A/N Thanks again for all the alerts and review, I almost forgot to post this so busy with life and things but I didn't want to let you guys down so I hope you enjoy. P.s Thanks to Beetlebum 101 for your awesome grammar.

Chapter 4 – Morning Song

I turned over in bed, staring at another patch of wall. It didn't matter which part; I was inside my head and couldn't get out. All my thoughts were the same. I could have killed her. I could have ripped her head right off. The image flared in my mind, scarring me like a hot poker to my flesh.

"Stop it… Stop it," I whispered to myself. "I didn't mean it."

I turned again to the other side and suddenly Emily entered my mind. I hadn't thought of her in so long. After the incident I just cut her out. Did Sam feel this every time he looked at Emily's scarred face? I suddenly felt pity for him. I would not wish this pain on anyone, not even Sam.

I should just stay away from her. I'm not good for her; it's been proven. I'll just stay on the reservation. She can't get to me here. I needed to do something to get out of this bed. I thought about going to see Emily. Could I finally forgive her? I guess knowing it was an imprint bond changed some of it, but I had hated her for so long and that didn't just go away. I guess I could use someone to talk to about this whole imprint thing.

I hopped out of bed, heading for the door, when I remembered Sam might be there and he would smell me and know I was a wolf now. I put on a jacket and grabbed an old cap that belonged to my father, which hung by the door. I pulled the cap down as I walked through the small reservation streets. I slowed my pace as I reached their home and stuffed my hands in my pockets. Pausing behind an old car, I noticed Sam's truck was gone. I reached the door with chipped, blue paint and dead plants in pots filled with rainwater scattered on the porch. I lifted my hand, stalling, wondering what I could possibly say. It wasn't in me to just come out and say sorry… because I wasn't sorry. But maybe I was ready to be beyond it.

I let my hand fall lightly three times, knocking more paint chips to the ground. I heard the shuffle of footsteps and smelled the faint aroma of what seemed like apple pie. She opened the door, her eyes taking a second to reach mine.

"Leah?" She gasped.

I looked at my cousin, my former best friend, feeling a mix of confusing emotions. I took the hat slowly from my head, ringing it in my hands.

"Hey, Emily."

We stood there for what felt like minutes, but was merely seconds.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, not in anger but in surprise.

"I wanted to talk to you," I replied, simply.

"Well, come in… Come in."

She was dressed in a tan colored apron, her hair pulled back into a long ponytail and when she turned, I stared at the scars on her face and thought of Alice.

"Would you like a piece of pie?" I followed her into the kitchen.

I wanted to say no but it smelled so delicious. "Sure."

"And a glass of milk?" She questioned, as I took a seat at the small, round table.

"Just water is fine." I placed the hat down, stretching my arms over the table, wondering how to cut through the awkwardness.

"I've been baking all day; the guys eat so much food. My full time job now is just cooking. They should be back soon. I think they are out jogging or lifting weights or whatever guys do together." She laughed nervously.

"Yeah…" I stared into the table. "That must be a wolf thing."

She dropped the glass holding the water and it smashed over the floor. She turned in a flurry. "You know?"

"Sam hasn't told you yet?"

"No, I guess he hasn't."

"That's probably my fault. I didn't take it very well."

She put the pie on the table, forgetting the water. She leaned in close, her eyes brightening. "But you know now. I wanted Sam to tell you so long ago but he told me it was against the laws. How did you find out? Did you see one of them?" She spoke so rapidly I could hardly make it out.

I searched her eyes. How could he not have told her? I guess telling her that the cousin she betrayed is now cursed to be a wolf is a bit of a downer. "I didn't see one of them; I am one of them."

She pressed back into her chair. "You're a wolf?" She repeated, softly.

"Yes, but you can't tell Sam yet. I don't want to be part of the pack. He still thinks I just show the signs; he doesn't know I've… turned."

"But he needs to know. He can help you."

"Emily… if you want me to trust you again you have to keep this secret for me, okay? Please. I just need a few more days, or a week."

She seemed to mull it over. She knew I wasn't one to give her this chance lightly, not after our history. "Okay, I'll keep your secret."

I picked at the pie, wondering how to start this. "I came here so you could help me. You mentioned laws… What laws?"

"They haven't told you?" She questioned.

"Like I said, I didn't take the news well. Sort of left before they could give me the pamphlet."

"Okay, well, the only ones who know about the people who can turn are the elders and the imprints."

"What does it mean to be an imprint? Do you feel what he feels?"

She paused, taking a hard swallow. As I watched her throat rise and fall, I realized I was asking somewhat of a personal question.

"Why do you want to know? Have you imprinted?"

"Maybe. Look, it's all very confusing. I just need your help understanding it."

She sighed. "When I first saw Sam, I felt something strange and immediate but then it fell away. After that, though, he was in my life every day. I didn't even notice at first and when we talked, we just clicked. After a while, when he was away, I felt this… longing I couldn't explain. It was more than missing someone; I really can't explain it."

"Weren't you afraid?"

"Yes, I was terrified. Leah, I didn't want to love Sam. I knew he was yours. I would never do that but, I don't know, I guess it was just fate. I hated hurting you. If it could have happened a different way…" She led on, but I cut her off.

"Don't. It is history now," I waved off. "Aren't you afraid of the other wolves? Like Paul?" I could imagine not wanting to be near the thing that almost clawed off your face.

"Paul would never hurt me. It's in the laws."

"What do you mean?"

"You really know nothing," she muttered. "There is no reason a wolf should ever harm another of its pack. It is forbidden – unless that wolf hurts or kills your imprint. Then you are allowed to kill them."

"That seems a bit much, don't you think?"

"They are very old laws. And anyway, it's like I'm part of the pack. I don't pose any threat. There is no reason for Paul to get angry around me." She smiled.

"You want to be part of this freak show?" I asked, a bit disgusted.

"It's not a freak show, Lee, it's a family."

I wish I were an orphan, I thought darkly, chuckling internally. We fell into an awkward silence as I looked around the small home; so much had changed, yet it was still the same. I rang the old hat in my hands under the table, unsure of how to make more conversation. I pushed the chair back a little too hard as I got up and it seemed to shock her.

"I should go before Sam gets back."

Emily stayed silent and I knew it was wrong of me to ask her to keep this secret. I moved to the door and she followed, holding the edge of the door as I made my way down the steps.

"Come back anytime." She spoke with a sad smile, hugging one arm around herself.

Everything felt so empty; there were so many questions and no answers. I let my feet take me away, just feeling the cool air against my skin. Each step seemed to be permeated with a moment of Alice. I closed my eyes and I could see the curve of her neck and my hand itched to reach out. Then, step after step, the black and the pain seeped in. I saw myself – but not myself – pushing her away as I phased. I opened my eyes, unable to bear the images.

As I looked up I saw the church. Well, it wasn't really a church; it was just an old hall. It was very small and they used to bring us here in school to listen to the old man talk about spirits and stuff. I never really listened.

I pushed the door open, tentatively, wondering if I was allowed to be here. Was it even still in use? Some candles were lit on the far side of the room but other than that, it was empty. There were just long, wooden benches facing the windows that overlooked the ocean. I took a seat on the end of one bench, looking around for… Well, I didn't really know what I was looking for. Just something, I guess.

"What am I doing?" I muttered into the hallowed room.

Am I supposed to speak to god? Does he have all the answers? He made me so I guess he should. I clasped my hands together, wondering if this was how you were supposed to start.

"Hey, God, it's me, Leah. But I guess you know that. I've never asked for anything before – mostly because I didn't really believe you existed. But if you do exist, could you do me a favor? Could you tell me why I need to be a wolf? Could you tell me why I'm having all these feelings for Alice?" I pushed my hands together harder, as if it would make the prayer more powerful. "Please could you take these feelings away? I didn't ask for them; I don't want them. Please, just… Please let me be normal. I don't understand how to be this way: to be a protector and to find a way to be with Alice. I can't be with her… our families…"

"Are you okay?"

I jumped slightly, opening my eyes and realizing I had begun to tear up. I wiped quickly, removing any evidence of emotion. It was an old man. I'm pretty sure it was the same one who taught me when I was a little girl. How could he still be alive?

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. You look like you are struggling with something."

"I shouldn't even be here; I don't even believe in this stuff." I moved to get up.

"That doesn't matter," he shrugged, taking me off guard.

"I… I don't know how to exist anymore. I thought I knew who I was but now I don't know anything."

"Wow, that's a big problem." He walked slowly around the room, lighting more candles. I wanted to laugh at him stating the obvious.

"You said you knew who you were. How did you know that?"

"Over time I grew up and, I don't know, I'm just who I am."

"And now?"

"Something happened. It made me someone different; very different." Like a different species, my subconscious added.

"And do you like this new you?"

"No! I mean… I don't know."

"From my experience, there is rarely a time in life where you will know all the answers. That's why they call it faith. You have to trust in yourself and trust in others. Maybe this new you is the you you've been waiting for. Maybe you are needed for something bigger than yourself."

"That's what I'm worried about."

A/N Hope you enjoyed. I know its getting a bit dramatic but that's what I enjoy writing. It's a very different experience writing Leah as a character and remember this is all supernatural so things are never going to be normal even though what I enjoy best about it is the normality of the emotions ok now I'm just rambling sorry :]