Chapter 4
My life, my honour, my reason, are all at your mercy; if you fail me to-night, I am lost.
- Robert Louis Stevenson, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Chapter 9
It had not changed much
Hyde was sitting on the hood of the El Camino, taking in the same view he had once shared with a small brunette on a long ago Veterans Day night. Only this time, he was alone. Hyde was thinking that was probably the best state for him to be in, for his own good and the good of certain other people with multi-coloured eyes.
It had been a week since Sam had left and during that time Hyde had kept himself sequestered from people, only coming out of his room to eat or go to work. Although the searing loneliness was starting to get to him, he congratulated himself that for an entire 7 days he had not seen or caused any further harm to –
"Jackie?" he cried, voice squeaking as badly as Forman's. She had just stepped into the clearing, as though his thoughts had summoned her by some mystical process.
"Hyde?" It was evident she was as surprised as he. "What are you doing here?"
"Nothing." Like he would ever admit what he was doing here. "How about you? Isn't this a bit far from your neighbourhood?"
"I just came to…. that is, I once came here with… never mind, you wouldn't understand."
"You'd be surprised," Hyde muttered under his breath. Jackie looked over the dark landscape with wistful eyes and then hoisted herself onto the bonnet of the El Camino, unconsciously duplicating the very memory that hung in the night air. When she started to shiver, Hyde rolled his eyes and shrugged out of his jacket. Why should that detail be left out, he thought as he draped it over her shoulders.
"Thanks," Jackie said, a catch of surprise in her voice at the considerate gesture, which annoyed Hyde that she didn't think he was capable of even that much courtesy. Perversely, he made sure to reinforce her bad impression of him.
"Keep your thanks to yourself. I was just covering up that stupid black rag that's grafted onto your arm. Seriously, when are you going to get rid of that depressing armband?"
Jackie stared at him in shocked offence. "I'll wear this 'rag' for as long as I choose to, you insensitive jackass!"
"Why? What's the point? Is it like if you don't wear it, you'll forget you lost someone and might accidentally be happy? Is that it?" Jackie said nothing, but hunched deeper into Hyde's jacket, retreating like a turtle. Looking for a response, Hyde kept on poking. "Your boyfriend is gone – we get that. Why don't you just let it go and get over it. It's not like he was that great of a boyfriend, anyhow."
"SHUT UP!" Jackie shouted. "Don't you dare say a word against my Steven! You didn't know him!"
Hyde looked up to the heavens and gave a shout of ironic laughter. "And you think you did? You've tricked him out in your memory into some kind of model of perfection. The person you're mourning – he never even existed."
"I know he wasn't perfect," Jackie cried.
"I don't think you do."
"What are you trying to tell me, Hyde? That Steven was a paranoid commitment-phobe? Or that he was a lazy son-of-a-bitch who always took the easy option? Well, you can save your breath because I know that. I know he wasn't perfect and didn't always treat me as well as he should have." The blaze in Jackie's eyes was quenched by tears and she turned her head away. "I know that."
Hyde stared at his ex-girlfriend in confusion. "Then… how can you miss him so much? What has he ever done to deserve your tears?"
"We loved each other," Jackie said in a quiet voice. "And he tried."
"Tried what?" Hyde was lost.
"He tried for me," Jackie explained. "We were as different as chalk and cheese but when he saw something was important to me, he'd try to give me what I wanted. And even though we'd fight and disagree and drive each other crazy sometimes, he didn't give up on me."
"He didn't?" Hyde was thinking of a certain road trip to Vegas with a fair measure of guilt.
"Not when it mattered," Jackie said. "I remember one time I accidentally called Michael my boyfriend in front of everybody. I saw on his face how much that hurt him, and, even worse, I knew how that must have hurt his pride, shaming him before everybody we knew like that. When I came to him and asked for a second chance, I thought I had no hope, that forgiving me would be too hard. But he did it," Jackie said with a sweet smile. "And he swallowed all of Michael's burns and his friends' sarcastic remarks because he refused to let me go." Hyde was silent, remembering that moment. He had been so tempted to end his relationship with Jackie then, had even announced he was over her in his anger, but she had pulled him back in with her stubborn emotional bravery. Who says 'I love you' after they've just been dumped, and then refuses to retract the statement even when told it would not be returned in kind? Well, actually, he had done that too. Still, if anyone should get points for not giving up, it was Jackie.
"I always thought I – I mean, he – was kind of a disappointment to you," Hyde said slowly. "He wasn't the type of guy you could show off at the country club. It just seemed like it was only a matter of time before you woke up and realised you could do a whole lot better."
"Better than Steven?" Jackie shook her head wryly. "How can there be someone better than your one true love? Do you have any idea how rare that is, Hyde, to find the one person on this earth who can make your heart beat faster just with their smile?" Hyde's throat dried up as he read the earnestness in her face.
"I have some idea," he managed to say. Jackie was a little thrown off her stride by this unexpected agreement. She had not associated Hyde with any tender emotion. Perhaps his relationship with Sam went deeper than it had appeared to.
"You mean… you have been in love like that too?"
Hyde didn't want to answer but her eyes were pulling the words out of him. "…yeah."
"And you lost her… recently?"
"Yeah." He breathed the simple syllable out sadly. Jackie had one more question.
"And did you happen to bring her here, for a first date or a first kiss, perhaps?"
Hyde looked sharply at Jackie. Was she remembering?
"Yes!" he blurted. "Jackie – "
"Oh, Hyde, I am so sorry," Jackie cried. "I've been so caught up in my own loss that I forgot about Sam."
"Who?" Hyde asked blankly. "Oh, Sam! Right, the wife. I'm with you."
"Look, Hyde, I know that we haven't known each other very long," Jackie began.
"…and yet it feels like years."
"… and I know I didn't really know Sam very well but somehow I got the feeling that she wasn't really the right girl for you."
"She was the opposite of the right girl for me," Hyde said with a significant look at Jackie. Sam had been the antonym for Jackie.
Jackie beamed at his agreement. "I'm so glad to hear you say that. Hyde, you have to know that you can do so much better than Sam."
Hyde looked at her warily. "And I suppose one day I'll find…"
"…somebody great," Jackie joined in.
"Why does this conversation seem so familiar?" Hyde mused.
"I don't know," Jackie replied. "Steven told me that when I broke up with Michael."
"That's right," Hyde said, snapping his fingers. Jackie looked at him with surprise. "That is.. look, Jackie, the same thing goes for you. I hate to see you so broken up about this Steven of yours."
"What are you saying, Hyde?"
"I'm saying that – Steven – would want you to be happy. Don't close yourself off from the possibility of falling in love again. I'm sure that any man who loved you wouldn't want you to be moping around for the rest of your life in some kind of screwed-up homage to him."
"Do you really think so?" Jackie asked doubtfully.
"Definitely. In fact, if he were able to somehow be here with us now and speak to you like I am, I'm convinced he would have two things to say to you; one, to move on with your life and two…"
"Yes?" Jackie was hanging on Hyde's words. His eyes softened behind his redundant sunglasses.
"Two, that he will always love you."
"Oh," Jackie let out a rush of air. "Oh Hyde, I think you're right."
"I'm always right."
"No, I mean you're right about Steven being here. When you said those words, I had the strongest sense that Steven was so close to me." Jackie shook her head in wonderment. "I can't describe it." She reached over to her armband, tore it off and tossed the fabric away. Then she reached over and squeezed Hyde's hand gratefully.
Hyde looked down at his hand in awe. Not only was Jackie putting aside her morbid preoccupation with the armband, she was looking at him with more life in her eyes that he had seen in a long time. And on some level she was starting to make the connection between Steven Jekyll and Steven Hyde. None of his friends or her therapist had been able to make this much progress with her. Maybe he wasn't just a curse on her life. Maybe he could be the cure.
"Come on, it's getting late," he said, sliding off the car's bonnet and pulling her along with him. "I should be getting you home."
"You don't have to go to that trouble. I don't mind walking," Jackie assured.
"It's no trouble," Hyde insisted, opening the car door for Jackie. "Anything for you, doll."
He was greatly satisfied at the double take those four familiar words prompted from Jackie, but he pretended to ignore her reaction.
It's working, he thought.
//00//00//00//00//00//00//00//00//00//00//00//00//00//00//00//00//00//00//00//00//00//00//00//00
"So, Mr Hyde skulks out of his lair," Donna mused.
"Put a sock in it," Hyde replied, taking his customary seat.
"No, really, we haven't seen you all week. I had no idea Sam's leaving would hit you so hard," Donna said. Hyde gave her a hard look but she maintained the guileless expression which hid the little fishing expedition she was on.
"Yeah, sure, my dear departed wife is the one I'm all cut up over," Hyde said sarcastically. "Would you believe it? I got WB's lawyer to start divorce proceedings but when he filed for a copy of our marriage certificate, it came up with two results."
"You mean… you married her twice?" Fez asked.
"No, dingus! It means she was married before me – and that marriage was still in force when she hauled my drunken carcass before the preacher."
"No way!" Donna exclaimed.
"On the one hand I'm pissed that she conned me like that," Hyde admitted. "But on the other, I'm kind of glad that means she was never really my wife." Hyde smirked at this thought. "Come to think of it, that hand outweighs the other by a ton."
"I see," Donna said as one ready to spring a trap. "And the reason why you are so happy that your record is still clean in the marriage department wouldn't have anything to do with a certain economy-sized brunette, would it?"
"What? I don't know what you're talking about," Hyde replied, shifting in his seat uneasily.
"And the reason why you have finally returned to the land of the living doesn't have anything to do with a conversation you had with said Brunette last night, then?" Donna continued.
"Man, Jackie never could keep anything to herself. Look, Donna, just because Jackie and I had some kind of moment last night, it doesn't mean anything."
Donna and Fez shared a look that telegraphed Here comes Hyde's latest denial of all feelings.
"But it did make me realise that maybe I can… I don't know, help her or something. Get her back to normal. I kind of figure I owe her that much. But don't go thinking any stupid romantic crap that there's more to it than that, 'cause Jackie and I, we are over. Kaput. Nothing to see here and everybody can just move along. Got it?"
As if on cue, the basement door opened and the subject of discussion burst in. At once Hyde's posture was electrified at the sight of the girl he was so over, a reaction not lost on Donna and Fez.
"Hello, my goddess," Fez greeted her. "You are looking particularly radiant this morning."
Jackie nodded in agreement. "I know! Aren't these jeans incredible on me? Honestly, Jordache should be paying me commission for making them look so good."
Donna grinned, pleased to see her friend returning to her natural overconfidence. "I think that outfit works really well because it doesn't have any black in it."
"You mean the armband? Yes, Hyde made me realise that it was time for me to move on and let myself be happy again," Jackie replied, shooting a grateful half-smile at Hyde. He could not suppress an answering smile, nor the softened warmth in his eyes. "And to that end," Jackie went on, "I have some good news."
"What would that be, Jacks?" Hyde asked genially. "You joining a pottery class or something?"
"No, much better. I have a date!"
"WHAT?" Hyde exploded. "What the Hell do you mean you have a date?!"
"Well, I was just down at the Hub having a coffee when the waiter sets this toasted cheese sandwich down in front of me. I told him I hadn't ordered it but then he said that the guy at the end of the counter bought it for me. I looked over and there was the most gorgeous looking guy, raising his glass of OJ to me." Jackie sighed. "It was like something out of a movie!"
"More like a cheese commercial," Hyde grumped. "Jackie, you can't go out with some guy just because he buys you a sandwich! That's the oldest line in the book."
"It is?" Fez asked, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe that's where I've been going wrong. Instead of showing up for dates with a box of candy, I should offer a meatball sub." His eyes widened at the implications. "Then I can keep the candy for myself!" He shot to his feet decisively. "If you need me, I will be at the sandwich shop."
Hyde rolled his eyes. "But, Fez – "
"I said sandwich shop!" Fez cried, elbowing past Jackie in his dash to the door.
Jackie turned to Hyde with folded arms and a militant slant to her eyes. "What is with you, Hyde? Last night you were all about how Steven would have wanted me to move on and now you're being about as encouraging as Red Forman at one of Eric's roller disco tournaments!"
"I just think it's a little early to go dating some smarmy stranger you know nothing about. I mean, damn it, I'm not even cold in my grave!" Jackie gave him a confused look. "I mean Steven – Steven isn't cold in his grave."
"He's not a stranger! We talked for an hour and he told me about how he's the new intern at the hospital and he knows Kitty really well. Oh, and Roger likes the Captain and Tennille almost as much as me!"
"Roger?" Hyde sneered. "What kind of dorky name is that?"
"Well, I think it's great that you are moving on, Jackie," Donna decided. "Just so long as you're not rushing into anything you're not ready for."
"Donna, if it hadn't been for last night I would have told Roger no thanks," Jackie said seriously. "Because my heart still belongs to Steven. But last night when Hyde told me Steven would want me to move on, I had such a strong sense of his presence – and then today a handsome young doctor asks me out on a date; it must be a sign."
"Sure," Hyde said moodily. "A sign that you'll fall for any dillhole who's easy to look at and gives you something for free."
Jackie turned on Hyde, eyes sparkling with irritation and hands on hips.
"You know, I thought I was wrong about you last night, that there was more to you than a callous don't-give-a-crap attitude. But I guess I had you pegged right from the start. You're still the same jerk who's got nothing better to do than rain on everybody's parade." With that final assessment, Jackie flounced out of the basement.
"Well then," Donna opened. "Looks like Jackie won't be needing your help after all. Must be a relief to you that she's found a new guy to put the spring back in her step."
"Can it, Donna." Hyde pulled himself up and headed towards his bedroom.
"Hyde, you are not going into hibernation again," Donna ordered.
"Nah, just need a little solitude. I've got some things I need to take care of." Once he had closed the door behind him, he thought grimly Like a plan to scare off Mr Rogers.
It was time to reclaim what was his.