Since I have no class today I was able to write a chapter.

Thanks for the reviews you guys. They are really appreciated :D

BPOV (Chapter 4)

Both girls sat in silence having no answer for my question. I really had no idea where to go from here. Sure, everything they said made sense but my heart still ached for the loss. He was my first real love. He was my first kiss. I wasn't scared to be vulnerable in front of him but then, he broke my heart and took the pieces with him. We were together for more than a year and he just threw that away. He wasn't even man enough to tell me the real reason. I was really pathetic after we broke up. I'm pretty sure Alice, Rose, Em and Jas wanted to strangle me to death after what I did. I remember it so clearly.

We had just finished singing the song for Carlisle and Esme's wedding anniversary and then he told me he wanted to talk me. He was so fidgety and nervous and distant the entire time. And I was instantly preparing myself for the worst. We went to our meadow and I sat on the grass and he preferred to stand.

"C'mon Edward, sit with me" I said.

It was weird; usually he would sit beside me without me having to ask. This is bad. He sat beside me but he maintained his distance.

"Bella." His voice was hard and cold.

"Yeah?"

"I think it's best if we go back to being friends" he still showed no emotion.

I thought I heard him wrong. "Wait, what?"

"I'm breaking up with you" He was still so cold and distant

I can't help it, the tears started to flow.

"Why?" I sobbed.

"I just want to focus on school now. We're graduating soon. I need to focus on college, I can't do that with a girlfriend and besides you're being way too jealous when I spend time with Tanya" He said, still cold.

I didn't want to force him. I would give him what he wants because I love him too much. I dried my tears. I did not want to beg right now. I was disoriented. I didn't have it in me to fight for him now.

"Oh, if that's what you want." I said calmly.

"Yes, it is what I want" he said

"Can you please take me home now?" I asked him quietly.

I just wanted to cry into my bed and never wake up. I can't even bear to look at him now or touch him.

"Of course" His voice was much softer now, and there was a hint of something. Pain? Regret? I can't be sure since I'm still shocked.

A couple of days after that I sent him a text

I miss you Edward. I still love you. Can we talk?

Xx Bella

I really missed him. I'll do what I can to get him back, even if that meant I have to grovel and beg. No reply. I wasn't even expecting one but then Emmet and Jasper said they saw him walking out of a store with Tanya, laughing and looking very happy. It broke my heart. But then I decided to call him. It rang for a while before he answered.

"Yeah?" He sounded annoyed.

"Uhm, hi Edward, this is Bella, I was wondering if we could talk?" my hands were shaking as I waited for his reply.

"When and where?"

"At our, I mean, at the meadow. If you're not busy today" I was still shaking

"Yeah, whatever, meet you there in 20" he said coldly and hung up.

I was in a state of shock. How could he be that cold? What happened to the Edward I love? I got dressed and went to the meadow. I refuse to call it ours. There wasn't an us anymore.

I arrived there just in time. I thought he was running late. But I would wait for him; he said he would be here so I will wait. I went to my car first since he still wasn't here. At some point I fell asleep waiting for him. I looked at the time on my dash and saw that it was already 6PM, I've been waiting for more than 7 hours. We were supposed to meet at 10AM and still no sign of him. I got my phone out and proceeded to calling him but he wouldn't answer. After my 10th call he finally answered.

"What do you want?" He sounded drunk.

"You were supposed to meet me at the meadow" I said in a small voice, it hurt me that he could forget about me now.

"Oh right. Well I ran into Mike and Tyler and we drank. I lost track of time. Meet me at home instead, we can talk there" He said and then hung up.

I had no other choice, I needed to talk to him, I needed to get him back. The drive to the Cullens was quick. As I arrived I knocked on the door and was greeted by Carlisle and Esme who were on their way out.

"Bella, how are you dear?" Esme asked as she enveloped me into her motherly hugs

"I'm fine, how about you two?" I answered and gave Carlisle a hug.

"It's a date night" he grinned. "Just go in and wait for Edward, we're sure he'll be home soon" Carlisle told me.

I smiled and waved a goodbye to them, soon enough Edward was here. I was thankful that Emmett is not here. I had a lot of begging to do.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"Edward, I miss you. I want us to get back together" I said softly.

"I can't get back together with you Bella" he was still so indifferent.

I was desperate now. I felt the tears stream down my face. I hugged him tight and he didn't move.

"How can you do this to me? It hurts so much. It really hurts. I'm sorry, I really am. What do you want me to do? This is too much, it's really hard. I'm sorry. Sorry if I miss you too much, I'm sorry if I love you too much, I'm sorry that I can't move on immediately. I'm sorry that I can't just give you up. I'm sorry if I'm begging you to talk to me. I'm sorry."I was soaking his shirt but I didn't care

"I can't Bella. I'm sorry. I need to do this for you and for me" That was all he said.

"You're asking for too much Edward. You're asking me to walk out of your life, you want to walk out of my life. Did I really do something so bad that you have to do this to me? How can you say that? How can you easily forget everything we've been through? How can you easily say that we should just break up? What is the real reason? What is the real reason that you can easily hurt me and disregard my feelings? Who is it? Is it Tanya? Is it her? Is it Tanya? Is she happy knowing that I'm hurting? Is this what she wants?" I asked.

That pissed him off. He removed himself from my hug.

"Damn it Bella!" he yelled at me. He never yells at me and with that I cried even harder.

"I told you already! I need to focus on school. You're just distracting me from school. You're way too clingy." He was still yelling.

"That's not you Edward! You don't treat me like this. I'm not stupid to not know that something is different. I'm sorry Edward, I promise I will change, just please come back to me. If you want to spend time with Tanya then go ahead, I promise I won't even get mad, just please come back. I won't be clingy anymore; I won't distract you from school. Just please come back. I love you. I'm sorry that I can't help but love you. Please Edward. Say you'll come back. How could just throw away what we had? We were together for a year and you just throw it away? How could you act like it meant nothing? Just come home to me Edward" I was down on my knees now, begging him. I was so desperate.

"Get up Bella, c'mon" his eyes softened and he was helping me get up.

"No Edward! If this is the only way for you to come back. I'll swallow my pride"

"Just get up Bella" he said as he helped me up

I got up and tried to wipe the nonstop tears that were flowing from my eyes.

He hugged me. "I can't Bella. I'm really sorry. Let's just be friends."

"I love you Edward. I really do, but I can't be just friends with you. I'm sorry" I said. I was about to get out the door when he grabbed me and kissed my forehead. I cried even harder, I'll miss him. I'll miss his hugs when I cry; I'll miss his kisses on my forehead. I miss everything about him, his scent, and the way we'd lay on our meadow. Just, everything.

When I got home, Rose and Alice were there. Shoot. I forgot about our date.

I was ambushed by the girls and they canceled our date and called Em and Jas so we can stay at home and bond. Em and Jas bought ice cream and movies and I retold them the events that occurred. To say that they were mad at me would be an understatement. They were scolding me for getting down on my knees and begging him, I was pretty sure they wanted to strangle me for doing it. It was stupid but I was desperate.

Since that day I avoided Edward like the plague. The only time I spoke to him was prom. And it turned out to be a disaster. Graduation is fast approaching. I can't wait to start fresh. Alice, Rose and I were going to the same school so I didn't have to be alone. I love those girls to death.

I decided to stop cutting. It wasn't that I can't help but cut but it was more of a conscious decision. Whenever it hurts too much and I don't want to feel emotional pain, I cut so that I'd feel pain physically instead. It doesn't last too long which I like. Smoking and drinking goes hand in hand for me. I'd limit it now; I will still do it but only occasionally.

I'm going to change. Sure I'll always love Edward but I need to take care of myself first and love myself before I can face him again.

REVIEW PLEASE!

And btw, I'm not sure if I'm going to do a four year jump or not.