-1Ashley. God, just her name makes my heart beat faster. It's now been 4 months, and I still don't have Ashley with me. I would do anything to be with her. Ever since I first found out her 3rd period was next to mine I would always wait for her. The thing is though that she would either already be there talking to Madison or this other blonde chick named Shelly, or she would be coming as soon as I turned around. That's changed now. I go to my 3rd period class the same way, it never changes. I would go through the door next to my biology class. Now, when I saw Ashley, she would go though the main doors in the locker hallway area, but now she has changed her routine. Now, everything I go through the doors ahead of my bio class, she is standing with some friends either right next to the door, or just outside the door. It's almost like she is waiting for something. Or someone. I try not to dwell on it too much, and just figure she wanted to be closer to her class so she isn't late. I swear every time I see her my breath catches in my throat and I just wish I could say something, anything to her, but it like I paralyzed, able to move my body, but not my mouth nor think clearly when I see her face. There are moments when I want to just hold her, and others when I just want to kiss her to death. See I think that I'm one of those people that if I don't see someone for a while, my feelings start to fade away, but when I see them again they come back with a vengeance. That's what happens when I don't see her, which is mostly on the weekends because no matter what I always see her wherever I go at school, it almost as if she knows exactly where I am at any given point and time except for lunch since we have different ones. She has A lunch while I have B lunch. I love Ashley, I really do, but not being able to tell her or be with her is killing me, so lunch is my escape. There are times when I think she may feel the same about me like I'll catch her looking at me, or she will stand somewhere near me. Like last week in P.E. My friend, Kayla and I were playing some basketball. Yeah, basketball, my brother and I play all the time. I was going to tryout, but I was new and couldn't find the forms until last minute. So I stick to playing it during P.E. and at home. I play pretty good, I have my good and my bad days, but when I have my good days you better watch out. Ky is pretty good, but not really basketball material as she says she just plays for fun. Anyways, Ky and I are playing around just shooting shots. When I see Ashley, or as her friends like to call her Ashy, which I don't understand at all. She was walking with the red-head, I think his name is Sean, and she walks all the way to where Ky and I are shooting hoops. I thought maybe she was finally going to talk to me, but she just continued walking around the courtyard. As she was passing us I say her turn around and look at me. This continued, she would walk a couple of steps and then look in my direction. I would just stare right back at her watching as she made her way along the courtyard. I made sure nobody saw me, not even Key knew I was gay, my family weren't very understanding when it came to gay people. I should know my parents don't exactly talk about gay people except to laugh or joke at them. My sister gets disgusted when she sees two girls kiss. My brother, Glen is probably the worst. Another of my friends, Tiffany, is gay, I know because she told me and some of her friends. I also saw her holding her girlfriends hand during school, I thought it was cute, she is an awesome basketball player, she's on the JV team. (She's a freshman also) . Anyways, I was walking out of school with my brother and Tiff was there with her girl, and she waves at me then goes with her girl. They weren't doing anything, but my brother walks with me an says "You know she's gay right?" The I told him, "Yeah, so" Like if that should matter. He just looks at me and turns to walk again. Then we're playing basketball outside and he brings up Tiff again and says, " Why are you hanging out with her, she's gay." To say I wasn't shocked because my brother is the most ignorant person I know. I just said "…and so what if she's gay." He then responds, " We, you're going to be gay, too." Like it was wrong to be gay, to be with someone of the same sex, it made me sick to think that he was my brother. I just smiled sadly and thought, I'm already gay, didn't need Tiff to make me realize that. I just continued our game like if nothing had happened. So, I keep my feelings inside until I'm ready to reveal them. She has me completely captivated, I looked at her until she was out of my sight, breathing the air that had been caught in my throat this whole time. I couldn't wait until I could call her mine, and be with her. To tell her I love her, that I need her, and I would do anything for her.

Ashley's POV

Spencer. It has a nice ring to it don't you think. I remember when I first saw her. I was sitting with some buds of mine, Matthew, Kyle, Clay, and Sean in P.E. I was spitting on Kyle for messing with me. I turn my head, and I am met with the bluest eyes I have ever seen, they remind my of the sky on a clear day. She is so beautiful, her blonde hair looks is like the sun kissed with honey. God, she is beautiful. And those lips, they have cherry flavored lip gloss on them, I know because I can smell it, I love cherries. She smells so good, I think it's a mixture of strawberries and vanilla. Vanilla and strawberries are my new favorite smell. Spit comes out of my mouth as I was trying to spit on Kyle. I thought I may have spit on her, and was so embarrassed. I look at her and start to apologize excessively while simultaneously hitting Kyle for making me spit on her. She had this amused look in her eyes as she told me that it was fine, she had the most heavenly voice, I thought that she must have been an angel in another life because she sure did look like one. She spoke so calmly, so softly that I wish I could hear her say more, I don't know why she wasn't so mad. I knew I would have freaked out if some stranger had just spit on me, but she just had a shy smile with a look of amusement in her eyes like it was hilarious to be spit on. I felt I could drown in those eyes of hers, her made me feel something I had never felt before. I was so shocked by these feeling that I turned around trying to find out this strange effect she had on me.

She walks so beautifully, after that day in P.E., I have been watching her, she goes to the library ever morning, she's beautiful and smart I like that. She has Photography, which is right next to my art class during 2nd period, she is two portables down from my class, Spanish, she is in Human Geography, dang she is smart. I'm still taking Algebra I while she has Geometry. You ask how I know this, I saw her carrying a Gem book to 3rd period. We have P.E. together as I know already. God, she did I mention how beautiful she is because if I haven't, then I must say she is a goddess. She breathing becomes uneven whenever I see her, I just want to take her, and make her mine.

I can't believe that Kyla, who is the most quietest and annoying person on the face of the Earth, and yet she is best friends with Spencer, while Spencer and I haven't spoken more than a few words while playing kickball. She seemed more than a little surprised when I asked her if she had kicked, like she didn't think I would talk to her. I would have thought she would have noticed the looks I give her. My parents are the only thing that keeps me from telling Spencer how I feel, they would probably put me in one of those de-gay camps. Plus I don't want to hurt Aiden, he has always been a good friend when I have needed him. So, here I stuck pretending to be in love with Aiden, when all I want to do is tell Spencer how much I love her. Spencer looked so blank when she found out I had a boyfriend, which she heard while I was talking to some friends. I just wanted to scream out and tell her it wasn't true, that I only loved her, and nobody else, but all I could do is keep the fake smile I had on for my friends.

I couldn't believe that he cheated on me. Here I am giving up the person I love because I don't want to hurt his sorry ass. God, I hate that he is did this, but what is worse is that now I still can't be with Spencer. Madison is trying to comfort me, she thinks that I am crying because of Aiden when I'm really crying for Spencer to be with her. I see her look at me, I could always tell what she was thinking by her eyes, and in them I could see just how much she wanted to hold me and comfort me. This was just what Spencer did she helped people when they were hurting, I wish I could have her comfort me, but I know that if I were to be in her arms I would never want to leave them. I would tell her just how much I loved her, and kiss her in front of everyone. So, I just cry my heart out in Madison's arms.

So during the weekend, I decided to tell Aiden the truth, he took it surprisingly well and even told me I should go for it. I was really happy to know that he still had my back, sure he was a little upset that I used him, but its just that manly ego that guys have. We decided to just be friends, and tell everyone that it was for the best. Monday, comes around, I'm talking to Aiden in the hall before the portables. I saw Spencer walk past me to her portables. It's almost time for the bell so I give Aiden a hug goodbye. I turn around to find blue eyes staring at me with so much hurt in them that I wanted to cry out that it wasn't what it looked like, but before I can even tell her, the teacher comes and she rushes to go into her classroom. God, today just completely sucks.

I usually go through the main doors of the locker hallway to get to the portables, but I found Spencer's route and decided to go there so I know I will always see her. She goes through the doors ahead of Kyle's bio room. I don't know how she doesn't notice, I'm always outside those doors waiting for her, I look at her while she walks in front of me. I let myself indulge in her body, she is the sexist thing I have ever seen. I always go to P.E. late because I know if I got there on time I would try to take a peek at that gorgeous body of hers. That would totally give people a hint to my secret.

Spencer just keeps getting better and better. She's smart, sexy, and athletic. I watch her play basketball with Kyla, and she has skills like you wouldn't believe. Some days she plays better than others, she can play, no doubt about it. Her basketball skills aren't the only thing I notice about her. I watch as she plays, she looks so hot, it is such a turn on. Sweat just slips down her body, god, just thing about it sends a shiver through me. Her laughter is so incredible, I love hearing her laugh, I could be perfectly content listening to her laugh, or talk. She has me wrapped around her little finger and she doesn't even know it. I watch her as I walk around the courtyard with Sean, or al least that is what tell everyone. If anyone ever sees me watching her, I just tell them about how I can't believe how good she plays. They end up leaving me alone. I barely hear what Sean says as he talks about one thing or another, I just nod my head, smile a couple of times, and keep my eyes locked on her. Ever so often she catches me watching her, but even though she doesn't seem to mind I pretend to be looking everywhere but her, when she is the only thing worth watching in my eyes. Hi, I'm Ashley Davis and I am hopelessly in love with Spencer Carlin.