disclaimed(:

"Derrick. Derrick, honey, get up," someone whispered.

Derrick's eyes opened slowly. As his blurry vision cleared, he made out the features of his mom, her brown eyes bloodshot and teary. He bolted upright. "Mom, are you okay?" he asked, worried.

She began to tear up again and she throatily said, "I think it's best you come downstairs." She squeezed his hand and walked away and out his door.

Derrick was perplexed before getting out of bed and running a hand through unruly dirty-blond hair. He exited his room and from the second floor of his house, he looked down to find Todd's parents, Judi and Jay Lyons, sobbing on their sofa.

Derrick's eyes widened. Where was Todd? Why wasn't he there bawling his eyes out as well? Derrick rushed down the stairs and to Judi and Jay.

Judi continued to sob as she took Derrick into a hug. He awkwardly wrapped his arms around her back and rubbed soothing circles. Lorelai, Derrick's mom, tore apart and wailed into Christopher, Derrick's dad's shoulder.

Jay's eyes were swollen as he played thumb-war by himself.

"I'm so sorry, honey," Judi murmured into Derrick's hair.

He raised an eyebrow. "Why? What happened?" he asked nervously, anxious to hear the answer. He was afraid that something had happened to Todd and half of him knew that whatever news was coming to him involved Todd.

Derrick braced himself for the following words uttered.

Judi looked at him, her eyes red and puffy. "Todd is dead, honey," she sobbed.

Derrick's eyes widened and his mind froze. He didn't need to know how he died. Suddenly, the air around him chilled and a slight electrocution went up his spine.

The words repeated in his head like an annoying Jonas Brothers son that popped up your head randomly.

Todd… Dead… Crash… Drunk… Last night…

His thoughts were forming incoherent words, all of them bunching up into illegitimate sentences.

He shook his head slowly. Even if he didn't know what he was thinking or doing, he knew that Todd's death was his fault. He was to blame.

Layne's face popped into his head. Her sweet, innocent, soft features imprinted themselves into his head. It was torturous the way Todd's death played itself in his head. It was like a bad Fanboy and Chumchum rerun.

A dark blackness crept up on Derrick and ate him alive, devouring his thoughts and reactions.

It was a scary feeling.

For the next week, Derrick stayed in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He had lost all sense of emotion. He would do things zombie-like; he'd turn on the TV and a few minutes of random actors stiffly moving around, he would wonder how the TV got turned on.

He completely stopped eating sold foods and resorted to mashed potatoes and water.

He would shower three times a day, and then get himself dirty and not shower at all.

Derrick had changed spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally.

He was under his bed covers when he heard his door creak open and closed. A few seconds after, a heavy form took a seat next to Derrick.

"Honey," a sweet voice filled Derrick's ears as a hand ran across his body from above the covers. "Today is Todd's, uh…" She sighed.

Derrick didn't know what he was doing. He hadn't remembered dressing up or getting in the car and driving to Connecticut Meadows Cemetery.

He sighed as people he knew, classmates and Todd's other peers, greeted him with their apologies and condolences. The person he least needed there, Layne, walked right up to him and hugged im. He kept his eyes forward, set, hard and his arms were pressed into his sides.

In Derrick's world, everything was quiet. In his eyes, everyone was talking, but all they did was repeat the words that Todd and Derrick exchanged what was only a week ago. Seven days of torturing himself with the experiences that went through his head and repeated themselves nonstop. Everywhere he looked, it seemed as if everyone was glaring back, silently accusing him of Todd's death.

And that's when it finally hit him.

Todd is dead, he thought. Todd is dead. Todd is dead.

It grew as a chant in his head, going faster as it blended into just one word.

Todd is dead, Todd is dead, Todd is dead, Todd is dead, Toddisdead, Toddisdead, Toddisdead, Toddisdead, . Todd is dead!

After three monotonous, cold hours, after looking at Todd's pale body before he was truly gone, after hearing the loud, heart-wrenching sobs, everyone left.

Derrick only sat there, staring at Todd's grave. He wasn't going to be around to bother him with irksome questions and remarks. He wouldn't be there to steal his food anymore or to make fun of people. He wouldn't be there to steal his pens, never return them and lie and say someone else stole them.

Derrick whimpered, bringing his hand out to touch the already frigid tombstone. He didn't bother reading the words. He didn't need to know what they said. Because none of it would explain who Todd really was. None of it would prove that he was the most amazing person ever.

"Todd," Derrick murmured, his voice scratchy from not being used in the past week. He st down Indian-style and twiddled with his thumbs. "Remember when, uh, we were seven and we had the same crush on the same girl?" He already felt the tears rushing to his eyes. "And, uh, we fought over her!" He forced a smile and subtly cleared his throat. "We got in a stupid fight and in the end, she chose some other kid, 'member?" The hot liquid spilled down his cheeks, dripping onto the moist grass.

"And remember how you promised that we would never fight over a stupid girl again? And that we'd be best friends forever?" He closed his eyes and clenched his teeth together. He opened his eyes and stared at the tombstone, it's dullness and grey features drowning him in his sorrow.

"I'm sorry, Todd," Derrick whispered. "I'm sorry that I betrayed you. I'm sorry that I'm the reason that you're not alive right now." He trid to force back the tears, but they came against his will. "You left me, Todd. Your best bud; you left me," he sputtered.

He bit the inside of his cheek. "If I stopped you," Derrick hesitated, not able to say the next sentence, knowing that whatever he had to say wouldn't bring Todd back. "I can't believe that I didn't."

He sniffled and stood up, using his jacket sleeve to wipe his face dry. An arm went around his shoulder. "It's not your fault," Derrick's mother whispered to him as they stood in front of Todd's grave.

"He's dead," Derrick murmured through unmoving lips, "I didn't stop him. He was my best friend and I let him die."

"Derrick, honey-"

"No, Mom," he interrupted, shaking his head. "You don't understand. I did this to him."

"Derrick, he was drunk-"

"Because of me, Mom!" he hysterically shouted, escaping his mother's grip. "I made him drink! There's a reason for everything, Mom, and Todd's death? I'm to blame! I'm the resaon why he's dead! You can't tell me that I had nothing to do with this. No matter what happens, even if you let me take therapy for this, I'm always going to remember this as my fault!" He swallowed and dropped to his knees, big tears falling again.

The wind blew lightly, swirling the leaves on the ground. People with their own business gathered around their own family loss. Heavy gray clouds gathered together, shielding the barely there sun from shining any further. The dampened grass stained his pants, leaving green markings and wet spots.

Derrick sniffled and looked up at the sky. "I'm sorry, Todd. For everything."

ericka: and BAM! and the stain is gone(: i uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupdaaaaaaated :D wiiiiin(:

dez: sorry for the long wait. please leave a review and merry christmas! :D