Are you coming back,
And is it grace like that?
When I woke up, it was afternoon. Sometime during my crying, I realized that Eric was right. I needed to learn to live without the bond. Me leaving Eric because of the loss of the bond was like him leaving me because I suddenly couldn't read minds anymore. I was a selfish bitch. I decided that the only way for me to really grow up was to stay away, for awhile. I had wallowed in self-pity when Bill had left me, jealousy when Bill had moved on, and then finally settled on being numb until I had forgotten both the love I had once felt for him and the pain that he had caused me. I wasn't going to allow that to happen with Eric. Eric deserved to be loved for who he was, not because I was addicted to him. I was going to live without the temptation of crawling back to Eric and being nothing more than a Renfield. When I was wholly me again, I would crawl back, ask for forgiveness, and accept whatever he had to say like a true adult. My juvenile pride wouldn't get in the way anymore. And if he was too proud to say he loved me, then I would say it for him. If he didn't want me around, I would just have to accept that. Even thinking about Eric not wanting me around hurt me physically. I swallowed against the emptiness and prepared myself for whatever was coming.
I paid the hotel bill and got back on the freeway. I had to stop for gas just before the Alabama border, and decided I'd drive right on through to Savannah. I'd heard that was a pretty city. It was only half of an idea, but a half-idea was better than none. I bought a map from the gas station and was pleased that the highway could take me almost all the way through Georgia. I stopped only to get gas, to eat, and to stay one more night on the highway.
I didn't really need the second night, I was just trying to delay my arrival. I was still allowing a little bit of the delusional, selfish me some time to indulge in fantasy. I was hoping that Eric would come and tell me that I was an idiot and kiss me until I couldn't breathe and then make love to me until I died from pure bliss. The stop at the cheap, and honestly scary looking, motel was my last hope that Eric would track me down by my smell. I walked around the little town touching as much as I could, hoping that he would catch my scent if he somehow found his way to this sleepy little town. I took a pizza back to the hotel and sat on the bed, and stared blankly at the television, which wasn't on. I went one last round with self-pity. I told myself that if Eric really wanted me, really wanted to keep the bond, he would have come after me. Now that the blood bond was gone, I was back to being simple Sookie, the telepathic bar-maid. Well, the former bar-maid, I was still a telepath.
But, I was also still Sookie. The same girl that walked into a damn vampire bar wearing a white sundress and caught the eye of the most wonderful man God could have ever allowed me to meet. I vowed I would make myself better for Eric.
I made it into Savannah with daylight to spare. I got another cheap hotel and set out to locate every bar in the city. It was after dark when I managed to land a job at the fifth stop. Lucky me, one of the waitresses had just walked out, refusing to serve a vampire. I had to hold back tears brought on by the irony, but I was going to serve that vampire with a smile damn it.
When I introduced myself, the female vampire looked up at me with shock on her face. Since, the only times I've seen vampires show emotion I ended up getting hurt, I tensed. If the woman had been human, I probably could have taken her. She was on the shorter side, thiner than me, and didn't look to have a lot of muscle, but she was also vampire; which meant she could throw me across the room without so much as breaking a nail.
"Sookie? Sookie Stackhouse?"
"Yes." Shit!
"You are the telepath that belongs to Area Five of Louisianna?"
"Yes." Holy, Fucking, Shit! Now was the perfect time to curse.
"Why are you in Area Two?" She looked as suspicious as she sounded.
"I needed a change of scenery. Too much was going on. Extended vacation, you know. I'm only planning on staying a year."
"Does the Sheriff and King know you are here?"
"No, I just arrived today. I don't even know where their compounds are. Perhaps you could show me the way?" I should have known better than this. I could have at least used a fake name right?
The vampire, who still hadn't told me her name, narrowed her eyes to slits. "Has your Sheriff not told you where to find Barbara Ann or Raul?"
"No. To be honest, I wasn't even sure if I was going to be coming here. When I gained permission to leave the area on vacation, I didn't have a plan. I got here a few hours ago, decided that I like the look of the city and started looking for a job. I was going to call my," and yes I really did stress the word, "sheriff later in the evening."
The lady vampire looked like she was about to say more on the matter, but closed her mouth and shot her eyes towards someone behind the bar. I turned my head; my new boss, David, and my new manager, Brian, were obviously talking about me, and not in a good way. I peeked into their heads, they were put off by my cozying up to a vampire when I had other tables, other tables that would purchase more than a single drink.
"Look, I mean no disrespect, and I'd like to talk a little more, but I really need to get started working. What can I get you?"
"Life Source, A positive."
"Yes ma'am." I nodded my head to her, suffered the looks of my higher ups, and went on to other tables.
Within twenty minutes I proved that I could pull my weight, plus some. I had relatively few cock ups (David's description) despite being new to the system. I earned a place on the team. I spoke once more to the vampire, who finally introduced herself as Justinia. I prepared to settle myself down in Lucky on the Beach.
Six months went by before Pam walked through the door of Lucky's. She was in a knee length tweed skirt, a white peasant top, and chocolate pumps. I spun around quickly and took several ragged deep breaths.
"Well, hello Sookie. Where's your section?"
Pam wasn't going to let me out of her sight tonight. Without turning around I pointed to the tables on the far side of the bar. I felt the blank spot of her mind float away from me. I prayed silently but fervently to God to grant me the strength not to break down in front of everyone and demand she take me back to Eric. I had thought I made some really big strides in my going-to-be-strong-enough plan, but apparently I hadn't made it far enough.
I automatically heated her an A positive TrueBlood. Savannah had its share of vampires, so there was nothing odd about Pam's arrival, but the few friends I had manage to make were cutting their eyes at me. It was the concern behind those eyes that steeled my nerves. I had never been afraid of vampires before, and I wasn't going to be afraid (in the emotional sense) of Pam now. I plopped the bottle down in front of Pam and gave her a genuine and unconcerned smile.
"Well, Pam, what does Eric want?" I figured there was no reason to be polite.
Pam enjoyed the fact that I wasn't scared or impressed by vampires. Her teeth slid forward as she leaned over to take my hand.
"Sookie, at the very least I have missed your company. Life is so dull without you around. There hasn't been the slightest hint of trouble in your neck of the woods. Tell me why I would need to come here on Eric's behalf?"
"Pam, I like you and all, but let's be honest: vampires first, right? I doubt very seriously that you've missed me so much that you took it upon yourself to come visit me. To wait six months means Eric wants me to do something for him."
"Eric would like you to do a great number of things for him, and to him I might add," I blushed seven shades of scarlet, "but why do you assume he doesn't simply miss you. You were once his bonded, and you are still his mate. You can't change that."
I took a long, deep breath, and looked her straight in the eye. "You're right, I have no idea how to," I paused to consider my word choice, "divorce Eric. But, I know that I can and have been living my life separately from him, as he wanted me to do. I've been succeeding at remembering who I am as a separate identity from the Sheriff of Area Five. I've made a home for myself here. I've got some friends, a decent apartment, and I've even casually started seeing someone."
Pam squinted her eyes at me. "Come here."
Knowing full well that I wouldn't be able to stop her, I stepped up to her, pulled my hair from my neck, and went down on my knees so she could smell my neck. I heard some voices raise around me, and thoughts all around the bar echoed surprise and some fear and some anger. I was on my knees, offering up my neck like some common fang banger, and I couldn't care less what they thought. Pam grasped my arm roughly.
"Eric will be displeased that you've been sleeping with a Were." Her eyes had that lovely gleam at the thought of being able to tease Eric. But even she wasn't happy.
I bit my tongue to keep from saying the ugly things I really wanted to say. See, I can be a big girl. I stood up, "Pam, we'll finish this conversation later. You can sit here if you want, but you'll have to keep ordering, or you can go on to my apartment. I'll give you my key as way of formal invitation into my home."
"Thank-you Sookie. I'll wait for you here, if you don't mind."
"Fine." As I turned on my heels I muttered, "Not much I can do about it if I did." I swear I heard her snicker.
"Sookie, is that vampire a friend of yours. I can toss her out, if you need me too." Alexander was a good bartender/bouncer, and had been a decent friend since I walked in that crazy first night. He had been too swamped with drink orders to do anything more than yell if I could make it through that night then he would take me out. Since then, we had gotten to know each other, and had an the rare occasion slept with one another. The latest opportunity had been just last night. I didn't see it as cheating on Eric, our marriage was a political one built for my safety, and the future of our relationship depended on me becoming strong enough to live without him. I went ahead with the assumption that I needed some physical and emotional distraction. But, I had been honest with Alexander and told him just about everything about my past. I wasn't going to lead him on.
"She's a friend. She's going to wait for me to get off. I promise she won't cause any trouble, and she'll keep ordering."
"Alright, but let me know if I miss any funny business."
"Thanks." I dropped off several dirty glasses I had picked up on my way back to the bar and made another trip around my tables.
I was kept busy enough that I didn't have time to make conversation with Pam so she sat silently, watching me, and steadily ordering bottles of TrueBlood. Vampires came in frequently, but none never watched my movements as closely as Pam did. It made the other girls nervous, and told me to leave my side work for them to finish. After checking their heads, and with Brian, I agreed.
Alexander followed me into the locker room in the back. "Can I come over tonight?" I recognized the possessive tone in his voice.
"Don't get all territorial just cause I smell like vampire. Pam is a friend of mine -"
"Since when?"
"Since Louisiana, nosy. And-"
"Is she the one you're still working for?"
"No. She's a friend, who's come for a visit. And-"
"How long is she going to be around?"
I gritted my teeth and counted to three. "Please stop interrupting me. Pam has an open invitation to my house. Just because you and I sleep together on occasion does not mean you have the authority to get in my business. I've always been honest with you, and told you that my past will creep into my present. If that means business or pleasure, so be it. I'll see you tomorrow night." I slammed my locker shut and walked quickly past him. It's never good when a Were is shaking from anger.
When I met Pam at the door her fangs were down, and it wasn't from the pleasure of seeing me. I walked up to her and got right in her face.
"I am fine. This is my job. Let's go, shall we?" I smiled at her and took her arm. The fire in her eyes flickered out and she smiled back at me. We walked out of the bar arm in arm with Pam talking loudly about how much fun we were going to have together that night. I flushed deep red over many of the mental images that I caught.
Once in the car she was still smiling, but her conversation turned much more poignant.
"Eric sends his regards and hopes that his lover remembers him fondly." Six months separation couldn't stop the heat that flashed straight up from between my thighs. "I'll tell him that you do." I wanted to smack the smirk right off her face.
"Look, if you really did come just to see me, you know I'm happy to have you stay with me. But, if Eric sent you, which I'm sure he did, than please just get it out of the way."
"The vampire community is aware that your blood bond with Eric is broken. If you were going to run, you should have run where the vampire population is non-existent, like Wyoming. The only thing keeping you in your own home is the fact that your mate is extremely over-protective."
"Which of the tailing vampires and Weres are his?" I ignored the possessive pronoun choice. ButI couldn't stop myself from doing an internal happy dance at the thought that he belonged to me as much as I belonged to him.
"All but two." I just nodded. From day one I had learned to ignore the ever present Were or vampire that was following me. "Those two belong to Barbara Ann, she would like very much to acquire your services."
I had met the sheriff of Area Two the second night of being in Savanah. When I served Justinia on my first night I realized that my name was bigger in the vampire world than I had thought. I was going to have to do everything by the book, even if it was the vampire book. Justinia was Barbara Ann's second, she took me to meet the sheriff who was delighted to offer me a job on her daytime staff. I explained that I was merely paying my respects and that I still belonged to Eric. Any requests for me to work for her would have to first go through him. But after that night, there was an increase in the vampire population in the bar on the nights that I worked. Barbara Ann was just waiting for the moment to come in and steal me away.
"So why did he send you now, since he's been having me followed since day one?"
"He sends a gift. I'll give it to you later. He also sends a reminder and a request. The three are of course connected, but separate."
"I'm not even going to ask you to explain that." We got to my apartment, but I stopped and looked her dead in the eye before inviting her in. "Should you allow any other vampire access to my apartment your invitation and theirs is automatically rescinded. You and you alone are invited in."
Pam smiled and gave a false sound of exasperation. "Once you finally give yourself to my master fully, you will make a wonderful vampire Sookie. I do so look forward to the day when we are sisters."
"I will not voluntarily be turned."
"Then I may have to attack you myself. Honestly Sookie, it will happen one day. Why not make it happen on your own terms?"
"What do you mean it will happen?"
"If I was trying to secure you for myself, to work for me, I would have you kidnapped during the day, and then at night turn you."
"WHAT!"
"Sookie, please don't be so naive. That's why Eric has you followed. He knew about the man you were sleeping with; destroyed his office over that bit of information. He has yet to discover that the man is a Were, although he should have been told by the Weres that having been following you. Eric will be having words with Alcide. I'm extremely glad I get to be here when I tell him that bit of news. But, enough of the pleasantries, your gift. This gift comes with a request and is a reminder." She handed me an old wooden box with Celtic looking carvings. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Inside, laying on a bed of velvet, was a white-gold chain. Hanging on the chain was a beautiful ruby and diamond ring and a small vial. "Eric requests that you wear this necklace at all times." She waited.
I lifted out the necklace and stared at the ring. It was both beautiful and simple, it looked like it belonged on the chain, but I knew if I took it off, it would fit the ring finger of my left hand. Then I looked at the vial, and then my eyes darted up to Pam.
"May I put the necklace on for you?" she asked.
"Yes, please," my voice came out in a whisper.
She sat behind me and carefully took the necklace from me and hooked the chain around my neck. All the while she spoke. "This is a reminder of your pledge between one another. This is a reminder that you can be bonded by blood at any moment. Eric has spoken to Amelia and Octavia; a single drop is all it takes. Open the vial and you will find Eric's blood. Get a single drop to your tongue and he will be at your side. He gives you this blood and waits for you to make the decision."
I held the necklace in my hands and felt the tears roll off my cheeks. I wanted so badly to open the vial. I could feel the power of his blood through the glass; it warmed my hand and reminded me of the many nights we spent laying in one another's arms.
"This isn't fair Pam." How was I supposed to live without the bond, when I literally held in my hands the key to reforming it.
"Do you love him?"
"Yes," I whispered.
"Then it is perfectly fair. He gives you his hope and his love and waits for your acceptance or final rejection." Pam was absolutely dead pan in her delivery, but I could see the fire back in her eyes. She wanted me very badly to accept her maker.
"What about the request and reminder? The ones that aren't attached to this necklace." I absently stroked the carvings of the box.
"The pledge that exists between the two of you lasts one hundred years, or until death. The pledge, like all pledges between vampires, must be consummated once a year, or the pledge is voided. If you choose to live apart from Eric and not reform the bond he will accept that choice, but you must come to him, or him to you, once a year for a conjugal visit. He reminds you that this pledge is the only thing keeping you from the other vampires right now."
"I have to have sex with him?"
"That is the definition of a conjugal visit, yes. It must occur before the year mark that you left him. It can happen sooner than later, but then your next visit must occur within a year of that first visit, and so on. Do you understand?"
"And when was he going to tell me this?"
"At the time, it didn't matter. You were already willingly laying with the man. Why would he need to tell you do to something you were already doing?"
"Fair point." The anger that flared in me sputtered out. "I'm assuming I'll have to go to him."
"Well, there in lies the request. He wishes for you to come at the end of December for a meeting. Several humans that are on the King's daytime staff will be coming to this meeting, and Eric would like it if you would come to listen to their nasty little thoughts."
"This is a request?" I didn't try to hide my skepticism.
"Yes, Sookie. Eric is merely trying to find out things for future endeavors, that's all."
"Trying to stay in front of the King?"
Pam smiled, "Yes. So you see it would be a favor for him if you came, but it isn't anything that you have to attend."
To my knowledge, Eric had never actually asked me to do anything. Oh, he may have formed it as a favor, but it was always most certainly a demand. I took a very deep breath, not knowing if I was going to regret what I was about to say or rejoice in the words.
"Alright, Pam. When you speak with Eric tonight, let him know, I will come."