So long as men
Chapter 4: All Souls Night I can see the lights in the distance
Standing on the bridge that crosses
The river that goes out to sea
The wind is full of a thousand voices
They pass by the bridge and me
Trembling in the dark cloak of night
Candles and lanterns are dancing,
dancing,
A waltz on All Souls Night
All Souls Night
Loreena McKennitt
Night of 30th to 31rst October 1993, Full Moon
The weeks went by in a blur of lessons and then the end of the month blasted Remus with all the accustomed aches and wariness which came with being older and a werewolf.
It was like Moony tried to compensate for all the years in hiding and being ignored by his human and on the days towards the full moon, he tried to wear Remus down.
Here, in Hogwarts, both wolf and human had known a bit of freedom and tranquillity that had belied the years to come. Still, although peace and freedom seemed to flee from him in the last years, Remus wouldn't have changed it one bit.
Now they were back at his childhood haunts and the wolf was past elated. Remus was still reluctant to use the old nickname when talking to the beast, but strangely Moony didn't seem to mind.
While there had been a lot of self-mutilation and self-deprecating when he had been younger, now Moony simply shrugged none existent shoulders and accepted his objections.
The wolf was energized by the old and new scents of the castle but the human in comparison felt melancholic and a bone-deep tiredness that complicated his duties in the last days of the month. Only after a direct threat from Madame Pomfrey, who even told him that she had prepared his usual bed for him, he acquiesced to spend the day before and after the full moon resting.
In the evening, after he had taken his last dose of the dreadful Wolfsbane Potion out of the hands of an even more sour-faced Severus Snape, he tried to slink out of the castle unseen as usual.
Most of the staff knew about his condition but old habits were hard to shake.
Moony's sharp nose rescued him from a difficult situation in the last second. The wolf had identified the scent from metres away. He had reached the hidden passage to the edge of the school grounds and at the wolfs' prodding he turned around.
Miss Granger, apparently had been following since he had passed the library a few minutes ago. The wolf, unusually close to the surface these days only scoffed at the odd formality in his thoughts.
He could smell the aroma of cured leather, parchment, paper dust and ink among her usual fresh scent of rain. She had been as silent as her already infamous ginger cat. If Moony hadn't pointed her out in the hallway before, Remus surely would have given away his secret.
Now he stood in the already dark corridor, his wand lit at high capacity and delivered a very pointed stare to the place where he knew she'd been hiding. After a few minutes, she shuffled out from behind the archway which led back to the Great Hall, fidgeting and with a slight dusting of pink on her cheeks. She hadn't thought he would catch on.
"Miss Granger? I hope you have a good explanation for being out so late. I would be very disappointed to have to detract points."
Inwardly he cringed at how cool and detached way his voice sounded.
Blimey...I sound like Severus!
The girl looked away from him, at an abandoned frame next to the door and radiated acute embarrassment.
"Did you mean it?"
Her quiet voice, devoid of the usual bossiness, sounded small in the silent castle and for a moment the teacher was taken aback by the sudden counter question.
"I'm sorry?"
She shook her head and tried to hide her now flaming face behind a curtain of wild dark curls. Again Remus felt reminded of someone. Someone half-forgotten in the years gone by.
"Miss Granger..."
"I wanted to say thank you... You notice a lot when no one else seems to see a thing..."
There was a hint of bitterness in the young voice and he could see a sad half-smile forming on her face.
"But you did! You did notice. I guess you saw it the very first day on the train."
Now the girl raised her chin and tried to look strong, though Remus had to suppress a smile. At this moment she reminded him of a slightly bigger despondent kitten. He remained silent.
"Well, I noticed that you weren't really sleeping that day and apparently you know Harry from before...Personally, I mean...and you're very kind..."
Remus could observe the strawberry colour of embarrassment rising on her face during her little halting speech and soon it covered her entire face.
He stepped away from the wall and took two or three steps towards the now wildly rambling girl. The courage from a few moments ago had left her completely and she was staring at the tiled stone while her fingers scrambled for purchase in the hem of her unruly locks.
Just as he wanted to lay a reassuring hand on her shoulder she raised her head. For seconds wide brown eyes, almost amber in the low yellow light of his wand, stared at him. Moony perked up and begun pacing in his head. Remus felt a surge of hardly discernible feelings rush over him. Something clattered to the floor between them and as Remus lowered his gaze towards the object on the floor, the girl fled.
He still could hear the clatter of her Mary Jane's when she had rounded the corner towards Gryffindor Tower, but he was far to busy to stare at the chocolate bar before his feet. Salted Caramel with dark chocolate. How had she guessed his favourite candy?
31rst October, Halloween
The next day found Remus with the glaring bright light of early autumn morning outside on the school grounds. Lances of light were drilling holes in is already hurting head when he left the tunnel beneath the Whomping Willow. He felt exhausted after subduing the ornery tree and taking maybe five steps towards the castle.
The potion had worked and for once he hadn't found himself bleeding profoundly all over a completely trashed room. Instead, he had had the first real conversation with Moony in years.
It was hard to explain and the best way to describe it would be calling it a very vivid daydream. Moony rarely used words. Mostly images or certain memories strung together to express his meaning and Remus had to think back to Lily who had, one day voiced the opinion that the werewolf curse could actually be a sort of magical schizophrenia. It certainly felt like it at times.
Moony still insisted about something strange compelling him to look out for Hermione and Remus and his beast had spent most of the night pacing in the Shack voicing their theories to each other.
The wolf was certain there had been a werewolf in her family and had ignored all information regarding her Muggle-born status. After all, muggles could also get infected. Lastly, they had concluded that for whatever reason they both liked the bushy-haired girl and felt protective of her.
The wolf had gone through several mental scenarios with her being and Harry in danger and even Remus had been astounded at his rage while seeing those images. In the end, they both had gotten more questions than answers.
His only explanation for all this so far was that the little girl reminded him strongly of Lily. Though, while his red-haired friend had been just as intelligent and certainly had known how to boss them all around, she never had struggled with the concept of finding friends like Hermione did.
In his lessons, he had seen how her intelligence had set her apart from her peers and often he saw a glimmer of loneliness in her brown eyes.
Sure she had Harry and Ron but Remus wouldn't have picked Harry as the best example for a best friend. Due to his fame as the Boy-who-Lived he was even more elevated than her and Remus still, even after weeks, could smell the stink of slight abuse on the boy. Still, maybe both could be good for each other. Merlin knew the boy needed a good friend.
Ron wasn't very considerate and often quite rude in his dealing with other and showed a casual cruelness in his dealings with Hermione that made Remus wonder what had gone wrong in Molly's education of her family.
It seemed that, what had endeared her to him, her intelligence, her literacy and her shy pride in her accomplishments, as well as her literacy, weren't qualities to be liked in this years.
Suddenly, despite only being thirty-four years old he felt absolutely
ancient. It was probably meant to be universally ironic when his knees almost gave way at the end of the secret passage in Hogwarts.
Poppy Pomfrey was nervously puttering around in her small office when he Remus arrived in the Hospital Wing. She gave the young teacher a tight smile and manoeuvred him to a cot in the far back of the room. An assortment of different potions was placed on his bedside table and it was exactly the same plethora of bottles he had gotten every year when he still had been a student.
One for the pain and muscle aches, bruise paste, one for his hurting and inflamed scars and a Pepper-Up when he would be awake again.
He tried to get comfortable on the bed and it hit him like a hammer.
Normally after moving to new surroundings, even if he'd already been there before, Moony had always been agitated to the extreme. To the contrary, his stay in his hiding place had been almost tranquil and quiet and Moony had been the one to start communicating. The wolf had done that only once before. The night Sirius had gotten the brilliant idea of leading Severus Snape to an almost certain doom only to be rescued by James. Back then the talking had been far from civil. Even days after the event Moony often had tried to seize control from his human and make true on his threat of disciplining the dog animagus.
Yesterday was actually the first full moon with the Wolfsbane. Moony still had been ferocious and wild but had been willing to provide his human with more information. As cryptic as the titbits from the beast had been. Remus had mulled over his words during his walk to the Hospital Wing and had summoned parchment, quill and ink to write.
Run with the wolves
to become part of the pride.
Your shadow by day
becomes you by the night.
Flee not from innocence
the times will to pass,
you must run with the wolves
for this time to last
The words, written in a shaky hand glared at him ominously from the paper. Moony always was a cryptic but it was a surprise that the old wolf had been a poet all this time. Remus had the distinct impression of someone scoffing at him from somewhere and unbidden the memory of a girl from Ravenclaw entered his head.
Melissa Thorpe had been in sixth year when he himself had been in fifth and she had broken his heart on a bet. When he tried to get an explanation and an apology from her she just had laughed in his face and had said:
"Seems like you don't know me as well as you thought, eh Lupin?"
It had been the first night he had drank together with Sirius and both had gotten completely sloshed to the disappointment of Minerva McGonagall.
The poem was Moony's usual style. He had found he enjoyed the use of words to confuse his human. Remus wasn't really sure what it should mean regarding Hermione Granger but he had all year to decipher this riddle. He stretched his weary limbs on the short bed and let a leaden dreamless sleep take him.
31rst October, Quidditch Pitch
Padfoot woke up drenched by cold rain and with a feeling of quiet dread rolling in his stomach. He saw people swarming towards the Quidditch Pitch and quickly tried to hide beneath the ranks. He couldn't have been unconscious for more of two minutes.
Nobody did pay attention to him. Then he caught a glimpse of the Headmaster amongst the sea of students. Dumbledore was standing next to the black-robed Severus Snape and began levitating the pup from the pitch.
Harry wasn't moving.
One gaze towards the ranks would have been enough to discover something quite out of place. Tiny blasts of lightning were chasing down the flags and illuminated the wooden structure underneath. Glowing red eyes stared after the procession of students and teachers and only after they had vanished around the bend on the path to Hogwarts, Padfoot loosened his jaw around his right front paw. It had needed all his willpower to stay where he was while his instincts practically screamed at him to run after the boy. He just had to hold up hope that Harry was going to be all right.
There was a cave near the Black Lake he had visited once with Lion to search for lost passages to the school. He would hole up there for the next days and keep watch. The rat was going to make his move soon. Peter was a creature of habit and then Padfoot would be there to rain divine retribution on him. He would wait for news and plan...it wasn't like he hadn't learned to be good at it after all the years in Azkaban.
When he woke up it was getting dark outside. Poppy Pomfrey was standing in front of the big bay window at the end of the hall and stared out towards the darkening stormy sky. Remus wasn't sure how late it was already but he could hear the muted thumping of fat raindrops on glass. The healer looked up in his direction and wrung her delicate hands a worried expression etched on her face.
" I hope they are being careful. The weather is only getting worse any minute and Quidditch injuries are a nasty enough business."
Remus tried to sit up for a drink of water on his nightstand but a sharp pain in his left arm prevented it. With a groan, he sank back into the cushions.
Quidditch...Right, today is the match against Slytherin. Then it must be afternoon.
A bitter smile bloomed on his scarred face. Another promise he hadn't kept for James.
I wonder if he's as good on a broom as James. He's going to be magnificent...
Again he dozed off and his dreams were filled with brooms and Sirius and James laughing in the distance.
He woke again to screaming and screeching and a strange high pitched whining that was hurting his ears. After setting his confusion aside he noticed Minerva and Poppy arguing in front of the nurses' small office. Arguing was putting it mildly. It looked more like it could turn into a brawl every minute. Either way, both witches were locked up in a full-blown screaming match.
"You should do something!"
"Don't tell me how to do my job, Minerva! I'm .."
"For the love of Merlin, it was bad enough watching it!"
"I did what I can. Severus and I already poured so many potions into the poor boy when he arrived..."
"Severus! Severus is a potion master, not a damn medic. He doesn't know a thing about..."
"Minerva!"
The werewolf winced when the screaming picked up in volume after that. Obviously, like Poppy had predicted, there had been an accident, a severe one by the looks of it. That pesky whine was still buzzing in his ears like one of those persistent muggle clocks his mother had kept in his bedroom. He turned his head to locate the source of that awful sound when the fragrance of baked cookies and petrichor assaulted his still sensitive nose.
Oh no...!
Three beds away from him, the blanket almost pulled to his chin and as pale as death, lay James' son. The whine came from the girl beside the bed.
Hermione Granger probably had sneaked in when Poppy and Minerva has started their scream-fest in front of the office. Her hand shakily petted the side of Harry's face while she herself seemed to sway on the spot as if she was drunk. Her hair was even wilder than ever and Remus had to look twice to confirm that it was really waving and writhing in an invisible wind. Small sparks sprang from one lock to the next and with a small groan he launched himself from the bed. This is going to become ugly...
He arrived at the girl's side just as her head begun to glow in an eerie blue-green light. Still, she was uttering that high buzzing whine and in a last desperate measure, the man flung his arms around the now wildly shivering girl.
And got zapped for his trouble.
Once he had touched an electric cow fence near Potter's Field on a dare from Sirius. Right at the moment it felt similar but didn't hurt as much. The electric energy had burned his hand and the burn had hurt for days after touching the fence.
The current that ran through him now felt like being doused with hot water right before jumping into a glacial lake in frigid winter. Moony howled and Remus didn't have enough strength left to fight his instincts. His howl rang in the hall and the anguish bound in it was like an actual living thing in the room, prowling in front of the window. For anguish was the emotion that was carried along the magic energy washing over his magic in a tight wave. Inconsolable anguish.
As his voice tapered off he registered the utter silence in the room as well as the fact that the girl in his arms had become as stiff as a board. Suddenly scrabbling fingers clawed at his arms, an almost feral growl spilling from the girl's throat, choked with wet gasps. Poppy Pomfrey sprinted over to them with outstretched hands and yelled at the top of her rather impressive lungs.
"Mr Lupin! Let go of her immediately!"
His response was instant and instinctual.
NO!
The deep roar stopped the approaching nurse dead in her tracks and she recoiled from the man like he had slapped her. It still rang in his ears when small hands grabbed, no seized the lapels of his shirt and the now violently crying girl had her head slammed on his shoulder. Clumsily, like back in the archway days ago, Remus began to pat Hermione's head. He began to whisper the same words his mother had used when he had been trapped in the terrors of a nightmare. Gradually the tremors and sniffles, as well as the sharp scent of fear and agony, vanished and again Remus noticed that Hermione had fallen asleep again in mere seconds.
I've never seen someone fall asleep so quickly...Is she sick?
She was wide awake again the moment Poppy touched her shoulder. He could feel the slight flinch from the girl and frowned. What is wrong with her?
"Miss Granger, I'm going to administer a Calming Draught." the healer's voice rang in the sudden silence and Hermione's eyes went wide as galleons when she uttered a quiet but decisive
"No!"
"Miss Granger! You had a major magical incident just this moment. I must think about my other patients and your co..."
"NO!"
"Miss Granger!"
Poppy almost roared at the now quiet girl in Remus lap when Minerva laid a gentle but firm hand on her shoulder.
"Poppy, I think it would be best to leave it be for now. Miss Granger is in no immediate danger and the situation seems to be under control."
Her voice was utterly calm, a definite contrast to the almost shrieking she had done just five minutes ago. The teacher was staring hard at Hermione, a gleam of something like recognition in her eyes.
"Tha thu ceart, mo nighean? "
Hermione stared at her head of house in puzzlement for a few seconds. Then words fell from her lips that astounded Remus to no end.
" Tha mi gu math, taing duth."
It was strange to hear the strange but still familiar Gaelic words being formed by Hermione's tongue. Oddly, Minerva's face went slack in shock for a second and then it cycled through a fast gamut of different emotions. Smugness, pride, then a sort of revelation and on the forefront after that anger...so much anger the wolf and the human wouldn't have been surprised to see a spitting and hissing cat jumping on the floor in the next minute. The woman had remarkable control and although Remus could feel the tremors of absolute fury in Minerva's hand, she patted the girl's hair and stalked out of the Hospital Wing. He still could hear the hissing of very creative Gaelic curses even after the doors had closed.
Now he sat right next to an unconscious boy with a girl in
his lap and he saw the mortification set on her features. In a flash she was on the other side of the bed, a brilliant blush running rampant on her face.
Remus just smiled kindly and said:
" My offer still stands, Miss Granger. If you need to talk I'll be there."
He didn't hear her answer when right at that moment Harry's Quidditch mates poured into the room, trailed by one pale Ron Weasley.
The rest of the evening was hectic chaos around Harry's bed. The young boy, much like his father, had quite a thing for dramatic actions. Right now it hurt to look at him when everything he did was shadowed by the same actions of James after his first Quidditch accident in fourth year. Remus winced when he turned around on the bed and renewed the Notice-me-not charm he had cast on himself when everyone had filed into the room.
The youngest Weasley had been as white as milk when he had sat down next to Harry's bedside. Half an hour later the boy had woken up and right before curfew his two friends had left the Wing towards their beds in Gryffindor Tower. Hermione had sent a long gaze into is general direction before she had closed the doors behind her.
He had all night to ponder the events of the day since his impromptu naps after the full moon often messed up his sleep cycle. It was one of the many reasons he always looked so tired. Hermione's reactions to Harry's injury puzzled him. She had seemed to be more than distraught...almost like he had died.
Looking back, he realized that even before the match she had been jittery and high strung in class. She often had looked as tired as Remus felt and often he didn't even saw her leaving the classroom only to find her already outside in the hall. She was hiding something.
Minerva had been even stranger. Her reaction had told him she hadn't known that Miss Granger could speak Gaelic and she hadn't returned to the wing in the evening. Why had she been so angry?
It led him back to the events before Minerva had marched out and Remus shuddered as he recalled the feel of the blue light washing over him. Moony nudged his thoughts and Remus gasped.
You've felt his before, remember?
No...Oh shit! NO!
It hadn't been accidental magic.
Harry was fast asleep when Remus retrieved his wand with shaking fingers from under his pillow.
His hand performed a tight twirl with a flourished wave at the end and he heard himself whisper: "Est vinculum Revelar." as he watched the light pouring of his wand.
A small supernova of blue light exploded behind the canvas Madame Pomfrey had erected to protect his privacy. For a moment the light expanded and the collapsed in itself at the point of his wand.
"Oh, shit..."
A small beam of brilliant blue light vanished behind the doors in the direction of the tower.