The Beanstalk chapter 4
Disclaimer: I do not own 'Inuyasha'. Rumiko Takahashi has this privilege. I may have nicked an idea from June Factor's 'Far out, Brussels sprout!' or 'All right, Vegemite!' or one of her books, I forget which. The Speckled Hen is my creation and frankly, I think she kicks ass!
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Inuyasha only had to wait about half an hour when the giant woman turned off that awful black box, put on her straw hat and walked out of the kitchen.
He waited for a few more minutes for good measure and then sprang out from behind the basil bucket and hopped in front of the black box. He unsheathed Tessaiga and prepared to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting device.
"Kaze no ki..." Inuyasha stood frozen with his sword in midair. Something had caught his eye. Something infinitely interesting.
Next to the black box was a small wicker basket (again, 'small' is used relative to the other items in this giant world; the basket was huge compared to Inuyasha). Inside the basket were eggs of various sizes but these weren't ordinary eggs, these eggs came in a variety of colours: red, blue, gold, pink, green...wait a minute, gold? Gold?
Inuyasha rubbed his eyes and looked again. The golden eggs were still there.
"Holy shit!" Inuyasha cried to himself. He wondered how much Kagome would get if she were to sell one of those eggs. He did some quick calculations in his head but since Mathematics was never his strong point his calculations went something like this: Kagome sells gold egg for lots of money, lots of money buys lots of Ramen, lots of Ramen for Inuyasha, everyone is happy!
Inuyasha lost interest in the evil black box, after all, with all the ramen he's going to get, he can afford to bribe Kagome with one or two cup ramen. She would be so pleased and grateful that she would not have the heart to use the black box against him.
'Yeah, right!' he thought. Better be safe than sorry.
" Kaze no kizu," he yelled as he struck. The black box crackled and lashed out bolts of electricity. Inuyasha jumped out of the way and struck again. Smoke billowed out of the device signalling its demise. Then it went still.
"Heh," said Inuyasha, "That'll teach you, Kagome!"
Inuyasha climbed into the basket and selected the biggest gold egg he could find. He lifted the egg above his head and tottered towards the beanstalk. For something that was supposed to be solid gold, the egg was surprisingly light but Inuyasha did not dwell on it too much. All the easier for him to carry, was his reasoning.
When Inuyasha was just about to hop onto the topmost leaf of the beanstalk, he dropped the egg. There was a sickening 'crack' as the egg hit the ground.
He groaned as he jumped to the ground to survey the damage. To his shock, the egg was hollow. That would explain the light weight. But what shocked him even more was that only the shell was gold. The rest of the egg was brown in colour. Inuyasha sniffed at a brown shrapnel of egg. The smell was oddly familiar. He braved a nibble and discovered that the egg was made of 'chocolate', a food that Kagome sometimes brought back for Shippou and Sango. She called it 'comfort food'. Well, Inuyasha failed to see the comfort when a solid gold egg turned out to be hollowed chocolate. It must've been a dud.
Inuyasha decided to climb back up the beanstalk to grab another gold egg when he sensed a presence behind him. He turned around and immediately unsheathed Tessaiga as his body went into a defensive stance.
The Speckled Hen stared at the strange looking mouse in front of her. In all her life, she had known mice to be grey, black and sometimes even white. This white mouse, because surely it must be white, what with all the white, overgrown fur on its head, also had red fur covering most of its body. The Speckled Hen concluded the red bit to be fur as no feathers would grow in such a disgraceful manner, all bunched up like that in the hind legs. She cocked her head as she stared at the odd mouse a bit more.
"I'm no judge of mouse beauty," said the Hen, "but I have to say that you are one ugly mouse," and with that she turned and walked away.
Of course, Inuyasha, being part dog and part demon without a drop of chicken blood in him, did not understand Chicken-Speak; all he heard was a lot of clucking from the Hen. He breathed a sigh of relief when the Hen seemed to lose interest in him. He started to climb the beanstalk to grab another egg when he thought to himself, 'why settle for an egg when I could have the chicken? That's a lifetime supply of Ramen!'
Inuyasha turned and chased after the Hen calling out, "Here chicky, chicky, chicky. Here chick-chick!"
The Hen stopped and turned to the face Inuyasha. He poked her with his sword, taking care not to strike too hard as he wanted the chicken very much alive.
The Speckled Hen frowned at the ugly mouse that was currently unceremoniously poking her with an odd-looking twig.
"Look, I know I called you ugly but hey, as I said, I'm no judge of mouse beauty. I'm sorry if I offended you."
Inuyasha continued to attack her with Tessaiga.
"Now, really! This is a bit much. I already apologised. Hey, stop that!"
"Hah, you silly, overgrown chook! Take that! Your clucking won't save you! You're coming with me!"
The Hen, understandably, did not comprehend Dog or Demon-Tongue, it was all Mouse to her which was probably a good thing for Inuyasha. But it seems that he had already gone too far.
"Okay, that's it! Ugly or no, you're pissing me off!" and the Speckled Hen retaliated.
Inuyasha just managed to jump aside as the giant chicken brought her beak down. He hardly had the time to take a breath when the beak came down again.
'Damn, the chicken's fast,' thought Inuyasha as he tried to dodge the chicken. The Hen proved to be a mercilessly foe as she pecked Inuyasha a few times before she deemed him to be sufficiently ass-kicked.
"Let that be a lesson to you, Stupid Mouse, to pick on someone your own size," and the Hen waddled off. Inuyasha had never felt more hen-pecked in his life.
"Stupid, bitchy Chicken!"
It was quite some time later when Inuyasha stepped on to the window sill again. He hid behind the thyme bucket (he decided he didn't like the smell of basil) and licked his wounds. From his new vantage point, he noticed something he wasn't able to see from behind the basil bucket. One of the cabinet doors across the counter was slightly ajar and Inuyasha was able to glimpse (bring in the Hallelujah chorus) a giant size cup of ramen! Wow, this was even better than the gold egg!
Inuyasha glanced around to check the whereabouts of the giant woman and the chicken. The woman was digging near the fence at the far end of the garden. Another giant walked by the fence and asked casually, "Mary, how does your garden grow?"
"Up, stupid!" replied 'Mary' without even glancing up at her visitor. It seems that 'Mary' was every bit as bitchy as the Hen she kept. The Hen in question was a few metres away from 'Mary' scratching at a bit of dirt. Both should be busy for quite awhile.
Inuyasha scrambled across the counter and hopped into the cabinet. He wrapped his arms around the cup ramen and tried to lift it but he could not even get his arms around it fully. The cup ramen was too big and unwieldy to be carried back like that. Inuyasha took off his red kimono top and tore it into long strips. He tied the ends of the strips together to form one extra long rope and then tied the rope around the cup ramen. He tied the other end to his waist and proceeded to drag the rope across the counter.
After much tugging, Inuyasha managed to reach the window. He hopped onto the window sill and pulled the cup ramen up until it stood beside him. Then the giant woman walked in.
The first thing 'Mary' saw was her lunch on the window sill when it had no business being there. Then she noticed the ugly white and red mouse next to it (although if you asked her, she'll admit that she is no judge of mouse beauty).
"Eek! Mouse!" she shouted. She grabbed a broom and began to hit the window sill hoping to squash the mouse.
Inuyasha panicked as he saw the broom come smashing down. He quickly jumped on to the leaf of the beanstalk and pulled the ramen after him. As we all know, beanstalk leaves and leaves of any plant for that matter are nowhere near as sturdy as window sills. When Inuyasha started to tug on the rope, the leaf gave way and tilted downwards and Inuyasha suddenly found himself falling...
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Yay! One chapter left!