Urgh. I've had a headache all day. Probably because I didn't sleep, after I woke up. Hell, how could I sleep anyway. My thoughts kept going to places I didn't want them to go. In the end I got so angry with myself, I started to do my hair. In the middle of the night. That's why I have these braids in my hair now. Looks pretty cool, thou.
At breakfast everyone was looking for Sakuma, who wasn't in his room. I softly walked to Kidou en told him to find Sakuma before he did something stupid. Kidou didn't ask questions, he just wet outside to look for him. When they came back, Sakuma apologized to everyone. He looked like crap. His eyes were red from crying and I knew he didn't sleep either. He looked about as bad as I felt.
At practise I tried hard to concentrate, but I failed harshly. I was hoping noone would notice, but off course they would. During break Kidou came to ask if I knew anything about Sakuma. I denied. If Sakuma didn't tell his best friend, I wouldn't either. But that also meant, I couldn't tell Fudou. Not like I was planning to do so anyway. I don't wanna find Sakuma death because of kissing me.
And beside, that kiss was good. He could make any girl, including myself, go crazy. But I can't think about that now. It's no use crying of spilled milk, right? So when Fudou asked why I was walking around as Death himself, I had to lie about it. And he sees right trough my lies.
It's still the same day, and I'm laying in bed feeling terrible. Fudou and I just had a fight. A big fight. We never fought like this before. I could see he was so angry at me. I hate to see him like that. It's all my fault. We're not talking now, and it kills me. God, I love that trashtalking, egoistic, annoying piece of crap so much.
After practise, Fudou wanted to talk to me. We walked for a bit untill we reached the park. He made me sit down on the bench while he went to get me some energydrinks, which coach forbid. As we sat there in silence, all I wanted was to tell him what was bothering me. But I didn't. Instead I just did something stupid. I asked him what he wanted to talk about. "You."
"There's nothing wrong, Akio". Yes, I use his firstname when we are alone. He doesn't allow anyone to use his fullname, but like I said, he lets me get away with anything. "Don't lie to me, babe." I couldn't look at his face. I knew he was getting angry, but I still didn't say anything. Making him go even more mad. Somehow, I like it when he goes mad. It shows his dominant side, and me being just as dominant as he, makes it fun to playfight with him. But this was serious.
"Don't you trust me?", he then asked. I was shocked. How could he think that. I have always trusted him, and there was no reason why I wouldn't trust him now. "Course I trust you. Why?" His face got red from anger. "Because you are hiding something from me. Something that happend last night. Somethjng involving that longhaired, eyepatch wearing heartbreaker called Sakuma." Now my face became red.
"How did you know?" That was a stupid question, and I knew it. I just had to win myself some time. Fudou didn't answer me. I was getting pretty worried now. When Fudous' mind is set, it's impossible to change it. And he wanted to know who made me upset. If it wasn't scary, it would be so cute. "I knew it. What happend?" Sigh. There was no way out. I had to tell him. If I didn't, he would have gone to find Sakuma.
"Well.. I couldn't sleep and went downstairs and then he came downstairs and we were just watching tv and suddenly he confessed to me", I said in one breathe. "No guy has ever upsetted you by confessing." I should have known. "He kinda, sort of, kissed me?" Fudous' eyes widened. His hands were shaking. His face was red. He was about to explode.
"He. Did. What?! That son of a.. I will hurt him so bad, he will never kiss anyone again." Like I said, Fudou exploded. I didn't do anything, I just listened to these words. There wasn't really anything I could do anyway. I gave Fudou my drink and he took it. After a while he calmed down. "Did he hurt you, babe?" I shook my head. Sakuma didn't hurt me, it was me who hurt myself. By letting him kiss me.
Fudou was staring at the ground. His face was still red, but his breathing was back to normal. "Akio. You shouldn't worry about me. He didn't do anything wrong, he just wanted me to know about his feelings. You should be mad at me, not him." Fudou looked me right in my eyes. With every passing second, I got more scared. Fudou reads my mind like a open book. Which means..
"You didn't push him away, did you?" His voice was calm. Too calm. I didn't dare to answer, I just looked away. "You enjoyed it. You liked his lips on yours. YOU ENJOYED IT." Now he was really mad. I tried to calm him down, but it had no effect. It was the first words didn't affect him.
"You just let him kiss you, you enjoyed it and then you didn't tell me. And now you're protecting him. Are you in love?" This time I did answer. "There is only one person I love and you know who that is." Fudou shook his head. "You should leave me alone for a while. I need to think and I don't wanna hurt you."
I had to leave him. And I didn't know what to so now. It's already half past one pm and I'm still awake. I know Fudou came back just before dinner. He was quiet and I saw him sending these angry looks at Sakuma. I need to talk to him. I don't even know if he's asleep. I'm worried about him. Not because he's my best friend, or because he is angry. I'm worried because I hurt him. And he loves me.