all that time searching for violations that don't exist."

The inspector turned around slowly, facing the sphere once more. "How do I know you're telling the truth?"

"Because I…can't lie," he replied. "I'm physically incapable of it."

The inspector raised an eyebrow. Molly decided that this would be a nice time to rejoin the conversation. "Yes, right. We specifically designed this artificial intelligence so it would be unable to lie to anyone. Humans cause enough problems when they lie to each other - can you imagine the damage a computer would be able to do if it had the chance to master deception?"

The inspector's face shifted back to a less suspicious expression. "And you're certain there are no safety violations whatsoever?" he asked the core.

"Oh, absolutely," the IDS responded confidently. "Your best choice right now would probably be to head on out of here. There are many other companies that need to be inspected. Aperture Science is the least of your worries."

The inspector nodded in reply. "Right. I'll be on my way. Good luck on the artificial intelligence project. If you play your cards right, Black Mesa won't know what hit them." Without saying another word, he turned back to the door, swung it open, and left the room.

The remaining two humans let out enormous sighs of relief. "That was way too close," Molly gasped. She turned to the core with a light smile. "Who knew you had it in you? I admit, I wasn't too impressed with you before, but after seeing that…wow. Granted, that inspector would have to be a complete idiot to believe everything you told him-"

"Hold that thought," the IDS requested. His eye locked still and became rigidly centered, then began to spin back and forth rapidly for a few cycles. "TTCT VZZ VRRtzz…Tisting, wahn two…nope, not it. ZZTCH NVVhh…Testing? Ahmost. TCHZZ VRrttZZCH…Test, one two three. That's good enough for now. Should we continue where we left off before the safety inspector interrupted?"

Mark's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "What…how?" Even Molly was at a loss for words.

"It was simple, really," the IDS explained. "I shifted my voice algorithms around a little. Granted, they put up a bit of a fight, but they couldn't stand up to the march of progress."

Molly leaned closer to him, like she was trying to get a better look at his eye. "You can just decide to do that? And, out of everything you could have done with your voice, why on Earth would you pick up a British accent?"

"The inspector used it," he stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "It gives off the slight air of authority. Plus, it makes me sound less like a boring, static computer program. Humans will trust my suggestions better this way, I guarantee it."

Mark picked him up off the table, holding him by the handles as he carefully inspected every plate, mark, and scratch on the sphere's surface. "How did you do this?"

"I already explained that I updated my vocal programming – do you want me to give an in-depth explanation about what changes I made?"

"No, I'm looking for a 'bigger' how than that," Mark explained. "There is no way you were designed with any of this in mind. How would any of your programming allow you to change your accent on a whim?"

"It…doesn't." His voice became very small. "That's sort of the whole point, actually." He waited in restless silence for a few moments before jumping back to his usual volume and showing off his new Bristol accent. "Are we going to go back to testing me or what?"

I'm really starting to lose steam on this project again. Chapter eight isn't coming along as easily as I thought it would. I'm not going to go the route of, "I'll put up the next chapter when I get X reviews," but reviews really do help motivate me. They let me know that at least one person out there has actually taken the time to read this.