A/N: thanks for everyone who reviewed! You guys rock!!!..without USA I'd be having some serious NCIS withdrawal right now....ok... I have a new favorite NCIS episode...it's Kill Ari part 2...anyone care to guess why?

Disclaimer: If I owned it Vance & one Eli David would be dead....there's always hope right? And FanFiction

Chapter 4

Say

"Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only ...
Say what you need to say"

"Papa please, talk to me!" Ziva yelled at her father's retreating back.

Eli turned and motioned towards the black limo parked outside, the Israeli flags hung limply in the light drizzle. Eli got in, choosing to remain silent as he gestured for his daughter to follow him. Ziva hesitated then obeyed her hand automatically going to rest on the butt of Tony's SIG. Eli's keen eyes picked up this motion, he frowned slightly, his displeasure at her action evident in his expression, he reached out slowly his hand moving to trace the still red hand print he had left on his daughter's already bruised cheek. Ziva recoiled from this touch instantly, her hand flying up and grabbing hold of his wrist, "Do not touch me" she spat angrily. Eli massaged his wrist slowly when Ziva let go, he stared silently at his daughter, watching carefully as how even now with her face expressionless and her body language giving the appearance that she was completely calm and in control she seemed to be radiating an intense anger wrought with hatred towards him.

He waited for her to speak, she had to thinking something, he thought, soon he would look up and see that cold, calculating look in her eyes, the one that would tell him if she'd decided to either attempt to kill him or attempt to leave. Eli met Ziva's steady gaze then dropped it as quickly, something about his daughter had changed, he realized suddenly, her fire, her strength was still there, but there was more, her eyes, her very gaze seemed pain filled, as if she suddenly carried this burden of pure sadness, Eli frowned meeting his daughter's eyes again, she looked away for a second her eyes trained on the building outside the window, she brushed her fingers lightly against the Star of David charm hanging around her neck toying with the charm for a moment. When she met her father's eyes again Eli saw something more, something that he'd never ever expected to see in his daughter's eyes, pure and honest yearning, yearning to be out, to be let out of whatever prison she was being held in, why was she feeling this way? He asked silently, better yet how long had she been feeling this way?

"Since my last mission, the one in Morocco, when I was in that explosion." Ziva said, her voice low, Eli hadn't known it, but as he was staring at her, analyzing her she'd been returning the favor, his question might as well have been written on his face, it was that obvious to Ziva. Eli scowled slightly watching as his daughter's toying with her necklace became a soft tugging.

"Did you know that Michael had betrayed you?" Ziva asked finally breaking the silence that her last statement had brought on.

Her father remained infuriatingly silent, it was the slight twitch of his jaw that gave his answer away. Ziva's eyes flashed angrily, yes then, he had known completely, he had probably known the moment Michael entered America that he was betrayed, so why did he not do anything about it? Ziva asked herself her mind whirring as she settled on an answer, her father had done something about it, he had left Michael to her, put her in the direct path of his actions. Ziva glared at her father not even trying to keep her true feelings of rage off of her face, "Did you know that by sending me on his mission you had just about signed my death warrant?" Ziva asked meeting her father's dark brown eyes, he was silent for a moment as a plethora of emotions crossed his face, he reached up and cupped Ziva's cheek with his palm, an action he hadn't done since she was a child, "I am sorry Ziva" he said his voice soft.

Ziva shoved his hand away scooting angrily away until she was as far away from his as was possible in the back of the limo.

"Do not apologize!" she yelled her voice magnified in the small space, "You knew! You knew it all and you still sent me! Why Papa? Do you hate me that much? Do you want me dead that badly?"

Ziva grew suddenly silent a look of cold contemplating on her face, "You, you do not deserve to be called my father! You put me in the direct line of danger time and time again without even a second thought! You sent me to die! You knew that if you sent me on Michael's assignment I would either die for NCIS or die a traitor to NCIS!"

"So tell me why you are alive then daughter! If you should be dead why are you here right now?" Eli interrupted his voice as loud as Ziva's.

Ziva scoffed her eyes wide with disbelief, "Surely you, the man who taught me to kill, to above all never betray my agency, know why I am alive," Ziva said her voice shaking with barely controlled rage, "I killed then Director, I killed them all, surely you are proud yes? Your precious little weapon managed to clean up another one of your messes! But I am done Mister Director! I will not do this anymore! I will not be your pawn anymore! I will not kill for you anymore!" Ziva paused then reached for the gun she always kept at the small of her back, the one with her name etched in Hebrew in the butt, the one he'd given her all those years ago, Eli's eyes went from the gun to his daughter's suddenly angry tear filled eyes a look of recognition crossing his face.

"Surely you remember this gun Director," Ziva said her voice cold, "I was 14 years old, 14 Director! But you needed an operative, a pretty little girl, and you took me, you used me willingly! From that day you have used me for your own good, but that stops now! I am yours no longer!" Ziva dropped the gun in his lap then yanked her necklace off not caring that it bit into the back of her neck the clasp cutting her sharply before it came loose red with her blood in her palm she dropped this too into his lap.

"I am done, with you, with Mossad, with everything!" Ziva said her voice strong and unwavering.

Eli David remained silent, staring at Ziva as she opened the car door and stepped out, "You are done with me yes? But not with NCIS?" he called his eyes meeting Ziva's squarely a sneer on his lips.

Ziva gazed calmly back at him her answer clear in her hate filled eyes.

"Ziva, if you leave now there will be no turning back, no changing your mind, you will no longer have Mossad or me to fall back on." Eli said coldly.

Ziva glared at him in response waiting for the threat that she knew would be coming next.

"There will be no returning to Israel," Eli said his gaze as steady and emotionless as his words, "You must choose Ziva, and choose now, your life in Israel with Mossad or your life here."

Ziva gasped slightly, she knew the moment that she left the car that her father would threaten her in some last effort to get her to change her mind, but to force her to choose between her homeland, what was left of her family in Israel and the life she had made for herself here in America? That was cold that was low, even for him. Ziva stared down at her hands, could she make this choice, the land of her birth, a country she loved, could she live without being able to see it again? Ziva inhaled sharply her lungs burning as she looked over her shoulder at Tony's building, Tony, she thought sadly, could she leave him, no, could she leave their entire perfectly misfit family behind forever? Could she leave Gibbs, the only real father she'd ever known? Could she leave McGee with his sweet smile and soft words? Or Abby, the only person other than Tony who could get her to laugh, the only one who even came close to filling the huge hole in her heart that came with Tali's death, the only one who came close to being a sister to her, or Ducky, could she leave Ducky? With his sympathetic ear and gentle guidance, could she do without his gentle guidance? And Tony, her partner, her best friend, and, Ziva's heart thudded loudly as she thought silently, her partner, who loved her, he Mr. Fear-of-Commitment loved her, could she turn her back on him? On the family that her team at NCIS had become to her? Could she leave that all behind forever?

Ziva turned her attention back to her father meeting his dark eyes steadily, she shuddered at all the pain, all the anger, all the hatred he had shoved into her life, silently comparing it with all the joy, all the love, all the fun her family at NCIS had brought into hers. Ziva's blood pounded loudly in her ears as she took a step towards the limo, she glared at her father meeting his eyes angrily, "How dare you make me choose!"she yelled over the suddenly pouring rain.

Ziva paused brushing a rain soaked curl out of her face, "But I thank you for it, you made me realize that what I have here could not compare to my life in Israel," Ziva's next words successfully wiped the triumphant smirk off of her father's face, "It is so much better, so I will choose Director, I choose NCIS, I choose NCIS, I choose my real family."

"You again made the wrong decision my daughter, and you will pay for it," Eli replied angrily. Ziva scoffed at him entirely fed up with his threats, "I was never "your daughter" Director, and I will never be." Ziva said, she slammed the limo door shut then turned on her heel striding back towards the apartment building's front door. She paused when she heard the limo behind her start up then drive off, she waited until she couldn't hear the limo anymore then slid to the ground sitting heavily on the front steps into the building, Ziva didn't know if to laugh because she was finally free or sob because of what being free meant she'd lost. Ziva settled for the later as a sob racked through her body, 14 years of pain, of heartache, of unsurpassed agony came pouring out of her, with a boom of thunder from the suddenly dark sky above the dam keeping all of Ziva's pain at bay broke inside of her. Ziva sobbed in concert with the storming skies the sound of her cries molding in with that of the storm around her so that it seemed suddenly like the very heavens were crying, were sobbing with her, for her, because of her.

Ziva shuddered, pulling away when she felt someone touch her shoulder. Tony sighed then put his arms around Ziva lifting her bridal style into his hold, when she moved to pull herself out of his arms he tightened them saying softly into her ear, "Shh, it's okay Ziva, it's me, you're going to be okay, I'm here now." Ziva surprised Tony by instantly ceasing to fight, she leaned her head down on his shoulder, letting her once pent up pain rush out of her body in loud sobs.

Tony carried her inside then sat on the couch holding her tightly towards his body, stared out at the storm outside transfixed by the sound as of the rain drops as they hit the window, he watched as the droplets rushed down the the glass as fast as the tears that were making their way down Ziva's cheeks.

"Papa" the strangled sound escaped Ziva's lips mid sob.

Tony tightened his hold on her rocking her slowly in his arms, "It's okay Zi, he's not here anymore, you're safe now" Tony murmured into her ear. He clenched his jaw angrily, he should have shot the man when he had his chance, what kind of father willingly caused there daughter this much pain?

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Tony let out a relieved sigh when Ziva's sobs quieted and her breathing slowed then evened out indicating that she was sleeping, and peacefully so. Tony smiled sadly brushing her cheeks dry, "I'm sorry Ziva, I'm sorry for everything, for everything he did, for everything he made you do, I'm so sorry I wish I could take it all away for you, I wish I could take all that pain away, I, I'm going to keep you safe Ziva, I promise," Tony brushed his lips against Ziva's pulling away with a start when he saw that her eyes were open, he froze unsure how she would react, Ziva smiled softly at him then brushed her fingers against her lips, "You promise?" her voice was innocent almost childlike in her plea for his answer.

Tony smiled, "Cross my heart,"

Ziva wrinkled her nose slightly, trying to place the idiom, she smiled triumphantly meeting Tony's eyes, "And hope to die, stick a needle in my eye" Ziva finished. Tony's eyes widened, the woman who didn't know how to say porcupine knew that particularly childish idiom? He thought clearly surprised. Ziva sighed sadly, "Tali would say it all the time." Ziva explained her eyes pooling with tears. Tony nodded reaching to brush her tears away. Ziva smiled when he kissed her forehead.

"I love you Ziva." Tony said his voice barely audible. Tony frowned when Ziva didn't respond, he glanced down at her the corners of his mouth slowly turning up, Ziva had rest her head on his chest right above his heart her eyelids falling shut. Tony stroked her soft curls slowly his eyes finding their way back to the window, he watched the rain fall, the drops slowly lessening until only a soft mist fell, Tony smiled at the serenity of the scene then hugged Ziva tightly to his chest.

Tony forced his eyes open when he felt himself nodding off for the third time that afternoon. He stared down at Ziva, he was no doctor but he was sure that sleeping in wet clothes would probably cause her to catch some kind of cold. Plus she might be comfortable sleeping in his lap, but he definitely wasn't the corner of the wall was digging right into his back.

"Come on Zee-vah," Tony said rubbing her back, "Wake up, let's get those clothes off of you"

Ziva laughed, the low throaty sound bringing a wide smile onto Tony's face. He hadn't known how much he'd missed that very laugh until he heard it.

"You would like that yes?" Ziva asked her voice light and playful.

Tony grinned taping her nose, "Yes, yes I would actually, but you're tired and wet,-"

Ziva cut him off with a loud laugh, "I would think that you of all people would appreciate at least one of those things." she replied raising her eyebrows.

Tony shook his head slowly a smile on his face, Ziva was back, his Ziva was back. "Up Ziva," Tony said sternly, choosing not to respond to his partner's particularly suggestive comment, "There are clothes and towels in my bedroom" he tapped her lightly motioning for her to get out of his lap. Ziva obeyed then strolled off in the direction of the direction of the master bedroom. Tony's eyes followed her movements as she walked away.

"You like the view yes?" Ziva called over her shoulder a wide grin on her face.

Tony laughed, choosing again not to answer her question, "Tea?" he asked heading towards the kitchen. Tony was halfway to his intended destination when there was a loud pounding on his door, then a loud yell, "Homeland Security! Open up!"

A/N: okay so, I am not completely happy with this chapter, in fact I think it's probably the worst I've ever written...I won't even specify how many reviews I'd like....so feel free to review or not if u want to anyway this chapter had to be written as a bridge into the next chapter...that one I promise is a awesome!!

SAyra