A/N: We're nearing the end and there's still a lot to happen - starting here! I've been a bit busy and haven't had time to properly reply to reviews, but please know that I'll get to that very soon, and that I love each and every one of them! The final chapter is on the works and hopefully I'll get to post it very soon - so long as I get the proper encouragement (hint, hint). Thanks so much for everyone who's been reading and reviewing! Hope you'll enjoy this chapter - the longest so far. Let me know what you think!
Chapter 4: Here With Me
Present Day
It was too clear - he wasn't used to such light, not in the morning. The curtains of the flat prevented any morning light from coming in. He was usually up before the sun anyway. This was an unusual setting for him. He opened his eyes.
The first thing that he saw was blonde hair. It smelled somewhat peachy. It felt amazing. Anna's bedroom in the cottage was always a very light room, especially in the morning. John blinked, finally coming to his senses. He had spent the night with Anna. She was still fast asleep - he could tell by her slow, even breathing. His front pressed to her back, his arms around her waist. They had always slept close together in the past. It wouldn't have been different now.
It was quiet. The bedroom was just like it had been before. The creamy green walls, Anna's pink robe hanging against the back of the door, the painting of Notre Dame above the bed, one that he had bought her when he went to a conference in Paris. She had been reading a book, a mystery - the second one of Robert Galbraith - and her reading glasses rested on top of it, along with her phone. On its side, a photograph of them both, a very simple one, taken by herself on an autumn day sitting by the porch. She looked happy. He was smiling too, but looking at her.
John slowly pulled his arms away, careful not to wake her. He lay on his back, taking a deep breath. He recalled the night before. He hadn't had a nightmare. Nothing. He wasn't sweaty and he felt well rested. Anna moved beside him, lying on her stomach and hugging the pillow close. She had always enjoyed her mornings - clearly that didn't change.
Perhaps it was just a coincidence, but perhaps it wasn't. But apparently lying with Anna was a better medicine than any sleeping pill he had taken over the last few weeks.
He decided to get up. He managed to leave the room and close the door without any problems, with Anna barely moving in bed. He suspected she had needed a good night of sleep as well. After a quick trip to the bathroom, he moved down the stairs and into the kitchen, hoping to make them some breakfast - and hoping he wasn't taking too many liberties. Being here simply felt like home.
Like the previous evening, Byron didn't pay him much attention, merely following him into the kitchen and scratching the back door a few times. When John did open the door, the dog nearly flew out, and even John shivered a little at the chilly winter air.
He set about making them some breakfast. He knew how much Anna liked her morning tea and she had always enjoyed his breakfasts. She often stayed in on Saturdays, if he wasn't working, and Daisy would take care of the shop for her. He wasn't sure how much of a common occurrence that was nowadays, but he hoped it meant a good thing.
Before long, Byron returned, and John closed the door. The dog sat on the floor right in front of it, chewing on a toy. John arched his eyebrows at him just as he took some eggs from the fridge.
"I know you don't like me much right now," he said, though he wasn't sure why. "But I don't want her hurt just as much as you. And I'll try to make it up to her."
The dog's tail moved, and he looked at John, as if he was judging him.
"I know I was a jerk," John continued. "I'm not sure how I'll win her back, but I… I need her. And I think she needs me too."
He broke the eggs and dropped them into a bowl.
"We used to get on well, remember?" John looked sideways at the dog. "You chewed on all my shoes. All of them. I didn't even complain too much to Anna. Just a bit."
"And I had to buy you two pairs of shoes for Christmas last year, to make it up for you," Anna's voice startled him, and he turned around to see her on the doorway. Her eyes were sleepy but the smile was there. She looked at Byron. "I'm glad you outgrew that. You were insufferable."
The dog barked happily at her, and Anna shook her head. John wasn't sure how much of his conversation with the dog was heard, so he remained silent. Anna stood by the counter and yawned. She was still wearing the pink pajamas.
"I thought you had left already," she commented. He felt her eyes on him at his every move. "This is a surprise."
He eyed her. "I hope you don't mind."
"No, not at all. On the contrary. I've always loved your breakfast," she quickly said. He turned on the oven while mixing up the eggs. Anna had a soft smile on her face. Just as he was about to ask her what was on her mind, she spoke. "Do you remember the first time you spent the night?"
John nodded, a faint blush creeping into his cheeks. Her invitation had been tentative and they had tried to go slow for the first time, but they failed miserably. Anna had assured him she had thoroughly enjoyed the experience - and he made love to her again in the early morning hours. "Of course."
"Your scrambled eggs ended up like an omelette," she laughed. "And you burned it a little. Kept apologizing and telling me you did know how to make breakfast."
"That's what you remember?" John asked her jokingly, and Anna laughed. "I did prove it to you many times later."
"You did," she agreed. "You were adorably nervous that morning."
"I didn't want to disappoint you," he admitted, earning a compassionate look from her. "And I wouldn't have, if you hadn't come down here wearing nothing but my shirt."
"Excuse me," she said indignantly, surprised at his teasing. "I had my knickers on, I remember that!"
"Yes," he acquiesced, pointing his finger playfully at her. "But you missed four buttons on top. I was distracted, of course."
Anna giggled, and he laughed too. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt more alive. He continued working on the eggs. Anna was silent for a moment.
"I don't remember just that, you know," she said at last. "I remember everything."
"Even me stumbling on my trousers?" he asked her lightly.
Anna giggled. "Yes, even that. We had a great time. We always did."
He gave her a lopsided smile. "I should hope."
But she shook her head. "No worries in that department, I assure you," she laughed again. "I've missed this."
"What?"
"Laughing. With you," she revealed, and he felt a pang of guilt run through him.
"I miss everything we used to do," he said. She was awfully close to him.
The kettle announced that tea was ready, and Anna sobered up, taking up the task of preparing them tea.
Breakfast was shared easily, without hurry, sitting across from each other at the little table. They would have say side by side in the past. But it was no less enjoyable. They were both quite hungry, having skipped a proper dinner the day before, and they devoured the eggs and toast - there was nothing burned at all - heartily.
Anna texted Daisy and said she wouldn't go to the shop today - it was quite late already, she reasoned, and it made no sense to go there and just stay for a couple of hours. The next few Saturdays were booked with weddings, she told him, and she would make good use of a day off.
He enjoyed hearing of her work and of her day, without having to share much about him. Anna seemed to understand that. But he knew he would have to tell her eventually, of everything. He couldn't keep anything away from her, not now, not anymore, even if it hurt him to say it - even if it would hurt her to hear it. He needed some thinking to do.
He left after breakfast, and she understood it. He asked her if she'd like to have dinner the following day, and she had accepted it promptly. He had to make an effort - he had to prove to her and to himself that he earned the right to get his life back. To have her back again.
They parted with a hug and nothing more than a promise to meet up. His car was filled with boxes and for some reason this saddened him.
He had come here yesterday with nothing, but he was leaving with his heart full and beating.
And it was more than he could have said in many, many months.
They met up for dinner the next day, and several times during that week. His knee was almost fully healed now. His mind - that was another matter. January was coming fast and so was the end of his leave - he would have to return to work soon. But not until he was deemed healthy in all areas.
He saw improvement, after so many weeks of therapy. He was becoming eager to go back to work, tired of sitting home doing nothing all day. He tried to distract himself with books and TV shows - Anna had mentioned a few that he hadn't heard of - but Dr Coleman had suggested outings, meeting people. John had never been the most social person in a room and he wasn't especially keen on having people ask him of his time away. He saw curiosity and pity in their eyes. Compassion sometimes. But no one understood, not really.
"You can't go back to work if you don't like being around people," Dr Coleman commented as a session ended.
"I was never a social butterfly," John said, only slightly sarcastic. But he sighed. "Africa didn't make me shy. I prefer quiet outings. With less people."
"Have you talked to Anna?" Dr Coleman asked, looking up from his position behind the desk now.
"It hasn't come up," John said dismissively.
But as he left the hospital, the words rang with him. He knew that he would have to tell Anna everything. Deep down, they still had unfinished business to discuss. He wanted to make it work - he wasn't sure why she had given him a second chance, but he couldn't simply throw it away. But it was easier said than done. Christmas was just around the corner, and even though they had been seeing each other frequently, their relationship hadn't truly progressed.
He was afraid - that he could admit. He was afraid of letting them become more again, of being in her life again. When he was with her, he almost forgot everything he went through.
Almost.
Some things he did not wish to forget.
April 2013
It was a lovely evening and he didn't want it to end. He couldn't remember the last time he had had such a good time before. He and Anna had had fun, and it just seemed like they clicked. They shared many of the same opinions and both had enough interests in common to keep the conversation going. When he insisted to pay the bill and she suggested a walk on the beach, he absolutely couldn't say no.
She was wearing a black dress with a frilly skirt that reached her mid-thighs that matched her personality wonderfully. Their shoes were hardly appropriate for the sand, so they stuck to the sidewalk, walking side by side, hands occasionally brushing but never properly touching. When she shivered from the chilly wind, he offered her his suit jacket, and she took it - it looked awfully big on her, but adorable as well.
"I could stay hours watching the sea," she commented. "I'm so used to it, I'd miss it terribly if I moved away."
"You've always lived here, then?" John asked.
"Nearly all my life," she replied. "My parents moved here when I was around 5. I don't really remember living anywhere else," she let out a laugh. "My sister and I would beg Dad to stop driving and let us put our feet in the water, even if it was freezing outside. We nearly always regretted it."
He laughed. "Believe it or not, I've been living here for a couple of years and have yet to do that."
Anna stopped walking. "No. You're serious?" he nodded, and she was very much surprised. "We've got to remedy that."
She leaned down and took off her heels. John frowned. "Now?"
But she only laughed. "If not now, then when? Come on. Let's make this date memorable," she joked, stepping out of the sidewalk and into the beach.
He followed suit, though he wasn't sure why. There was something in her eyes and her smile - he had to try it, anyway, and better do it with her than by himself. So he took his shoes off, pulled his jeans up a little and took the hand she was offering. She was carrying her shoes with her other hand, and he did the same with his. It was chilly but pleasant. The late hour meant that not many people were at the beach.
"The water will be cold," she warned him as they got closer. Her hand had yet to leave his. "It always is."
And it was, but not too cold, even if Anna hissed when it touched their feet. His big hand engulfed hers and her feet were small as she stepped into the water, trying to get used to the cold. They were so different. She was so much younger - beautiful. The beach made for a calming, relaxing setting. She was smiling up at him, the lack of heels indicating how much shorter she was.
"It's not too bad, is it?" Anna said. "You can't live in Scarborough and not having done that."
The sea touched their feet again. John nodded. "It's nice. Certainly memorable. Not that the date wouldn't have been."
Her smile got brighter. "Well, I'm glad of that. I usually hate blind dates and almost didn't come. I'm very glad that I did."
John chuckled. "I hope I didn't disappoint you."
"No, of course not," she quickly said. "On the contrary."
He squeezed her hand softly, and she stepped a little closer. "We could, ah, do it again sometime. If you'd like."
"I'd very much like that," her thumb stroked the back of his hand.
He leaned down slowly. Their eyes were on each other until hers closed. Their lips met in a slow, soft kiss - the only thing linking them together besides their hands. She gave a little sigh and deepened the kiss every so slightly - she tasted of the chocolate pudding she had ordered for dessert, and it was amazing. They pulled away. Her eyes opened slowly.
"I was wondering if you were gonna do that," she said with mischievous eyes, "or if I would have to make the first move."
John let out a chuckle. "I hope you don't find me too cheeky."
"No," she assured him, then rolled her eyes. "I may need you to remind me of how it is, actually. Just so I don't forget."
He laughed and kissed her again - she didn't have to ask twice.
Present Day
December arrived, and John found himself strolling by the beach on the first evening. Anna was distractedly eating popcorn beside him. It was getting dark and colder, but there was no snow and they were both bundled up. The little fair would close soon, now in winter, and she had asked him to come with her. She had always loved these things - the Ferris wheel and the games and the prizes. Last year, he had won her a rather big bear. He wondered if she still had it.
"Penny for your thoughts," she said after a moment.
"They aren't worth half that much," he jokingly said, but she threw him a look, offering him some popcorn. He took some - it was her third time offering. It tasted like caramel, and he rather liked it.
"Don't be so grumpy," Anna said goodnaturedly. "Who knows when we'll have a clear night such as this one again."
He pointed to the distance. "There are some clouds gathering up right there."
At this, she chuckled. "Spoilsport. Let's sit down."
They sat on a nearby bench, away from the fair but not too much. They could still hear the people talking and laughing but it was more private here. They could hear the waves hitting the shore behind them, and Anna sat close next to him. Just the way he liked it. She offered him popcorn again.
"Are you trying to fatten me up?" John asked.
Anna narrowed her eyes. "Maybe," she said, but giggled. "You could use a few more pounds, you know. You lost quite a bit of weight when you were away."
"Yeah, I know."
"But you look great," she continued, between mouthfuls of popcorn. "I'm just full after the fish and chips."
"And the cotton candy," John teased her.
"Yes, that too," Anna admitted. She had always had a sweet tooth and rarely tried to pretend she didn't. He rested his arm on the back of the bench behind her, watching the passers by. She eventually put the popcorn aside and rested her head on his shoulder. "This is nice."
He reached to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "It is."
They were quiet for a moment, just enjoying each other's company. But even with her his thoughts drifted elsewhere, far from there. It would be so easy to get on with life with the way it was before - he remembered so vividly enjoying the fair, playing the games, laughing, drinking. It wasn't that he didn't feel pleasure in doing these things anymore; he did. But it felt unfair to feel all these things when he had seen and felt so much misery not that long ago.
"What are you really thinking?" Anna's voice was quiet.
He could have replied that he was thinking of how ugly were the boots the woman who had just passed by then was wearing, or that the fair hadn't changed at all. But he didn't.
"Just… Life," was his reply. "How different it is now."
She pulled away from his shoulder, their eyes meeting. "I thought you'd enjoy the fair."
"I did. I do," he assured her, taking a deep breath. "It's just… Difficult. To come back and see things being the same. When so much happened when I was in Africa."
"Everything's the same, but it's not, not really," Anna said. "You're different. So your perspective is different."
John smiled. "Quite right," he sighed. "It's hard to enjoy things when there's so much happening in other parts of the world. You get a bit… Without a proper direction in life."
Anna was silent, merely nodding in his direction. He was glad of it - she didn't pretend she understood him. It was better this way. So he found himself speaking.
"There were bombings all the time," he started. "All day. All night. We learned to live with that, but we were understaffed. That's why we barely spoke. I was at the hospital most of the time. The women and the children - you wouldn't believe the cases we saw every day. I thought we would be safe. We treated everyone. On the day of that phone call, I was in a camp, for vaccinating."
At this, she nodded. "Yes, I do remember that."
"They didn't care who we were. We don't take sides, but it didn't matter," John continued. The memories were hard to suppress. "That changed everything. That they would attack people who were already in need of medical support - it's not human.
"We couldn't save half of them. There was a little boy who begged me. He couldn't have been more than six years old. He begged me to save him," tears stung against his eyes, but he held himself. It was dark now and not many people on the street. He was glad of that. But he couldn't look at Anna. Not now. "What world is this, where a six year old needs to beg for his life? And I couldn't… I didn't save him."
Anna took hold of his hand. "Oh, John."
"I felt powerless. There was nothing I could do. In so many situations," he shook his head. "I'm sorry I was never honest with you during our calls. Especially the last one. It killed me to… It killed me to see you cry."
He looked at her now. Anna had always been a compassionate person. He had never felt it was right to share with her the things he saw, the people he treated. She had too much of a delicate nature for that, and he didn't wish to cause her any pain.
"I'm stronger than I look," she said. Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears. It was as if she knew exactly what he was thinking. "You couldn't have been thinking clearly."
"But I was," he insisted. "I didn't want you to know that I felt like a failure. That I didn't feel like I was helping out. At that point, I didn't think I would return. Not really - not after the attacks and the kidnapping. Things were completely out of control. And when the hospital was attacked-"
His breath caught in his throat and he squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't know what was worse - what he did remember, or what he couldn't. Anna's hand gripped his tighter, her other hand coming to engulf his hand as well. He took a deep breath.
"I dream about it all the time. It was such a normal day. I had delivered two babies," he saw a weak smile on Anna's face. "The planes got closer. I tried to run to protect the children. But I couldn't. And it kept happening for what seemed like hours. My knee was hit - I couldn't walk," he explained, sniffing slightly. "William, this young doctor, he managed to perform a quick surgery. I was losing too much blood. It was… Insane. He saved my life," John looked at Anna. "He saved me, and he went to help other people. And he died that day - if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here now."
Before he knew it, she pulled him into a hug. Her arms were comforting and he felt a kiss on his neck - a sweet, loving kiss - and he thought he felt tears against his skin. Their coats were in the way but as he breathed in her scent and took notice of the reality he was in now, finally, the tears escaped him. He was here now. He had survived, and life didn't stop for anyone. He didn't dwell on that anymore. But it didn't get easier.
They were there, still, for quite a few minutes before he pulled away. He had already done his share of crying - it was the burden of sharing that made things difficult. Anna's cheeks were smeared by tears and he wiped them softly.
"I'll be forever grateful for William," she spoke. It felt foreign to hear his name here. "He gave me you back. And I know it's easier said than done but… You're here now. We're both so lucky to be here."
"I know that," John said. "I'm grateful too. But it's not… I can't simply go back to who I was before."
Anna shook her head. "You can't. And neither can I," she took a deep breath. "But that's life, isn't it? And we're here now," she laced their fingers together again. "We hear those birds every morning in Spring against the bedroom window and you always find them so annoying. And we would take ocean dips during Summer. I would complain that the water is too cold. There are red poppies everywhere in November and you would come home so happy after one of the children in the hospital was discharged. Remember that?"
John smiled, nodding. His free hand rested on her cheek. "I do remember that."
"We're lucky, and we should be grateful," she continued. "Some things will never change. All of that will never change. And we shouldn't change the way we see them. Remember of all those people you helped - all those babies you delivered. You gave them life when no one else could."
She sounded so certain - almost proud. John took a deep breath. "You amaze me."
This perplexed her, and she frowned. "Why?"
"Your ability to see the best in every situation," he told her softly. "To be hopeful no matter what."
"I'm just being realistic," she mumbled. "Life doesn't stop there, I know. But it doesn't stop here either, and… People need you. Your patients, your friends. I need you."
John nodded. Perhaps her hope would reach him - he felt lighter for sharing some of his time there with her. She was right. Life didn't stop and he shouldn't stop either. He needed to come to terms with the life that awaited for him now - a changed life, yet exactly the same. But they were different. Anna was different too. And he suddenly understood that.
He wasn't sure who kissed each other first but perhaps it had been both of them. Their mouths opened instantly and he tasted caramel on her tongue. Her kiss was soft, yet desperate. She was clinging to him. He didn't know how he had gone so long without kissing her like this. He didn't know how he had survived without it. It was so unlike their first real kiss, all those years ago. It felt just as new.
They pulled away to breathe, but she kissed him again, gentle pecks against his lips. He pulled her close. They were still very much in public.
"I missed this so much," she said, closing her eyes as the kisses ceased and she nuzzled her nose against his neck. "I was wondering if you would ever kiss me again, you know."
"Better late than never," he said, "and I missed this too. So much."
The waves hit the shore again and they smiled. He took her hands.
"Let's go back to the fair," he said tentatively. "Enjoy it while it lasts."
She beamed at him and agreed.
They went to the Ferris wheel, much to Anna's delight. This time, he laughed out loud with her. And as the wheel came to a stop right as they were on top, and he breathed in the salty air and saw Anna looking down the city below them - her eyes shining with hope and love - he realised that if there had been a reason why he had survived, she was just it.
He felt his mind healing when he kissed her again.
Anna listened to Mary's rambling silently; her friend was quite indignant at her fiancé, because of a party Mary now had to attend. Anna loved Mary to bits, having known her since their early university days, but she knew how her friend didn't like being out of her depth, especially when she had to do something she didn't wish to do. As it was, this was so important that Mary felt the need to vent about it to Anna at the shop, while Anna worked on the computer.
"Talk to him," Anna suggested tentatively, looking up from the computer. Mary looked at her as if she had grown an extra head. "I mean, tell him why you don't want to go."
"I doubt he'll take 'I find your law friends boring' well as an excuse," Mary rolled her eyes. "They are terribly middle class, you know."
At this, Anna chuckled. "Why, thank you. I'm really not offended."
Mary leaned back on her chair, across from Anna's desk, and let out a loud sigh. "I'll have to go, won't I?"
Anna pursed her lips. "I'm afraid so. But I don't think middle class is contagious, so don't worry."
Mary arched her eyebrows. "Mind your cheek. I take it you and John are fine, then?"
"We're… getting there. I think," Anna chose to answer. Things were going well. Slowly, but well.
"You're not wearing the ring," Mary noted.
Anna frowned. "The ring is not important. Not anymore. We… Need to give it some time."
"If you say so," Mary said, standing up. "I'll get going. Need some Christmas shopping to do still. Have you bought all the presents already?"
Anna nodded. "Yeah. I don't really have many people to buy presents for, so that was quite easy."
Mary huffed. "Lucky you," she started to put on her coat. "This reminds me. You know you're welcome to join us for Christmas."
Of course. There was Christmas to consider. Anna had no idea of how that would go. She and John usually spent Christmas together - he didn't have any close family nearby, and Anna's sister was currently living in New York, where she worked as a photographer - Anna doubted she would come home for Christmas. Ever since their parents died, it seemed hard for both of them to properly enjoy Christmas together. Maybe in the future, when they had their families, that would be different.
And she and John hadn't really discussed it. She assumed he would like to spend Christmas with her. Thankfully, she was saved from replying when none other than John appeared in the doorway, gently knocking. Anna smiled at him, and stood up.
"I hope I'm not interrupting," he said. Mary gave him a smile and a peck on the cheek.
"Not at all, I was on my way out," Mary said, looking at Anna again. "We were just discussing Christmas. I'm sure Papa has already invited you to our little party."
"He has, indeed," John said, smiling politely. "I told him I'd discuss it with Anna."
There it was - the ball was in her court. Anna could tell that just by the way his eyes were questioning, just as much as Mary's. She didn't truly fancy an evening with the Crawley family, as lovely as they all were - too many people, and she rather liked spending Christmas with John and Byron only. It would be something to celebrate. It would be intimate.
"Actually," Anna started, looking from John to Mary, "Elise may be coming over this year."
Mary spoke first. "Well, if she doesn't, I hope you'll come to us. I better get going now. I'll call you later, Anna," she smiled. "Always good to see you, John."
"Likewise, Mary," John said, and they watched as she left the shop. Daisy was busy, talking on the phone. John arched his eyebrows at Anna. "Is Elise really coming?"
"No," Anna cringed slightly, walking towards him. "She's spending Christmas with her new boyfriend. He's from Chicago," she explained. "I'm a terrible liar, aren't I? You could see right through me."
He always could. But John shook his head, and took her hands in his. "I was hoping you'd turn her down. You know I'd rather spend Christmas with you."
Anna couldn't resist smiling. "I was hoping you'd say that," she stood on her tiptoes and gave him a soft, slow kiss. It still ended too soon. But he was smiling - he looked happy. "Nice of you to stop by."
"I was on my way to the flat," he explained, "from the hospital. I've got some news."
Now that made her curious. She pulled away slightly, her hands now resting on the back of his neck. "Oh, what is it, then?"
"I'm fit to work," John announced. "I go back on the first week of January. Just for the clinic, but it's a start."
Anna let out a squeal and hugged him - she couldn't help herself. She had faith that he would be able to go back sooner rather than later - she had a feeling that working and having a proper occupation would be quite good for him.
"That's great, love," she kissed his lips again, sharing his laughter. "Congratulations."
His hands on her waist brought her flush against him, and they shared another kiss. It was amazing how some habits came back so quickly - the terms of endearment, the conversations, the kisses - however tentative they might be.
"We need to celebrate," she mumbled, but John only nodded as she resumed kissing him.
She gave him a peck, and he did the same to her. Their eyes locked for a moment and they both smiled - and kissed again. Deeper, slower. It was probably to do with the joy that was being able to go back to work but - he didn't stop kissing her. And she didn't stop kissing him. His hands ran over her back and brought her closer.
"Anna, I- oh, I'm sorry!" Daisy's voice startled them, and they both pulled away, looking flustered. The mortified look on Daisy's face was enough to make her blush.
"Uhm, that's okay, Daisy," Anna managed to say, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. John stepped back a little. "What is it?"
"The order has just arrived," Daisy mumbled, and her eyes seemed to look everywhere but at John. "And Mrs Alcott is on the phone, about that wedding."
"Right, I'll be right there," Anna said, and Daisy disappeared back into the shop. Anna's eyes met John's, and they shared a laugh.
"I'll get going," he said. "You're busy. I won't keep you any longer."
"Will you call me later?"
"Of course," he assured her, giving her one more kiss on her cheek. He lingered just for a moment, and his eyes were still on her as he left the little office.
Anna let out a wistful sigh and ran her hands through her hair, trying to make it look a little more presentable. She had a long afternoon ahead, and in the evening, she had to plan Christmas. Properly.
Some things never did change, in the end. They cooked Christmas dinner together, in the cottage, with Byron's watchful eye on them - though he had been distracted for the most part, with his own Christmas presents to play with. Anna liked that the dog seemed a little more taken with John now - surely it wouldn't take long until they became best friends again.
They had opted for something simple, much like they had in the past; John prepared the turkey and stuffing (his mother's recipe) and Anna did the Christmas pudding as well as the potatoes and the cranberry sauce. Anna was surprised that John did their party hats - simple paper ones, and she took her paper pink crown gracefully. He had never been one to love Christmas but she liked the effort he was making today. And she thought he looked rather adorable wearing a green crown.
They cleared up the table, but decided to leave the dishes for later, and Anna's stomach was thoroughly full that she declined eggnog. She sat back on the couch, letting out a content sigh as John walked to the little tree she had got together a few weeks ago. It was a small, fake one, but most of the ornaments were bright and colourful - she had bought them last year, for their little Christmas celebration. She had pretended not to notice the two gifts John had sneaked under the tree when he arrived that day.
"I don't think I can move anymore," she commented.
John laughed. "Not even for presents?"
Anna arched her eyebrows in excitement. "Just for presents."
The year before, they had exchanged presents early in the morning - she remembered it with such fondness. John had been very lazy about it all, and he had given her a lovely golden heart shaped necklace - one that she was wearing right now. They went back to bed afterwards.
Anna stood up, joining John by the tree, quickly picking out his gifts and handing them over, a little embarrassed. Buying a present for him this year had been more difficult than the previous years, but she hoped he would like it. He appeared just as fluttered as he gave her two gifts as well.
"You first," she was quick to say, but John shook his head.
"No, I know you're curious," he said, obviously amused at her. She sat back on the couch, eyeing both her presents. "You go first, and then I'll go."
"Oh, all right then," Anna acquiesced, and John was still chuckling as he took a seat next to her.
She eyed the biggest package, a rectangular one, and took that first. She unceremoniously tore the package open. It was a book - the newest one by Robert Galbraith. Anna let out a squeal.
"How did you know?" she asked him as she tore the rest of the wrapping paper off.
"It was on your nightstand the other day. I figured you'd want the sequel," he shrugged. Leave it to John to be so observant. "I know how much you like a good mystery."
"That I do," she said with a smile, her fingertips tracing the title of the book. "Thank you."
John just smiled. "You have another present."
"Right," Anna said, moving the book aside and focusing on the smaller, square package. "You're spoiling me."
John appeared a little nervous. "I had no idea what to get you this year," he admitted, "but I figured you deserve to be spoiled."
She merely shot him a glance, slowly unwrapping the package. This one had been more neatly done, she noticed, and a jewelry box was revealed when it was completely unwrapped. It was a little slim box, and she opened it with care. Inside there was a pair of golden earrings - small, delicate ones. She loved it. They would go well with the necklace. And with the ring she kept in her drawer upstairs - but she couldn't wear it anymore.
"You really shouldn't have," she mumbled, taking one of the earrings from the box. She blinked, keeping the tears at bay. "Thank you."
She kissed his cheek in thanks, and John was blushing slightly when she pulled away. She urged him to open his presents as well - a Pablo Neruda book she knew he didn't have (it seemed that they had even set on exchanging books for presents, but what a lovely coincidence that was) and a new watch for him. His old one, given to him by his mother, stopped working in Africa. Anna didn't ask him for details when he mentioned it, but she knew it must have been irreparable for him not bring it back home. He had been surprised by her gift, as his voice broke when he took the watch out of the box, and he put it on with pride. It looked great on him.
He insisted that she should try the earrings on, and she gladly did so - she knew she must have looked a picture in bright pink paper crown and the lovely earrings, but John only said she looked precious she asked him to take a picture of them - one more Christmas together. Their third one so far, the third one of the many more, she hoped.
"That's lovely," Anna said as she looked at the selfie John took with her phone. "I'll need a new portrait for it. To go with the others."
One might think that spending Christmas like this was lonely, but it was quite the opposite for her. She had spoken to her sister in the morning to wish her a happy Christmas - and she had been chastised for waking her up, but Anna kept forgetting about their time difference. Elise asked her to wish a happy Christmas to John as well and that seemed enough. It was quiet and small, but it was far from lonely. With John, Anna felt as if the world was with her.
"Do you think Mary will know we lied?" John asked as Anna settled her head against his shoulder.
Anna snickered. "I'm sure she will. Elise must be posting all about Chicago on her Facebook and I'm pretty sure Mary is friends with her."
"That will be the second time we escaped a big Christmas," John laughed. "They won't be inviting us any longer."
"Well, we did spend that first Christmas with them," Anna mentioned. She rested her hand on John's knee. "But then there was that fight between Richard and Matthew, and you ended up having to be a doctor on a holiday."
"And then Mary was devastated," John recounted, "and we were so exhausted when we got home that we slept straightaway."
Anna let out a laugh. "Things are much more peaceful nowadays, I'm sure."
"It wasn't that bad," John said. "I mean, it was a little bit. But we were together. I remember wondering why the bloody hell someone like you would be with someone like me."
Anna frowned, pulling away to look at his face. "Someone like me?"
John shrugged. "You were- you are much younger. Much more beautiful," he sighed, but smiled. "Way out of my league."
She slapped his leg playfully. "You silly beggar. And I was there wondering how such a simpleton like me could get such a handsome and caring doctor," she shook her head. "We're not out of our own leagues. I think we're perfect."
John nodded. "Well, you did a good job of convincing me after those first months."
"Did I?" Anna laughed. She brushed her foot against his. "I seem to have to do that a lot with you. I hope you don't need any more convincing."
He pretended to think about it. He had a mischievous look on his face - one she hadn't seen in a long time. "I may need a little bit."
She giggled, settling closer to him. "You're insufferable."
She closed her eyes slowly, savouring the taste of his lips on hers. She caressed the skin of his neck softly, bringing him closer, and his hands settled nicely on her waist. Together, they panted and kissed and nibbled, and she didn't think she would get enough of him anytime soon. She moved over him, straddling his lap, and his hands dangerously caressed her back, slowly coming down to her behind.
"Please, don't stop," Anna mumbled as they pulled away, but he kept kissing her neck. His paper hat had already been tossed onto the floor. John turned to look at her, and his breathing was hard too. "Let's not stop."
He gave her a quick kiss, and she was already hoping for more. He nodded, more to himself than for her, she thought. Their eyes locked. "Not until you ask me to."
"I won't," she gave him a smile and another kiss. "Let's go upstairs."
They stood a little nervously together, hands laced as they walked around the cottage. She guided him up the stairs, and when he tugged at her hand and she turned around to look him (praying that he hadn't changed his mind), he kissed her. Her being one stair above him got them on the same eye level, something she wasn't so used to anymore, and she had giggled into the kiss, enjoying the feeling more than ever. He was smiling too, and that filled her heart with joy.
Once inside the bedroom, their movements became hurried. Kisses and touches soon managed to disregard her dress and his shirt, and when they finally reached the bed, they were both only in their underwear. His kisses sent her on fire - it was as if her body was waking up for the first time since he had left. John kissed her as if his life depended on it, touched as if she might disappear in the next moment. Things were different - he was thinner, he had scars. He was as beautiful as before, she was sure of it. Changes might have happened but some things never did change.
Anna was sure that ideally both of them wanted it to be a slow exploration, learning of each other's bodies again. But there would be time for that later. Today, they both wanted to feel and move as soon as possible. They had all the time in the world, but today they felt as if their world might be shattered in the next second. In a way, it was as if they had never truly parted.
He changed positions - she thought his leg might have been bothering him - and she took advantage of that to take off his underwear. There was no time for teasing - she needed him, and she was quite sure he needed her too.
They moved together with the practice of old lovers; it was as if she was coming home again. Everything was so natural and so simple and so raw that if it wasn't for the occasional words of "I missed you" it was as if they did this every day. He held her in place, moving underneath her, kissing her lips until they were left tingling. He touched where she wanted to be touched. And then she was losing herself - falling again and again, his hard, hot body under her being the only pillar of strength. He followed her soon afterwards and she stayed on top of him for a little bit, their physical connection lost but their minds serene.
Just a few minutes later, while they were still catching their breath, limbs tangled and tingling, cheeks rosy and lips swollen, she giggled.
His hands ran along her spine and she shivered slightly.
"What's so funny?" he was laughing too, but she could detect uncertainty in his voice.
Anna managed to raise her head to look at him. "I'm happy," she touched her nose against his, eyes roaming over his face, looking for any signs of regret or distress. She found none. "Aren't you?"
"Yes," he caught her lips in a quick kiss. "Sorry it was quick."
Anna giggled again. "Don't be. We have time for slow later," she settled her head beside his once more, knees still straddling his hips. They would need to move soon. The sweat was tickling their skins and she felt sticky but - it was a marvellous feeling, to be this close to him again. "We needed quick."
They stayed like that for a few minutes still - talking about mindless topics between kisses, and that never changed - they had always had lovely conversations after lovemaking, and it was when she felt the closest to him. In that moment, she never wanted it to end.
But it had to, nevertheless. When she pulled away and saw the mess that her bedroom floor was in and she thought about the dishes they still had to wash and how she needed a shower very, very soon, she was disheartened.
But as if this Christmas couldn't get any better, John suggested a joint shower, and the dishes were left for the next day. She would indulge him this once, so long as they never parted, and they didn't.
It was certainly a memorable Christmas.
Next (and final) chapter: John goes back to work, and Anna has some important matters to discuss with him.