Thank you all for the reviews! On to the next…Beth meets the scarecrow. :D
Chapter 4
Beth, 'Tino, Ric (The Good Bitch of the North), and all of the Munchkins shivered at the figure that emerged from the green sulfurous smoke. He shuffled his feet backwards while waving his hand around in some weird kind of dance. Ric held up a small round sign with a 2, 'Tino held one up with a 1.3 on it, and Beth held one up with a -10 as though the tree were judges on some dancing competition show. The green-faced, black robed, pointy hat wearing Shane-O stopped his dance and scowled at the three people holding signs rating his dancing.
"You idiots!" He growled.
"Your footwork was way off." Ric offered as an explanation. "You need more emotion! Dancing comes from the heart!" Ric laid his own hand over his heart.
"Shut up!" Shane hissed. He turned his eyes upon the sight of the two silicon implants lying on the ground. "Whoah, someone lost their…" He trailed off as his eyes moved over the scene and he found two huge feet wearing fuzzy red slippers. He recognized them immediately. His eyes narrowed to angry slits and he turned back to Beth, 'Tino, and Ric. He inched forward with his hands outstretched as though he was ready at any moment to grab one of them around the neck. "Who…killed…my sister!"
'Tino shrieked and hid behind Beth.
"Who killed the Bitch of the East!" The green faced Shane-O bellowed. "Was it you? Answer me!"
"Leave her alone!" Ric admonished.
"You stay out of it Nature Boy. I'm here for vengeance! It was you, wasn't it." Shane growled as he stepped closer and closer to Beth. The blond woman tried to back away but 'Tino was directly behind her huddling onto her like a chick burrowing under a mother hen.
"It was an accident, geeze. I didn't mean to kill anyone. If I had done it on purpose I would have killed you…and maybe Mickie James." Beth tilted her head to the side in thought.
"Heh, didn't mean it did you? Well, my pretty, I can cause accidents too. This is how I would do it--"
Ric suddenly interrupted in attempt to draw Shane's focus away from harming Beth.
"Oh, and did you forget about the fuzzy slippers?" A smirk played on Ric's face as he watched Shane's eyes widen. Shane turned to the feet poking from underneath the massive arena.
"The slippers…yes…the slippers." Shane hurried over to them and reached down to grab them but they were gone, the bare feet curled up and slipped under the arena leaving nothing left of Stephanie, The Bitch of the East. (Except of course for the silicon.)
"They're gone!" Shane shrieked. "The fuzzy slippers are gone, what did you do with them!"
"Ha-ha!" Ric waved his wand at Beth's feet. "There they are, and there they'll stay."
Shane stomped his feet and screamed in a hissy fit.
"Give me back my slippers! Give them to me or I'll have you all suspended!"
"You forget, we're not in the WWE." Ric laughed. Shane continued to stamp his feet and shake his fists in a tantrum.
Ric leaned to Beth and whispered in her ear.
"Keep tight in those, they're magic. They must be very powerful or else he wouldn't want them so badly."
"You stay out of this!" The Bitch of the West demanded. "Or I'll fix you too!"
"Oh, bullshit." Ric rolled his eyes. "Be gone before someone drops an arena on you!"
Shane flinched and looked up at the sky warily for a few moments. After he felt he was in no immediate danger of falling buildings, he turned back to the three in front of him.
"Very well…I'll bide my time…and as for you my fine lady, it's true I can't take care of you now as I would like to, but you just try to stay out of my way, just try!" Shane-O tossed back his head and cackled madly. "I'll get you my diva, and you're little ravioli too!"
"He's not my little ravioli, he's my dog! Er, ah--boyfriend!" Beth quickly corrected.
The Bitch of the West disappeared in a cloud of green smoke and fire as he had appeared.
"You all can come out now. The ass is gone." Ric said while waving his hand in front of his nose. "Ick, what a smell of sulfur! Seems like you made a bad enemy out of the Bitch of the West. The sooner you get out of Oz all together, the safer you'll be."
"Well, you have a magic wand. Just wave it around and poof me back to Kansas…then I can find the real Shane-O back there and kick his million dollar ass!" Beth looked down at her feet. "And I can get rid of these ugly fuzzy slippers."
Ric shrugged and waved his wand.
"Bippity, boppity, boo!" Ric squealed.
"Hmm…nothing happened." Beth snorted. There was bark and yap behind her. Beth turned to see a small scruffy dog behind her. The hair on his head between his pointed ears and down his neck came together in a kind of mohawk and the fur over his eyes stuck out in a straight line that extended the bridge of his nose like a canine uni-brow. Beth bent to look at the little creature and knew the eyes that blinked up at her. It wore a collar with an Italian flag on it.
"Great Flair, you turned 'Tino into a dog."
"Yip-yip!" 'Tino barked.
"My poor baby!" Beth scooped the little dog into her arms and nuzzled it. "Turn him back you doofus!" Beth demanded as she scratched the little dogs ears. The dog licked her cheek.
"Okay, but I can't promise anything. I don't know too much about this whole fairy-witch-bitch thing. I flunked out of Hogwarts." Ric began to wave his wand again.
"No, wait…he is kind of cute." Beth grinned down at the little dog. "Never mind. I like him better this way."
The dog laid its ears back sadly and whimpered.
"Well, I guess I'm not going to be the one to get you out of Oz. Ah, but I know someone who can! The Great and Wonderful Wizard of Oz could definitely get you home. He can do anything. Just ask him, he'll tell you." Ric smiled. "He lives in Emerald City. You should probably get going."
"How do I get there? Do you have like a map or GPS or something?"
"Haven't you seen the movie?" Ric slapped his hand to his forehead in a 'duh' gesture. "Just follow the yellow brick road."
With that, The Good Bitch of the North disappeared.
"So I just follow the yellow brick road…follow the yellow brick road?" Beth half questioned as she stepped onto the sunny colored bricks.
"Follow the yellow brick road." Mayor Regal nodded.
"Follow the yellow brick road, mon!" Kofi encouraged with a smile as Beth followed the bricks.
"Follow the yellow brick road…la-la-LA!" Jillian shouted. Beth winced at the shrill cry and hopped forward on the road.
The Munchkins burst out into happy little tunes of:
"Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road! Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road. Follow the yellow brick-follow the yellow brick-follow the yellow brick road!"
By now Beth skipped happily along the path followed by Munchkins dancing and skipping along with her and singing happily.
"You're off to see the Wizard! The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, we hear he is a Wiz of a Wiz if ever a Wiz there was! If ever a Wiz of a Wiz there was the Wizard of Oz is one because! Because, because, because, because because! Because of the wonderful things he does!"
Beth turned one last time to wave at the crowd behind her.
"You're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of oz!"
Beth walked the yellow brick road with 'Tino the dog tucked under her arm. She was glad to have silence but the occasional call of a bird and the rustle of a breeze passing through the corn stalks that lined either side of the road. Those Munchkins sure loved to sing. Beth shook her head in attempt to rid her brain of the annoying songs that were now dancing around in her head. All she wanted to do was hurry along this road, find the stupid Wizard, and get the hell out of here.
"Just keep following the yellow brick road Beth." She mumbled to herself. "Follow the yellow…brick…" Beth trailed off as she came to a fork. She looked around confused at the first fork and then the second. She sighed loudly.
"Which way do we go now?" She whined, clearly aggravated.
"That way is a very nice way." A voice said. Beth whipped her head around to see no one there but a scarecrow hung on a stand. His arm pointed at the first fork which led to the right.
"Who said that?"
'Tino hopped from Beth's arms and scampered over to the scarecrow and lifted his leg and peed on its foot.
"You fucking bastard! Dogs are poopy!" The scarecrow hollered. "I'll tell you which way to go, go to hell!"
'Tino yapped at him.
"Oh my God, I'm losing my mind!" Beth slapped her forehead. "Alright, I'm just going to pick a way to go and get out of here!" She closed her eyes and spun in a circle with her arm out stretched pointing. When she stopped spinning, she would open her eyes and take which ever direction she was pointing in.
"Well it is pleasant down theyah too."
Beth opened her eyes to see the scarecrow was now pointing to the left. Her mouth stood open agape. Scarecrows were not supposed to speak or move!
"Some people go both ways. Batista does." The scarecrow laughed at his own joke and crossed his arms over his wide chest so he pointed down both paths at once.
"Whoah, you really are talking, aren't you?"
Beth inched closer to the scarecrow and squinted at it. It wore old patched clothing and a felt hat atop its head that was camo colored and said 'you can't see me'. It was a very large and handsome scarecrow. It looked strangely like John Cena. In fact, it sounded like John Cena with his white boy gangsta talk with the New England accent. It even had some bling around its neck. The scarecrow began to nod but then stopped with a confused look pushing his painted on eyebrows together. He then began to shake his head no, but then again he stopped befuddled. He shrugged.
"Can't you make up your mind? Or are you tripped out on something?"
"That's my problem. I don't have any brains…just straw…and muscles."
"How can you talk if you don't have brains?" Beth wondered.
"Oh I talk all the time without having any brains!" The Cena scarecrow smiled. "Just give me a mic and I'll tear it up!"
"Well, I guess we haven't properly met then. I'm Beth, what's up?" She extended her hand.
"Well…" Cena scarecrow looked down.
"You perv!" Beth snarled.
"No, I didn't mean that. I meant this wood." He tried to clarify. "I-I mean this pole that I'm stuck on heyah."
"Oh, sorry." Beth blushed. She slipped behind the scarecrow and tried to figure out a way to free him.
"I'm not very bright about doing things but um, maybe if you bend down the nails in the back I might just slip off."
Beth bent down a couple of nails in the back and the Cena scarecrow tumbled down from his perch. He stood and dusted his shoulder off reminiscent of the five knuckle shuffle. He then stumbled over his own feet and fell face first onto the yellow brick road.
"Um…are you okay?" Beth asked bending to help him up.
"Yeah. Hey did I scayah you?" He asked eagerly.
"No, you didn't scare me. I thought you were hurt."
He hung his head.
"I'm a failyah, I can't even frighten a crow." As he said that, a crow landed on his shoulder. "I only have three moves, and they don't seem to scayah the crows anymore." He turned to the crow perched on his shoulder and glared at him. It opened its beak and cawed at him. "Boo, shoo, scat!"
"Get out of here you!" Beth grabbed the crow by the throat. It squawked out a choked 'caw' and she threw it down hard onto the yellow bricks. Blood leaked from its beak and it fluttered its wings a bit.
"Dang!" Cena scarecrow looked down at the poor bird in surprise. "See, I'm just a failyah because I don't have a brain. Why didn't I think to just grab it and squash the life out of it?"
Beth shrugged.
"Well, what would you do if you had a brain anyway?"
"Do? Hmm…" Cena rubbed at his chin as though thoughtful, but of course someone without a brain can not be thoughtful. He then started to beat-box and then to rap. "Yeyah! I could punch away the hours, hurtin' all the flowers and causing lots of pain. I would do five-knuckle shuffle I'd be more than just the muscle if I only had a brain! I'd sure win a lot of titles, but nothing rhymes with titles…I guess I could say belt. I could think and be so happy, not say poopy maybe crappy…if I only had a brain." Cena scarecrow danced around loosey-goosey like while he rapped. "Oh I…yeyah! Could tell you why Maria is a whore! I could think of things I'd never thunk before and then I'd s go…and get a whore! I would not be just a nothin', my shorts all full of stuffin' and funny yucky stains. I would laugh and I'd be merry, girls would want my dingle-derry if I only had a brain!"
Cena scarecrow tripped over his feet again and went rolling head over heels. He sat up and shook his head, dazed. Beth ran over to see if he was okay.
"That was…odd to say the least." She said as she picked up some straw and stuffed it in his shirt. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah…oh no." His eyes suddenly widened. "I'm not okay!" He burst out in a succession of sneezes. "I can't be a scayahcrow, I just remembahed I have allahgies!" His eyes began to turn red and water and he sniffed his nose.
"Well, its to late for that." Beth said and stuffed some straw down his pants.
"It itches!" John shrieked and scratched at his crotch.
"Stop it, that's rude."
"This is going to be terrible…" He whined.
"Why don't you come with me to the Wizard? I'm sure he could give you some Benadril or some Clariton or something to take care of the allergies." Beth paused. "Well, maybe you shouldn't. I have the Bitch of the West mad at me."
Cena scarecrow nodded and sneezed again.
"A bitch huh? I'm not afraid of any bitch…just fire." He held up his straw arm as explanation. "But I'd face a whole box of matches for you." He smiled at her sheepishly.
"Well, I suppose it would be okay." Beth shrugged.
"Sweet, we're off to see the Wizard! Hey maybe he can even give me a brain!" He grinned excitedly as he picked himself up and scratched at his crotch again.
"Let's not hold our breath." Beth muttered. She found 'Tino and picked him up and tucked him back under her arm. "To Oz?" She held out her arm for Cena scarecrow. He looped his arm through hers and snuffled his nose.
"To Ah-ah-achoo!" He rubbed his nose on his tattered shirt. "To Oz." He finished with a snuffle. The two locked arms and began to dance and sing 'We're off to see the Wizard' as they made there way down the road. Cena scarecrow half danced-have stumbled (and sneezed) along with Beth, who was very ready to get out of Oz.
I just had to leave a little note here, my favorite line was when Cena said: "Oh no, I talk all the time without having any brains!" lol :) Reviews pleases and thankies.