Robin watched his friend carefully looking for any signs of his true feelings at being discovered. Beast Boy was standing motionless before the ruined splinters of the worktable he'd destroyed. He seemed numb as if his voice was coming from an empty shell. His body was lax and his eyes seemed void. Robin took a deep breath and tried to remain in the mindset of 'fearless leader' even though he felt more like a bully picking on someone weak.
"I ran those test...the ones I-we wanted you to take before you left." Robin dropped his eyes to the floor between his feet. He turned the cool can of soda in his hand looking at the words printed on it but not really reading it. "The computer doesn't lie...the data isn't wrong...did you know?"
Beast Boy snorted and shook his head. "What the hell do you think dude? I know my own fucking body...I knew it wouldn't last." He turned toward Robin with a self-hating grin. The corners of his eyes were wet and Robin felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. Still, there were things that needed to be said...answers that needed to be heard.
A single word. Just one question was what had been running at sonic speed through the boy wonder's mind for days. Only one thing...the thing that was changing Beast Boy, bothering him for weeks, was the subject of this all-important conversation. A conversation that could, and would, make or break Garfield Logan forever.
"Why. Why didn't you tell us?" Robin looked up at Gar and Beast Boy couldn't meet his eyes.
"Because I wanted it."
Beast Boy ran his hands over his face and up into his hair. For a minute he just stood there holding his hair like he was going to pull it out. He took a long cleansing breath and nearly choked on it. He moved away from Robin toward his bike and stared at his reflection in the shiny metal frame. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone...I just wanted to be normal...just for awhile...its hard to describe...but yeah...I knew."
Robin shook his head. "How? When Dr.Light's particle displacement beam hit anything else in the room it was destroyed...The computer's analyzes came back with a rework of your DNA...it solidified your molecules...but how could you have possibly know that without those test?"
Beast Boy snorted in disgust and touched the mirror image of the motorcycle. "Dude I'm not stupid. Besides...I could tell. It wasn't like I was really cured. My whole body felt just the same way it does when I morph. My skin. My ears. Even my stupid blond hair...none of it would stay." He spun around and pinned Robin with a cold stare of someone admitting his or her inner demons. " After I woke up from the blast I saw myself in the mirror. I can change into animals but only some stupid gun could make me the man I wanted to be! Can't you understand that!" Beast Boy's voice was rising and the short fur on the back of his neck started to bristle.
Robin slowly shook his head. "I guess I can't. Not really. I don't know what its like for you." Beast Boy's rage seemed to pause itself. He remained motionless, eyes studying Robin in a way that made the Boy Wonder slightly uncomfortable. After a second Beast Boy tilted his head and let his eyes drift around the room. "How many sodas are in that chest?" Startled it took Robin a moment to comprehend the question. "Excuse me?" Beast Boy crouched down in front of Robin and repeated himself slower. "How...many...soda's...are still...in the...ice...chest."
Without hesitating this time Robin responded. "Twenty-two."
"How many round objects are in this room?"
"One hundred fifty-seven."
"How many ways are there to exit this room?"
"Ninety-six including crawl spaces and ramming through the doors."
Beast Boy leaned forward into Robin's personal space and whispered harshly. "Don't you ever wish you could turn that off?"
Robin didn't need to ask what he meant by that. All his life Dick Grayson had known he was different from everyone else. He couldn't just eat his food he had to eat it in sets of five tiny pieces in a series of twenty bits. He had to...had to...brush his hair a hundred times each morning. He arranged everything in his room into organized categories with complex formulas to classify every item. There were times when he couldn't even sleep his mind would be working so fast. He knew it was a sickness. And living with Bru-Batman hadn't helped that in fact he'd encouraged it.
Turn it off... Robin looked down at his drink and rotated the can again. After a moment he nodded. "You're right. If I could...I might take the chance...for a while. But that doesn't explain everything Gar...what happened?" Robin stood up and walked towards BB. "What happened to make you change back? And why can't you go back if it was just like your morphing?"
Sitting back hard on the floor Beast Boy shook his head. This was the conversation he was hoping would never come. It was especially hard because Robin was the one making him talk. Still he knew this was going to happen sooner or later. He'd just have to deal with it and meet the problem head on like he always did. Beast Boy pulled his knees to his chest and rested his chin on top of them. He took a deep breath and looked up at his leader...his friend.
"She took the same road home every night. I told her to be careful." Gar's voice was horse and he seemed to be pushing the words out by force unwilling to relive the bad memories. "We worked together in a taco stand near the beach...ya know I moved to Cally right?" Robin nodded. The University of California had offered Beast Boy several generous grants to attend their school and add them in their studies on animals and animalistic behavior. "Well, I took the job so I could be near the ocean...heh...suffered everyday down there...it was the best." Beast boy smiled sadly. Robin wished at that moment with all his heart that Beast Boy could go back to that life by the beach. That none of this tragedy of super hero works was on his shoulders. That he could live a normal life soaking up the sun and swimming until he was weak from the joy of it.
"Yeah Cally was awesome...until...I'd seen them before. They started coming to the beach...causing all kinds of mayhem...acting crazy...just some summer collage kids who thought they owned God and everything...rich bitches...Bein' real pains in the ass and...and...and they thought Karen was hot. Came to the 'Taco Shell' like five times a day. Tipped her like crazy, told me to go fuck myself. She thought they were cool. They started bringing her gifts. But she had a steady so she told them to back off...big mistake it turns out."
Gar's eyes began to water and hot tears rained down his cheeks leaving salty wet trails in their wake. Robin moved as if not in control of his own body and knelt beside his friend. Awkwardly he placed his arms around BB's shoulders trying in a vain attempt to comfort the green teen. Beast Boy leaned into his chest. "They didn't take rejection well. Waited for her after dark one night when she was closing up...If I hadn't lost track of time on the beach...I stayed for the sunset...and made it just in time for the beating." Beast Boy's chest started to rumble with a harsh growl that shook his entire body. Robin kept his hold on Gar feeling his young body tense as he spoke. "They never gave her another chance to say no." Beast Boy was silent for a long time before Robin asked. "They killed her?"
Beast Boy snorted in disgust and wiped at his eyes. "Fuck man...God I'dve killed myself if they'dve done that! No...fuck...no man...they just...they god damn broke her." Stiffly Beast Boy elbowed Robin off of him. He crawled over to the bench and pulled himself up on shake legs. He felt weak just talking about this but keeping it all in wasn't helping him. If his friends could tell something was wrong and felt the need to send Robin in to talk to him he knew something most be really wrong. He stared straight ahead at the wall keeping his back on Robin. He'd already shown too much weakness to his leader.
"They...took her behind the stand. They forced her cloths off...and they...I could smell it. I could smell it from the beach...and I waited. I goddamn waited! I waited for..." He whirled around his hands balled into tight fist his eyes wide and wild with rage and self hate. "For somebody! Fucking ANYBODY! A cop! The League! A Titan! God damnt nobody came! I'd made myself sit on the side lines countless times over the last weeks and every time SOMEBODY would show up and help! BUT NOT ONE...FUCKING...PERSON...CAME!" Gar's voice was getting raw his whole body strained with tension. Robin looked on from his position on the floor. A rush of emotions assaulted his heart and his head. He felt overwhelming sympathy for Beast Boy, outrage and anger for Karen, loathing and contempt for the worthless thugs who'd commented the crime...No wonder...No wonder he came back...No wonder he changed himself back into the thing he didn't want to be...a true hero never returns for himself...but for those he protects.
Robin felt a sudden wave of admiration for Beast Boy as he listened to the final part of his vile tale.
"But nobody came." He said in a much calmer tone then his earlier shrieks. He stood motionless before Robin like a statue with a recorded message. "So I stepped up. I lost it all Robin. Normal looks. Normal job. Normal life. All fucking gone...and I kicked their asses. And when they ran...I hunted them down. They paid. They all went to jail but I gave them their real punishment...poetic justice." A slow crazed grin spread across BB's lips and Robin couldn't help but shudder. He'd never seen that look on his friend's face before and it terrified him at the pleasure Gar was taking in extracting revenge for Karen. Robin swallowed the lump that had been forming in his throat and spoke softly. "What did you do Gar?"
As if hearing his name brought him out of some kind of trance Beast Boy blinked rapidly then looked down at Robin. The mask of indifference melted away leaving shame and regret etched over Beast Boy's once innocent face. He looked down at his hands. "I'd rather not talk about it." He muttered quietly and before Robin could ask again he spun around and ran to the door.
"BEAST BOY!" Robin yelled and stretched out his hand towards the shape-shifter's back. Gar stopped as the doors swooshed open and against his will waited for Robin to speak. Robin wasn't sure what the right thing to say was. He only knew he had to say something...anything...
"Don't...don't forget to eat something...you're...you're looking a little thin." The mother hen route was always the safest in uncomfortable situations. Beast Boy nodded not looking back and walked dejectedly out of the room leaving Robin to contemplate everything they'd said in silence.
00oooOOOooo00
Conference room C on the second floor had been converted into a type of dinning hall/ cafeteria after the last battle with the Brotherhood of Evil. Having so many new mouths to feed it seemed the best option at the time...but for Beast Boy right that minute he wished more then anything he could eat alone in a quiet place. But the room was packed out as usual with the most unusual people on the planet.
Teen Titans, junior super-heroes, metahumans, aliens, skilled individuals...all sitting in their little cliques all choosing carefully the junk food that would get them through the rest of their shift or wake them up to start their scheduled watch. Beast Boy's eyes roved the throng of the lunchtime hustle and sighed heavily. If he hadn't been so hopped up on fixing his bike he could've had a nice relaxing meal with the rest of the first five Titans in the old main room. But that would've meant attending the daily meeting.
It would've meant sitting with the others...talking...strategizing...reminiscing...laughing...he wasn't ready. Not yet. Now, however keeping to himself and away from his closets friends was costing him having to wait in line, grab some spare slop, and then search in vain for someone to eat with.
Like that'll happen... Gar huffed and wondered aimlessly to the far side of the room near the high windows. It was a lost cause. He didn't feel really comfortable with anyone these days. Not his old friends...not any of his new friends...Not Raven...Not Starfire...Not Aqualad...Not...not Robin.
Robin. Beast Boy shook his head and plopped down on a sofa seat near a window over looking the ocean. While he gazed threw the glass at the sea's gentle waves he allowed his food to get cold and his mind to drift. Robin..Robin why are you in my head...why can't I ever get you out. Fearless leader...even when I was away you were always there...telling I did a good job at the end of a day...keeping me up at night...invading my dreams...Beast Boy picked up his fork and shifted around his food on the plate. He tried not to think about The Boy Wonder but it was so hard. He took a bite of his meal and nearly spite it out. It tasted like Robin's aftershave. In fact the air around him was swamped with his scent. Beast Boy wondered if anyone else could smell it. Probably not...just me...and that crisp...intoxicating odor.
The green Titan dropped his utensil and threw his head back against the cushiony seat. What is wrong with me?...Am I going out of my fucking mind? All over some spiky haired... over energized... kung-fu mastermind...built like a model...blue-eyed...sexy little...Batman clone! Fuck I am going crazy...
Across the room Wildebeast sniffed at the air and looked back in BB's direction. His eyes widened and he quickly excused himself from the table and beat a haste retreat out of the room. Beast Boy was giving off some very potent sexual endorphins and being the only one in the hall who could possibly smell them Wildebeast decided it would be better if he left quickly instead of inhaling anything that would embarrass him.
Aqualad watched WB leave the cafeteria in a hurry and could only guess at his reasons. He smiled brightly at the flock of female fans seated around him and left the table himself. With a flip of his long sleek hair Aqualad sent the table of girls into a giggling frenzy. He smirked and tried not to show how much he enjoyed doing that. He scanned the room and spotted his favorite green companion. He made his way over to Beast Boy grinning and waving at everyone who called out to him.
Gar looked bummed. And Aqualad just couldn't let that continue. Whenever he saw his little "chum" looking so upset the tall titan couldn't help but try to enhance his buddy's mood. And he had just the thing Beast Boy needed. He came up behind his friend and grinned down at him arrogantly. "Sooo...I think there is a certain shape-shifter in need of a good time."
Beast Boy looked up at Aqualad. Seeing his friend upside down at any other time might've made BB laugh but this time...he just counted the hair in Garth's nose.
"Yeah...who's that?"
Aqualad smirked. "Come on Gar-Gar...you'll have fun. You know you always do. Reef is having a big blow out tomorrow."
Beast Boy looked out the window at the glittering sea. Atlantis was always good for a few laughs and a little distraction. Maybe that's all he really needed was some time off...time away...especially now after he'd talked to Robin and his secret was out.
He picked up his fork again and grinned up at Garth. "Yeah...sure. Why not? Friday?"
Aqualad smiled and placed a reassuring hand on BB's shoulder. "It'll be great B you'll see. I'll meet you on the shoals at seven Friday night kay?" Beast Boy nodded and stirred his food with his fork. Yeah...a dance party...that's what I need. Everything will be better after a little R & R. I'll just forget about everything...being a hero...fixing my stupid bike...Robin...yeah...just need to forget.
Robin stood in the shadows and pondered what he'd just heard. Aqualad was taking BB out. Out to a dance club. The Boy Wonder turned and walked out the door his mind in turmoil. Everything was different now. Everything wasn't really great before but now...things were...iffy. Uncertain. Falling apart. There was nothing for sure now. Nothing. Robin couldn't allow that. For whatever reason Gar was hurting and it'd started long before BB lost his powers or left the Tower. Not even Beast Boy's secret about his transformation would be enough to change the rambunctious green teen.
Robin wasn't going to let this go. He'd find out what was destroying Beast Boy inside and out. And the best way to do that seemed to be this Friday night.
Author: Okay so there wasn't any of the cuddling/snoodling/rubbing/throbbing/hot-guy flesh against flesh stuff in this one...Next chapter!