Vampire: The Masquerade is owned by White Wolf Publishing. My use is in no way meant to challenge their copyrights. This piece is not intended for any profit on the part of the writer, nor is it meant to detract from the commercial viability of the aforementioned (or any other) copyright. Any similarity to any events or persons, either real or fictional, is unintended.
III – Victims 2 & 3: Dude, Where's My Car?
I awoke the next evening to the sound of the phone ringing next to the bed. Luckily, Michelle answered it quickly enough to prevent me from actually having to move right away. "Yeah, he's here," she muttered into the phone, obviously no more pleased than I had been about being awakened so early. She handed the phone off to me, and I cursed whoever it was that was calling.
"Hello?" I asked groggily.
"Hey Johnny, this is Jeremy," an all-too-cheerful voice called form the other end of the line. I looked at the clock and figured that the sun could only have set less than five minutes earlier. This guy simply had way too much energy.
"What the hell do you want?" I asked.
"One of our Nosferatu just called in about a minute ago," Jeremy said. "She had a bird watching the haven of two Sabbat vampires, and found out that they're planning on going to the supermarket when they wake up. The plan is supposedly to pick up some women while buying beer."
"There's an original idea," I replied.
"If you get there fast, you should be able to intercept them," Jeremy said.
"Fine," I answered. "We'll get going right away." I hung up the phone and looked at the three women in the bed with me. God I wish I were still alive. Anyway, with a little gentle prodding they were all up and dressed within five minutes. It's just another benefit of being dead – just try getting a mortal woman to get ready that quickly.
"So, who called?" Erica asked as she walked in. She went up to a mirror and straightened a Mets cap on her head as she waited expectantly for an answer.
"We just got a line on some new targets," Mel answered. Damn childer never know when to shut up. I didn't want Erica to come with us this time, but now it seemed unavoidable. Of course, with her along, I would probably have to talk less. That would give me plenty of time to think of any plausible reason for the locals asking me to whack these guys after tracking them down in a supermarket beer aisle, rather than simply have the Nosferatu take them out in their own haven. A lesser man would really start to get irked about having his vacation time eaten into like this. I decided right then and there that I would have to stick it to the Ventrue at some point before I left town.
"You gonna try to keep me out of it again?" Erica asked.
"Oh, not at all," I replied, sounding as happy as I could. I must admit that I'm getting a lot better at faking being pleased. It must come from dealing with so many Ventrue princes.
"Great," she said with a smile. "So where are we going?"
"Supermarket," I answered absently as I slipped into my Birkenstock sandals.
"Exciting," she said sarcastically.
"We have to hurry, though," I added. Without another word I was moving toward the door, grabbing a backpack as I went. It had all my weapons inside, and I would get them together on the drive. It was a few miles into town, and another couple of miles once we got there. Mel, Uiko, Michelle, and Erica all followed me out to the circular drive, and I walked over to the Jeep Wrangler that I had stolen from Darius the night before. I figured he wouldn't be needing it anymore, and with him being dead and all, it wouldn't be getting reported stolen anytime soon. Besides, having a Jeep with the top off is a great way to attract attention and pick up women. The more women I pick up, the more parties I'll get to go to. The more parties I get to go to, the more I'll be able to feed. Can't argue with that logic, can ya?
So I raced into Panama City and drove toward the one supermarket on the main drag. The parking lot was fairly crowded, which is not surprising if you think about it. First of all, the place was selling cases of beer for under ten dollars (although I have to point out that it was cans, not bottles, and therefore not as good). Second, any students that had come down from Pennsylvania would be blown away by the convenience of being able to buy beer in a grocery store. Goddamn overly conservative Pennsylvania legislature never allowed such a convenient luxury to its citizens. The result is that a lot of people end up buying beer by the case at a distributor rather than just getting a six-pack at the grocery store. I have yet to figure out how that cuts down alcohol consumption.
So we went inside, not having a clue who it was that we were looking for. We wandered the aisles absently until I felt a slight tugging on the back of my t-shirt. "The two you're looking for are with the beer," a voice said. I guessed a Nosferatu had found us. Well, either that or the supermarket was haunted.
"That's what I would have expected," I muttered, deciding that I would just assume that I was talking to a Nosferatu. "Any chance you could steer me in the right direction?"
"Aisle 13," the voice replied.
"Go to Aisle 13," I told the women. "Jeremy said these two are guys, so they'll be out to pick up women. We'll have our friend point them out to you, and then you'll offer to pay for the beer if they buy it for you. Tell them you're all under twenty-one."
"And ask them if we can drink at their place?" Mel asked.
"You catch on quickly, grasshopper," I replied. "Now shake a tail. We have to get to these two clowns before anyone else does."
While the women went to work their magic, I wandered into Aisle 7, which just happened to have the snack foods in it. Now, I know everyone has their own favorite munchies to have with their beer, but I've always been partial to pretzels. The really thick, sourdough ones that always make you think you're gonna chip your teeth. Personally, I feel that Snyder's of Hanover makes the best ones, so I grabbed a bag of those and headed back toward the cash registers, hoping that my partners in crime had accomplished their objective. As I walked out of Aisle 7, I immediately was met with a sight that brought a tear to my eye.
Erica, Michelle, Uiko, and Melissa were leading two men, whom I figured were our targets, and also three other women. It seemed like there was going to be a great party somewhere. I just didn't get what it was about these Sabbat guys, though. First, Darius thinks he's all Rico Suave with the ladies the night before, and then this pair of Thompson Twins is carrying on like they're gonna score with all these women. As if. The only conclusion I could reach was that both of them were fairly young.
As I walked up to the group, I pondered the matter a little bit, and it made sense that the Sabbat would send in young vampires rather than more experienced ones. The mission appeared to be to seduce unwitting mortals and turn them into ghouls slowly, without raising suspicion. To say that most Sabbat vamps have little respect for mortals is an understatement. They'd almost have to get some young ones to do the job. Then a new, disturbing thought occurred to me. What if they're really not Sabbat? Let me tell you, that thought did not sit well with me. There I was, fresh off a mission where I had worked my ass off to make certain that I never targeted a single anarch or become involved in internal politics, and then all of a sudden I found myself in a situation where I might unwittingly be capping anarchs. Not good. Very not good.
"I got some munchies," I said as I walked up to the group.
"Who are you?" one of the guys asked. He stood about six feet tall, had blonde hair, and seemed to be about college age. His slender frame indicated that, at least as a mortal, he had had very little interest in anything athletic.
"He's my boyfriend," Uiko interrupted before I could say anything.
"Uhh.... yeah," I put in nervously. I could actually feel waves of fury rolling off of Michelle. Originally, I had been hoping that I could do this second hit in a short time. Then, all of a sudden, faced with the prospect of talking to Michelle once we were done, I was trying to think of a way to draw this all out until about Christmas. "Actually, I'm her boyfriend, too," I added without thinking, pointing toward Michelle.
"Really?" one of the other girls said. "You're like a threesome?"
"Foursome, actually," Mel put in. In one fluid motion she grabbed me by the back of the head and laid a major passionate kiss on my lips. It couldn't have taken long, but I felt like we were playing tonsil hockey for several minutes before she let go. I caught her shoot a sideways glance toward Michelle and grin wickedly, and Michelle shot back daggers with her eyes. All of a sudden, even Christmas was seeming too soon to finish off these guys.
"Dude, you the man," the second guy said. He was taller than the first one, and built a little more heavily. Long brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and brown eyes scanned the whole group of us. "Is she available at least?" he asked, motioning toward Erica.
"Better ask her," I said.
"So, how about it?" he asked K.T.'s girlfriend.
"If, by 'available,' you mean I'm willing to fuck, then the answer is 'yes,' " she replied flirtatiously. Well, maybe 'flirtatious' isn't exactly the right description. Maybe it's better to say that Erica does a bang-up job of talking like a complete slut. Leave it to K.T. to abandon a girlfriend like that in Panama City during Spring Break. What a jackass. He's gotta be one of the dumbest people I know.
"Cool," the taller Sabbat replied. "Oh, my name's Ben," the guy told me. "He's Sam." I nodded, concluding that other introductions must have been made in the beer aisle.
While we were checking out, I had to stop to think about some of the stuff that had been going on. I had to admit, everything seemed incredibly sexual all of a sudden. I had spent several years being a diplomat, and had left civilian life far behind. But then all of a sudden I have Mel, Michelle, and Uiko publicly claiming to have a foursome with me, and Erica is intimating that she's gonna fuck some guy she doesn't know. All this after Uiko did her little thing with the ice cube the night before. It was a little much. I kept pondering the issue when I saw a group of college kids walk in the entrance. The split group, men and women, seemed to be in a very worked-up, social mood. More than that, though, you could see several of them flirting with each other. It was as if there was something in the air. The entire city seemed to be awash in a sea of hormones. Then it finally dawned on me – the college students on Spring Break are, in fact, awash in hormones. They had come on vacation, away from the cold north, and shed several layers of clothes. Then, in a vacation atmosphere, they partied as if there were no consequences. It was incredible. I suddenly caught a slight hint of the atmosphere of Spring Break, a sensation I had not felt since I had been mortal.
So the humans were running around, drunk and horny, and the kindred were all feeding on them, taking in increased levels of hormones with the blood. It was no wonder that everyone was acting really weird. I decided to be the voice of reason (no laughing... no, seriously, stop laughing), and resolved to keep my companions well in check.
By the time I had reached my epiphany (isn't that a cool word?), the beer had been paid for and we were headed out to party. We had just stepped into the parking lot when I realized that something was very wrong – the Jeep was gone.
"Fuck," I cursed, attracting everyone's attention.
"Oh, no," Michelle said a moment later, apparently realizing what was wrong.
"What's up?" one of the girls asked.
"Someone stole my car," I complained. It's not that it broke my heart or anything. I had only stolen the car less than twenty-four hours earlier, so it's not like it had time to grow on me or anything, but it's just the principle of the thing. I went to the trouble of stealing it fair and square, and then some snot-nose punk comes along and steals it from me. Are there no honest people left in this world or what?
"Well, we have a car," the three girls offered, looking me over anxiously. I knew what each of them was thinking – if he's good enough to please those other three women, I wonder what he can do for me. They were obviously wise beyond their years.
"You mind giving me a lift?" I asked.
"Not at all," one of them offered. "My name's Beki. That's Carol, and Jules," she added, introducing me to her two friends. We were actually planning on running back to our hotel room really quickly to get changed. If you don't mind waiting, we can go out to Sam and Ben's place in a little bit. It's not like you'll really be able to squeeze into their car."
"I think you can make it," Michelle said to me, seeming to have reached the same conclusion about the women that I already had.
"There's already six of us in their car," Uiko pointed out, not having waited for Sam or Ben to offer to drive them. She took it as a given that they would offer. She's so smooth, it sometimes makes me jealous. Oh, wait did I say 'jealous?' I meant 'proud.' "I think Sam and Ben are just going to have to suffer with the four of us until the rest of them can make it," she added. This time I noticed the meaningful look in Uiko's eyes, and I knew she was planning on taking out our two targets before I returned with the mortals and they got in the way. It was definitely heads-up thinking on my childe's part.
"Oh, I see how it is," I commented. "You're just lucky we have an open relationship," I commented. "Make sure you're not any rougher with either of those guys than you were with that poor kid last night. I hoped she caught my meaning – don't kill them. I wanted to know for sure that they were actually Sabbat. It's not that I didn't trust the prince and her sheriff... it's just that I didn't believe a single word they said. I hope you catch the subtle distinction.
"Sure thing," Uiko yelled back as she and the others followed Ben and Sam. I wandered off behind the three women, hoping that Michelle and the others would be ok. I figured they would be. The two vampires they were with probably didn't expect anything. Uiko and Mel, especially, had done an exceedingly good job of acting like horny college girls. Erica had also been convincing. Michelle... well, she would probably be pretty quick with the shooting part.
With our targets set up and separated from the eyes of mortals, I decided to do the best job I could of making certain these women were not looking to go anywhere for a long time. I knew I might very well have to put out, but if that was what was required in service of my clan, then I was willing to do it. No one could ever accuse me of not taking my responsibilities seriously.
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Now I know what you're thinking – Johnny, if vampires derive no physical pleasure from sex, then why did you just nail those three college girls. Well, the answer is simple. So, like you said, I don't derive any pleasure, but that doesn't mean that they don't. In fact, as far as performance goes, I'm better than Sting, what with all that tantric crap he does. A slight shifting of blood within my body, and I'm good to go. Just burn a little more, and I feel warm enough to actually not be a corpse. Then, well... let's just say that as I'm dead, I'll never have another orgasm. That means I can, quite literally, go all night. (I just have to make sure I get out of there before dawn, when I'll collapse into a semi-comatose state until the next sunset. Something tells me that might freak out whatever mortal woman I happen to be with at the time.) Not that I had any interest in staying for an entire night, though. As soon as I was going at it with each of them for more than about a minute, I bit into their throats and drained enough blood to make them pass out. They'll remember the experience one way, and I'll remember it another. The simple truth of the matter is that with the expenditure of a little bit of small talk, I was able to drink my fill, sating my rather large appetite. That's what it's really all about.
Then I waited around for awhile for my women to call. I was just starting to get worried when my cell phone rang. "Hello?" I asked.
"Do you have Prince Albert in a can?" Michelle asked, giggling like mad.
"Oh, grow up," I replied. "You seem to be rather more happy than I had expected."
"Well, taking out bad guys can be a huge bonding experience," she answered. My stomach started to churn as I pondered the thought of Michelle, Mel, and Uiko actually getting along really well. I almost got to see my late evening meal a second time, but managed to hold it down.
"So they're incapacitated?" I asked.
"Yep," she responded happily. "Both are in torpor right now. What do you want us to do?"
"Have Erica dominate them to find out if they're really Sabbat," I replied.
"You have any doubts?" she asked.
"Not really," I admitted. "I just want to be sure. Just in case."
"Want me to have her do it now?"
"Would you please?" I asked sarcastically. What kind of stupid question was that, anyway? What did Michelle think, that I wanted Erica to get around to that sometime in the near future, but not before we had time to go out on the town for awhile? Sometimes I have to wonder where I went wrong with my training. Maybe it's just all the Gangrel blood... A few minutes of silence followed, then Michelle was back on the phone.
"Yep, they're Sabbat," she confirmed. "Both are Brujah antitribu."
"Thanks," I answered. "Can you call Boom-Boom and have him come by to dispose of the bodies?"
"Sure," Michelle said. "Then what?"
"I want to go find my car," I answered.
"You're kidding, right?" she asked.
"Someone stole my car, Michelle," I reminded her needlessly. "You think I'm just gonna be fine with that?"
"It wasn't really yours," she pointed out. "Why not just steal another one?"
"Good point," I admitted. It was definitely a way to save some time. "Well, after that, then what?"
"We were all thinking of finding a wet t-shirt contest," Michelle sad happily.
"Oh, good God," I muttered. "How about I meet you at Spinnaker's?"
"See ya soon," she answered.
To be continued.............................