When All Else Fails, Hit the Fangirl - Chapter Four: Job

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

-=-=-=Neko's POV=-=-=-

I ran off to catch up with Akuma, hearing Gai yelling something about youth to Lee a ways behind me. I finally caught up with her, she was walking at a fast pace.

"Hey, Akuma… where are we going?" I asked as I did my best to keep up with my friend.

"Away from them." Wow. She really hated those two, didn't she? Poor Lee.

Akuma just kept walking in the general direction of 'away'.

I glanced at her skeptically. "We're lost, aren't we?"

My question was met with an unnerving silence as Akuma kept walking.

My blue-eyed friend stopped suddenly, causing me to almost run into her - she's been doing that a lot recently. Her head was turned to the left, looking at something with an observing kind of expression. I looked in the same direction to see that the man I recognized as Ino's father was looking at Akuma. Apparently, somehow, they had caught each other's attention.

Ino's father, Yamanaka something, spoke up. "Are you lost?"

The two of us responded at the same time.

"No."

"Yes."

Akuma turned and glared at me for admitting we were lost. We were and we both knew it but Akuma's pride made her deny it.

We both turned our attention to Ino's father who started speaking again.

"I noticed you've gone down this street twice already."

I shot an accusing glare at Akuma, challenging her to say that she knew that and had done it deliberately. She answered my glare with her own, except hers said 'you mention it, you die.'

"Y'know what, Akuma? You remind me of Sasuke."

Her expression changed to something akin to disbelief. "How can I remind you of someone you've never met? You're such an idiot." She shook her head in exasperation.

"Yep. You definitely remind me of Sasuke."

I turned back to Ino's father. "Yeah, we're lost. My name is Neko and this is Akuma. We're new here, though I assume you already know that." I was fishing for his name; it was bugging me that I couldn't remember it.

He smiled, "Yep, you made it obvious. I'm Yamanaka Inoichi."

I mentally slapped my head. Duh, Inoichi, one of the Child/Parent name similarities like Chouji/Chouza, Shino/Shibi, and Shikamaru/Shikato.

I looked at Akuma. "We could just go back the way we came, couldn't we?"

Uh oh, wrong thing to say. "You'd have to knock me unconscious to get me to go back there, and good luck with that, I know how to fight." She was pretty angry.

"Wait… you know taijutsu?" I asked before wiggling my eyebrows suggestively, showing her that I wanted nothing more than to pair her up with a certain taijutsu-using Genin.

"Shut the f**k up about that or I'll see to it that you die a very, very painful death." Well, she got the message.

"Awww, but you'd be cute together!"

Pain erupted on my arm for the third time that day, this time the object - fist - hitting me hit a lot harder.

"OOOOWWWW!!! Why'd you hit me??!! I was just JOKING!!!!!!!" My raised voice was attracting attention, but it's not like I cared in the slightest. But that doesn't mean that I didn't annoy a certain blonde-haired blue-eyed girl who was peacefully daydreaming a minute before.

"What is going on out here?! I'm busy, so could you be QUIET?!"

Out of the door of the Yamanaka Flower Shop, which I had only just noticed by the way, came none other than Yamanaka Ino; a very irritated Yamanaka Ino. I wasn't about to back down.

"No, Akuma just hit me for the THIRD TIME TODAY! And on the same spot, too! And HARDER this time!!!" I had a right to complain, I thought. She obviously didn't agree.

"I don't really CARE what your friend did, you probably deserved it! Now be QUIET so I can THINK!!!! Seriously, you are the-"

"Ino." The blue-eyed blonde's father quieted the loud Kunoichi.

Ino's head snapped to her father and she nodded her head reluctantly before heading back inside the flower shop.

'Pwned.' …

I've been spending too much time around my brother, haven't I?

Him and his computer games…

Anyway.

-=-=-=Cho's POV=-=-=-

Temari took the cue and reported in. "I found her," she gestured in my direction, "not too far from the village. She claims to have been near someone testing a jutsu and says she doesn't know what happened, and she herself is not a shinobi. And… and I have reason to believe she knows the future."

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't anticipating something along these lines to happen. I'd also be lying if I said I expected everything to go smoothly from here. As I predicted, things started getting a little more complicated, even slightly dangerous.

The Kazekage looked me over with his cold gaze before asking his daughter to elaborate on my supposedly knowing the future.

"The future, hm? What makes you think that?"

"She… well, she predicted Gaara's death," Temari fidgeted as she replied, but her voice stayed firm.

No beating around the bush, hm? Admirable.

I figured it was about time to divert attention from Temari to myself.

"Yep, I did. Unfortunately I only know a small amount of the future. I know maybe… the next four years or so? And my knowledge is limited altogether. I know most of the major events that will happen, though, and even some minor ones and some details."

Now to see what this Kage does with the information I've given him.

"Hm, really, now? And how do I know you're not bluffing?"

"The Chuunin Exams are coming up soon, correct? I know how each of the tournament matches will end up."

"I would guess you're not willing to give up your knowledge for free?" I could hear the threat in the Kazekage's voice. Time to try bartering.

"Not for free, no, but I am willing to trade some of my knowledge for certain minor things."

The Kazekage looked me in the eye as if trying to read my mind.

"And what might those things be?"

"I'm not sure exactly, but access to low-level jutsu scrolls- mainly genjutsu and medic jutsu if possible -and being able to go to Konoha for the entire duration of the Chuunin Exams. The larger the thing I want, the more important information I'll give you. Fair is fair. I also want to have your side of any deal carried out first because you can have me killed at any time but I can do nothing to you."

His eyes narrowed showing that he wasn't overly fond of my 'requests'.

"Those are some bold demands you are making."

"And I'm offering knowledge of the future. Of your enemies, allies, anything, if a fair price is paid."

"If your information is not satisfactory I will lock you in prison."

"Fine, like I said, fair is fair."

'I'm pretty sure I can keep you happy since it's not too long until you're dead and if everything goes well, I'll be in Konoha away from you for a good while. Near-flawless strategy, just like a game of cards. Even the unknown cards are thought of in the plan. Heh, this will be fun. I haven't had a challenging game in a while.'

"Come back here tomorrow at noon and we'll discuss trades. You're both dismissed."

'I guess I have to mention it…'

"Kazekage-sama… I don't have anywhere to stay."

"You can stay with my children. I would guess you already know who they are? And I never got your name."

"Yes, I know who they are. And my name's Cho. Sayonara, Kazekage-sama."

I raised my hand in farewell before heading out the door.

'That went better than I thought it would. And so the game has begun; my tactics are already at work.'

-=-=-=Akuma's POV=-=-=-

I wanted nothing more than to see exactly how much pain I could inflict on Neko, but I figured it wouldn't go over so well with Inoichi right in front of us.

'Yeah… I'd rather not run into Ibiki just yet, and especially not if it's my own fault. I guess I'll settle for imagining ways to kill my annoying travel companion. Just until there are no witnesses. When there's no one to see, Neko had better start praying.'

Inoichi's voice broke me from my thoughts.

"So where were you trying to get to?"

I gave a small shudder and made sure to reply before Neko could. I didn't think the entire truth was necessary here.

"I guess we're looking for a job and a place to live for a while, however long we're here."

"I could take you to Hokage-sama who could find you a place to live, and as for a job, my wife needs more helpers in the flower shop now that our daughter, Ino, has graduated the academy. Just come by sometime tomorrow if you're interested."

I had a distinct feeling of dread originating from where Neko stood. I slowly turned my head, expecting the worst.

'Shit.'

She had that look in her eye again and she acted on impulse before I could stop her in time. I settled for smacking my forehead in irritation as Neko yelled her thanks at the top of her lungs… after jump-hugging Inoichi. I sighed. And I started plotting her death when she knocked me to the ground with a hug and started ranting about her goals or whatever.

'Hmmm… giving Neko the Death by a Thousand Cuts sounds really good about now.'

Neko apparently sensed my wish to kill her because she quickly got off of me.

"Sorry, Akuma!"

I gave her another glare which conveyed my thoughts of torture and death.

Her eyes widened and she took a few steps backwards as her face paled.

I smirked, again satisfied with her reaction.

…This was originally supposed to be more or less a crack fic. I really make things too serious and I work too hard to make them realistic and make sense, don't I? Or is it that I think too far ahead for a crack fic? Hmm… the mysteries of life. Yeah, this is a shorter chapter, but it was kind of rushed and I'm not really sure what's going to happen with Akuma and Neko for the next few chapters. After that I have it all planned out, but not until then.

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