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Amends

Chapter Four

When she awoke the next time, it was still very early but he was gone, and only the crumpled pillow and covers assured her he hadn't been a dream. Stretching her arm she touched his pillow, it was cold. How quickly it had become his pillow and not hers!

Suddenly remembering, why he had shared her bed all happiness left her. Oh how could she ever face Melanie alone again? Sweet Mother of God, she would have to explain herself to Melly, assuring her that it was all lies. But she had been in Ashley's arms, no lady, ever, allowed a gentleman embracing her but her husband. Ellen had taught her better than this, shamed covered her face when she thought of mother. Her mother had never displayed her feelings in public, not even towards her husband. Scarlett had never seen her mother embraced anyone outside the family, not even her sisters, when they were little ones.

Unable to control her mind with the well known: 'I will think about it tomorrow' she rushed out of bed, calling for Mammy to lace her. This morning Mammy was abnormally quiet; she dressed her mistress with swift, trained movements but no words.

She found Rhett and the children in the dinning-room. He looked dandy and fresh in his clean linen and freshly shaven face. They all looked up from their plates when she entered, Bonnie gave her a big smile before returning her focus to her breakfast plate. Wade and Ella only gave her a quick glance before they bowed her heads, but Rhett's eyes followed her when she went to her seat.

"Good morning children. Rhett"

"Good morning, Mother" Bonnie cried, Ella and Wade followed with a more humbled, "good mooning, Mother.

"Mrs. Butler" Rhett offered before directing his focus solely on Bonnie. The little girl's voice repeatedly demanded Rhett's attention, which he gladly gave. Picking at her food Scarlett was as dull as her oldest children; her normal healthy appetite had vanished. She was about to follow the children when Rhett excused them but was stopped by his thick Charleston drawl:

"Don't be in such a hurry, Scarlett."

Only glad to be delayed she leaned back in the chair, her eyes followed Bonnie out the door, the girl was more energized than properly for a girl her age, Mammy was fighting a lost cause, she smiled. Bonnie was a joy but in completely lack of discipline, until now, it had been part of her charm, but what was charming in a little girl was viewed differently in a slightly older girl, she knew by experience. If only Rhett would see reason where his daughter were involved.

"What are your plans for today, dear?" he questioned with mildly interest.

"My plans?" She stammered.

"Will you go to the store or the mills today?"

"Oh!" Looking down on her hands she avoided his stare, "I will visit Melanie. Very soon. She needs help…and I have time."

"Making your penance, of course." He mocked coolly

Glancing up, she couldn't read anything out of his face.

"What do you mean Rhett?" Why did he always know her intentions?

"It doesn't matter. From this day, you will need a chaperone when you go to the mills, your dutiful husband will escort you twice or thrice a week, depending on how often you desire to go?" The intensity was back in his black depths.

She looked at him with her pouting, childish look, for years she had fought the strings that had restricted her, now, she felt the strings tightened around her yet again. Strangely, it didn't anger her or reduced her sense of independence, but merely feeling it was a small price to pay for not being alone, she answered: "The mills will suffer if I don't go thrice a week, you know that. And then I will equally have shared my time between the store and the mills."

"Thrice a week it will be. I take it you will not go today?"

"Heavens no! I'm not even sure I will go to the store." Just today she couldn't face Ashley.

His guilty face would be unbearable and accusing.

"Ah, confess and find absolution have always formed the best fellowship for sinners. To stay with the subject, I will take the children to church tomorrow, I strongly suggest you too follow service in The Church of the Holy Virgin."

"The Church of the Holy Virgin?" What on earth was he talking about?

"You are a Catholic, right? As I recall, a passionate one when it comes to Heaven and Hell."

"Oh!" Rarely, she had attend services and the few times she had, had meant little to her.

"For some unknown reason every great civilisation is leaded by strong pillars of religion, Atlanta is no exception. Absolution seems to be more a matter of regular church going than faith. Never forget Mrs. Elsing's piety when she kindly credits your deeds."

For Heaven sake! What was he talking about? The old mocking was back in his voice and voice. Well she couldn't be bothered with it.

"I will just go with you, it seems a lot easier"

Laughing, he answered: "I will take you to Miss Melly on my way to the bank."

Thanks to the earliness of the day Melanie's house was vacant for eagerly, helpful guests, she was welcomed warmly by Melanie, who had just bid her husband goodbye, her eyes gloving with love and mildness. Looking into those mild, open eyes Scarlett felt her own become moist, the knot in her stomach grew larger from knowing how Melanie would recent her, when the truth had been told. Never stopping to think why Melly's opinion of her had become important, she just accepted it, like she accepted everything regarding her relations, without ever questioning, or changing opinions of them, or her feelings.

Before she could loose her nerve Scarlett let out her urgent words:

"Melly, I must explain about the other day…" she was cut off by Melanie, who had lost her normal calmness but not her love; "I will not hear any explanations from you, just like I told my dear Ashley, I won't tolerate lies."

With a sinking heart and a uncommonly adult insight she realized, she would never get the chance to release her guilt to Melly, the burden of having wronged her former sister-in-laws would always be hers. It was the heaviest and most galling burden she ever would tote, and the luxury of being forgiven was gone with a few words. Ashamed she understood, she had needed to confine in Melly to diminish her own amount of guilt, now, the full load would be hers.

The settings had changed and the roles were reversed; Scarlett was passive listening to Melanie confession her thoughts and feelings of the act, according to dear Melly, it was Scarlett who had been greatly wronged. Jealousy and hate had driven India to lie, blaming Scarlett for the loss of Stuart Tarleton's affections and the jealousy was Melly responsible for; she had always loved Scarlett more than Ashley's sister. Angry words steamed from Melly, who always spoke gentle of others and who always saw the good in people, didn't hold anything back in her evaluating of the conduct, committed by India Wilkes, Archie and Mrs. Elsing. None of the three would be welcome in her house before they had taken their lies back. Melanie would fix it so neither of them would be able to hold up their heads in Atlanta.

Right there on that morning in Melanie's parlor, Scarlett knew she had caused a feud that would split family and town for generations to come. Her position of being the black sheep of the family was now settled, her children would suffer from this; gossip would follow them around. With a sudden clarity she saw the impact of her thoughtless moment, she would listen to Rhett, he had whitened his reputation and for her children's sake she must do the same. "Melanie I do love you!" With eyes wide with mute chock she saw tears appearing in Melanie's eyes.

"I know you do dear!" Melanie beamed back. Scarlett's heart became a bit lighter.