Sorry for the wait, I've had a lot of assessments at school while being sick so I've been pretty run down. I know this is short and probably not as good as it could be, but I see it as being better than nothing while I get back on track. =)
I could feel the sun beaming down on my face as I slowly roused awake; I was content for just a moment before the pain set in again and I remembered the situation I was in. I opened my eyes. The fire Chakotay had lit was now just a small pile of ashes, B'Elanna was lying a few feet away unconscious again and Chakotay, where was Chakotay? I started to panic but realized that he was probably down at the stream getting some water or finding some food. That's when I heard his footsteps as he came around the corner of tall trees that had been shielding him.
'You're awake.' He stated.
'Did you set up the beacon?' He better have set up that beacon or we would never be found.
'Yes. Breakfast?' Chakotay made his way over to where I had spent the night, I was still in too much pain to move myself, and I felt completely useless, like I was a burden on him. He shouldn't have to take care of me like this.
'No I'm fine thanks.' I didn't want whatever he had found; I would find my own food later when the pain had somewhat subsided.
'You've got to eat something, you need your strength.' Chakotay pleaded. I sighed; I couldn't be bothered arguing with him right now. I loved him, he may not know it but I did and I wanted to make him happy. I was acting completely irrational. One minute I'm feeling like I'm a burden to him not wanting his pity and food, now I didn't want to argue with him because I loved him. What was wrong with me?
The day went low. There was nothing to do, I couldn't move, B'Elanna was still in and out of conscious, mostly out. The sun was hot on my skin but the tall trees were providing shade over parts of my body. Chakotay made himself busy collecting wood for tonight's fire, building more shelter space, and finding more food, checking on B'Elanna, anything to keep him busy.
I spent the day watching whatever he was doing, trying to move to get up and help every now and then but I couldn't. The pain would increase each time I moved an inch. It became unbearable I hated this. I was so frustrated; I would take it out on him; the one person I love. God why do I keep telling myself that I love him? I wanted him, I loved him and I know I have always buried my true feelings deep down so they could never see the light of day but now they have and I knew could never have him.
One minute I was angry, the next I was telling myself I loved Chakotay, then I would be confused as to why. I was tired, each thought sent a throbbing trough my entire head, my eyes felt heavy and sore, my chest was so tight I felt like I couldn't breathe, each breath was more trouble than it seemed like it was worth. I could feel the burn, sting and deep pains of my open wounds and my entire body just ached. I couldn't do this. No I can, I'm the captain of a starship, I'm strong I can. I started to cry out of frustration, I was so tired of all these mixed feelings and all this pain. I just wanted to go back to Voyager where everything was normal. Chakotay heard could hear me now as he came back with a pile of wood. He didn't say anything just sat down next to me and held me as he caressed my face and my hair. Although I hated myself for letting my walls down, he made me feel safe. He calmed me down and I started giving in to sleep. Then I heard him speak. 'I love you Kathryn.' But I was asleep before I could speak.