That night, I had no sort of dream, none at all. Not a nightmare, neither an enjoyable one. It was just blank, filled with nothingness. Maybe talking to Izaya was a good thing, not that we really talked about much. I had no idea how, but perhaps it was his fault I felt this emptiness, but again, it could be seen as both good and bad.
I was beginning to believe it was better not to have a purpose; therefore, I would have no reason to fulfil it. Though, the thought of living without purpose is somewhat depressing. But there are many people living in this world without reason, and it doesn't bother them. Or maybe they just don't realize it.
It was the weekend, so I didn't have to decide whether to skip school or not, for that, I was happy. I then began the daily routine, get up, shower, get dressed, eat, and then prepare for the day, whatever that day may consist of. However, today, I didn't know what to prepare for.
After I had finished the usual, I sat on couch thinking of what to do with the day, even though fate had now decided for me. I heard a knock on the door, and immediately leapt up to answer it.
Gradually, I opened the door, peering round as I did so. It was Mikado. He was probably here because I didn't reply last night. Once the door was open, entirely, I addressed him. "Hey, Mikado, What are you doing here?" I said cheerfully, which was an act. I also smiled, to improve my performance.
"I came to check on you, seeing as you weren't in school yesterday."
Yeah… Check on me. He probably doesn't even care. Mikado pushed passed me, to get into my apartment. I closed the door behind him and then turned to him.
"I was going to text you last night, to ask you about why you weren't at school yesterday, but I'm all out of credit." He said, standing a few metres away from the door. Wait, that text wasn't from him then who could it have been? I wanted to check, but I couldn't be so rude as to kick Mikado out so suddenly. But I needed to find a subtle way of getting him out, because just being around him, all the feelings, all the queries, were starting to return to me.
"Oh yeah, about that" I scratched my head, trying to think of an excuse. I looked around, trying to get inspiration from something around me. "I was feeling a bit sick," was the best I could come up with. Given more time, I would have come up with a much better one. "But I'm fine now" I said with a fake smile wedged on my face.
"Oh, okay. Are you sure you're okay, maybe I should stay a while?"
No, you should just go back to your darling Anri, is what I wanted to say, more what my frustration wanted me to say, but I didn't, because I knew it would cause more problems than I wanted, making everything worse.
"No I'm fine, really. Doing anything interesting today?" I asked, doing my best to find a way to change the subject, whilst walking back over to the couch.
"Ummm, yeah, I'm meeting up with Anri later" he said nervously. How did I know. I walked over to Mikado, grabbed his shoulders, and began dragging him out of my apartment. Subtle. Yeah, that's what it was.
"Mikado, you know you should never leave a girl waiting!" I declared, slightly chanting, as I pushed Mikado out the door. He protested a little, but I still prevailed. "Now go!" I said as I pushed him out the door, still smiling, and faintly sniggering. Of course, it was all pretend.
"But I-" He protested.
"I said go!"
"It's not until-" I slammed the door, not wanting to hear anymore. I turned around, and placed my head back onto the door. Crap. It's all coming back. I slid my back down against the door. Hastily, I wrapped my hands around my head, pulling it down, in an attempt to stop them coming back. However, once again, my actions were futile.
It all came back, the sadness, the uncertainty, all the things I wanted to throw away, like garbage, like me. I sighed, and then released my head from my hands, by dropping them to the ground. I looked up to the ceiling. The ceiling, it was so plain. Unlike most things, I thought, why did life have to be so complicated? If only life were plain and simple, like the ceiling. I chuckled, at my ridiculousness of comparing life to a ceiling. I felt a bit better now.
Remembering the text, I leapt up, and ran upstairs, to my bedroom. I went through the door, and walked over to the table where my phone sat. I stared at it, almost longingly. Though, technically, longing would be the right word, as it was my desire, to see who had sent it and what that message read. But I didn't move.
Was I afraid? No, I just wanted the suspense. It makes it all so much more exciting. My ceiling analogy had just been hurled out the window, at a great speed. I waited a few more seconds, letting it build up; I could feel myself beginning to glint with excitement. I couldn't take it much longer, It was becoming too much. Impulsively, I reached out and grabbed my phone. I flipped up the screen and pressed the buttons rapidly until I reached my inbox. The cell slipped from my hands.
The mere shock of it made me drop the mobile. I began to shake lightly. Why was I afraid? How could I become so scared, just because of a name? It probably wasn't even that bad, I was just jumping to conclusions.
I crouched down to grab my phone. Looming over the floor, I noticed it was also plain. My mind, reached out the window to find the analogy again, but did not accomplish its' goal. Once more, I wished life was plain, like the ceiling and the floor, nevertheless, this time I did not laugh.
I continued to picking up my phone, then stood up, moved over to my bed and sat down. My finger lingered over the centre button, which would soon open the message. This time the waiting was not for the suspense, it was to fuel my anxiety. I closed my eyes, and slowly pressed the buttons. Hearing it click, I opened my eyes.