Chapter 4

When Monday came, I got out of bed and took a long shower. I needed the calming affect so I proceeded to shave and for some reason I wanted to look nice. Not for anyone else but for myself. I needed to do something for me. It was a cloudy day but surprisingly warm, I needed to distract myself from this pain that is still coursing through me. This was not a normal heartbreak, after meeting him I couldn't see a future that he was not relevant in. I guess I am my father's daughter. I never understood how he never got over Renee, but now I do. Renee broke his heart, and he loved her. Loved her enough to have full custody of me, and as painful as it was for him he gave her whatever she wanted. Charlie and I have always been more similar then I was with Renee. I love them both, but now I felt a deep understanding with Charlie.

I wore a short Jeans skirt and my favorite blue top with my converse. I had even blow-dried my hair, put on eyeliner, and mascara. When I looked at myself I felt confident and I liked the way I looked. I knew that was the first initiative I needed to take because I started questioning myself yesterday. Was I not good enough? I knew Edward and I were not in the same league, but looking at myself now I felt pretty. Maybe not pretty enough for him, but I was pretty.

I want down I was still early. I heard Charlie inside the bathroom so I decided to make us breakfast. I haven't had a decent meal since before he left. So I made eggs, bacon with toast, and coffee. The only thing keeping me together was that I kept telling myself that Edward was going to be in school. When Charlie entered the kitchen I had just finished setting his meal on the table. I turned around and Charlie was standing assessing me.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing, just wondering how you are," he looked at me as if not sure if he said the right thing. I looked up and I couldn't help the unshed tears that came to my eyes. Charlie was a good father. So I hugged him it might have disturbed the norm of our relationship but I needed it. The hug was for my pain and the pain that he's faced. He hugged me back for a while.

"I love you Bells. You know that right." He said while patting my back.

"I love you too dad." He coughed awkwardly we sat down to have our breakfast. We didn't really speak, but we didn't need to. We were both happy with the silence. Once I was done with breakfast I got my sweater, book bag, and went to my truck. I felt the pain that was constantly bubbling.

…..

I got out of my truck and went straight to class. Once in my chair I didn't want to make eye contact with anyone and I was too afraid to get lost in my own thoughts. I wanted to keep telling myself that he was coming back that it wasn't over. This couldn't have been the end for us. Maybe he'll miss me and come back. It wasn't forever. When I looked at the chair next me it made me feel dizzy. How am I going to do this? He used to sit next me in every class. I remember as he whispered the lines that Romeo spoke when he caught sight of Juliet. He always made me feel so loved and cherished. He had treated like a flower that was not be touched, but I had wanted his touch to reassure me of his love for me.

The chatter in the class let me know that the class was already nearly full. When I heard someone take his chair my heart nearly stopped. No one was allowed to have his chair; I looked up to tell that person that the chair was taken when my heart nearly stopped. He was here. What was he doing here? He looked so beautiful as if there to taunt me. I tried to keep a stoic face but my body betrayed me calling out to him like a moth to a flame.

All I wanted to do was jump into his arms and profess my love for him over and over again in hopes that he never lets me go.

No I could not do that, I had done that for the last couple of months and the end result was he broke up with me. I just wanted his touch for a moment like a balm to soothe my heartache.

We stared at each other entranced he looked to be holding himself back. I couldn't be sure but I could have sworn his eyes gave me a one over and his eyes got darker. I was first to break eye contact, which was a record, first. I turned back to my book, but looking into his eyes alone had made me feel alive again. What was he doing here? I thought he left. Even if I tried I couldn't control my heart from stuttering and calling out only to him.

Victoria. Of course, how could I forget? Laurent had said Victoria wanted me dead. Even if Edward didn't love me; he would not have my death on his conscious. Edward was a noble man, it was one of the attributes of his character I loved so much. I loved his very soul even if he believed it didn't exist.

We did not speak to each other throughout class but I could feel the intensity of his gaze throughout class. I wish I would wake up from this nightmare that has befallen me these last couple of days. It was just last week that we were so happy.

I was walking to my next class lost in thought. I knew I had almost every class with Edward just his name in my head made me ache. I was walking almost aimlessly when gravity caught up with me; my face was about to get reacquainted with the floor when someone caught me. Not just someone HIM.

He had snaked his arm around my waist and lifted me so that we were chest to chest. The electricity flowed through our bodies as if recognizing the missing piece. Oh god it felt so good. NO NO NO I had to be strong so I tried to push him away. When he realized my intention he let go of me. I didn't want him to think I was weak and in need of his assistance. "Thanks" I mumbled and reluctantly without looking at him walked away really fast before he can reply. I could feel his eyes on me scorching my body bring every nerve in my body to life.

I didn't get it. The electricity was still there every time we touched. Doesn't that mean something? He had told he did not love me that I was just a distraction, but when he had wanted me to listen to him he said that he lied. At this point even if he did love me it doesn't change the fact that he still had every intention of leaving me. He would have rather say those cruel words then treat me like his partner and discuss the issue in hand. On top of that he had went into my room stealing everything that would remind me of the time we had shared. He took the last three months worth of memories away from me.

I needed those things; I needed a reminder that what we had was not just manufactured in my mind. I remember the way he would look at me as if I was the most beautiful creature in the world, and tell me that he loved me. If he did love me, did he think this was any way to treat the person that you love?

…

By lunch I was exhausted emotionally. He was in every class with me. As much as I was fighting with myself not to look at him it was better then not having him near me at all. I want to stand on line beside Angela; when she saw me a bright smile plastered on her face.

"Hey Bella" she said. When she got a good look at me her smile disappeared. "Oh no, it cant be true. Did you and Edward really breakup?" she asked both concerned and baffled.

I just nodded. I knew I would break down if I tried to speak. Angela must have realized because she stayed quiet. I got myself a drink because I'm sure I would throw up if I tried to eat right now.

I asked Angela about Ben when he made a sudden appearance. I looked up wanting to see if Edward was in the cafeteria. The moment my eyes looked up his intense gaze bombarded me. The only thing that broke our eye contact was the blonde that sat between him and Alice. She was a vampire and she was drop dead gorgeous. Who was she? I felt as if acid had been spilled destroying me from the inside and the only thing left was the stony stoic look on my face. She kept touching him while trying to get his attention, which seemed preoccupied with watching me. Was he trying to decipher my reaction? Suddenly Mike and his crew came to sit with us. Mike of course took the seat next to me. He was asking why I hadn't made it to work. I told him that I wasn't feeling good. When I said that Jessica, Lauren, and some other girl just looked at each other smirking then preceded to whisper while looking between Edward and me.

"So did Edward dump you for the blonde?" Lauren asked with a fake smile.

I remained unfazed I wanted to laugh because the pain of the whole situation was maddening. I didn't know a person can feel so much pain and still function. For some reason I felt like stone as if nothing anyone says can hurt as much as the pain I already feel. Was he really with her? So I looked at Lauren and shrugged. She looked at me as if trying to see something but I guess for once I gave nothing away.

"She's hot" Tyler mumbled through all the drooling and ogling. Laurens head snapped to the side upon hearing him say that. I wanted to laugh because she was so preoccupied with hurting me she didn't realize her boyfriend or fuck buddy was ogling 'the blonde.' I could see Alice look at me from the corner of my eye. I didn't look at the table again if I had any hopes of holding myself together I needed to occupy myself.

"So you and Edward like broke up?" Jessica asked.

"Yes Jessica we did."I managed to say without any emotion. She tried to look sympathetic but I could see she was happy about the news. I hated the way everyone looked at me sympathetically. I got up heading to class with Angela and Ben, when Mike realized I was leaving he got up to come with us. We all had Calculus.

I had a feeling Mike was going to be following me everywhere. I thought I had made it clear to him over and over again. Mike was about to start talking when a boy in our grade came up to me, "Hi Bella." I said hi back but I didn't know his name. He was a really good-looking kid, but I had heard that he'd been with Lauren, Jessica, and some other girls.

"I'm Josh, I think your really pretty and I was wondering if you were free this weeke-." Before he finished the table that Edward, Alice, and Blondie were sitting on crashed. I didn't get what happened but Alice was talking to Edward. She looked like she was trying to calm him down. Everyone was staring because it looked as if someone took an axe and bashed into the middle of the table.

"CHEAP TABLE" Blondie scoffed. I knew what she was trying to do. I turned to walk to class when Josh stopped me again. "Bella I didn't get to finish my question. So do you want to go out? We could do dinner and a movie." He tried to give me his best seductive look I heard Mike scoff next to me. "I'm sorry Josh I'm not interested" I said and walked away from him and Mike really fast. What's wrong with these people my heart is breaking and their trying to ask me out. It's our first day back separated.

...

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