Truth, Lies, and Sirius Black
Chapter 4
Winter break, Remus decided, was a glorious invention. Finals at Hogwarts University were brutal, especially – of course – Physics, taught by Professor McGonagall. So, when Remus awoke on the last day of term, and consequently the first day of winter break, he felt worried and tense. He heard the steady sound of Peter's breathing from across the room, and then the realization of winter break set into his mind, and he felt every muscle in his body relax. His worries melted into the knowledge that he was done, free, uninhibited. He let out a deep breath. He rolled over, intending to go right back to sleep. He hadn't felt this relaxed since summer, and he had every intention of milking it.
Until, that is, a moment later, when a shrill, piercing ringing sound filled the silence.
Peter and Remus both bolted upwards, yelling and thoroughly startled. Remus heard a thump on his wall, and a muffled, 'Shut the bloody hell up!' from next door. Remus fumbled through his bed sheets and clumsily grabbed the phone, holding it up to his ear upside down. He quickly turned it the right way, and slurred, "H'llo?" He rubbed his eyes, trying to awaken himself to have an actual conversation with whoever was a prat enough to call him this early.
"Remus is up now!" called Sirius, and Remus heard James roar with laughter and some else (Remus hoped it was Lily on a bad hair day. She would destroy them.) sputter in indignation.
"Did you call just to wake me up?" asked Remus, his voice low, soft, and dangerous. He was half-awake now, and damn it, he was angry.
"No," said Sirius brightly. "I also called to ask if you wanted to come on a ski trip for Christmas and New Year with me, James, Lily, and James' folks." Remus could practically hear the devilish grin on Sirius' face. The image softened Remus' anger, (because Sirius looked adorable in his mental image) but luckily not his tone.
"And you called at six-thirty to ask?" he growled.
"Well, obviously," said Sirius, laughter breaking through his voice.
Remus contemplated just hanging up. But he knew Sirius would just call right back, and didn't feel like hearing the obnoxious ringing again. He sighed.
"I really hate you right now," he muttered to Sirius.
"Aww, don't say that!" whined Sirius. "I love you!" Remus' heart skipped a beat. He was fully awake now, but he ignored it, remaining calm. He rolled his eyes, as though Sirius could see him.
"Yeah sure," he said. "If you did, you wouldn't wake me up at the crack of dawn on our first day of break, except for a good reason." Remus felt as though he was being rather generous. 'Crack of dawn' implied that the sun had already come up, and as it was December, the sun was still low below the horizon.
"This is a fantastic reason!" exclaimed Sirius. "James' dad said I should being a date, so you came to mind first, of course! Will you be my ski trip date? Pleeeease, Remus?"
Remus paused for a moment, hearing stifled laughter on the other side. Then, he burst out laughing himself. Peter gave him a look that clearly communicated his worries about Remus' sanity, and there was another thump against Remus' wall, followed by another oath. Remus tried to quiet his laughter, but it was difficult.
"Sure, Sirius," he said after a moment, still chortling and wiping his streaming eyes. "Just let me sleep for a while, yeah? Can I get the details later?"
"Certainly, my love!" said Sirius, far too loudly. Remus got the impression that he was jumping around, because the sound moved in and out from a normal decibel to a level that made Remus wince. "JAmes! Remus is MY DATE, LET'S call your DAD!" There was a click, and the line went dead. Remus shook his head, laying the phone down. It was so very like Sirius.
"Do I even want to know?" asked Peter, yawning.
"Probably not," admitted Remus.
"Tell me."
"Sirius asked me to be his ski trip date." Peter raised an eyebrow. More than once, Remus had succumbed to the pressures of finals, exploding about things of no significance, to things of monumental significance, and everything in between. (Such as, respectively, the stylistic differences of page numbers in textbooks, atomic bombs, and his relationship with Sirius.) "I know," he continued. "I'll be careful about it."
"Please do," said Peter matter-of-factly. "Heartbroken, along with smoking, is something I won't tolerate in a roommate." Remus chuckled. Peter was not the expressive sort. Remus understood that to mean, 'Be careful, because you're a good friend and I enjoy your company,' though in so few words.
"Let's go back to sleep."
"That sounds like a fantastic idea."
A little over five hours later, Remus found himself packing all of his belongings into his embarrassingly purple suitcase for his return home. He was excited to see his parents and their cat, as he hadn't seen them for months, but he felt quite unhappy about leaving his new, close friends. He knew, of course, that they would all see each other again in a matter of two short weeks, but there was a wrenching feeling in his gut as he thought of saying goodbye to Peter, James, and – especially – Sirius… His stomach twisted uncomfortably.
All of their parents were arriving to pick them up in three hours, and in forty minutes, the four friends were having a final lunch together before their impeding two-week separation. Remus knew that both Lily and James were positively dreading saying goodbye, but Remus wasn't sure how Sirius felt about the whole situation. Knowing Sirius, he was probably going to react the exact opposite of what was expected, and be quite happy to say goodbye.
Remus knew, rationally, that two weeks wasn't very long, but he had nothing to look forward to at home except his parents' company, which, though nice in small doses, was not something he wanted two straight weeks of, especially after a three-and-a-half month separation. They would question him endlessly about school and his friends, which would be nice for about half an hour, but they would, without a doubt, continue longer. He also had no interest whatsoever in "reconnecting" with people who had treated him badly in high school, or pretending to be happy to see them again. Sirius, of course, would tell him to suck it up, but then appear at the ski trip, complaining about stupid high school gits!
'Bloody hypocrite,' Remus thought affectionately.
Remus sighed, stuffing dirty socks into his over-stuffed purple suitcase. He was really going to miss Sirius and his strange enigma of a personality. (And, of course, his rippling ab muscles, but that was a given.)
There was a soft knock on his door, and Remus turned to see a morose-looking Lily in the doorway.
"Hi," she said miserably. "You ready to go?"
"No," said Remus. "I haven't finished packing."
"Well, we're going to be late if we don't leave now," said Lily. "Just finish later." Though Lily appeared more sad than angry, Remus knew her temper was not to be tested, and he dropped the shirt he had been folding and grabbed his heavy winter jacket.
They walked to their usual haunt, the café on the edge of campus. James and Sirius, as usual, were waiting for them. James said nothing, but simply stood with his arms open wide for Lily, who happily snuggled herself into James' chest. Nuzzling, they sat. Remus and Sirius as well, close together, though not quite nuzzling.
"I'm going to miss you a lot," commented Sirius, as though commenting on the weather. Then he smirked, and his voice became nostalgic. "I'll miss us taking turns to buy ice cream."
"It's only two weeks," Remus reminded him, but Sirius just threw him a withering look.
"It's two weeks with just James for me," he said, "and two weeks alone with Lily for you."
"No," insisted Remus. "Lily's going to catch up with her high school friends, and she'll call James every ten minutes. It's two weeks with my parents for me. At least you get James."
But Sirius just shook his head. "James will do the same thing. He'll want to hang out with everybody from the old days and whatnot. I don't mind the idea of hanging out with Frank," he admitted, "but other than him, I'm really not interested. And Frank will bring his girlfriend, and then James will get all mopey without Lily, and I'll just be left to be miserable and alone."
"You can call me if you get bored," said Remus. Then Sirius gave him a strange look.
"Can I just be on the phone with you for the entire two weeks? Then it won't even be like separating." Before Remus could answer, however, the waiter appeared and took their usual orders, and James and Lily wrangled them into a conversation about the ski trip, and Remus almost forgot about Sirius' endearing statement.
"What is there even to do at this ski resort?" asked Sirius, moving his spaghetti around on his plate rather than eating it.
"Maybe we can ski," said Remus sarcastically.
"Ha ha," said Sirius. "What else?"
"Well, we're all rooming together," hinted James, "all four of us."
"What?" said Lily, startled. "Really? I – My parents don't know…"
"No need to tell them," said James hastily. "But we've got like, three adjoining rooms. My family's been going to this resort for ages. I think my great-grandfather helped found it or something. But yeah, we get a special room. Better than the bridal suite I think."
"There's a bridal suite?" asked Sirius, raising his eyebrows.
"Shut up," said James, smacking Sirius lightly. "Anyway, there're four separate bedrooms that all commune into one big living room and kitchen and stuff. My parents will take one, and then… the others are up to however we want to split up when we get there."
Remus felt his insides squirm a bit. Would Sirius want to room with him? Then James continued, and Remus felt his hopes crash and burn.
"They all only have one bed, though," he said brightly. "So, ah, if it works out this way… I mean there are tons of options, but if, say… I mean…"
"We get it, James, stop while you can," commented Sirius, taking a bite of bread. James immediately subsided, taking a huge gulp of Coke to hide his embarrassment. Remus sighed, and leaned onto the table, twirling the remains his own pasta on his fork.
"Lighten up, sunshine," said Sirius, putting a hand on his arm. "We'll see each other again soon. Honestly, this ski trip is the only thing keeping me going. Otherwise I'd be spending all Christmas with just James for company, and I'd probably die."
"Hey!" said James, indignant.
"You'd hate it too, James," said Sirius. "That's why you suggested the ski trip to your parents!" James calmed, and shrugged.
"I guess," he said. The waiter returned a moment later, asking if they had finished. After they all had assured him that, yes, they were finished, Lily immediately left to do something girly that Remus didn't catch when she muttered it to James. James watched her walk away with a submissive fascination, his chin in his hand. He looked as though he was barely conscious.
Remus turned to Sirius then, hoping for some real conversation, opening his own mouth to begin, but Sirius cut him off.
"Do you want to room with me?" he asked, his eyes imploring Remus. Remus was momentarily speechless. He muttered a couple incoherent noises, before he spluttered, "Yes!"
"Great!" said Sirius cheerfully, leaning back on his chair, his air of intensity and seriousness dissipating instantly. Remus took in a deep breath, trying to follow Sirius' odd mood swings. "And also, really, would you like to spend as much of this two weeks on the phone with me as possible?" Remus snorted.
"I suppose I wouldn't mind it," he conceded. "But you call me if you mean it. I won't chase you around!" Sirius chuckled.
"Yeah, yeah," he said. He turned to watch James stand up and go to wherever Lily was, leaving Remus and Sirius alone. As James left, so did the air of simple friendliness. Slowly, very slowly, Sirius reached out a hand and placed his fingertips on the back of Remus' hand.
"Remus," he whispered, "thank you so much."
"For what?" asked Remus, his own voice just as quiet.
"Helping… helping break my shell," he said. "I never told James, but since I came to live with him, I've been sort of like a zombie. Sometimes I think he could tell, but I'm not sure. Anyway, it doesn't matter now. Now I have you."
"What?" gasped Remus. He could hardly breathe.
"You… You're so…" He paused. "There aren't even words for how… I don't know, perfect, amazing, wonderful…. you are. I saw you, and I knew you were different. I didn't really recognize it at first, but it was trust. I trusted you from the moment I saw you, and for me –" he chuckled mirthlessly " – that's a feat. My family destroyed all the life in me, but you brought it back. James looks at me like I'm mad sometimes, and I love it. He hadn't done that for over a year now. I think he forgot how odd I am. But anyway." Sirius raised his eyes to look directly into Remus', the grey eyes blazing in a way Remus had never expected them to. Not directed at him. His breath caught in his throat. "Thank you," said Sirius again, leaning in slowly.
Their lips met for just a moment. There was just a light pressure against Remus' lips. He felt his heart bounding in his chest, pumping so fast that he was sure it was going to explode. Sirius' lips against his felt like relief, as though he'd been in pain before they'd touched, but Sirius' lips were the rare, singular cure. Remus felt Sirius' gasp against his face, and he pressed his lips harder against Sirius'.
Or, he intended to, before he heard, "SIRIUS! REMUS!" coming from the direction that James had just gone.
They jumped back and stared at each other for a moment, before the urgent calls of "Sirius! Remus!" forced them to get up and look for James.
As it turned out, James had found his own parents conversing with Remus' parents and Lily's parents outside the restaurant. Remus shifted anxiously from foot to foot. Leave it to James to ruin the mood. He seemed to be rather good at that, according to Lily. Remus sighed and shuffled around, until he felt an arm around his shoulders. He looked up to see his father grinning down at him.
"Ready to go, kiddo?" he asked. Remus rolled his eyes.
"No, actually, Lily made me come to lunch before I'd finished packing."
"Maybe you should've packed earlier," she hinted.
"Maybe Sirius shouldn't have woken me up at six-thirty!" said Remus, glancing at Sirius, who smiled, but it did not quite reach his eyes. Remus noted that Sirius was staring at him. He tried to ignore it, turning back to his father.
"I just need to throw some stuff into my suitcase, then we can bring everything down and go."
"Did your roommate leave already?" asked Mrs. Lupin.
"Yeah, he left yesterday," said Remus. "He was done a couple days before me in exams, so he left early. There won't be many people on the stairs."
"Ah, good," said Mr. Lupin. "Well, let's go, Remus. We're having dinner with the Evanses and those other neighbors, the Weasleys." Remus sighed. Arthur Weasley, while nice, was a bit odd. He had a fascination with electricity that made absolutely no sense to Remus, and often had to endure long rants about the 'amazing makeup of a plug!' He glanced at Lily, whose expression mirrored Remus' feelings on the subject. She smirked.
"It was very nice to meet you," Mrs. Potter was saying to the Lupins and the Evanses.
"Oh yes, you as well!"
"Positively charming!"
"I expect we'll see Remus and Lily during our ski trip this holiday?" asked Mr. Potter hesitantly.
"Oh, certainly," said Mr. Lupin. "Remus deserves a break from the traditions, I think!"
"And I can't very well hold Lily back if all her friends are going," said Mrs. Evans, smiling at Lily, who grinned happily back.
"Excellent!" said Mr. Potter. "We'll call with the information tomorrow, if that's alright with you?"
"Sounds perfect," said Mrs. Lupin. "But we really must be going now, Remus always slacks off when it comes to packing."
"Mum," said Remus, getting embarrassed.
"Well, it's true, darling," she said, smile never faltering. "Let's go! Rose, Martin, we'll see you later!" Mrs. Lupin looked back at the Potters. "It was absolutely wonderful to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Potter!"
"Please, call us Harold and Felicity," said Mrs. Potter.
"John and Emma," said Mr. Lupin. Mrs. Lupin nodded, and eventually, after many tearful hugs between lovers and friends, and one very awkward, uncomfortable man-hug, the group split, each part going in its own direction. Sirius, James, and the Potters heading for Sirius and James' dorm, Lily and her family heading for their car, and Remus and the Lupins heading for his lonely room with the purple suitcase open on his bed.
A/N: Initially I was going to have this chapter go all the way through the ski trip, but ugh, it's already longer than the other chapters by several hundred words, so I'll just split it up. It works out well enough this way anyway. Anyway, I'm back from out of town! I'm back and rarin' to go! There will DEFINITELY be another chapter this week, I promise! Also, two announcements! Not sure if you care, but here you go anyway:
1) I have OFFICIALLY finished the outline for this story. I now know how it ends and how we gets there, and all the drama in between. Be happy, this fic is actually going somewhere.
2) A couple friends and I are making a collaboration account on here, entitled 'SNOGWARTS.' You can guess where the pun came from and what it's about from that name. It's going to be all sorts of wonderfully random crap, involving lots of snoggage between many awkward couples, canon and fanon alike. If you're interested in writing some of your own Snogwarts One Shots, please let us know. There'll be a link to the account in my profile soon. :)
And finally, that's that. Hope you enjoyed the chapter, hope you'll review, yadda yadda. Adorable puppy fluff coming up, followed by gut-wrenching sadness and drama. Although I'm sure I'm exaggerating the gut-wrenching… Yeah anyway. Bye.
K