Well, here's chapter 4! Sorry it's been a few days, but I just got over finals Friday, and as you all know, Christmas is two days away! I might not be able to update this story (or my other story, New York, for those of you who may read that one too) until after Tuesday, because it is Christmas and I'm super busy. By the way, if you guys would like to check out my other story, I just started it a few days ago, and I already have two chapters up. It's also a Klaine fic ^.^ BUT ANYWAYS there is talk of cutting/starving in this chapter, so that's the only warning in this one. Thank you EVERYONE for reading, and especially those who've Rated/favorited/reviewed this! -Much love xoxo
I woke up the next morning without Kurt next to me. I smelt food, so I got up and went downstairs to the kitchen. I stood in the doorway, watching Kurt as he made breakfast. I smiled and watched how focused he was. He didn't realize I was watching him, so I walked up behind him quietly and wrapped my arms around his waist, kissing the back of his neck softly. I felt him shiver as he turned to see me. "Hey, you're actually awake," he said, laughing and leaning in to kiss me quickly. I rolled my eyes and let out a sigh.
"I see you're cooking breakfast," I noted, staring deeply into his eyes. He nodded proudly, "I figure you'd be hungry, as usual," he laughed, breaking out of my grasp.
"You know me so well," I laughed, looking at the food. "You didn't have to do this, though. You do way too much for me," I said, giving him my pouty face.
"Shut up and eat," he said, handing me a plate. I stuck my tongue out at him and took the plate, just as Burt came in, staring at us with a raised eyebrow.
"Morning kids. Breakfast Kurt?" dad asked, reaching out for a plate. I laughed and handed him one, nodding at him. We all sat down at the table, watching each other as we ate.
"So, Blaine…I figure you want to know about this whole court situation?" my dad asked, looking at Blaine. Blaine looked up from his plate, nodding slightly. "Well they have the date set a month from now," my dad said. Blaine just nodded as dad continued, "You have to go downtown today. They want to take pictures of your injuries. They also want to ask some questions."
"Kurt can go with me, right?" Blaine asked with worried eyes. He relaxed a little when my dad nodded at him.
When we were finished eating, I took everyone's dishes to the kitchen, beginning to clean up. Blaine came and helped me, not saying much as we worked. When we were finished we ran upstairs to my room to get ready. I couldn't help but to watch him as he changed clothes, trying my hardest not to attack his body with mine. Trust me, my staring didn't go unnoticed.
"What're you looking at?" Blaine asked me with a smirk as he pulled his jeans onto his almost naked body. I quickly looked back into my closet, gathering my outfit for the day.
"You can't just strip right in front of me like that and expect me not to stare," I shrugged, my back turned to him now. He came up behind me and lifted my shirt, trying to take it off of me.
"What the hell are you doing, Anderson?" I said calmly, but lifting my arms up for him to slide the shirt off nonetheless.
"I think it's pretty obvious that I just took off your shirt for you. Just thought you'd appreciate my help," he laughed, kissing my cheek before walking back to my bed. I turned to look at him, standing in only my pants.
"Of course, you're always willing to help when my clothes need to be removed," I laughed, grabbing some jeans out of my closet, then pulling off my pajama pants to put them on. Blaine stared at me wide-eyed, causing me to laugh.
"Kurt, can those jeans get any damn tighter?" Blaine groaned, narrowing his eyes at me. I just shook my head and shrugged, putting on my shirt.
"Better go and get this over with," I said, pulling on my boots then grabbing Blaine's hand to drag him to my car.
"I can't believe we have to wait a month for court. I don't want to go at all, much less wait to go. I'd like to just get all of this over with. Wait a second, if my dad goes to jail, doesn't that mean in order for me to legally live with you, your dad will have to be my legal guardian? Which is sorta like adopting me, right?" I asked as Kurt and I drove home. This whole photography appointment made me feel completely violated. I had some bruises on my legs and stomach, so they made me strip to my boxers to take the pictures. They let Kurt stay in the room with me and hold my hand for moral support, I guess. They sent a lady to take the pictures when they saw that I had my boyfriend there with me. I'm grateful for that, because I'd feel wrong for a guy to be taking pictures of me, in front of my boyfriend, almost completely naked.
"You have a point…Honestly, I have no clue what'll happen at this point, but I prefer to just let my dad handle it. I mean, you know how he is, he'll take charge regardless. Unless there's a relative of yours that will take you in, you kinda have no choice but to live here. But you turn eighteen in a few months, so you won't have to have a legal guardian. But of course, my dad would still let you live with us. He wouldn't just expect you to have to buy your own place," Kurt rambled on, gripping my hand as he drove. Sitting at a red light, he turned to look at me with wide eyes and a bright expression, "Unless, I move out with you too. You know, I'm already 18, and we could both get our own place. My dad could give us some money, and I have money saved up, and we can get jobs, an-,"
"Kurt, let's just…talk about this with your dad later. We're going to move in together when we graduate anyways. If your dad will allow me to live with your family until then, it'll give us time to save more money," I said, offering a smile. Kurt nodded and smiled at me.
"Good idea. Blaine, you're so damn smart," he laughed. I just nodded and squeezed his hand.
"What're we having for lunch, Kurt? I'm hungry," I whined, giving him a pouty face.
"I'll make you food when we get home. Or I can order you something," he said, shrugging.
"What about yourself?" I asked.
His expression suddenly turned blank as he stared at the road in front of him harshly. "I-I'm not hungry."
"But Kurt, you haven't eaten all day. Come to think about it, you don't eat much at a-"
"I'm not hungry," Kurt interrupted, giving me a loving smile and a squeeze of my hand, a sign that the conversation was over.
Blaine was definitely too smart. I was actually feeling pretty successful at keeping my secret for this long. I knew he'd eventually start to figure out when he started living with me. Luckily, he apparently hadn't gone snooping in my bathroom, because he didn't mention anything about seeing my pills. I felt like complete shit, being so selfish while Blaine's going through all of these issues with his father. But I just convince myself that it's not selfish, because he doesn't understand. It's become almost like an addiction. I've been bullied ever since I was a freshman, well, since forever really, but I was only targeted by one specific monster in the 9th grade. During sophomore year, Dave Karofsky's bullying only got worse. Instead of simple name calling, he had started to push me into lockers, and throw me into trash cans. But on top of that, he had started taunting me. He'd tell me how fat I would get if I didn't stop eating so much, and how I wasn't attractive or masculine for any gay guy to love me. He'd tell me how much of a waste of space I was, and how a disgrace like me didn't deserve living. Then he kissed me one day. He literally fucking kissed me. Biggest hypocrite I ever saw. But since that day, he'd gotten angrier at the world, so he'd take it all out on me. I eventually started to believe his words, that I was getting too big, or too dumb, or too ugly. I started starving myself. I'd tell myself that I was model-thin, see-my-ribs skinny that someone would love me. Starving myself became harder when my dad got married to Finn's mom, and we started having actual family meals. So I turned to diet pills. I'd only eat dinner on the days she cooked, and then I'd take a pill. Blaine transferred to McKinley during junior year, not long after my dad and Carol's wedding, and instantly started crushing on him. It kind of made everything worse, because I'd tell myself I wasn't good enough for him. Blaine and I became best friends instantly. We were pretty much inseparable. But I never told him how I felt because I was scared he'd reject me. I'd tell myself that I had no chance with him because I was too fat and too feminine. I'd started to take two pills after dinner, my only meal every day. The way I saw myself started to become apparently distorted. I didn't see myself the way everyone else saw me. Around October of junior year, my friend started noticing I'd lost a lot of weight, and I'd never eat lunch. They started to get worried, and Blaine, like any good best friend, started making me eat. I'd run to the bathroom and cry after eating lunch every day, and bumped up my dose of pills to three a day. It wasn't healthy, but I didn't care. Two weeks before Christmas, Blaine asked me to be his boyfriend, leaving me completely breathless. I never thought I'd have a chance with him, so I thought it was some cruel joke. He had asked me on a Thursday afternoon after school, December 14th, at the Lima Bean. I ran out crying, because I didn't think he was serious. I ran to the parking lot, and locked myself in my car. Not more than five minutes later, Blaine was banging on my window, so I let him in. He sat in the passenger seat and made me look at him, holding both of my hands firmly in his. He told me how he'd liked me since he met me, and thought I was beautiful. So I reluctantly let him into my life. I say reluctantly, because I didn't really want anyone to become that close to me, afraid they'd find out about my problems.
After a few months of Blaine and I dating, the bullying got worse. Luckily, Dave never went after Blaine, but he went after me constantly, abusing me in every way he could. He'd always do it at the rare times that Blaine and I weren't together. We didn't have but two classes together, and I have almost all of my classes with Dave. In between classes, Blaine would always be right by my side, protectively. On the off chances that he wasn't there, Dave would punch me, or kick me, or just slap me. One day, two days before school was out for the summer, I remember Blaine was being held after class by some teacher, doing a favor for her. I told Blaine I'd wait for him in his car, so I walked out to the parking lot alone. Blaine and I would always park closest to the back exit of the school, where not many kids parked. It was a good place to be alone on days when we were too turned on to wait to get home before we'd have heated make-out sessions, that usually consisted of grinding. Anyways, that one day, Dave followed me. All of the cars around us had left, and I was alone, with Dave. He literally beat me until I couldn't stand anymore, punching me to the ground, then slamming my head against the pavement a few good times. I remember Blaine found me, bleeding and laying on the hot pavement, too afraid to move and crying. It was so bad, I had to go to the hospital. A few evening after that incident, I received a text from Dave (how he got my number, I have no idea), explaining in a very vulgar way how I didn't even deserve life. He put me down in so many terrible ways that I couldn't handle it. I had some sort of mental breakdown, which resulted in me actually cutting my skin. I'd cut two deep marks into each of my thighs. I know Blaine's seen them before, but he's never asked, so I've never explained.
Blaine just stared at me, as I recalled all of these memories on the way home. I felt terrible, not being able to find the courage to tell him. He deserved to know, but I just couldn't handle it.
I watched Kurt as he made me lunch, smiling at him every time he'd look at me. I was honestly very sad, because Kurt refused to eat. He kept saying he wasn't hungry, which I knew couldn't be true. He hadn't ate much the day before, so he had to have been practically starving. I tried to make sense of it in my head. When I thought about it, he didn't eat much at all. I remember having to force him to eat lunch last year…could he be….no…Kurt was stronger than that…wasn't he? Bullying wasn't even that bad this year.
"Kurt, are you okay?" I asked, pulling his hand and forcing him to stand in front of me. I parted my legs to he could stand in between them, forcing him to be closer to me. I held his hands in mine, staring up at him with a worried expression.
"I'm fine, why do you ask?" he smiled at me, his eyes bright and blue as ever.
"I just noticed…you don't eat much…" I whispered quietly, hoping he wouldn't get offended or anything. He just shrugged.
"I know…" he said, pulling his hands out of mine and backing away from me.
"Can you tell me why? What's wrong Kurt? I could help you," I offered, standing up.
"You don't understand. You wouldn't understand," he whispered, taking a few more steps back before turning around and running. I just watched as he ran, sitting back down. I didn't want to upset him, so I just let him go. That's what a good boyfriend would do, right?