4.
Title: Policy
Rating: T
Pairing/Characters: Renji, Urahara/Yoruichi
Word Count: 593
Warnings: Light cursing, cluelessness, and sexual innuendo, oh my! *cough*
Summary: Urahara Shoten has some interesting policies, particularly in how they're worded.
A/N: Trying to get away from the angst. Pure crack with more to come in the future, muwahahaha!
"So wait a second, you actually have rules in this place?"
"Think of them more as guidelines, Renji-san."
"Guidelines?"
"Yes, should you choose not to follow these supposed guidelines, Urahara Shoten is not responsible for any physical or mental inflictions the victimized party may suffer at the present or future time."
"That sounds like legal jargon."
"It would be wise to think of it as such."
"And what's this mean, 'Any room which possesses a barrier - physical or spiritual - should be rapped upon by the knuckles or the zanpakuto of the party wishing to enter. Approach with caution. Trauma imminent.'?"
"It's a simple 'please knock before entering'. I surely thought fuku-taichos were smarter than this!"
"I am smart, you bast--but it doesn't at all explain the trauma shit tagged on the end!"
"Then you must be learned to what that means!" Urahara tapped Renji on the head with his fan and stepped back into his bedroom, sliding the door shut in Renji's face.
Renji's face scrunched in contempt at the loaded bullshit on the paper held in hand. He'd heard rumors of the man's absurdities, but much of what he'd experienced so far went far beyond absurd and categorized straight into torture. After several minutes of pause, the Shinigami eventually stomped in the general direction of his "room", which served more as a hole-in-the-wall storage space rather than a guest room. As he entered, he didn't notice the rapt golden eyes of an amused black cat in the corner.
Yoruichi jumped from her perch and daintily jogged (much how cats did) and transformed mid-step before entering her destination. She slid the door quietly shut and was neither startled nor surprised by the silky, leisurely voice of the futon's occupant. "What took my beautiful hime so long?"
She suppressed the urge to roll her eyes, "Stop with the hime crap, Kisuke," she stated pointedly. "I was waiting for Renji to finally leave to his quarters. He seemed pretty upset by the knocking policy. I told you that wording it like that would cause confusion..." The woman raised one perfectly tweezed brow and crossed her arms, an entertained expression upon her lovely face, yet her tapping foot gave way her impatience.
Urahara shrugged his shoulders and threw his legs over the side of the futon. The man had all ready stripped himself of his clothing and crossed the room in his birthday suit. He cocked his head to one side and reached a hand forward, caressing the back of it against her cheek.
"No worries, no worries. I suppose my expectations for Shinigami to have high reading comprehensions is just too much to ask..."
If it weren't for the very distracting gestures the man made toward her, Yoruichi would've slapped him. Though, the effort would be wasted considering they'd soon be very distracted by more interesting and fun activities. The entire conversation would quickly be forgotten.
"Sometimes I think you do such things for your own sadistic pleasure..." She managed to finally say as she pushed him onto the mattress and proceeded to straddle him.
He sat up on his elbows, a wicked grin spreading on his lips. "Oh, what a naughty kitty I have tonight, invoking such terrible, terrible thoughts. Sadistic or not, Renji-san will eventually learn exactly what that policy means. Jinta sure did. I'll never forget the poor lad's face when he walked in on us."
Yoruichi laughed heartily at the memory. "The whole reason the rule exists," she breathed into his ear before sinking her teeth into him.