Chapter 4.
Revelations.
My note:Thanks to all of you guys who reviewed! You have no idea how mush reviews mean to author unless you are a one yourself. If you are, then you should understand me more than anyone else and give me one :D Seriously, thank you! I'm very encouraged to write more, now that I've received such positive responses. You guys rock! Keep going that way!
My other note: I'd like to warn you that this fanfi is going to be a bit dark and have strong language. Therefore I'm now changing the rating to M just to be safe and for the use of F-words several times. Also, no fluff in this story, sorry. And no Mary-Sue Hermione, either (at least I hope so, lol)
My other other note: Lex Waltz, I would love you to be my beta! :D Sorry, but I had to post it this way since your Private messaging function is disabled.. please, write me back :D
Bom Bam Bim Boom.
"Well, what do you think?" James asked Sirius as they were waiting at the door of the classroom where their first DADA lesson was about to begin. Few Gryffindors managed to make it to the NEWT level DADA lessons, even less Slytherines did, one Hufflepuff (Gilderoy Lockhart, Remus noticed with great surprise), though almost the whole course of Ravenclow. Remus glanced at Peter who was leaning against the wall, bored. Frankly speaking, it was immense surprise for all of them when Peter made it to the NEWT level class. Although, he did try his best…
"About what?"
"About a life's point, you dickhead!" James rolled his eyes. "About the upcoming lesson, what else?"
"Well, I don't really know about the lesson, but that Depp professor might teach me something new, that's for certain…" Sirius said, smirking widely. Peter laughed.
"Don't you think she's a little bit old for you?" Remus questioned him with mock concern.
"Old? Puh-please! We are not talking about McGonagall, are we? This Depp is about twenty that's three-four years older than me! Not a big deal!"
"So you already decided that she'll be having an affair with you just because she's almost your age?" Remus said dubiously.
"Moony, my dear friend, you know that none of them can resist my charms, no matter how old they are!" Sirius laughed, throwing an arm over Remus' shoulders. "I could get McGonagall herself to sleep with me if I wanted!"
"I highly doubt you are her type, Mr. Black" A new voice said and everyone turned around to see professor Depp approaching the door and lifting protection spells from it. Sirius' brows got so high they almost disappeared behind his fringe; he smirked at them then, winking. James and Remus exchanged looks.
"Class, come in!" Professor Depp commanded, on opening the door. She entered the classroom and went to sit at the teacher's desk. Everyone began to sit down, Remus with Peter, James with Sirius.
"How did she know my name?" Remus heard Sirius whisper to James but before James could answer, professor said:
"No, no, that won't do, I can't afford you two to sit together. Mr. Black, you go sit with Mr. Lockhart, Miss Evans, you take the seat with Mr. Potter."
She didn't sound spiteful or haughty, but something in her voice made Sirius do as she said without arguing. Remus looked at James who didn't seem to mind professor's choice very much. As Lily approached he held a chair for her in a very gentleman-like manner. Remus snorted quietly.
When everyone finally sat down, Depp looked them over and began a speech.
"For those of you who had already forgot, my name is Jane Depp. I don't know all of your names yet, so when I will ask you – say your name before answering." She sighed, as if trying to remember something, before continuing. "I examined the reports of your previous progress, and to say the least, I was shocked. But I can't blame you, really. All the teachers you have had didn't have beneficial effect on your studies. I believe, you missed a lot of what you were supposed to learn and all of that you missed I am to teach you, so you're warned: this year will be hard for you because you are to learn not only the program of the 7th year but all of the missed courses, beginning from the 3rd. And I expect every one of you to do your best."
She said the last line in a kind of voice that somehow sent shivers down Remus' spine. He looked around – everybody, even Slytherines seemed to be enchanted by what Depp was saying. Maybe it was her tone, maybe something in her face or in her whole manner – Remus wasn't sure, but she seemed to have caught people's attention.
"Here comes the lecture about damned NEWT" Peter whispered in Remus's ear.
"Now I'm not going to lecture you about exams" Depp said, as if having heard Peter's words. "All in all, they don't matter at all." At the surprised looks she got at that, she continued. "I believe other professors won't be too glad I'm telling you this, but you're adults now" she said sharply. "Most of you will turn eighteen this year. So I'll tell you as it is: the war against Voldemort is going on. I highly doubt that anyone of you will be able to avoid it."
At these words a collective gasp ran over the classroom. Remus, along with everybody else, stared at the new teacher who had just called Him-who-must-not-be-named by his name. That was something no one expected to hear.
"Yes, I called him that. From now on you will hear this name a lot, so deal with it." She said a bit harshly. "It's just a name. Fear of a name only increases the fear of one who wears it. And behind all of that scary Lord Voldemort name, hides a simple half-blood called Tom Riddle." She fell silent, letting them understand everything she was saying. "Now, as I was saying, Voldemort is gaining power and I believe you all will be summoned for war as soon as you graduate. So" she said insinuatingly. "If you are not prepared, believe me, you won't last long outside of school. You can forget about the exam, the real thing you need to worry about is whether you are ready to step in real life, where nobody will help you if you happen to meet a Death Eater, where the Headmaster or McGonagall or any other teacher won't be able to come and save your day. That is what you need to think about. Therefore, I'm telling you that I will not force anyone to learn. It's your own choice. But I will do my best to teach those of you who want to learn."
She finished and again, shivers ran down Remus's spine and hair on his arms stood up with goose bumps. The students were seemingly impressed by the new professor's speech, and Remus himself was, too, to be frank. Some tension after her words was almost tangible in the room. Everyone was silent for some time before Professor Depp asked: "Any questions?"
For a moment there was nobody willing to ask her anything, and then Anna Miller from Slytherin, a girl with seemingly only half brain, raised a hand. Professor Depp raised her eyebrows at her: "Yes, Miss…?"
"Miller. Anna Miller." She hesitated. "Umm. How old are you?"
Even from another side of the room Remus could hear Sirius moan and mutter "What a moron! You don't want to ask a woman her age…"
Depp smirked almost unnoticeably, then, deadly serious, she said: "I'm old. Very old. You can't even imagine"
That seemed to have lifted the tension and everybody relaxed a bit.
"Now I'm going to ask you some questions to define the level of your grounding. Don't forget to say your names." With that she took a parchment with something written on it and began to read the questions aloud.
"Name three the most dangerous types of creatures of the A category"
Remus and Lily raised their hands. Professor looked over and said "Anyone but Mr. Lupin and Miss Evans?"
Snape slowly raised his hand. Depp pointed at him: "Yes, Mr. Snape?"
Snape quirked his eyebrows, seemingly surprised at Depp's awareness of his name. Nevertheless, his voice was firm: "Vampires, Werewolves and Giants."
"Very well, Mr. Snape, five points to Slytherin."
That seemed to have lowered Depp in Sirius's eyes. He looked at Snape with venom on his face and so much hatred that Remus gulped involuntary. He didn't suspect Sirius hated Snape that much.
"Next question: how do you tell the difference between the werewolf and animagus?" She didn't look at Remus while asking the question but she did glance at him with some odd emotion in her eyes that made Remus frown. He didn't raise his hand. Sirius and James did, though.
"Mr. Potter?"
James's answer was perfect, but Remus didn't expect any less from him, considering he was befriending a werewolf and an animagus himself. Depp gave Gryffindor five points.
"What is a Boggart?"
She asked Lily and it got Gryffindor another five points. The questions continued, slowly becoming more difficult and after each question people were getting less tense. Though, there were less and less hands, either. If no one answered Depp wrote something on her parchment with questions.
"What are the three Unforgivable curses?"
Remus, Lily and more than the half Slytherines raised their hands. Malfoy was asked and for his perfect answer Slytherin was given five more points.
"What are the nonverbal spells?"
The questions went on and on and in twenty minutes Remus found himself unable to answer them. After he and Lily stopped raising hands professor Depp finished her questioning.
"Alright, then" she sighed, putting her parchment away. "Now I remember when my favorite teacher first gave us a lesson he started with Boggarts. I was in my third year, though" she hemmed "But, nevertheless. So will we today. Quills out – we will write down the definition of a Boggart and learn a spell against him"
Even though Remus knew perfectly well everything one needs to know about Boggarts, he did as was told. With incredibility he watched the others who haven't even bothered to look up what a Boggart was since their third year. Well, they surely will have to work harder than Remus this year.
After they wrote down everything concerning Boggarts Depp stood up and walked towards the wardrobe Remus hadn't even noticed before. She came to it and said loudly. "Luckily enough yesterday Mr. Filch was happy to provide me with a Boggart just for our lesson. Now everyone, please, stand and queue up – we'll practice our defense against a one." There was noise of everyone getting out of their desks and making a line. Remus found himself the fifth – behind two girls from Gryffindor, and two boys from Slytherin. They all seemed a bit nervous to face their most dreadful fears. Remus hoped his worry didn't show, after all, somebody could easily guess that the white ball that appeared as he met a Boggart was nothing but a Moon and then they will put two and two and then everyone will find out what he actually is –
"Mate, calm down" He heard Sirius whisper in his ear behind him. "You're making a big deal out of nothing. No one will know anything, don't worry"
He's right, Remus thought. Everyone was too engrossed in the preparation for their own meeting with Boggart; he was making a fuss, indeed. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. Everything will be alright, it's just a Boggart. They were supposed to learn them in their 3rd year.
"Now let's begin! I will open the door and the one who is first in line will fight his Boggart. When he's done he'll go to the end of the line. Next one will do the same. Unfortunately, we don't have enough time left for everyone to defeat their Boggart so I'll tell you when the time is gone."
She tapped her wand on the handle and, creaking, it opened.
The first Slytherin was apparently afraid of his father because a man Boggart turned into looked very much alike him. The second Slytherin's great fear was, to everyone's amusement, a snake. Blushing furiously, the poor guy said the spell and hurried to the end of the line. Margaret, a girl from Gryffindor, was apparently afraid of the darkness, judging be her sudden shouts and please to turn on the lights. Alice, Lily's best friend was afraid of physical pain. Writhing with imagined pain, she finally managed to fight off the Boggart.
It was Remus's turn and just as he had expected, his Boggart took form of a moon. From behind his back he heard Snape made a strange sound. "Come on, Moony" He heard Sirius say in his ear so he raised his wand and clearly said: Ridiculous!
The Boggart disappeared for a moment before Sirius stepped forward and it appeared to be something only Sirius could understand. Remus had never seen an expression like that on Sirius's face – one of pure fear. He wondered if he, too, looked terrified like that. Probably. But what was it that scared Sirius so much?
"Ridiculous!" Sirius shouted and stepped away from the line, panting.
"You alright, mate?" Remus asked him, concerned, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. He hoped that maybe Sirius will confide in him enough to tell him what exactly was his Boggart.
"Yup" Sirius said, his expression back to normal. "Never better." And with that he walked away from Remus to the end of the line. Remus sighed and followed him.
Three more people had time to fight their Boggarts before professor announced that time was over. She stepped in front of the Boggart to force him back into the wardrobe but it suddenly transformed into James.
"What the –" James began but was outvoiced by the Boggart.
"It's all your fault" Boggart-James said, his expression one of pure disappointment and contempt. Remus immediately noticed the voice was not exactly James's. Looking closer he found out that the Boggart-person was not James at all, it was a man who looked surprisingly like him. He had softer features, his eyes were emerald green, not brown, and there was a lightning-like scare on his forehead. Besides, his glasses were round, not square. And he looked older than James, there was something… almost wise about him.
"You fucked up so much" the Boggart spat disdainfully. "I'm so disappointed in you. I thought you were smart, I thought you weren't such a wimp"
Professor Depp froze, wand in hand, her eyes wide. She seemed enchanted and terrified at what the man was saying.
"You screwed everything. It's only your fault everything turned out as it had. You destroyed everything we all held so dear. And remember Neville and Luna? If not for you, they'd be still alive. You killed them. You killed me"
"Ridiculous!" Depp roared, apparently having snapped out of stupor. She was very pale and looked like she was about to be sick. She shook her head and exhaled slowly. Almost a minute past in complete silence, everyone exchanging curious looks. Then Depp spoke again.
"Now on to the home assignment." She said as if the entire incident has not just happened. Sirius and James moaned in unison. "I expect you to write an essay about the levels of the Protection spells, to write a classification of the Magical Creatures of the categories A, B and C and to write a report on the topic of protection from the Unforgivable curses. The last one is the most important so it's in your interest to take the task seriously."
"But, professor!" Sirius exclaimed mournfully, "our next lesson is on the day after tomorrow!"
"Then I advice you not to postpone it and do everything as soon as you can" Depp retorted, crossing her hands on her chest. "As I said, it's in your own interest to be able to defend yourself"
Snape snorted at that and Sirius clenched his fists, but, fortunately, didn't begin a fight.
"Class is over" Depp announced again and everybody began to leave the room.
As soon as all the four friends were outside Sirius moaned again, throwing up his hands.
"An essay, a classification and a report! What the hell! Is she a bloody sadist?"
"Seriously, mate, didn't you get anything of what she said at all?" James asked, with surprisingly serious expression. Sirius turned to look at him, frowning. "If we are not prepared enough, we won't last long!"
Remus raised his eyebrows involuntary. When did James grow up enough to understand it, he wondered with some pride for his friend.
"Well, still" Sirius mumbled just for the sake of saying something. Remus shrugged.
"What do we have next, anyway?" Peter spoke.
"Potions" Remus replied without thinking.
"Great! I'm going to the common room then!" Peter said with glee and fled away. He didn't make it to the Potions which meant he couldn't be an Auror, since they needed Potions NEWT results. But Peter didn't seem very disappointed. Oh well, it was his business.
"So, you liked her, I take it?" He asked James.
"Well…" his friend hesitated, "I can't say that. She kind of… scares me."
"Scares you?" Sirius repeated quietly.
"Yeah. Have you seen her eyes? And the way she talked? She's like, you know… it is all very noticeable that she's been through a lot."
"So what?" Sirius said.
"Well, she is just like a walking talking reminder of what it is like outside of here! Of what it is like to lose something you care for! Have you heard what her Boggart said?"
"What are you saying, exactly?" Remus said, though he already had a very good idea of what James was implying at. And he didn't like it for some reason.
"I'm saying that I don't want to think about it! I don't want to be reminded of what awaits us as soon as we are out of here! I don't want to deal with it! I don't want to be like her – all depressed and… broken!" James finally said what exactly bothered him. Remus stared at him, for some reason it was highly unpleasant to hear it from James.
"Well, maybe it's high time you grew fucking up already!" He suddenly exploded, yelling at his friends. Sirius and James both looked at him, gobsmacked. Remus rarely used language like that. "Maybe you finally stop being an arrogant prat and look further your own nose! The war is going on! You can't stay forever in your little safe world without having any affect from it! So maybe you'll snap out of your world and shrink down your ego that has covered the sun and realize that people do die at war and do lose other people!"
He finished, panting heavily, having gone against his friend like that for the very first time. James was looking at him with his eyes wide-open and Sirius had a stony expression on his face, his eyes narrowed. Remus swallowed past the bile in his mouth, then turned around and hurried to the Potions class, leaving his friends behind.
Boom Boom Boom
He was already sitting on their usual place when his two friends entered the room, still looking bewildered. He avoided looking at them, already feeling sorry for what'd he said to James all that. He shouldn't have yelled. He shouldn't have said it all in such a tone. He should've talked to James instead when they were alone –
He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. Uncertainly, he looked up to find James looking at him firmly.
"James, listen, I'm sorry –"
"It's fine, Remus, really." James said quietly. "You were right."
Remus closed his mouth with a loud clap. James smiled sadly at him, shaking his head.
"I do need to stop being an arrogant prat and look around me to see what's happening in the world" He snorted. "Besides, Evans is more likely to go out with me if I cease my fucking haughtiness"
Remus smiled at him, relieved to hear that. James did grow up, after all. He turned to look at Sirius, and his smile fell. His other friend still seemed to be deeply offended. He avoided looking at Remus at all costs, even choosing another place to sit, away from him.
He sighed. It seemed to be Sirius who needed some growing up. But as he opened his mouth to say something, Slughorn entered the classroom.
"Hello class!" He smiled good-naturedly. "Today we'll be working on the potion which is always compared to Felix Felicis. It's called Fiducia. Who knows what it does? Yes, Miss Evans?" He pointed at Lily Evans with fondness.
"It helps a person to grow some self-confidence to do things he wouldn't normally do in usual circumstances. But unlike Felix Felicis it doesn't give you luck to do those things, just confidence"
"I bet Snivellus would give anything to have confidence and grow some balls finally, after all, it's becoming hard to tell whether it's a boy or a girl anymore." Sirius said loud enough for everyone to hear. The class laughed. Remus looked at Snape who sat two sits behind them, glaring at Sirius murderously, his face red.
"Oh, he's so much better than a girl" Some Ravenclow guy said, laughing along with everybody, but Slughorn only looked down at them indulgently. "Now, now, class, pay attention."
"What about Lupin, huh?" Snape hissed, almost trembling with rage and hatred and Remus turned around sharply on hearing his own name. "I bet he does need balls more than anyone since he can't even stand up to you, scum, without running around licking your feet after that" He sneered and Remus found himself blushing furiously. But Snape wasn't done yet. "Or does he need to wait until Full moon to finally represent himself as something?"
Remus felt all his blood rush from his face in a matter of a second. He looked around wildly, afraid to see people's faces, afraid everyone has understood, after a hind so subtle like that. But to his immense relief everyone seemed confused and nothing more, looking at Snape with contempt.
As soon as the words left Snape's mouth he realized it was a very wrong thing to say. Sirius turned around to look at him, slowly, unlike his every movement, with narrowed eyes, his jaw tight.
"You little bastard, one more word about Remus Lupin, and I swear to God, I. Will. Kill. You."
This time it was said quietly, almost whispered, for no one but Snape to hear. And he did. Remus saw him struggle to say anything, but he kept his bloody mouth shut. Was it Sirius's threat or simple realization that no one will believe him, Remus didn't know, nor did he care. All he needed was for Snape to shut the hell up.
The rest of the lesson past without any events.
As the three friends left the room, Sirius turned and walked away alone.
He didn't speak to Remus for the rest of the day.
Bom Bom Bom
As a prefect Remus had a duty of walking around the castle after the retreat to make sure no one was wandering around the castle at night. It was rather hypocritic of him, actually, what with him and other Marauders sneaking under the Invisibility Cloak almost every other night. But that was earlier, before seventh year, before every one of them changed so much. Remus sighed. He missed those times so much it was almost painful sometimes.
He turned around the corner and suddenly heard a voice not far from him. Sighing at the prospect of interrupting some horny couple making out in the corridor at night, he headed their way.
Suddenly he heard a sound of someone punching another. There was a whine of pain and then a thump as the man probably fell to the ground.
"You will keep that fucking hole of yours you call mouth shut!" The awfully familiar voice hissed and Remus was stunned at the scene which opened to his sight. Snape was writhing on the floor, clutching his stomach while Sirius was standing over him, his back to Remus. None of them heard Remus behind.
"You will stay out of our business! You will never talk of Remus Lupin's problems ever again, you filthy little bitch!" Sirius was saying in a cold insinuating tone of voice Remus had never heard from him before.
"Get away from me, you freak! Scum!" Snape responded from the floor, making Sirius bend down and grab the collar of Snape's shirt, lifting him to his feet. Snape staggered and grabbed the wall.
"Shut the fuck up!" Sirius spat, punching Snape in the face. "Come on! Fight back for once you little bitch! We are alone here, come on, hit me!"
But Snape just stood there, leaning on the wall, breathing heavily and glaring a hole in Sirius.
"I'll kill you, I promise you, I'll kill you!" he hissed quietly, almost whispered but both Remus and Sirius heard. Sirius blew another punch to Snape's face. Snape spat blood on the floor.
"Don't touch me!" he screamed, his voice trembling, and looking closer Remus saw tears of rage, humiliation and hatred running down his cheeks.
"Oh believe me I have no desire to." Sirius said, wrinkling hi nose. "I won't ever get clean of your shit again"
"I'll kill you! I'll fucking kill you, you fucking bastard…" Snape was saying again like mantra, unable to do anything else. Sirius must have gotten his wand beforehand…
Remus turned around sharply, feeling sick. The incident by the lake almost two years ago now seemed a light joke, innocent and childish. This… this was… he couldn't even find proper words to describe it.
He'd heard enough. And what he heard was seemingly going to stick forever in his memory, making it impossible for him to look at Sirius with the same look again.
Quickly, he ran back towards the Gryffindor common room.
He threw up just as he entered the bathroom.
A/N: Please, please, PLEASE with a cherry on top, let me know what you all think!