*Once again, the Red vs Blue Theme played before The Booth, Doc, and Chi came into view only this time, regenengel3 was already sitting in the left chair. * "Chi!" regenengel3 declared, pointing dramatically toward the A.I.
"Right. Regenengel3 does not own RvB," the program reeled off.
"And yet it feels like she owns us. How is that possible?" Doc muttered, half to himself half to Chi.
"Silence Slave!" regenengel3 barked, glaring at the man.
"Got a point there Doc," Chi said with a sage nod, wisely deciding to say nothing about her return to the 'voice of heaven'.
"No seriously, it's time to start…" regenengel3 began only for The Media Guy to cut her off by displaying the Title Card.
{Show Three: Meet your Past}
"That," regenengel3 said, slumping slightly.
"HO! Cut off by the opening! So sad~!" Chi remarked, poking at her. He mentally cursed his lack of physical form.
"Oh shut up, you mouthy A.I.," the young woman growled, pulling out a comically large red button with the word 'OFFLINE' on it. Chi mimed zipping his lips and The Booth minimized, allowing a street corner to be seen.
/*/
Dexter Grif, age thirteen, really didn't want to be boarding this bus. He didn't want to be leaving his sister, and really wanted to be taking care of her. She'd gotten sick over the weekend and by now she was running a fever and throwing up. Dexter knew his dad wouldn't be of much use and so had been dialing the school to beg off when his father had taken the phone and called in for Kai. Then he hung up and shoved Dexter out of the house. Left with no choice, he had trudged to the bus stop and stood there, brooding. He sighed... and then the world broke. No really! It did! How else could you explain the bus stop vanishing in a flash of white to be replaced with this weird place made out of concrete and gray mist with six other thirteen year olds. None of them spoke, they just started walking forward, as if drawn toward something. Finally, one of the other teens, a blond, asked, "Who are you?"
"I could ask you the same thing," the kid with the sandy blond hair and gray eyes snarked back. That was when they saw this group of guys dressed up like SPRATANS. A really tall, broad guy in really scary, but also really cool orange and gray armor growled,
"Oh, that had better not be who I think it is," while looking at a slightly smaller guy in red and gray as though it were his fault.
"AH! Scary monster!" the smallest blond, there were three, yelled, staring at the men. The one who had growled before chuckled at them.
"Kid, if you think Dex is a 'monster' just from his growling, you ain't seen nothing yet!" the one in maroon and gray said, turning to face them.
"Oh shut up ya geek!" the first soldier snarled, smacking Maroon. Dexter was beginning to feel a little too far out of his depth. Just who were these people? And why did whatever happened happen to make him meet them?
"I'm not a geek!" Maroon said with a gasp, complete with dramatic hand motions. "I'm a super geek! And don't you forget it!" he added, jabbing a finger at Orange.
"Wow. That's the first time I've ever seen someone proud of being a geek," the teen with dark hair and bright green eyes said, crossing his arms and regarding the soldiers with a sort of detached curiosity. Burgundy snorted again.
"Heh. I doubt it'll be the last kiddo. So, how about everyone introduces themselves hum?" he suggested. Dexter wasn't too sure of this, and became less so when Orange seemed to snap.
"What... the heck... is this?!" the man forced out. Dexter let out an involuntary 'eep.' Fear crawled over his back, using his spine as a highway, as the stranger turned smoothly to level a blank stare at him. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me!" he said, seeming to have finally come to accept what he'd been hearing. Dexter wasn't too sure though. Everything was confusing at the moment.
"Sir?" he gasped out, trembling and wide eyed. The man snarled, turned on the ball of his foot, and slammed his right fist into the wall so hard that dust puffed out from the impact, bellowing in rage. Dexter jumped in fright, a few of the other teens even let out 'eep's of their own. Who was this guy?!
"Don't," the man began slowly, voice quivering with barely contained rage, "call me 'sir,' kid." The other soldiers were backing carefully away from Orange and Dexter was considering telling the teens behind him to run for it, but he held his ground. It was almost as if something were compelling him to get to know this strange man.
/*/
Doc and Chi shared a Look before turning to regenengel3, who was still in the left hand chair. "Ok, first, don't you usually leave by now?" Chi began.
"Yep. Point?" she asked, only just looking up from her brother's borrowed DS.
"Second, why are you forcing this? The kid is obviously scared, and so are the others. Dex isn't taking it well so... why?!" Doc asked. Regenengel3 shrugged, going back to the DS.
"Because once they work through the fear and the irritation and the anger, it'll be interesting, don't you think?" she said.
"Third," Chi said, ignoring Doc's mental pleas to just let it go, "what's with the DS?"
"Gotta Catch 'em All," the young woman said with a smirk. "Oh you little... CHANSY! WHY MUST YOU BE SO HARD TO CATCH?! ALL I WANTED WAS A HEALER IN MY TEAM BUT NO! YOU HAD TO REFUSE EVEN THE GREAT BALL! URGH!" Doc and Chi shared another look before motioning for The Media Guy to get on with the rest of the show.
/*/
"Then... what do I call you?" Dexter asked. The man turned back to him and Dexter realized... the rage wasn't directed at him. He wasn't sure who it was directed at, but it wasn't him. He relaxed... a little.
"Call me..." the man drifted off, sounding mildly confused. Dexter blinked.
"Do you... have amnesia?" he asked. The man started, then burst out into uproarious laughter, his comrades following along.
"No! No, I don't have amnesia," he said, still chuckling. Dexter was about to ask another question to appease his curiosity, when the man spoke again. "I'm you... from the future. I'd say about... ten to eleven years... give or take. You were just about to leave for eighth grade, right?" Dexter blinked, then gaped at the soldier in complete shock.
"Wha...? You're not me! You can't be! I'm too lazy for the military! I... I hate fighting! You aren't me!" he screamed. The man, because he couldn't be a Grif, chuckled dryly, resting his chin on a calloused fist.
"For a lazy butt, you sure do yell a lot," he remarked, and he sounded almost fond. The monster.
"Well?! Aren't you going to tell me who you really are?!" Dexter yelled, furious that this man thought he could fool him into believing this was his future. The man sighed, his upper body folding over his legs.
"Man am I stubborn," he muttered before taking off his helmet, surging to his feet, and spreading his arms wide. "What proof do you want, Dexter Grif? What could I possibly do or say to make you believe me?" he asked, amber eyes burning into Dexter. His dark brown hair was clipped, but not quite military and there was a thin but noticeable scar passing through his eyebrow, just barely missing his eye. His face was all hard lines and determination, a far cry from the face he saw in the mirror that morning, and yet...
"Tell me something only I would know," Dexter demanded, crossing his arms and trying desperately to deny what he knew to be the truth.. The man nodded, relaxing his stance once again.
"Alright. The scar on the inside of your left thigh is from a jellyfish sting when you were five. The one on the back of your hand is not, as you often claim, from a fight but rather from a shard of broken glass. You cut yourself trying to clean up after one of your father's drunken fits. The reason you smoke isn't because it's cool, but because it helps you cope with the deplorable home life you've been cursed with. Need I go on?" the man, his future self, said, all the while giving him a challenging stare.
/*/
Doc was wide eyed. "Okay… I'm seeing what regenengel3 was talking about with tragic back stories," he said. Chi nodded, though he scoffed a moment later.
"What, just now?" he asked. Doc glared at him.
"No. This is just reaffirming her point," the medic said. Chi shrugged.
"Sure sure. Now let's see what happens next!" he said, leaning forward.
"I never knew he'd started smoking so young. Or at all really," Doc muttered, but Chi paid him no mind.
/*/
Dexter fell to the floor, feeling like a marionette whose strings have been cut. The older him stalked closer, then picked him up and sat him down on a shattered pillar that had once provided cover for the soldiers engaging in the simulation. "It's a lot to take in, I know. Heh, I know I didn't react well when I realized who I was looking at," he said with a self-deprecating smirk. Dexter shook his head.
"So. You're me. How did you...?" he asked, looking helplessly over his imposing older self.
"Get like this?" the older Grif asked, waved a hand over himself with a wry grin. "Well. It was a lot of little things, which were sparked by bigger things, yes I know that sounds backwards but I swear it's true. Anyway, it's a long, complicated story that... I don't think you really need to hear. Honestly, I don't know how or why we're here, or even where here is."
"How'd you get here?" asked a blond with cornflower blue eyes and a soft, round face who was wearing overalls and thick rubber boots.
"Well, our story is long, convoluted, and would be far too confusing to tell in it's entirety," Maroon began.
"So we'll tell you the relevant part," Burgundy cut in, giving Maroon a look.
"That part started with this mad A.I. called O'Malley infecting the Doc..." Red began, only for Older!Dexter to laugh.
"No~!" he sang, smirking unpleasantly at Red. "It began when someone was crazy enough to build a weather control device into a robot he didn't care about who just happened to have an advanced A.I. Then, after O'Malley came into the Gulch, he infected another potential ally whom we discarded like yesterday's news. And then! Both of them decided to stage their own hostile takeovers! Oh! And don't forget the senile old man who decided to build a ten mega ton bomb into a robot that was going to be in the same canyon as us, not to mention fighting us! Seriously, do you even use that brain of yours, Red?" the soldier ranted, glaring at the surprisingly cowed older man. "Oh, let's not forget about that weather machine, it's important. Because, ya see, using a clever strategy, I managed to get the bomb reconfigured into a homing beacon, but because we were strapped for time, our tech here," Orange paused to sling an arm around Maroon's shoulders, "wasn't able to remove all the explody bits. So! When we were fighting against O'Malley and his host, the megalomaniac activated the weather control device, which was somehow powered off of D batteries..."
"Seriously, we had the money in the budget Red. We could have just bought the dumb batteries and had a snow day in Blood Gulch but noo~! Don't ask the budget manager if we have the money, just let an incredible piece of technology walk around, ineffective, waiting for some madman to steal it, power it, and use it for evil," Maroon ranted. Orange nodded.
"Just so. Anyway, O'Malley started it up, struck the bombbot with lightning, over charged it's systems, activated the explosive components, fusing it all together, and dooming us all," he said.
"Yeah, but then, that's were it goes all... weird," Burgundy said.
/*/
When the bomb exploded, the world broke. It was all shifting shades of gray. And then, it reformed... mostly. It looked like a destroyed SPARTAN gym, but the floor was covering in swirling white mist, the walls were made out of the stuff, and it was far to quiet. Project Red and Blue Team, Church included, were grouped together, in the epicenter of the destruction. Looking around, they were all too stunned to say much of anything. Then, a young voice called, "Who are you?" from somewhere in the shifting reality.
"I could ask you the same thing!" another called, this one with a thick Southern accent. Dex twitched and looked at Red.
"Oh, that had better not be who I think it is," he growled.
"AH! Scary monster!" a third young voice yelled. Dex snorted while Eagle laughed. Loudly.
"Kid, if you think Dex is a 'monster' just from his growling, you ain't seen nothing yet!" Rick said with a grin, turning to see a large group of kids coming toward them, though they'd stopped upon not only seeing a bunch of soldiers in MJOLNIR battle armor, but hearing Dex growl. They couldn't have been more than thirteen.
"Oh shut up ya geek!" the weapons master snarled, smacking his friend on the shoulder, frightening the teens he was determined not to look at even more.
"I'm not a geek!" Rick yelled, pouting at his friend, even if he still had his helmet on. He could feel Dex giving him The Eyebrow. "I'm a super geek! And don't you forget it!" Rick finished, jabbing a finger into his friend's chest. Again, he could feel the Hawaiian rolling his eyes at him.
"Wow. That's the first time I've ever seen someone proud of being a geek," a teen that sounded eerily like Church said.
"Heh. I doubt it'll be the last kiddo. So, how about everyone introduces themselves hum?" Eagle suggested, seeing that everyone had gathered together. Dex snapped. He just couldn't take this anymore!
/
"And that's that," finished Maroon, now identified as Rick. Orange glared at his friend.
"I did not snap," he barked. Rick quirked an eyebrow at him. "If I had, there'd be a lot more blood." The redhead teen nearly fainted.
"Oi! Dex! Stop scaring the kid! He's already traumatized ya know," Rick berated, smacking the larger man in a rather comedic 'bad soldier' manner. Dex turned to his comrade, quirking an eyebrow.
"Rick... I doubt they'll remember this when whatever the fraznar this is ends. I could traumatize them 'til they need a padded room and 'chill pills' and they'd be just fine when they returned to their place in the time-stream. We're good, techmiester. We're good," he said, patting him on the shoulder.
/*/
Doc was curious and turned to the author, who was now playing around on 'Tobi.' "Okay, how does he know that?" he asked, nodding toward Dex. Regenengel3 looked over her screen and smirked.
"I gave him the knowledge. Makes it more interesting. Besides, if I let the past!Reds keep their memories of these encounters, it would change things so much, I'd have to make a full length story out of what happened to the kiddies! So, memory wipe. But just for the kids. The soldiers get to keep the memories," she told him. Doc nodded.
"Author powers are so broken," Chi muttered. Regenengel3 just grinned at him.
"Why do you think we love playing with them so much?"
/*/
"Well, guess we'd best make this official," Dex said "Private Dexter Kaimana Grif of the Red Army, at your service," he finished, sweeping the teen a bow, still grinning. He then turned to Rick. "Your turn to introduce yourself to the class," he said, motioning him on. Rick sighed, but followed Dex's lead. He took a pillar for himself and took off his helmet, revealing a thin, pale face with a dusting of freckles over his nose, eyes just a little darker than the kid with black hair, and rust red hair.
"Wait!" the younger Dexter called, "if he's Dex, who am I?"
"Dexter. Unless you really want Dex and in that case... I'll take Grif. I'm used to them calling me that anyway," Dex said, jerking a thumb toward his team.
"Then... Hi. I'm Dex," the younger Grif said, holding out a hand to his older self. The soldier gave him a wry smirk and took the smaller hand in his, giving it a single firm shake. Dexter fought back a wince as his older counterpart put just a little too much power into it.
"Grif," the soldier said, then both of them let go and turned to Rick, who rolled his eyes.
"I'm Private Richard Simmons, but you can call me Rick if you'd like," he said, making his introduction... almost formal. The tall awkward red-head with a scattering of freckles across his nose and thick rimmed glasses looked at Rick curiously.
"Are you my future self?" he asked. Rick smirked at him.
"Not too hard to figure out, is it?" he asked. He shook his head with a chuckle. "Yeah, I'm what you're likely to grow up to be."
"Cool. Call me Richard," the teen said, holding out a hand. Rick grinned and took the offered hand, giving it a measured shake. Richard still shook his hand out once the handshake was done.
"Sorry. It's been a while since I've come across someone I need to watch my strength with," Rick said with an apologetic smile.
"Don't apologize! Makes you look weak!" Red Armor Guy said, stomping over. Rick rolled his eyes and flicked two fingers up in a kind of 'come on' motion. Red growled, but took off his helmet as well.
"Call me Red," he said. Rick and Grif both sighed heavily.
"I like it!" a short, sandy blond boy with steel gray eyes piped up. The other soldiers groaned.
"Aw man! I was so hoping he'd say his name!" Grif whined, causing his younger self to not-giggle.
"Great, our CO's always like this," Eagle said with a sigh, taking off his helmet... while perched on one of the few pillars still standing.
"When did he get up there?" asked the only dark skinned kid there.
"When we were bemoaning our CO's lack of a name," Grif said, looking rather resigned, though there was a little bit of fondness in those sharp amber eyes.
"Yo! I'm Private Franklin Doughnut, but you can call me Eagle Eye! I'm the team's sniper," the sniper said, giving them his own two fingered mock salute with a grin. Dex wasn't sure if he was ignoring their confusion... or finding amusement in it. He was leaning toward the latter. The slightly shorter than average blond, who had a bandage on his right cheek right where Eagle had a thin scar, blinked at him.
"You look like my dad. Are you my older self?" he asked. Grif snorted, now laying on his fallen pillar.
"Amazing. Even at thirteen you're a smarty pants," he said. Rick hummed in thought.
"Ya know... I had figured you'd say that to me, not Eagle," he said. Grif somehow managed to shrug from a prone position.
"It's called sarcasm Rick. Learn it," he remarked, closing his eyes. The maroon soldier snorted.
"I'm no stranger to sarcasm, Private Grif. Mostly thanks to you. Just so you know," he said, pushing the other man's legs off the stone.
"Well, I guess that just leaves Blue Team huh?" Church asked, stepping forward. "Forgive me for not taking my helmet off, I'm kind of a robot," he said, chuckling at the wide eyed looks he got from the teens. "My name is Private Leonard Church."
"Sweet mother of Godiva! He has a first name!" Grif yelled, bolting upright to stare at him in shock. Rick gasped as well.
"Fudge on a stick! Quick! Call the paper!" he exclaimed. Church laughed mockingly.
"Ha ha, very funny. Of course I have a first name you morons! Why wouldn't I?"
"I dun know. You've just always been 'Blue' or 'Church' to us," Dex said with a shrug.
"Wait. How are you Leonard Church? I'm Leonard Church! And I'm not a robot!" a pale teen with sage green eyes and jet black hair demanded, glaring at the robot in confusion.
"It's... a long story kid," Church said with a sigh.
/*/
"Still better than Twilight," Chi snarked. Doc choked on a laugh.
"You're seriously going to make that reference?" he said. Chi shrugged.
"I'm a fragment of an A.I. based off of him and his memories. I can honestly tell you he was doing it all out of love for his wife." Doc shook his head.
"Sure had a twisted way of honoring her memory, emotionally abusing their daughter like he did."
"Okay! Enough peanut gallery talk!" regenengel3 barked, glaring at them over the DS.
"One last comment... why are you switching between the DS and the laptop?" Chi said. She shrugged.
"I have a short attention span. Most FF writers do," she answered.
"That a fact?" Doc asked. She shrugged again.
"Honestly I'm not too sure. Don't know any other FF writers personally. I'm really just projecting myself onto them, which isn't fair but... oh okay. To any FF writers watching this, I'm sorry if I offended you with my poorly educated generalization. But seriously, if you had a choice between a story you're stonewalled in or Pokemon Diamond, would you make a third option and alternate?" she said to the camera.
"Okay, I guess you have a point there... not that I'd know, being a medic," Doc said. Regenengel3 scoffed.
"Not a very good one if you ask me."
"I'm not bad! I was just written that way!" Doc defended. Chi scooted toward the author.
"I don't like it when he gets all emotional on me," the A.I. muttered. Using her Author Powers, regenengel3 patted him on the head.
"It takes a special person to like an Emo, Chi. A very special person," she told him.
/*/
Tucker moved forward to look at the thirteen year old Church.
"So. This is what you look like. Huh. I always pictured you with sandy hair and gray eyes. Like tombstones," he said. Church kicked him over.
"Why would I have eyes like tombstones? That makes no sense!" he protested. Tucker shrugged from the ground before dragging himself into a sitting position.
"Eh, that's just what I got from your personality. Anyway! I'm Private Lavernius Tucker. Nice to meet ya, Little Church!" he said with a smile, having taken his helmet off when he said his name. The one black kid there gaped at him... self?
"I am Micheal J. Caboose! And I..." Caboose began, but was cut off by Grif shoving a...
"Did you just shove an orange in his mouth?" Rick asked, eying the brain damaged, it was all but confirmed by now, Blue. Grif shrugged, peeling another orange.
"I had one, so why not? Oh! Caboose! Don't eat the peel! It's nasty," he said, popping a section into his mouth. Rick shook his head at his teammate.
"Unbelievable," he muttered.
"What happened to me!? I'm an idiot!" the teen who could only be Caboose wailed, watching his older self happily peel the randomly appearing orange.
"Wait... you can recognize that?" Church asked, helmet staring at the teen.
"Uh... yeah? Grif had to tell him he couldn't eat the peel! And what was he about to say before you cut him off, Grif?" Micheal asked.
"Not too sure," the soldier said, "but ten to one, it was going to be something ridiculous like 'and I hate babies'," he finished with a negligent wave of his hand. Micheal held his hands out toward the Agent, face clearly saying, 'Ya see?!' Church shook his head.
"An almost smart Caboose. I must be loosing my mind," he muttered.
"Oh, but you already have," Grif said with a grin, as though it were some inside joke. Dex stared at him like he'd grown a second head.
"Okay... what happens in the future to make me into this madman?" he asked. This, of course, set the soldiers off. Big time.
"Hey hey! Dexxy! Did you hear that? You're the madman!" Rick gasped. Orange growled and pulled out his side arm. Which just happened to be a mauler.
"Call me Dexxy ever again, and I will not hesitate to mess you up, got it, Rickky?" he growled. Rick held his hands up with a smirk.
"You just proved our point ya know," the IT guy said. Orange growled again and put his gun up.
"To answer your question, Dex, that woman happened. Right after being drafted," he said, pointing at the ever randomly appearing Marley, who was accompanied by Flowdie.
/*/
"A wild Marley an' Flowdie has appeared!" Chi piped up. Doc gave him a look, but the A.I. was unrepentant.
/*/
"A pleasure to meet you, young Dexter. I look forward to whipping you into shape in the future," she said with a shark like grin. That was when the rest of the soldiers noticed Marley and Flowdie.
"GAH! When did you two get here?!" Eagle asked.
/*/
"Eagle used SCREECH!"
/*/
"Just now," Flowdie said with an easy shrug.
/*/
"It's not very effective!"
"WOULD YOU STOP COMMENTATING!? This isn't a Pokemon match!"
"But it was served up so nicely!"
"Okay... can't argue with that. Proceed."
"Thank you."
"And screech is a status move that lowers defense."
"Ah... right. Didn't focus much on Pokemon theory in school." Doc just shook his head and let it go.
/*/
Rick glowered at the pair.
/*/
"Rick used MEAN LOOK!"
/*/
Marley sighed and Flowdie shook his head.
/*/
"It...! Uh... wait. What does mean look do again?"
"I think it's a status mov... wait. You're an A.I! You have access to the web! You should know this!"
"Well... Pokemon wasn't a big priority and where I am now I'm basically just the color commentator." Doc gave him a Look.
"Color commentator?"
"Yep."
"Fine. Mean look effects the targets stats. Attack I think... or was it making the target unable to flee?"
/*/
"Look, we get that you guys are confused, but so are we!" Flowdie said. The was when Tucker recognized his voice.
"AH! ZOMBIE FLOWERS!" he shouted and ran behind one of the pillars. Eagle scoffed.
"And to think, we actually called you a threat," he remarked disparagingly, shaking his head at the man.
"Zombie. Apocalypse," the blue remarked darkly from his hiding place.
"Flowdie isn't dead, he never was and what do you mean by 'Flowers'?" Grif said, slowly turning to the cowering blue, his voice slipping into what the other Reds called his Interrogation Voice. It was low, it was quiet, and it was terrifying.
/*/
Doc shook his head. "Okay, this is getting ridiculous. Can we leave now?" he asked. Chi shrugged.
"Regenengel3 actually left about ten minutes ago. I say lets get out of here before Tex shows up," the A.I. said. Doc nodded back.
"Okay, cut it, Media Guy!" he said. In the Media Room, the Media Guy sighed and put up the outro, which was actually Tex beating up the Reds at the off-site storage facility. Doc took off his helmet and rubbed his face. "That was almost as bizarre as Margret Caboose," he moaned. Chi laughed.
"Yeah, but they were both interesting, don't you think?" he said. Doc glared at his companion.
"What do we have next?" he asked.
"Eh... Stranger things?" Chi hedged. Doc moaned and hauled himself up.
"I need coffee..." he said, already trailing out the door.
"Hey wait! Do you think regenengel3 will do more with this?" Chi asked.
"Maybe. If she gets people asking for more Young!Sims interacting with their older selves," Doc said with a shrug.
"Yeah, that sounds like her," Chi said.
"Oh, or she could get bit by a Plot Bunny that won't let go until she's written it," Doc added.
"Again, sounds like her," Chi said, then turned to his partner. "Bit?" he asked.
"Regenengel3 logic," Doc said, tugging open the fridge.
"Right... wait. Since when did we have a fridge?"
"Since Season 14 Episode 24."
"FOURTH WALL BREAK!" Doc stopped and turned to the A.I., then looked to the reader.
"Isn't it cute that he thinks the Fourth Wall still effects us?" he asked before chuckling and walking off with his purple Gatorade, shaking his head and dragging a mildly confused Chi along with him.