Deciding on a location for the little lover's reunion had taken some thought. It was almost certainly going to be fraught with deep emotions so a public spot like a park or restaurant seemed ill advised. Hamilton's office seemed too stiff and formal. Ditto for Perry's law library. In the end, Hamilton simply decided on inviting his long lost love to his own apartment. He considered making supper, but decided on a pizza instead. If things didn't go well, at least the pizza would be easily put away without the fuss of cleaning up the aftermath of cooking.
Pacing nervously now that everything was set, Hamilton could only "hurry up and wait" as was often said in the military.
A gentle tap on his door drew a sharp breath from the nervous man and his heart slammed against his chest. He felt ready to have this over with and yet he felt completely unprepared for this. He felt terrified. He still loved her and it scared him that this meeting would change so many things and not necessarily for the better. It was difficult to let go of the comfortable and familiar, even if it was painful.
As if in a daze, he felt his body wander over to open the door, but his mind and heart felt disconnected from this surreal experience. Bracing himself, he gently turned the knob and pulled the door open.
There she stood. A little older of course, but still as stunning as the day he'd first set eyes on her at George's barbecue all those years ago. Her shoulder length bob was still the light ash brown he remembered and those aqua eyes mirrored the same fear and nervousness he was feeling. She was clutching the coat in her hands like it was a lifeline and looked about to bolt like a panicked deer.
Hamilton smiled happily. He couldn't help it. That he was even able to see her again in this life was enough to bring back all the heady, happy feelings he'd felt when they'd been together. Just seeing her there at his doorstep gave him hope for the future.
"Alexandra," his voice was warm and deep. "Come in."
Instantly put at ease by the genuine smile, Alexandra let out a deep sigh of relief and smiled back. "Hamilton," she breathed as he took her coat and hung it up. "It's wonderful to see you."
"You look incredible. Still," he said. "I didn't know if you'd be hungry so I ordered a pizza. I was too nervous to cook. I'm surprised I haven't managed to burn my way through an entire pack of cigarettes after I got home."
Alexandra chuckled at that. "I've felt pretty much the same. It has been difficult for me to eat today just knowing I'd finally be able to see you again and tell you what happened."
"What did happen, Alex?" Hamilton turned serious, taking her shoulders and turning her to face him. Concern shone in his large eyes.
"I found out I was pregnant, Hamilton," Alexandra choked out, feeling her breath catch in her throat, terrified that she was about to make him furious. He had every right to be, but given what she'd endured at the hands of Darren Galloway, angry men still scared the daylights out of her.
Hamilton's eyes widened to the size of saucers as the implications of that admission. His pulse began roaring in his ears again and his head began to swim as the possibility that he had an adult child he never knew about roaming the Earth seized him in its grip.
"Oh my god, Alexandra…," he breathed, barely able to concentrate on her words as she continued. His entire world had been reduced to the child he may have helped bring into the world.
"And I made the mistake of telling my parents before telling you. My father was not only concerned about his reputation since I was pregnant out of wedlock, but he also feared that the baby was Darren's as a result of the rape. He didn't know that you and I had been together… that way. At least not then. He forbade me from seeing you, even to say goodbye, fearing that if I stayed behind with you or remained in contact that Darren would find me through you somehow. I pleaded with my parents; tried all I could to convince them you'd do the right thing, but they wouldn't listen. Then he packed us up and moved us to Idaho."
Tears fell onto her cheeks now as she continued to push on through the rest.
"I tried writing to you, but my father intercepted the letters. I called your parents house hoping they'd pass a message on to you. You never called back so I figured either they didn't tell you or you were too angry with me to want to."
"I wasn't told anything, Alex. I've waited 20 years to hear about any of this." Pulling his handkerchief from his pocket, he handed it to her and pulled her close.
Alexandra's head settled gratefully on Hamilton's chest, his racing heartbeat still more comfortable to hear than her own voice. Suddenly, she lifted her head as if remembering something.
"I'll get makeup on your shirt…," she murmured in self reproach.
"I can afford another one if it doesn't come out. Don't even worry about it, sweetheart. But the pregnancy… the baby, Alex?! Did you have it?"
She nodded as she relaxed against him again. "A girl. I named her Helen; something with an H after you. She's so much like you, right down to her facial expressions. She made my heart ache for you so many times. Would you like to meet her?"
"What kind of a question is that?"
They were silent for a long moment. In the back of Hamilton's mind he wondered why he didn't feel angrier than he was. Perhaps he was still in shock and anger would set in later. Perhaps he was just grateful to have some answers now.
"Alex, why didn't you try to look me up after you left home?" He asked curiously.
"I was afraid that I'd find that you'd moved on. Married with the family that I wanted with you. Afraid that if that was the case, I'd ruin things for you by barging back into your life with a kid you knew nothing about. I didn't want to mess things up for you if you'd moved on."
"I never found the right woman, Alex, because the right woman vanished to Idaho 20 years ago."
"And now that she's come back?"
Hamilton pondered that for a long moment. "I need a few days to let this sink in, Alex. And to meet my daughter. I still love you more than anything, but I don't want to rush into anything until I've at least done that. I promise I won't make you wait long though."
"Not like I did you, huh?" Came the tearful chuckle.
"I don't know what the future is going to hold for us, Alex, but I forgive you. I remember what your father was like and I know that couldn't have been an easy situation for you. And I know you had to put our daughter's well being first. Your father certainly had the means to care for you both when I was still in school. That's probably why my own parents didn't tell me. I can't imagine they would have been thrilled if I'd chosen to drop out of school in favor of work and supporting a family. But you can be damned sure I would have done whatever it took had I known then."
Alexandra wrapped her arms around him and gave him a grateful squeeze. This hadn't been as awkward as she'd been dreading, but with Hamilton and Helen still to meet, they were a long ways from becoming a family.