A/N: Hey guys! So this one's kind of longer, but a lot of stuff happens, so I think you'll like it. Don't be suprised that things are moving quickly; it's a short story... I never intended it to be very long. Levae me some love =]

And I don't own this; I only wish...

Chapter 4

EPOV

Bella looked at me skeptically, and her mouth came up in a tight pucker.

"I thought you said we were friends?"

I smiled at my Bella, "You could say that."

"Then why would you take me into the woods?"

The tone in her voice caught me off guard. Of course this was a terrible idea; she didn't remember me. She would think that I was only taking her up here to…

And she had every reason to.

I shifted uncomfortably and heaved an unnecessary sigh before looking back at her.

"I'm sorry Bella. Please forgive me. I'll just take you home or something I never should have brought you out here."

I went to move past her, back to the car, but Bella grabbed my arm.

"No. That's not what I meant. I just… I'm pretty clumsy. I'll probably fall a lot."

She smiled up at me, and I felt myself getting lost in the endless pools of her chocolate eyes.

"I'll catch you; don't worry."

"I know. I trust you."
I smiled down at her and it almost felt like my frozen heart was beginning to melt. She held out her hand for me to take, and I hesitated slightly.

"What's wrong?" She asked, still holding out her hand.

I looked warily from her hand to her eyes, "My hands… they're…. they're going to be quite cold."

"If you don't take my hand, how will you keep me from falling?"

You can't argue with logic like that.

"Are you sure?"

She rolled her eyes at me, "Yeah."

I sighed and took her hand, tucking the rest of her arm in between my body and my elbow, and walking into the woods.

"Are we going far?" She asked, stumbling slightly.

"No, not at all. We should be there in a few moments, actually."

Bella was so busy trying not to fall that she didn't even notice that I was basically supporting all of her weight, and we were moving much faster than we should have been capable of. Or if she did notice, she didn't mention it.

I saw the light start to pour out from between the trees and I knew we were almost there. I could only hope that this was still a good idea. I slowed considerably and let my hand relax around hers as we headed into the meadow.

She gasped as she took in her surroundings.

"Oh my God, this is beautiful."

I just watched her as she stepped into the middle of the clearing and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She was still the most beautiful thing in my world; whether she remembered me or not.

She twirled around, then lifted her face up to the minimal sunlight and smiled.

"I miss Phoenix so much right now."

"mmmm?"

"The heat, the sun… I love the sun, did you know that?" I did. "I just wish that maybe they could turn the rain off every once in a while. It's no fun being cooped up all the time."

"I agree."

She moved to look at me now, peering at me quizzically.

"What?"

All of a sudden, her eyes went blank, and it was almost as though she was slipping away. I was at her side in an instant.

"Bella? Bella? What's wrong? Love, can you hear me?"

Her eyes snapped to mine, and went wide with shock.

"W-What did you just call me?"

I back up, confused. "Bella. You're Bella and I'm Ed-"

She held up a hand, fear in her eyes and said "No. After that."

I straightened up immediately when I realized my misstep.

"Love."

She recoiled and plopped down on the grass, "Did you call me that often?"

I drew a deep breath and whispered, "Yes."

"And that's something you felt for me?"

I looked at her now, and I felt my dead heart swell with passion for the fragile creature in front of me. I sank down across from her.

"Yes, truly I do."

"So we were in love? I loved you?"

I didn't know how to answer that. I had left Bella in order for her to have a normal human life; to live as though she had never known me. And now, here I had found myself in exactly the situation I desired, and I felt the need to beg her to come back to me. I found that I wasn't sitting across from my Bella; this was someone else.

She must have mistook my silence as guilt, because she put her warm little hand in mine.

"I've hurt you, haven't I?"

"No, Bella. If anything, it's I who's hurt you."

"How?"

Pain gripped me as I remembered leaving Bella in the woods. The look of anguish on her face, the desolate tone of her voice… No. I couldn't let her live through that again. I couldn't do that to her twice.

"Perhaps we should start with something a little less… upsetting."

She nodded, and tapped her fingers to her knee in concentration.

"You aren't like the other boys." She said it as a statement instead of a question, so I didn't respond. "You… there's something different about you."

"Yes."

I couldn't lie to her.

"Do you think you'll ever tell me what?"

I sighed, longingly. "No, probably not."

"Hmm."

"But when we were… together; I knew then, right?"

I nodded.

"Then why won't you tell me now?"

"Because it's too… Bella, you don't have to know. You don't have to be involved in my word anymore."

Her eyes darted down to the grass. "But what if I want to?"

I laughed sadly, "Why would you possibly want to do that?"

"Because I feel like you and I are… maybe we're meant to be with each other. Maybe we're supposed to do… this with each other. Do you ever feel that way?"

Only every moment of every day since I first realized I was in love with her. I just didn't want to scare her away; I couldn't possibly tell her of our love, and risk her leaving.

So I sighed and said, "Bella, you are the most important thing in my world."

She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and I wondered if this would be the moment that she ran. It would finally be the moment where she realized that I was not right for her; that it was dangerous for us to be together. But instead, exactly as my Bella would, she smiled and pressed her warm hand to my face.

"I'm sorry that I don't remember you."

I closed my eyes and leaned into her touch. "So am I."

We spent the next few hours talking to each other. She asked me about our first date, and how we met. I left out the part about the blood lust, of course as well as the fact that one our first date I had saved her from a group of rapists. These were memories she didn't need to have; memories I wished could stay buried in the recesses of her mind. Then she got to the events after her eighteenth birthday, and honestly I didn't know what to tell her.

"Bella, it's… complicated."

"Complicated how?"

I sighed, "Bella, I was trying to protect you from certain… aspects of my life, so I… went away for a while."

"But you came back?"

I smiled ruefully, "Yes. I did."

"Were you with me when I jumped?"

"No."

"Then how did you know where to find me?"

"I didn't."

She looked at me blankly.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, "Bella, I just knew where you'd be. I saw you jump so I went over after you."

"You could've been killed." She said, her eyes alight with horror.

I shrugged, "There are worse things."

She raised an eyebrow, "Like what?"

"You could've been killed."

The familiar blush crept across her face and I smiled over at her. She was slowly becoming my Bella again, and I was grateful for it. I needed her; I had to be with her. I needed her to want me again.

I wanted my Bella.

Because, after all, what is the lion without the lamb?

After a while, I noticed her begin to shiver so I stood up, then helped her to her feet and wrapped my jacket around her.

I turned to walk back to the car, but when I heard her voice it was distant. She hadn't moved from her spot.

"Are we leaving?"

"Yes, Bella. You're cold."

She pouted a little, "No. I'm not."

I laughed at her antics, "Yes, you are. Look at the way you're shivering."

Her eyes narrowed, so I threw my head back and laughed, "Please, Bella? For me?"

"Fine."

She stomped toward me, holding out her hand, which I took and tucked back under my arm. I moved more slowly through the woods this time because I could tell she was hyper aware of what was happening around her. Soon enough, though, we were back at the car. I helped her into the passenger side and then quickly sped off toward her house.

"What about my truck?" She asked, her voice slightly amused.

"Alice will bring it back. Don't worry."

She got very silent then, and I looked over to her and I instantly got nervous. She had that same glazed look in her eye as before.

"Bella? Are you alright?"

She snapped out of it a bit, but stared blankly at me. "Are we at my house yet?"

I inhaled sharply. I was thoroughly confused. One moment, she wanted to know about our love and the next she seemed… repulsed.

It's very frustrating.

"Yes, Bella. We're here."

I pulled into her drive way, and she bolted out of the car quickly, without another word.

It seemed as though I had lost my Bella for good this time.

BPOV

Alice.

I could remember Alice. Short, inky black hair and a bubbly personality. She was funny and creative, and she was my friend. I remember her being my friend. The only other flashback I'd had was in the meadow this afternoon, but it wasn't nearly as clear as this one. At that point, I only had bits and pieces of memories; just flashes of light and color, but nothing concrete. But as soon as I heard Alice's name, she came flooding back to me.

But why couldn't I remember him?

I let myself into my house and found a note from Charlie just inside the door.

Working a late shift.

Call if you need anything.

-Dad

I threw the note on the ground just as a huge crash of thunder rolled trough the house. There goes the power.

I groaned and heaved my body up the stairs. That was when I was still in his coat. I tossed it off my shoulders. Suddenly I couldn't get far enough away from him. It felt like all of a sudden what we used to be was… a burden. I couldn't handle it. I just wanted to be me, again. I wanted to remember who I was.

And maybe remembering Alice was a glimmer of hope.

I traipsed into my room, and as I crossed the floor over to my dresser I tripped over a one of the floor boards. I looked back, and the board was peeled back ever so slightly. I crouched down over it and carefully pulled it away, letting out a gasp when I saw what was underneath.

First, an envelope with my name written neatly across the front, then two pictures, one of him and I, arm in arm, and one of just him. He looked so perfect in these two pictures, and it highlighted how inadequate I was. Why would he have even wasted time on me in the first place?

I discarded the two pictures beside me, and turned the envelope over in my hands. I didn't recognize the had writing on the front, and it was still sealed, so obviously I hadn't read it before. I carefully tore it open and pulled out the long letter written in beautiful, loopy script:

My Dearest Isabella,

When I last saw you here, I was playing Clair de Lune. The melody breaks my heart because it makes me remember how much I love you. When you aren't there, it feels like I'm incomplete; as though I'm not functioning. The fractured scales, the rising emotion make me remember what it feels like to love you, and because of that, every time I hear the tune it feels as though my soul is splitting into a million pieces all across the universe in the hope that one tiny and insignificant piece could somehow find it's way to you and be complete again. I ache—physically ache—when I'm not with you. Sitting here now, listening to the music dip and bend through the crescendos is excruciating, and I feel like I might not make it through the song. I miss your eyes, I miss your touch but most of all, I miss the way I feel when you're looking at me; I miss feeling like I'm just as much a part of you as you are of me.

I'm mad at you for making me love you the way that I do, and I'm mad at you for making my heart hurt every time I hear your name or someone mentions you. Every moment we're apart feels like an eternity because those moments pull me that much closer to an endless abyss where you and I do not exist. Clair de Lune is my favorite; you know that. But it's tainted with your memory now, and whenever I play it and whenever I hear it I'll be thinking of you and only you.

Being in love with you helped me to realize that I've never loved anyone the way I love you, and I never will again. I could spend the rest of my life trying to get back to you, but I will never and can never be whole without you. This, my love, is my unrequited devotion to you. You are my life, my heart, my soul; my only reason to continue breathing. You have to know that there is no point in wasting air to put breath into my lungs if I cannot count on someday seeing your face again. I don't ever intend to live without you, and therefore, I will not exist in a world where you do not exist. Your happiness in paramount to me, and I need for you to be whole, even if I am not.

You should be realizing about now the depth of my love for you and just how difficult it was for me to leave you. I will replay those moments in my mind for the rest of my life; forever haunted by the rage in your eyes, the tension in your jaw and the hatred in your voice. It broke my heart to see you that way, to see the obvious pain that I caused you. I cannot let myself wish that you could possibly love me in return, and that the pain I recognized could be because you needed me too. My life without you is barren and incomplete, and it will continue to be as long as I can't be with you, but I need for you to be safe and that is more important to me then my own happiness. As I've said, love: I cannot go on in a world where you do not exist.

I'm sitting here at the piano looking over the score and I can here Clair de Lune in my head, strumming thoughtfully and putting your face into my mind. I can see you smiling on the veranda; I can see us walking down the hallway, hand in hand. I can feel your fingers wrapped tightly around mine, our shoulders brushing up against each other. If I close my eyes, I can hear your voice whispering in my ear; it doesn't matter what you're saying, only that you're speaking to me. I can feel the heat of your breath on my cheek and I can feel myself slipping into the delusion that you could possibly love me at all, let alone as much as I love you. You have to know that I've only done this to protect you. It's kind of selfish actually, because by saving you, I'm also saving myself. If I had let anything happen to you by involving you in this stupidity I could never forgive myself. Therefore, love, the only way to never live without you is to live apart from you; to protect you from any harm.

I wish it didn't have to be this way; I wish that I could be with you to touch you and hold you everyday for the rest of our lives, but that, my love, can never be because every moment I am near you puts you in danger—a fact that I can not resign myself to. My time is dwindling, and the song is almost over. When I hear those last few exquisite notes, my soul will once again shatter and it will feel as though I can't breathe. I'll feel lost and hopeless, dark and forlorn because I know that where I'm going you won't be. You are my life and my heart. My soul is yours. Yours is the face I see when I close my eyes, yours is the voice I hear in my head, and you are the one I trust above anyone else.

As it ends, darling, I can see the mistrust in your eyes and hear the resentment in your voice. It kills me—utterly and completely—to know that I've hurt you as I so clearly have. But now, as the dissonance fades, and I am left alone here I can think of no one but you and how much I love you. My love is complete, true and unyielding; know that, always. I love you, my darling; I love you.

Edward

Huge, gut wrenching sobs escaped my body as I read the words on the page, and all of a sudden my memories came crashing down around me: Edward and I in biology last year, in my bedroom at night, at prom, and lastly the day he left me. That moment in the woods made me sob harder as I frantically dove for the window. There was another crash of thunder, but I pushed it open anyways. I leaned out over the side, and yelled, hoping beyond hope that he would somehow hear me.

"EDWARD!!!!!!!"