Rachel pulled up to school exhausted the next morning. Why did they have to meet before school? After texting Brittany to make sure she had coffee she'd left a note by Quinn and Finn's door telling them they could make plans to stay again that night if they had to. It was going to be a long nine months.
Climbing the backstage stairs in the auditorium Rachel pushed open the loose ceiling tile above catwalk and hoisted herself up onto the roof. It was only quarter to seven but she saw Mike and Brit already there waiting for her. Turning when they heard the slap of the tile on the concrete roof, both of them looked worried.
Rachel didn't say anything though until she'd taken her coffee from Brittany and had taken a few swallows. Looking over the edge of the building at the woods behind the school Rachel asked, "So what's the big emergency?"
"Rach, is everything okay?" The question alone would've been enough to send her over the edge, but the concern in Brittany's voice almost killed her. She held back though. Breaking down on top off the roof wouldn't end well for her. Hell, she couldn't even tell them half of her problems. It went unspoken last night that James was the one and only person besides her, Finn and Quinn that could know anything.
When she didn't respond Rachel felt Mike's arm snake around her waist. "Come on B, you need to let us in if you want us to help."
"That's the thing, I don't want you to help. I just need you to listen."
"Okay then, tell us. Tell us anything. But everyone can tell you're losing it Rachel. You can't bottle it in any longer."
Rachel finally settled on what she would tell them. It would be like Finn. She wasn't lying, she was just holding back. "I know you guys are right about me and Toby." Rachel had to pause for Brittany to squeal a little bit before she was silenced by a glare from Mike. "And I know eventually that I'm going to have to talk to him about last night, but I don't want you guys getting your hopes up. I don't want a boyfriend right now and I need you to respect that. No more giving out my number or telling guys I'm flirting with them. Just let me deal with everything."
"What was last night about anyway?" Brittany asked. "I know you guys aren't together, which Mike had to explain to me like, seven times, but it looked like you guys were in a break up fight. It looked really intense."
Rachel sighed. "Toby has the idea in his head that I'm only acting like I have all the confidence in the world, and that I don't enjoy being a leader. Then he also thinks that I've been hitting on him for the last three days." It wasn't a lie. He had those ideas in his head, and he was (partially) right. She just left that out. Now they could think what they wanted.
"What is he talking about? You not enjoying being a leader? Crazy!" Mike was actually laughing now. "But sis," he said in the most serious tone Mike could ever have, "you don't have to deal with everything on your own."
"I know bro," Rachel said, if anything just to end the conversation. He kissed the side of her forehead and let Brittany swoop her up into a hug.
"And just tell me if I need to stop talking! I mean, we all know I'm going to screw something like this up again and-"
"Brittany?"
"Yeah?"
"Stop talking."
"Okay." Rachel let her hug her again. "Are you feeling better?"
"Yeah." It was only half a lie. They still didn't know the full story though.
Back down in the halls people had started showing up around 7:30. They lost Mike to Tina and Brittany eventually went to find Santana. Walking around Rachel finally found Quinn's locker. Finn was there to and they seemed to be debating back and forth. Coming closer she heard her name get thrown into the conversation and decided she'd rather end the discussion than avoid it. Stepping up she said as cheerily as she could, "Hey guys!"
"Berry," Quinn quickly turned on her, but looked happy to see her, "were you serious about that note you left this morning?"
"Yeah, you guys can stay as long as you want. My dads are fine with it. Why?"
But Quinn had already turned back to Finn. "See, why shouldn't we stay another night? At least until we can think of a way to tell our parents."
"Because I'm not afraid to tell my mom today! She was really cool about it last time, and if we tell your mom today and she kicks you out again you can just live with me and my family for a while."
Rachel knew before he had finished talking he had said the wrong thing. Bringing up the last pregnancy probably wasn't a good idea. She was right to because Quinn slammed her locker shut and stormed off.
Looking completely confused Finn slumped up against the locker. "What did I do this time?"
"Don't worry Finn. It's just some pregnancy hormones, she'll cool off. Just don't bring up sophomore year for a while." When he didn't move she shoved him off the lockers. "Go apologize!"
"Oh, right," and then he ran down the hall after her.
True to his word last night, Toby texted her at least four times each class period. His messages were becoming shorter though and Rachel had a feeling she would ware him out eventually. She gave it twenty-four hours.
That night though, the idea of responding became very welcoming.
Quinn and Finn were downstairs arguing about talking to their parents while Rachel did her homework. At first it had been distracting but she had gotten used to the noise. Personally, she was siding with Finn in this case because, as he had said, Quinn had put off telling her parents last time and it hadn't ended well. But, she did enjoy knowing there were two more people than usual in her giant house.
James was with her and had finally commented on the constant beeping coming from Rachel's phone. Toby had been texting her three times every half hour since three that afternoon and even Rachel was getting sick of the beeping. She couldn't bring herself to turn the phone off though. Why, she didn't know.
"Just text him back!" James finally yelled around eight. "It will only get worse as Monday gets closer and it's only Thursday! Please end it!" He clapped his hands over his ears dramatically and fell face first on top of her bed.
Laughing Rachel picked up her math book and hit him playfully on the head. "It will also get worse if I actually text him. Then he'll be responding every other minute. More beeping, more Toby."
"But at least we would be making progress."
"We? Since when have you become apart of this?"
"Since I was subjected to this torture." On cue her phone beeped again. Rachel had actually changed that to Toby's personal ringtone so she would know if someone other than him was messaging her.
"You know what, fine. If it's killing you this much." Rachel pushed herself of her bed, acting like it was an act of torture, but really, she had wanted to respond for the last few hours. She had been thinking about it all day and the idea of just talking to Toby had become more exciting. Yes, he might be like Puck, but that wasn't for sure. The mystery was… fun.
As she picked up her phone she looked at his last text.
My little dancer… where are you?
She smiled. The last ten texts had been like that, different nicknames for her- strawberry, princess, ballerina. She was about to tap out a response when fear crashed over her. She couldn't do this. No, it was a bad idea. What if he just hurt her more than Jesse or Finn had? What if she wasn't what he was expecting at all?
"I can't do it!" She actually threw the phone but James managed to catch it before it hit the wall.
"Yes, yes you can." He gently placed the phone back in her hand. "You want this, I know you do. For the last hour you've twitched every time it beeps. You think you're hiding from me but I know you Rach. You can do this."
She glanced down at her phone again. She could this. She could do this. She couldn't do it.
"You do it." She tossed her phone back to James. "You're better with words."
"Yeah, I'm just missing your SAT vocabulary but other than that…" James rolled his eyes but flipped open her phone anyway. Rachel waited while he read a few of the last texts then started typing.
He almost hit send before Rachel yelled, "Wait!"
"What?" James eyes snapped up at her urgency.
"What are you saying?"
He laughed but showed her the text. I'm right here.
"Okay, proceed."
"Glad you approve," he said sarcastically. Pressing send he put the phone down between them, both of them staring with rapt attention at the inanimate object. Rachel's heart was pounding out of her chest. Why had she done this?
When her phone beeped a minute later- it had felt like a lifetime- James reached a hand out but Rachel swatted him away and snatched up the phone.
Ahhh, there you are. You've been hiding from me little dancer
It actually sent shivers down her spine. James had read the text over her shoulder and had hold back his laughter. Knowing he was laughing at the mere creepiness she punched him in the shoulder. She didn't care. She had done it… sort of.
Rachel was bouncing when she walked for the next few days. After the first text on Thursday she hadn't been able to control herself. Talking to Toby was no different than talking to James. Having already broken down her biggest wall with him made everything so open between them. And she couldn't deny it- she had flirted. Openly. But did she like him?
That part remained closed.
And oddly enough, the person she had been discussing this the most with was… Quinn. Yes James was like her other half in a non-creepy way but Quinn was a girl, a girl who was unbiased about Toby, unlike Brittany. When Rachel had told her that she felt like she was stringing Toby along Quinn had laughed. Apparently text flirting didn't mean as much because it was behind a screen.
She still felt bad, but that didn't stop her.
Finn had only slept over Wednesday and Thursday night. After that he felt bad for lying to his mom twice and went home. He was a sweet guy but, really? Quinn on the other hand didn't seem to want to go home. She had explained to Rachel on Friday night when she'd asked why she wanted to be alone… with her?
"My mom's been being weird lately," she had said with a heavy sigh. "I don't know why. One day she's trying to act like she's my best friend and then all of a sudden she's being totally distant with me. So my giant house is even more lonely then your giant house." Shrugging it off Quinn had gone on eating her current craving, pickles and pizza.
When Monday came Rachel was speeding to dance class. Checking herself in the mirror one last time she tried opening her door only to find it being blocked by someone's whose face she couldn't see. Quickly sliding over to the passenger side she got out and looked over her car. "You know, this is another sign that points to stalking. Waiting for me to get out of my just so you can creep me out a little more."
"That's not being a stalker," Toby said with a smirk. "It's called being annoying."
"Well, you're succeeding," Rachel said, but she smiled. Why did it feel like her stomach was flying?
In the studio, Kacie was there early pairing people off. "You two," she yelled at them, "up front. Last ones in, first ones to dance. We're working on improvising tonight. I'll play a random song and you two have to work off each other. Got it?"
Both nodding, they took center stage… well, floor. "Well Little Dancer." He had made that her official nickname, saying it had 'worked' on her. "We finally get our first dance."
"It seems that we do." She matched the smirk on his face, mainly because of the look Logan was giving her.
"Again, another sign of angsty sex, but anyway." Kacie scrolled through her I-pod. Apparently finding a song, her grin could not have been any wider. "Let's see what you can do with this song."
Hearing the opening beats, Rachel blushed furiously. She knew this song. She knew it from New Direction's 'sexy' unit. And it wasn't obnoxious like 'Do You Wanna Touch' had been.
You don't have to be beautiful You don't have to be rich You got to not talk dirty, baby You don't have to be rich
to turn me on
I just need your body baby
From dusk till dawn
You don't need experience
To turn me out
You just leave it all up to me
I'm gonna show you what it's all about
To be my girl
You don't have to be cool
To rule my world
Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with
I just want your extra time and your
Kiss
If you wanna impress me
You can't be to flirty, mama
I know how to undress me (Yeah)
I want to be your fantasy
Maybe you could be mine
You just leave it all up to me
We could have a good time
To be my girl
You don't have to be cool
To rule my world
Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with
I just want your extra time and your
Kiss
It was intense, to say the least. No matter what moves she and Toby were doing (which were all flawless by the way) she couldn't look away from his eyes. When he spun her in their half tango half hip-hop dance she couldn't turn fast enough, just so she could get back to staring at him.
And even Rachel couldn't deny how fucking attractive he was or the fucking chemistry that was burning her insides. But it was just the song… right?
Apparently not, because when the song ended and Rachel and Toby finished their dance, their faces only centimeters apart, it felt like the air was crackling around them from the electricity. It took all Rachel had not to kiss his perfect, soft looking lips. He was so close…
"I repeat- angsty, freaking hot sex." Kacie's voice broke the spell around them and Rachel was suddenly aware of everyone staring, or glaring at them. Looking over Toby's shoulder she saw Logan (death glare), Brittany (wide grin), and Mike (hand over his eyes shaking his head).
Before anyone could comment on Kacie's thoughts, Rachel pushed Toby away from her and ran from the studio. She couldn't take the emotions inside her and couldn't let anyone see her break down. Couldn't let anyone see the tears that Rachel knew were coming.
She heard someone running after her though. She wished, dreaded, and knew it was Toby behind her. Crashing through the glass doors Rachel slid down the outside wall of the studio. Putting her head in her hands she let out a loud sob before the tears came rolling out of her eyes. She felt Toby slide down next to her and put an arm around her. It was comforting as well as scary. Why was she letting him this close to her? Why was she letting him get inside of her?
It didn't take long for her tears to die this time. I was only a couple minutes later when she finally looked up and saw Toby's diamond eyes staring into her big brown ones. She could've said so many things then but all she could manage was, "I'm sorry."
"Why on earth are you apologizing?" Toby rolled his eyes. "You just felt everything that I felt in there and I was almost crying," he paused adding the afterthought, "in a manly way. But you, you have too much bottled up to not lose it right now." He pulled her up on her feet. "What I want you tell me right now is, are we giving us a shot, or not?"
Rachel couldn't find the words to get out of her mouth but vigorously shook her head. Through Toby's shock he managed to say, "Rachel, use your words."
"I can't- I can't fall for you. I can't let someone like you… bury their way into me and then watch them hurt me. I'm so scared of that pain, and I can't let someone like you do that to me."
"Rachel, you don't know me." Toby grabbed her chin and pulled her face up to look at him. "Yes, we've been talking for four straight days, but that was behind a screen. None of that matters anymore and we start over here."
He let go of her and stuck out his hand. For the third time, Rachel took it.
"I am Toby Wess, a new dancer from Minnesota who really likes this girl and can't promise that there won't be fights and that he won't hurt her, but can guarantee that he doesn't want to do that to her, ever."
Rachel choked back more tears. He was saying things perfectly, honestly. More honesty that had ever been in her previous relationships, and she couldn't help but fall for that. "And I am Rachel Berry, the seemingly fearless leader who's afraid of being broken into pieces, but is willing to take the chance."
That was all Toby needed to lean down and kiss his little dancer.