Chapter 4- Goodnight Wendy:
Cartman strutted proudly through the school the next day. A huge, constant grin was present on his face. He knew what he needed to know, and it was better than even he had hoped. Now, to make the puppets dance. He strolled up to Wendy's locker before school.
She turned to face the intruder, hoping to find Stan and frowning when she saw Cartman in his place. "Why are you so happy?" She asked suspiciously.
"I know the truth." he said simply.
Her eyes brightened. "About Stan? What's going on with him? it isn't another girl, is it? I knew it wasn't, he would never do anything like that!"
Cartman smirked. "Well, not exactly. It's..." Cartman snickered. "I'm sorry, give me a second. I laugh just thinking about it...He's...He...HAHAHA!"
Wendy frowned in puzzlement. "It can't be THAT funny. Jesus."
Cartman wiped a tear from his eye, getting his giggles and snickers under control. "Okay, okay...I'll tell you. Oh man..." He took a deep breath. "You ready for this? ...Stan didn't dump you for another girl. Oh no...He dumped you...for a guy! Kyle!"
She paled considerably, and suddenly scoffed, all color returning. "Cartman, you asshole! That's not funny. Now be serious; what did you find out?"
"Dude I am serious! Kyle told me himself. And he wouldn't just make something like that up."
She felt her heart sink, realizing he was dead serious. She clutched her stomach, her hand shot up to her mouth by reflex, as if she would be sick if she didn't try to hold it in. "Oh my God." She whispered against her trembling hand.
"I know!" Cartman nodded in amazement of the situation. "I find it hilarious, but, y'know..." He shrugged.
Her eyes connected with his, wide in fear and shock. Stan couldn't be with Kyle. If it were true, if this were real, she would never win him back. Her eyes glassed with tears, and for once she didn't care if Cartman, or anyone else, saw.
"What kind of hell are we living in?" She gasped to herself.
Cartman blinked. "...Dude, Wendy it...it's not that bad."
She took a wobbly step backward. "I-It feels-" she started, hiccupping on a sob. "like my heart's been ripped out."
Cartman didn't know what to say. Obviously, he wasn't very good at comforting people. "Want me to beat up Kyle?" he asked.
She shook her head, hand still clamped over her mouth as more tears spilled down her cheek. "No," She croaked out. "But I might." She broke away on a sob, not stopping until she reached the girls bathroom.
"Damn!" Cartman said under his breath. His big chance to be sweet and comforting, and he went and fucked it up. He was about to head for class, but overheard Clyde Frog's annoying "pussy" remark coming from his book bag again. Cartman waited in spite of the ringing school bell, standing firm outside the girl's room.
---
It was a good ten minutes before the door of the stall Wendy hid in opened with a protesting squeak. Her first reaction was to look straight ahead and into the mirror that held the hideous looking thing she was. He hair fell over her swollen, red eyes in a way that mocked that of a Goth. Her bottom lip protruded out in a pout that wouldn't go away no matter how hard she tried...She looked like a clown. A pathetic, red-eyed, gothic clown. She splashed her face with cool water and dried it fiercely on a rough paper towel. Swiping a few extra stray tears onto her pink sleeve, she opened the main door of the girls room, running smack into Cartman.
"Oomph!" She protested, and took a step back. "What are you doing out here?"
"Waiting for you," he replied simply. "You all right?"
She searched his eyes, looking for any trace of hidden mockery. She could find none.
"No," she rushed out on a breath. "No, I'm not okay. Why would I be okay? I just found out the love of my life dumped me for... a guy." She rubbed at her throbbing temples. Crying always gave her headaches. "We were supposed to get married someday. We were going to have a house with a white picket fence and kids and...a dog." She sniffed. "A fucking dog!" She screamed. "Where does that leave me now?"
She was clearly hurt. Cartman had two options here. Comfort wasn't his area, so it was either make her laugh or speak from his heart. He went for the heart approach first, since it appeared to be working. After all, she was talking to him without slinging insults his way.
"...Y'know, sometimes girls don't like me too...Okay, a lot of times they don't...And sometimes, I think I'm gonna end up alone and unmarried, and all that shit too...But then I remember what my mom says. She says I'm special, and that people should like me for who I am...In a way, this is kinda like an opportunity for you."
The tears formed again, but she didn't let them break free. She flung her arms around Cartman's neck and buried her face in the crook of his neck.
Cartman smiled a bit at this contact. Feeling much more comfortable, he wrapped his large arms around her, embracing her in a hug.
"You're special, Wendy." he said. "You're gonna find some guy way better than Stan."
She took a deep breath to instill more composure, thankful for his words, though on the inside a voice was telling her "no one's better than Stan".
"...You wanna have dinner tonight?" Cartman blurted out.
Her eyes flew open, all new tears coming to a halt. Did she...hear that right? She pulled away from him, blinking rapidly. "What?"
"I just...I-I don't want you to be alone tonight ... Besides, you said you might beat up Kyle. If there's one thing I love discussing over dinner, it's torturing that little Jew...S-so, what do you think?"
She released a breath and smiled through her tears. What the hell? She didn't have anything else to lose. "Okay."
Cartman blinked, a bit surprised she had actually agreed. Maybe she was on the rebound. Maybe she wasn't thinking straight. But who cares? She said yes!
"Okay!" He smiled. "I'll uh...I'll see you at seven...Er, shit, I gotta get to class dude. Feel better okay? Later!" He ran off as fast as he could go, his smile already widening.
---
The school day continued. As promised, Stan avoided Kyle. Kyle wasn't very happy about it, but respected Stan's wishes even though it was killing him inside. At lunch, Stan very cautiously approached Wendy. Perhaps some of those "rumors" could be squashed if they were seen hanging out again.
"...Er, hi..." he said weakly.
Her head snapped upward at the familiar voice. She paused to stare at him. "Stan," she concluded the obvious, her mouth full of peanut butter and jelly.
Stan nodded. "...Can, um...Can I sit down?"
"America the free." She reminded him, focusing her eyes on the tabletop. She didn't feel hungry anymore.
Stan slowly sat down next to his ex, hoping she wasn't going to kill him today.
"...I've um...I've been doing a lot of thinking lately," he began. "And I just...I'm sorry." He sighed.
She scowled, still refusing to look at him. He was sorry? Sorry for what? That she didn't have a dick? If she was going to get an apology, she wanted a specific one.
"Sorry for what?" she asked, her eyes seeking and finding her box of juice. She snatched it up, sipping at it angrily to try and keep calm.
"Well, everything." he said. "I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I dumped you...But I want you to know that I've made some decisions lately, and I really regret breaking up with you...If you'd have me, I want you back."
She gaped at him. How the hell could he say that and keep a straight face? "You want me back?" She echoed him in disbelief. "What about Kyle?"
Stan gazed down at the floor. He could lie about it and defuse the whole rumor right now, but getting back with Wendy would lend a lot more credibility to the idea that the whole Kyle thing was false, even though it wasn't. Besides, Wendy was a good person. Stan couldn't really lie to her even if he wanted to.
"...Y...You heard about that, huh? ...Fuck!"
"Yeah, I heard about that." She confirmed bitterly. "You dumped me for a boy? Jesus Christ, Stan!"
"I know, I know...But you'll be happy to know that all that's over with now. I'm not even hanging out with Kyle at all anymore...Maybe I was just...going through a phase or something. We're supposed to do that kinda thing."
"You did it because you're suppose to." She hissed at him. "Very mature. Could he actually kiss you without you barfing on him? Or am I just special?"
"Wendy, please. I don't know why I did it. I just know that I regret it and I wanna fix it...I want you..."
"And I want you," She admitted. "But damnit, Stan, I will never be able to trust you again. I don't want a relationship that consists of my wondering if my boyfriend is thinking about Kyle whenever we kiss!"
Stan remained silent for a moment, not really having much of a defense for that one. "...I'm human," he said simply. "I made a mistake...I fucked up, a-and I'm sorry for that...Like I said though, I don't even hang out with Kyle now. That's over and done with, and it's never gonna be that way again." He frowned ever so slightly. Whether it was because he was sorry, or because he couldn't go back to Kyle, he wasn't sure.
Wendy pressed her hands to her eyes and moaned quietly. It would be so easy to cave into those wide-blue eyes. So easy. But, she never liked to take the easy way out. She had to face facts that... it was over. "I can't." She announced, standing from the table and sweeping a lock of hair behind her ear. "You broke my heart too many times. Besides, I have a date with Cartman tonight."
Stan blinked. He must've heard her wrong. "Whoa, whoa, back up...A date? Like, a...date date? ...With CARTMAN!?"
"That's right." She answered calmly. She'd be damned if she let him know she was every bit as freaked out about it as he was.
Stanley frowned. "...But...But I love you, Wendy. Cartman...Cartman doesn't even like you for Christ's sake!"
She snorted sarcastically. "How would you know? Has he told you that?"
"He calls you a ho!"
"Maybe he likes ho's!" She snapped back. She took a breath and shook her head. "There's nothing you can say that will change my mind. One minute you're hot, the next you're cold. Maybe it's best if you're single for a while, because you're certainly a lost cause in a relationship." She swung her legs over the bench and started for the exit.
Stan pouted, saying nothing in response. He had blown it. At least for now.
---
Later that evening a nervous Cartman is seen adjusting his tie in the mirror. He had gotten dressed up for this very special event, and why not? It's not every day Eric Cartman has Wendy Testaburger over for dinner. Hearing a knock at the door, Eric gulped nervously and headed to greet his date for the evening.
Outside the door, Wendy huffed and ran her fingers once through her hair. She hadn't thought the idea was that bad before. Now that it was actually about to happen, she only wanted it to be over with. Nothing good could come of it. In fact, she would bet that she would end up walking away pissed off before an hour was up. Much to her surprise, and oddly enough, pleasure, she literally gasped when he opened the door. He looked...good!
"Sup, ho?" Cartman asked with a smile. He might have been able to dress up and feel emotion for a girl, but he was still Eric Cartman. "C'mon in," he offered.
She narrowed her eyes and accept the invitation in, though she didn't offer a greeting in return, insulting or otherwise.
Cartman shut the door and escorted his date to the dinner table. "The food's almost ready" he informed her.
What the hell am I doing here? She thought exasperatedly as she pulled out a chair and fell ungraciously into it. "What are we having?" She asked, trying to be polite and not let her eagerness to leave show.
"Italian food. It was all I knew how to make."
She nodded, admitting to herself that at least the night wasn't going to be a total loss. "Italian's my favorite."
Cartman grinned. He hadn't planned on it being Wendy's favorite, but he did know Italian food was considered quite romantic. A ding alerted him that the food was ready. He headed for the kitchen and promptly returned with the food. Two very romantic plates of...pizza.
"Very creative." The compliment was meant as sarcasm, although she couldn't help but grin at him.
"I thought so." He smiled back and put a plate down in front of her before sitting across from the girl at the table.
"...You're smiling," he observed. "Does that mean you're feeling better?"
Her smile immediately twisted into a frown. No, she wasn't feeling better at all. In fact, she now regret having turned Stan down earlier. And although she would never tell Cartman she was planning on calling him after she got back home, she thought nothing of telling him about earlier. She picked at the sleeve of her shirt, looking downward as she spoke. "Not really." She hesitated. "Stan tried to get me back today."
"Oh." Cartman said, frowning himself now as he picked at his food. "...That's not fair. He's a fag."
The words were too true. It made her heart clench. "Don't. Just don't."
Cartman hesitated to speak again. He couldn't piss her off and blow this date, but at the same time, he couldn't let her just go back to Stan. He swallowed a bite of food and chose his next words carefully.
"I'm just saying it's unfair. I mean, fags are fags. You can't be a fag and then still try to horde all the hot girls for yourself too! That screws over all the perfectly good straights. It's bullshit dude."
"Don't call him that!" She commanded. "Just because he had a thing for Kyle doesn't make him gay." She paused, more angry with herself for defending Stan. He was the one who cheated on her. He was the one who left her. Not Cartman...Then again... "And you're one to talk about 'hording all the girls'."
"What?" Cartman paused, a piece of pizza inches from going into his mouth.
"Cookie." She stated simply. "Does she know I'm over here right now?"
Cartman scratched his head. "Coo...kie...?" He had long since forgotten about that lie. Hell, that wasn't even the only lie he had told that day. "I don't know what you...OH! Cookie! Er, we broke up." he stated quickly, his memory coming back to him in mid-sentence.
"You broke up," she repeated with evident skepticism. "When?"
Cartman chewed his food very slowly, trying to come up with a good cover.
"Like last week, I think." he said. "I don't remember. Who cares? The point is it's over."
Wendy still wasn't convinced, and noticed for the first time she hadn't even touched her dinner. She took a bite, immediately falling in love with it. "You got over that quickly." She observed, watching his reaction carefully.
Cartman shrugged. She was too smart for him, but he was never one to panic. If he believed the lie, she would have to eventually.
"Well, it's like I was saying to you before. Mah mom says I'm special, and people should like me for who I am. That bitch didn't, so I was all like 'later,' You know?"
She raised her eyebrows in agreement. Pretty smart thinking on his behalf, she wished she could feel that way about Stan.
"And Cookie was okay with this?"
He grinned. "Oh, I don't know about that. I mean, I'm quite a man."
"Pfffft." She rolled her eyes, smiling despite herself. "You are a good pizza maker." She admitted, her mouth full of the evidence.
He blushed a bit, happy she was back to complimenting him. "Thanks." He went back to eating as well, searching his brain for a new, safe topic of conversation.
"...Clyde Frog says hi."
Her chewing halted for a moment. "I'm not going to talk to it, Cartman. I stopped that when I was seven."
"I didn't ask you to talk to him." he responded calmly. "Besides, he's not even here tonight."
"Right. You make him leave so we could have the house to ourselves?" She teased.
Cartman smirked. "Of course not. Clyde Frog had his own date tonight...I only made mom leave so we could be alone."
It was stupid to ask, she knew, but still couldn't stop herself. "What could a stuffed doll possibly be dating, Malibu Barbie?"
"He didn't tell me her name." Cartman responded, completely serious in tone.
She hid her mouth against her fist, trying hard to hide her quiet laughter. How could a bastard be so adorable? It was something she would never be able to answer, not if her life depended on it. After brushing back a stray piece of hair, she muffled her amusement with her final bite of food.
Cartman smiled and ate, enjoying the currently stable date. The sound of a door opening and shutting in the other room was heard.
"Clyde Frog must be home."
Bewilderment took over Wendy's smile. "Clyde Frog?" she repeated.
"I told you, he had a date." Cartman took a bite of pizza again. "There he is. Hey Clyde Frog."
"Hey" a voice from behind Wendy called.
She whirled around at the sound, eyes landing on none other than the stuffed animal. "What the hell...?" She breathed.
Sure enough, a tuxedo-wearing Clyde Frog was now lying on the floor behind Wendy's chair. He said nothing else, of course, since stuffed animals can't talk.
"We're still having dinner Clyde Frog. So if you don't mind..." Cartman said.
Wendy blinked, looked to Cartman, who was extremely serious about the entire situation, to Clyde Frog, and down at her plate. What the hell did he slip in her food?
The sound of feet going up steps was heard. "Later!" Cartman called out. Sure enough, the stupid puppet was now gone.
"You want some water or something?" he asked.
Her eyes darted between his calm expression and the staircase. Yeah, she lost it. Completely. "Water-" She croaked, then swallowed before continuing. "Would be nice."
"Kewl." Cartman headed for the kitchen to fetch his lady her drink. Unfortunately, he didn't have a whole lot to talk about. He had spent most of his life fighting with Wendy, and he certainly didn't want to bring up a sore subject. Still, he liked her. Surely he could find some way to express that.
Wendy waited until he turned his back to quietly rise from the chair and tiptoe away. There was no way a doll could just up and head upstairs without someone carrying it, and she wanted to know exactly who was teamed with Cartman in his little game to make her feel like a complete lunatic. With care, she hurried up the stairs, choosing the first door on the right. Luck was on her side. It was obviously Cartman's room, and there, Clyde Frog resided on the bed. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously as she checked under the bed, and then opened the closet, checking for any hidden assholes plotting more tricks.
"Don't take anything." the frog called out from his spot on Cartman's dresser, his mouth unmoving. "He'll know if you took stuff. He's protective of his shit."
She jumped at the sound, staring the frog down from her spot near the closet. "Did you...say something?"
"I said not to take Eric's stuff. He hates that." The frog wasn't moving one bit, but obviously someone was speaking. It didn't make sense, but then, a lot of things in South Park didn't.
Stunned and completely amazed, she crept toward the doll, pausing before poking its stomach.
Amazing.
"Why are you up here anyway?" the frog apparently asked her. "You guys gonna...you know...heh-heh."
She gasped loudly. "That's offensive!" She screamed, then blushed furiously as she glanced around the room and took sight of his bed. It certainly was a personal place for her to be barging into.
"He really likes you," the frog said, his fake body totally motionless.
Her anger and embarrassment vanished at once, leaving behind nothing but curiosity, and maybe a little hopefulness. "What does he say about me?" She asked, completely disregarding her sanity, for now.
"He denies it most of the time, but I can tell. He thinks you're pretty and smart. He likes some of your personality. But don't tell him I told you. He doesn't have the balls to say it himself, probably, but someone has to get you together god dammit."
"Together?" She squeaked. "Me and...and Cartman?" She squeezed her eyes closed, laughing almost hysterically at the suggestion. For some reason there was a bitter twinge in her stomach.
"...You don't want him?" the frog asked, concern in his voice. "Oh boy..."
Her laughter ceased. "I didn't say that. I mean, I... damnit. I didn't mean that either." She grumbled. "You make it sound like something terrible. Even if he does like me, he would get over it, I'm sure. He would just call me a hippie and flip me off."
"Maybe. But he shouldn't have to get over you. You guys have something nice going. And besides, even if he gets defensive and flips you off, he's still a person. He'd be hurt."
The girl shook her head. "He wasn't very hurt about Cookie. And God knows how long they were going out."
"Cookie? You mean you haven't figured that out yet? Cookie was you. Duh."
"Me?" She asked. "But how? I was never his girlfriend."
"There was no Cookie. She was a lie, and everything about her was based on you. The way she looked. Her personality. Think about it. It was all you because you're the one he wanted."
Her breath was dead as she turned this information around in her head. Dark hair, blue eyes, a dimple when she smiles... "Oh, God-" She whispered, backing away from the frog and toward the door, wanting to leave but too stunned to turn away from the bearer of information.
"Look, all I know is I'm sick of him being a pussy about this. Get together if you want, or don't if you aren't interested. Either way, Eric needs to move on with his life. Personally, I think he'd make a great catch."
She absorbed the words, but offered no response as she turned and walked leisurely out of the room and down the stairs.
Cartman smiled and approached the girl as she reached the bottom of the stairs. "There you are! ...I thought you left..."
It took her a moment to find her voice. He did in fact look genuinely happy to see her. "The water?" She asked, needing it now more than ever.
He held out a filled glass for her. "You all right? Where'd you go?"
"Just... looking for the bathroom." She lied before downing the entire glass. She wiped her mouth with her sleeve, a very un-lady like action she would normally never do, and held the empty glass out to him. "Thank you."
"No problem." Cartman took the glass back. "...I'm just glad you didn't run off."
Honestly, she was seriously considering running, but somehow managed to keep herself planted. "Why do you think I would do something like that?"
"I'm not stupid. I've spent years ripping on you. Going to dinner with me probably isn't high on your list of priorities."
"I would rather chew off my right arm." She admitted. "At least, that's what I used to think."
"Tell me about it." He grinned. "I never thought I'd be asking the hippie to have pizza."
"Are you sorry you did?"
"No...Are you sorry you came?"
She took a considerable amount of time to think it over before deciding. "Yes, because I hated you before tonight."
Cartman frowned upon hearing the "yes," but perked up as he listened to the rest of her words. "You hated me, before?" His smile widened. "So how're you gonna feel about me after tonight?"
"Confused." She admitted, looking thoughtful. "Unless-" She broke off her words, unsure if she should finish.
"...Unless what?" Cartman asked, genuinely curious.
She smiled at him then, for some reason liking it when he wasn't sure about something. "Unless I test myself." That said, she didn't hesitate to grab the front of his shirt and haul him against her, finishing her behavior by locking lips with his.
Once the initial shock of Wendy's aggressive behavior wore off, Cartman realized what was going on. She was here, and she was kissing him of her own free will. It was wonderful. It was what he wanted, whether he'd ever admit it himself or not. Seizing this golden opportunity, he wrapped his big hands around Wendy's waist, pressing his lips back against hers.
She broke off the kiss with a loud, satisfactory SMACK sound, her breath now ragged and heavy. "Whoa," she panted out accidentally. She pried herself out of his embrace, slightly embarrassed at her behavior. "Now, I-I think I should... should go."
Cartman blushed, his breath also gone. "If...I-if you want..." He released her from his grip, confident in knowing how she probably felt about him now. "...You've been talking to Clyde Frog, haven't you?"
"Maybe." She answered, unable to unlock her eyes from his long enough to even blink. "He's not so bad, after all."
Cartman smirked. "I told you so." He continued staring at the girl as well, not really wanting to let her go, but satisfied with the date as it stood at the moment. "...By the way, I give you a C."
"A 'C'?" She repeated, her eyebrows suddenly furrowing. "A 'C' on what?"
"On the 'test' of course. But if you'd like to earn an A..." Cartman winked playfully at her, not needing to finish his sentence.
She accepted the challenge by flinging herself at him, knocking him to the ground in the process and straddling his lap. Before he could recover from his second round of shock, she kissed him again, this time delaying it long and slow before pulling away.
"So what's that get me?"
Cartman's jaw dropped. "...If it means we can do that more often, an F." He laughed slightly, the girl still on top of him. As he continued to stare up at her, he couldn't help but become aroused.
She laughed with him and stood, oblivious to just how much it had effected him. "I'd better go. I still need to call Stan." She held her hand out to him as a help up offer.
He took her hand and returned to his feet, the smile more or less stuck on his face now. "The fag doesn't know what he's missing," Cartman remarked before giving Wendy's hand a small kiss. It wasn't nearly as aggressive, but he was the man here and he wanted to start some show of affection here. "Goodnight Wendy."
"Goodnight." She returned before quietly clicking the door closed behind her.
Eric stood at the door a moment, letting everything sink in. After a long contemplation, he ran up to his room and gave Clyde Frog a hug. "Thank you...Thank you so much...Mah god..."
KyleisGod & BratChild3