Date began: unknown

Date finished: 7/25/2007

Summary: Jinx, Cyborg and Kid Flash take matters into their own hands.

AN: Phew! The longest shot here. Oh well. Well, I guess a shout out to SxStrngSamurai and RabulaTasa are in order! Thanks for your help, both of you! Now, enjoy!

The Schedule: An Introduction by Cyborg

The sound of incessant clacking was quite evident as a certain teen detective took to updating files. If he remembered correctly, Beast Boy and Raven were having one of their lazy quiet moments and Star was preparing some sort of Tamaranean dish for him. He shuddered at the prospect but balked at the notion of turning the girl's hard work away. Glancing up, he looked toward the alien princess, his alien princess, and shuddered at the sight of the bubbling pink concoction before her.

Suddenly his mind was having difficulty staying on task. He felt light headed, dizzy. Where was Cyborg? Didn't he say something about going out? Wha-?

The world turned black as Robin's face smacked the keyboard.

Robin stirred groggily. His mind slowly rose above the haze that once clouded it as he slowly peeled his eyes open. The sight that met him had him thinking he was still under the influence of a sleep muddled mind. His agile brain slowly ground up to speed as he took in the cuffs securing his legs, torso and arms to the chair he was firmly seated to. Heck, every single one of his digits had been individually locked down. Cuffs secured every one of his limbs, not a single point of articulation on his body could so much as budge save his head but even that was minimal at best. He had been truly trapped. He briefly wondered how Batman would've gotten out of this one but quickly dismissed the thought as he tried to ascertain how exactly he'd ended up here. This was disturbingly similar to what had happened in the Titans first encounter with Mad Mod. Thinking of which, he turned as best he could to see who else had been taken, being as it wouldn't do to assume and all.

He was met with the of his green shape-shifter team-mate. He was still out and drooling slightly. It was odd to see the energized changeling so- still. His body was completely relaxed; the only indication that he was even alive was the trail of drool coming out of one corner of his mouth and the shallow rise and fall of his chest. It took a moment before the boy wonder was absolutely certain that the other was breathing, the motion was so minute.

"Beast Boy?" the young leader called, attempting to wake his friend. The shifter shifted only slightly before making his slow return to the waking world. He yawned, his mouth becoming a yawning cavern [1 and the boy wonder had to question his friend's diet. Those incisors were decidedly pointy and meat unfriendly.

Smacking his lips, the green teen turned fully to face his comrade, not being as well secured as his leader. He didn't seem to notice his own bondage [2 as he stared at his friend, half amused and half concerned for his sanity (whose he wasn't quite sure of either).

"Hey Rob," greeted the changeling cheerily, though he still sounded as if he was a little more than half asleep, "I know how gung ho you are about being an escape artist and all, but I think that's a little much."

Robin's domino mask twitched irritably.

"I didn't volunteer for this. Besides, you should take a look at your own situation."

"What situation?" the changeling glanced down to see himself firmly strapped down to see himself firmly attached to his own chair, with much less accessories than Robin to be sure, but still. "Oh, this situation." He glanced around. "Where's Cy?" before he tried to shift only to stare uncomprehending at the lack of change in his body.

"Don't bother, grass stain." The distinct clang of metal feet met the prisoners' ears. They didn't want to believe it, but no one else (save Slade) knew them well enough to neutralize them so utterly. Robin ground his teeth. There had been no signs. They were unarmed, they had no warning. How could this have happened? Why hadn't he seen?

"Dude, Cy…"

"I'm glad to see you both up."

"I'm not. Cy, please tell me this is some messed up prank. I'll forgive you if it is. I know I crossed the line when I got that old junkyard car and told you it was your baby, but this is seriously messed up."

"Beast Boy, how'd you get a car from a junkyard onto the island?"

"I have my ways, Rob."

Cyborg shook his head as he walked to stand before his friends, facing them with a calm smile on his face. Robin's mind was no doubt trying to desperately come up with a way to get him out of the seat and neutralize him. Beast Boy, well, he was still kind of in shock.

"Cy, man, why are you doing this? As a matter of fact, what are you doing?" asked the changeling, the shock slowly falling away as the sting of betrayal began to set in.

"I'm glad you asked, little man. Glad indeed." The smile on the robotic teen's face fell away as a serious expression took residence. The grim line was practically a frown. "Do you two have any idea what it's like to watch you two tip-toeing around your ladies?"

The changeling and boy wonder exchanged blank looks at each other as best they could. Of course it was rather difficult to do anyhow, what with Robin's mask and all.

"It was a nightmare! BB, you remember my stories as a veteran, right?" the elf blinked at him, trying to remember any war stories but failing. He was a teen for crying out loud. "So do you have any idea how it pains me to see you, either one of you, taking baby steps? No, this won't do, I won't stand for this in either one of my brothers!"

"Wait a second," growled Robin, "you mean you kidnapped the both of us, locked us up and left the city undefended!?"

"Chill fearless leader. 'course I didn't! I called in Kid and Jinx to cover for us. Actually, Kid's the one covering the city, Jinx be educating your dolls."

"WHAT!!?"

"Hey, I don't need you two in stereo."

Educating? What the hell did he mean by educating?

"Tin-man, how the hell did you get us?"

Said tin-man sighed at the delay. However, he couldn't very well get on with this without gloating a little. And what better way to gloat than to tell of his exploits.

"Well it was a rather simple matter of over-riding the security measures I installed and filtering knock out gas into ventilation system." He grinned; his own genius wowed even him. He shook himself out of his self induced stupor; even glory had its drawbacks, after all. "But the point of this meeting that you two must attend to is this." Pause for effect as his two (former) teammates stared at him with barely contained bloodlust. "You're moving too slow."

"Huh? All you wanted to do was hype up out training regime? That's it?" Robin stared at the tin-man in disbelief. If he wanted them to improve their speed, he'd have been happy to comply. He could understand restraining Beast Boy, but he was all gung-ho about training. Cy should know this.

Beast Boy rolled his eyes. The boy detective sometimes came up with the weirdest conclusions.

"Not quite what I meant, Rob."

The Boy Wonder frowned. What could he be missing? Lazily, Beast Boy began to track the shimmering dust mote he had allowed to capture his attention. Cyborg tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for the dense leader to come up with the answer to one plus one, in his opinion anyway. Rubbing his head in frustration (it was at times like these that he really wished he wasn't bald), the android finally had had enough.

"I'm talking about your relationships!"

"Huh?" the clueless wonder articulated his confusion quite well.

"The both of you!" screamed the half man half machine. "The lot of you! You're all so god danged slow! If I were in a relationship, I'd have bedded her on our first date!" The two gawking, half horrified looks on his (former) friends' faces told him right quick that they were virgins in this business. Sighing at this turn of events, he decided to use more elementary, virgin friendly material to educate his incompetent comrades.

"Alright," he grumbled as he pulled down a chart. He hadn't hoped to use this; it was grade school in his opinion, juvenile really. But it was the way to go if he wanted to get the boys up to speed and help them with moving their relationship to the next level. Ah, how selfless he was. "This is how the dating world works." Better not let them think there were other alternatives. That way they wouldn't try to pussy out of it.

Robin stared at the timetable, blinking incomprehensively at it. What did baseball have to do with anything? He was about to ask but Beast Boy beat him to it.

"Uh, dude, have you ever thought that maybe we like where we are? I don't know if you know, but I like how things are going between me and Rae."

"Um," the hesitant tone to the Boy Wonder's voice was practically unheard of. That's why two pairs of eyes turned toward him, attentions firmly fixed. "Are you trying to get us on a double date… playing baseball against each other? Because, as interesting as that seems, I don't know how the girls would take to that."

The other guys stared at him. They couldn't believe he didn't know about the bases… then again, he was raised by the Bat himself. Beast Boy was the first to break the awkward silence (well, for Robin anyway, you try having two of your friends staring at you with pity about something he should've already known).

"Oh you poor, poor man." Cyborg could only nod in heartfelt agreement. A thought struck the half android. He looked at Beast Boy, nodding toward their fearless leader. A silent conversation but nonetheless heated discussion took place. Robin looked on, confusion mangling his brain. Finally, with a distressed look on his face, Cyborg turned to Robin with an obviously distressed look in his eye while an equally fake smile was plastered to his lips.

"Hey, Rob, my man- please tell me you know about the birds and the bees." The half robot looked awfully pathetic in that moment.

"Of course I know about birds and bees." Cyborg prayed, Cyborg begged, but that lack of 'the' wasn't promising. "They're connected in the fact that some species of birds aid in the pollination of flowers that that bees are quite well known for. That what you were looking for?"

"Not quite, but I guess we'll work on that eventually," Cy grumbled to himself eyes on the floor as his head moved to convey his disbelief. Beast Boy just stared at his former role model, completely devastated. "B will explain it all in due time."

Beast Boy's head snapped toward Cyborg so fast he gave himself whiplash. "We agreed that you were the one best suited if such a situation arose!"

"Nuh-uh grass stain. I'm already martyring myself trying to move you two along-"

"WE DON'T WANT YOU TO!!" came the vehement reply from the green teen, but Cy just plowed on.

"- so it's only fair that you pick up on some of the slack," the metallic teen finished off proudly.

Beast Boy fumed as best as he was able to. His jaw was clenched tight, and if it wouldn't've bothered his fangs, he'd probably be grinding his molars. Cy should really learn how to keep out of other people's businesses or else a certain 'baby' was going to meet a most untimely of demises. Muttering under his breath, the changeling decided to keep relatively quiet and hoped that this would end quickly and relatively painlessly.

Cy had other ideas of course. The robotic teen turned his back on his wayward and completely unwilling students.

"Now, getting back on track. When it comes to dating, propriety demands that certain rules and protocols be followed. Most of the protocols are pretty much common sense. The rule of thumb under all circumstances, don't piss off your date."

Beast Boy rolled his eyes at that one, everyone followed that rule (Raven, it should be mentioned, had an indescribable urge to desperately smack Beast Boy for some inexplicable reason at the time). He blinked. Well, for the most part, he amended (Raven's urge died down significantly, leaving her very much confused).

"But dating isn't all about just making sure your date doesn't hate your guts, it's about getting intimate- and apparently," here Cy glared, "you two are impossible in that department. Which calls for my intervention."

The animorph tried his best to refrain from commenting. He didn't like repeating himself so it would probably serve him better to keep his mouth shut. Raven would've been proud- for all of five seconds.

"Dude, we told you! Our relationships are perfectly fine the way they are!" The whining would've sent him a-thumping on a wall if Raven had been present.

"I'm still confused, what's with the baseball?"

Cyborg grunted in vexation, his back firmly turned towards the blackboard/LCD screen. "We've been over this man- BB will explain the baseball metaphors," here he was again interrupted by an indignant squawk, "and I'm doing you both a favor so hush!

"Now, we all know that in y'all still in the pre-dating phase. That means you're limited to certain things. Example: exchanging sweet nothings, companionable silences, 'discussions', in short, rather tedious things all told. In the dating game, if you're exceptionally skilled, you can hit a home run on the first date. I'm proud to say that I am that skilled. However, a word of stern warning: home runs change everything. It ain't all flowers and sunshine after that, not always. So, that would probably mean you won't be hitting it out of the ballpark."

Robin sort of stared at his titanium friend. Then, with a slow deliberate blink behind his mask, he looked to be trying to desperately to process the information he had just been given.

"But since our goal is to get you guys up to date and on Schedule, you'll be aiming for home-runs on your second date. You two are lucky, you've already established a comfortable relationship with your, ah, other halves. That should move things along quite nicely."

Beast Boy stared incredulously at his friend. He had dreamed of 'doing the deed' with Raven, what kind of red blooded male hadn't, but to accomplish something like that on a second date? Okay, forgetting the fact that he didn't want to push Raven into something he wasn't ready for, he wasn't sure he was ready either. So he had a few fantasies- it didn't mean had to make a move on his girl. It'd be nice, he supposed, but he wasn't even sure if it was his more, primal half going for a mate or himself wanting to push the relationship to the next level. Turning to the Boy Wonder to see his reaction to all of this, Beast Boy was reminded, quite firmly, that the poor sucker was still 'lost'. Absently, the green teen began to work on the right cuff with the lock-pick that Robin had supplied him. It was little more than a piece of wire. He still wasn't sure how the boy wonder had kept that in his mouth.

"Now, if you prefer, we could go to an even slower paced Schedule, but any slower and it would be completely off Schedule." That was a complete lie, of course. "On this track, you'll be moving on to the respective bases for the respective date. So, first date, first base, second date, second base and on and on." Hmm, almost through the lock, ah free. With one free hand picking the others were a snap. Cy was still fixed to his 'educating'. "Nowadays, first base could mean various things, from kissing to groping. Modern times have allowed for a more extensive vocabulary. We'll not get into that." Robin smirked as his thoughts turned vicious, keep talking while Beast Boy frees me from my bonds. Then, then the real fun will begin. Beast Boy was a little nervous at seeing the rather insane grin on his teen leader's mouth.

For a while, Cy continued to prattle on about strategy and creating atmosphere. He also mentioned something about talking to their respective partners before moving along with any plans. He mentioned something about subtlety and pointedly called for Beast Boy to pay extra attention whenever he delved into that. After a while, he noticed.

"Hey, you two've been quiet," he commented absently as he began to turn, "have you final-"

He cut himself short as he came face to face with two very much unbound ex-prisoners.

"Hey Cy, let's chat," the former side kick to the world's greatest detective declared as he popped his knuckles, advancing menacingly with a grim Beast Boy at his side.

After the tar and stuffing was beat out of their wayward teammate, they extracted the location of their, ah, interests and liberated them from Jinx's clutches. The pair of them seemed rather traumatized. Raven was muttering something about baseball metaphors not ever being used that way before and that some person named Arella (Beast Boy wasn't telling) hadn't gone beyond talking about bases. Everyone, for the most part didn't inquire about the gods-forsaken metaphors.

Everyone, that is, except Starfire, who asked a very flustered Robin about it. And Robin cursed the fact that his antisocial mentor was also a very well versed player and had been adamant in teaching him 'the ways of women'. It really didn't help that Robin couldn't help blushing to the roots of his hair and Batman took sadistic pleasure in torturing his young pupil. He still couldn't believe he hadn't blushed beet red when Cy mentioned bases. That had been one tough act to pull through.