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Web Of Sorrow
by TigerBabe
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Disclaimer: The only thing I own in this fic is the mysterious character of 'Tárion.' Dont sue and take him off me?
Authors Notes & Warnings: Very angst driven fic, deals with depression and suicidal thoughts. 'Tis difficult for me to write, as it's semi-autobiographical, so please dont flame me to complain that I dont know what I'm talking about or whatever, because I do know what I'm talking about. If you really do feel the need to flame me, have a look at my other fics, and flame one of them. It's set somewhere between Rivendell and Moria.
Extra Notes: I'm so thankful for your reviews, I really mean it! I took the title of this chapter is a line taken from the Tori Amos song of the same name - though it's a differebt Tori Amos song that relates to this chapter; it's called "Leather" - look up the lyrics, and you'll see what I mean. This chapter it's slightly slashy and mentions rape.
For Zephyr: You asked, "does anyone out there know what it's like to hate yourself SO much, you want to die?" Well, I do. I started to write this fic after I got home from the hospital one day, after taking a bottle of tablets with the obvious intention of killing myself. The fic is my way of venting my emotions, and playing out what I would have *LIKED* to have happened after I got home. Unfortunately, when my family found out about my trying to kill myself, they acted as if it never happened. I dont want their pity, I dont want anyone's pity - just like Legolas doesnt want the Fellowships pity - I just want them to acknowledge that I tried to do something, which although I know it was a stupid thing to do, it was a serious decision at the time. But moving on from me - thank you so much for your review - I really mean it when I say "Wow!" to your comments. I'd love to be an author, but the problem is it's just so hit and miss when it comes to getting published... it tends not to be very profitable, unless you get a *MAJOR* hit.
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Chapter 4 - Silent All These Years
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Legolas was caught in a full volly of flashbacks to when he'd last heard those words.
"I dont want anything for it."
He shuddered. He felt as if he were going to be sick. He was vaguely aware of someone closing their arms around him, and whispering in his ear. But the images kept coming.
Aragorn was frightened - a rare occurance, but this situation called for it. He'd never experienced anything like this, it was new to him. He held Legolas closely, whispering gently in his ear, while looking at the rest of the fellowship standing around staring, eyes wide and mouths open. Tears were falling down Frodo's cheeks, choked sobs coming from his lips.
Legolas had stopped crying, though his breathing was still erratic, and he was still holding onto the arm which held him around his waist tightly, like it was his only life line. Legolas looked up into Aragorn's grey eyes, and yet another tear fell down his cheek as he realised what he'd done.
"I'm sorry," he began to stutter, as he pulled himself away, "I didnt mean to, I just, I was," he paused as he tried to think of how to word what he wanted to say, "what you said brought back some old memories."
Aragorn looked at him with a frown, "want to tell us what these memories were about? We wont judge you," he said in an honest tone as he sat up on his heels.
Legolas nodded nervously and opened his mouth to begin. He closed his mouth and frowned as he found he couldnt think of what to say. He took a couple of deep breaths.
"I-It happened a c-couple of years ago," he finally began, still stuttering over a couple of words as he spoke, "I'd been friends with another Elf called Tárion for about 2 years, w-we were, uhm, well,"
"You know you dont have to tell us if you dont want to," Frodo cut him off.
Legolas smiled genuinely at Frodo, "No Frodo," he said, "I do have to - I've been silent all these years, I need to tell someone."
Frodo smiled at him in return, and nodded for him to continue.
"Well, as I was saying, me and Tárion had been... well, to put it bluntly, we'd been dating. It was nothing serious though, just going out for meals, spending time together and such. It was nice." he smiled wistfully as he remembered the good times he spent with Tárion. The smile faded as he remembered what happened later on in their relationship.
"One day, he came to see me, and said 'I'm going on a holiday, want to come with me? Totally on me - I dont want anything for it'" he spared Aragorn a glance, with a sorry frown. Aragorns eyes had widened as he had realised how the memories were recalled.
"I agreed to go with him - I trusted him fully, I really did," he said in a disgusted tone, and he was disgusted - with himself, for not realising sooner than Tárion could not be trusted, "And so we went on holiday, we travelled down South from Mirkwood, stopping in Lothlórien, before going on toward Rohan. We were on our way back home when it happened. We had stopped in an inn, about a days walk from Mirkwood, rather than camping out for the night - we fancied sleeping in a real bed for a change." Legolas shuddered, and shook his head. Aragorn placed a hand on his shoulder, silently asking if he were alright.
"I'm fine my friend," Legolas replied, "Tárion booked a room - said that all the twin bedrooms were taken, and we'd have to take a double. I didnt think much of it at the time, but once we retired there, I knew that it was a mistake. We stayed down in the bar for a couple of hours, and had quite a few drinks - or at least, I did - Tárion barely drank anything. When we finally left the bar, I was in no shape to argue with anything - hell, I was barely even able to walk! When we got to the bedroom, and went in, I started to get ready for bed, as well as I could in such a drunken state... when I was dressed only in my leggings, Tárion grabbed me, and pushed me against the w-wall," Legolas's voice started to crack, and tears slowly started to fall.
"He p-pushed me against the wall, and whispered in my ear, 'Nothing ever comes for free.' Then he pushed me on the bed, a-and, he, he..." Legolas finally burst into full tears, his body shook with sobs.
The rest of the fellowship shared horrorfied glances having realised what had happened to the Elven prince. The one person he trusted so fully had takened advantage of him - had raped him while he was vunerable.
Aragorn pulled Legolas into an embrace, and held him tightly as he sobbed. Aragorn swore to himself that if he ever came across this 'Tárion' he'd kill him, slowly, very very slowly.
Legolas managed to stop the sobs long enough to finish what he was saying.
"I was so scared when it happened, I didnt scream; I couldnt - my voice had frozen, I couldnt do anything, especially not after I'd been drinking." Legolas took a deep breath before he continued, "When I woke in the morning, he was asleep. I grabbed my things and ran all the way back to Mirkwood. I never saw... him, again," Legolas closed his eyes as more tears threatened to fall, "I really really trusted him... a-and he ruined my life." Legolas began to cry again, though not hysterically like he had been before.
The others looked at eachother with scared and worried looks on their faces - they had never had to deal with something like this before - how were they going to help their Elven friend?
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TBC... R&R. Again, sorry it was so short - though linteloteiel is right, content is the important thing!
Web Of Sorrow
by TigerBabe
******
Disclaimer: The only thing I own in this fic is the mysterious character of 'Tárion.' Dont sue and take him off me?
Authors Notes & Warnings: Very angst driven fic, deals with depression and suicidal thoughts. 'Tis difficult for me to write, as it's semi-autobiographical, so please dont flame me to complain that I dont know what I'm talking about or whatever, because I do know what I'm talking about. If you really do feel the need to flame me, have a look at my other fics, and flame one of them. It's set somewhere between Rivendell and Moria.
Extra Notes: I'm so thankful for your reviews, I really mean it! I took the title of this chapter is a line taken from the Tori Amos song of the same name - though it's a differebt Tori Amos song that relates to this chapter; it's called "Leather" - look up the lyrics, and you'll see what I mean. This chapter it's slightly slashy and mentions rape.
For Zephyr: You asked, "does anyone out there know what it's like to hate yourself SO much, you want to die?" Well, I do. I started to write this fic after I got home from the hospital one day, after taking a bottle of tablets with the obvious intention of killing myself. The fic is my way of venting my emotions, and playing out what I would have *LIKED* to have happened after I got home. Unfortunately, when my family found out about my trying to kill myself, they acted as if it never happened. I dont want their pity, I dont want anyone's pity - just like Legolas doesnt want the Fellowships pity - I just want them to acknowledge that I tried to do something, which although I know it was a stupid thing to do, it was a serious decision at the time. But moving on from me - thank you so much for your review - I really mean it when I say "Wow!" to your comments. I'd love to be an author, but the problem is it's just so hit and miss when it comes to getting published... it tends not to be very profitable, unless you get a *MAJOR* hit.
******
Chapter 4 - Silent All These Years
******
Legolas was caught in a full volly of flashbacks to when he'd last heard those words.
"I dont want anything for it."
He shuddered. He felt as if he were going to be sick. He was vaguely aware of someone closing their arms around him, and whispering in his ear. But the images kept coming.
Aragorn was frightened - a rare occurance, but this situation called for it. He'd never experienced anything like this, it was new to him. He held Legolas closely, whispering gently in his ear, while looking at the rest of the fellowship standing around staring, eyes wide and mouths open. Tears were falling down Frodo's cheeks, choked sobs coming from his lips.
Legolas had stopped crying, though his breathing was still erratic, and he was still holding onto the arm which held him around his waist tightly, like it was his only life line. Legolas looked up into Aragorn's grey eyes, and yet another tear fell down his cheek as he realised what he'd done.
"I'm sorry," he began to stutter, as he pulled himself away, "I didnt mean to, I just, I was," he paused as he tried to think of how to word what he wanted to say, "what you said brought back some old memories."
Aragorn looked at him with a frown, "want to tell us what these memories were about? We wont judge you," he said in an honest tone as he sat up on his heels.
Legolas nodded nervously and opened his mouth to begin. He closed his mouth and frowned as he found he couldnt think of what to say. He took a couple of deep breaths.
"I-It happened a c-couple of years ago," he finally began, still stuttering over a couple of words as he spoke, "I'd been friends with another Elf called Tárion for about 2 years, w-we were, uhm, well,"
"You know you dont have to tell us if you dont want to," Frodo cut him off.
Legolas smiled genuinely at Frodo, "No Frodo," he said, "I do have to - I've been silent all these years, I need to tell someone."
Frodo smiled at him in return, and nodded for him to continue.
"Well, as I was saying, me and Tárion had been... well, to put it bluntly, we'd been dating. It was nothing serious though, just going out for meals, spending time together and such. It was nice." he smiled wistfully as he remembered the good times he spent with Tárion. The smile faded as he remembered what happened later on in their relationship.
"One day, he came to see me, and said 'I'm going on a holiday, want to come with me? Totally on me - I dont want anything for it'" he spared Aragorn a glance, with a sorry frown. Aragorns eyes had widened as he had realised how the memories were recalled.
"I agreed to go with him - I trusted him fully, I really did," he said in a disgusted tone, and he was disgusted - with himself, for not realising sooner than Tárion could not be trusted, "And so we went on holiday, we travelled down South from Mirkwood, stopping in Lothlórien, before going on toward Rohan. We were on our way back home when it happened. We had stopped in an inn, about a days walk from Mirkwood, rather than camping out for the night - we fancied sleeping in a real bed for a change." Legolas shuddered, and shook his head. Aragorn placed a hand on his shoulder, silently asking if he were alright.
"I'm fine my friend," Legolas replied, "Tárion booked a room - said that all the twin bedrooms were taken, and we'd have to take a double. I didnt think much of it at the time, but once we retired there, I knew that it was a mistake. We stayed down in the bar for a couple of hours, and had quite a few drinks - or at least, I did - Tárion barely drank anything. When we finally left the bar, I was in no shape to argue with anything - hell, I was barely even able to walk! When we got to the bedroom, and went in, I started to get ready for bed, as well as I could in such a drunken state... when I was dressed only in my leggings, Tárion grabbed me, and pushed me against the w-wall," Legolas's voice started to crack, and tears slowly started to fall.
"He p-pushed me against the wall, and whispered in my ear, 'Nothing ever comes for free.' Then he pushed me on the bed, a-and, he, he..." Legolas finally burst into full tears, his body shook with sobs.
The rest of the fellowship shared horrorfied glances having realised what had happened to the Elven prince. The one person he trusted so fully had takened advantage of him - had raped him while he was vunerable.
Aragorn pulled Legolas into an embrace, and held him tightly as he sobbed. Aragorn swore to himself that if he ever came across this 'Tárion' he'd kill him, slowly, very very slowly.
Legolas managed to stop the sobs long enough to finish what he was saying.
"I was so scared when it happened, I didnt scream; I couldnt - my voice had frozen, I couldnt do anything, especially not after I'd been drinking." Legolas took a deep breath before he continued, "When I woke in the morning, he was asleep. I grabbed my things and ran all the way back to Mirkwood. I never saw... him, again," Legolas closed his eyes as more tears threatened to fall, "I really really trusted him... a-and he ruined my life." Legolas began to cry again, though not hysterically like he had been before.
The others looked at eachother with scared and worried looks on their faces - they had never had to deal with something like this before - how were they going to help their Elven friend?
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TBC... R&R. Again, sorry it was so short - though linteloteiel is right, content is the important thing!