Author's Note:

This took me ages to write. I don't really know why. It was just really difficult for me. I think I am having a crisis. It's getting out of hand. I think.

Disclaimer:

I own nothing...J.K. Rowling owns everything.

WARNING:

A little dark. Just a warning.

I was quite relaxed when it came to security. I knew this. I knew I was playing with fire. I knew one day I would get burned.

I never really thought it would happen.

I knew nothing about the Order of the Phoenix. Well, I knew some of the members. But most of them were already well-known. Everyone knew about them.

I did not openly oppose You-Know-Who. In fact, I avoided the subject at all cost. I didn't like talking about it. I had seen what could happen to someone. Example: the family of tortured wizards who had recently been admitted at St. Mungo's.

I was not important. At all. Sure, I was talented at Healing. That was my area of expertise. Why would the Death Eaters want a Healer who could barely stand the thought of killing a spider that had taken up residence in her linen closest?

I wasn't extremely close to anyone in the Order. Alright, that wasn't entirely true. Remus and I were close. It was amazing how close we were. Every since Lily and James's wedding, which was at the beginning of September, we had been close. We had lunch every Wednesday. We sent each other numerous letters during the week. Gideon sometimes joined us for lunch, though he was usually out doing things for the Order. Lily and James were always inviting me and Remus over for supper.

Amazingly, I had not run into Black again. At all. He had basically disappeared off the face of the Earth. I hadn't seen him since the wedding, which had been about a month ago.

Maybe I was important.

I didn't have any fancy enchantments around my house. I didn't have any special codes or locks. I had been foolish.

And now I was paying for it.

I was exhausted. It was a Tuesday night...or was it a Wednesday morning? I didn't have enough energy to look at my watch. St. Mungo's had been overflowing with people. Apparently there had been a large scale Death Eater attack on a village highly populated with wizards just outside of London.

My flat was completely silent, save for the quiet ticking of the wall clock. I set down my bag at the table, wondering where Sebastian was. He always came to greet me when I came home. Always.

I whistled softly for him.

Nothing.

There was an eerie quiet throughout my house. One that wasn't normal.

I gripped my wand tightly, feeling knots of unease begin to form in my stomach.

Every nerve ending tensed when I distinctly heard a rustle of a cloak across the floor.

My scalp prickled ominously, and fear swelled in my chest.

"Well, well, well...Look what we have here. Spawn of the traitorous bastard Collins. How lovely," a malice-filled voice chimed.

I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound escaped. My throat felt closed off. A split-second later, I was thrown against the floor.

Instead of usual ropes binding me, there were thick, steel strips, with what felt like knives attached to them, digging into my flesh. They wrapped around my shoulders, my arms, my torso...my whole body, save for my neck and head.

I was in agony. I shrieked wordlessly into the darkness.

All around me were cloaked figures. In the moonlight that was spilling through the window, I saw a woman walk forward, her wild, dark hair streaming behind her likes shredded ribbon. She stared down at me with cold, burning hate.

I could hardly think. The straps were inflicting the worst pain I had ever experienced.

"See boys...See how her blood in dirty," the woman said, her voice a soft coo.

The figures around me laughed terribly.

"We must purge the dirt from the world. We must make the world clean of traitors to the Dark Lord."

I was going to die.

I didn't even get to say goodbye to anyone...to Lily...to James...to Gideon...to Remus...

Drip...drip...drip

My thin robes were drenched in my blood. I felt light-headed.

"Now, Remy, we are going to play a little game. You are going to tell me all the names of the members of the Order of the Phoenix. Then you are going to tell me where I can find said members," the woman said, leaning over me.

Without warning, a thick boot connected with my side, another with my temple. Again and again, they struck. I was helpless, unable to move to defend myself.

I was dying...It was never going to end.

"That's enough," the woman sang.

The pressure on my throat was lifted and I screamed my pain. It echoed off the walls of the kitchen, filling the whole apartment. I screamed and screamed, feeling my whole world being torn apart.

A fist pounded my chest, knocking the scream right out of me. I gasped for air.

"Crucio!" the woman snarled.

Oh, the pain. The worst pain I had ever felt. A thousand times worse than losing my parents. A thousand times worse than the metal straps. A thousand times worse.

I lay face down on the floor, breathing through my nose and sobbing. No tears fell. None at all.

"Now, it seems you have two options. Answer...or die."

I could end it. I could end the pain. All I had to do was say the names I knew. All I had to do was say where they lived.

Remus...

His kind face blossomed in my mind.

I couldn't. I wouldn't.

The woman looked at me in disgust.

"Gladstone...I think her tongue needs loosening," the woman sneered.

No...my clothes were gone...No...no...no...The air kissed my bare skin...no...no...the straps around my legs disappeared...no...no...my blood...meaty hands...everywhere...

I screamed with every last bit of strength. I screamed as everything shattered into darkness. I screamed, hoping someone, anyone would come.

I struggled. I had to fight.

Hands held me down. Someone was laughing cruelly. Several wands were pointed directly at my heart, my head. I closed my eyes.

Let me die...please let me die...

Summoning up all my courage, all my wasted strength, everything I could muster, I screamed out one spell I could think of:

"SUCCURRO!"

That was it. That's was all I had. With a shuddering breath, I finally succumbed into the gentle oblivion of unconsciousness.

I was dead. I was positive. There was no way I had survived.

Heaven, if this was heaven, was blissful.

It was soft. It smelled...musky and of Butterbeer.

I felt like I was floating. Just sailing along in the bright light.

I was dead.

Something warm and damp touched my forehead. Then my cheeks. I looked around. When had it started raining?

I was starting to fall away from the bright light. I was flying away. A deep ache was settling over my entire body. What was happening?

With a jolt, my eyes flew open and immediately I squeezed them shut.

The light hurt.

"Remy...Remy?" a deep, male voice asked.

I wanted to go back to floating in the clouds. It didn't hurt there.

"Oh, no you don't. C'mon, lets see those gorgeous eyes Remus keeps talking about."

What?

I opened my eyes slowly. I was lying on my back in a small bed. I could feel several bandages around my midsection. I swallowed painfully.

Hands held me down, someone cackled, I struggled. It was no use.

A cry tore from my cracked lips and I buried myself in the bed, trying to cover myself, trying to escape.

"Remy, it's okay. It's okay. You're alright now. You're safe," the person soothed.

The memory of the pain was so fresh, so willing to reveal itself again. I couldn't control it. I bit the pillow, and screamed into it.

"Merlin, Remy!"

The blankets were torn away from me and I threw myself away from the cool hands that tried to calm me.

I huddled against the wall, pressing myself against it. I heard the door open.

"What happened, Sirius? What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything! She woke up and I didn't get the chance to give her the Calming Drought!"

"Go get Lily! I'll stay here. GO!"

"No...no...no..." I muttered, shaking. "Make it stop."

"Remy? Come on, love, look at me."
A hand touched my hair.

"NO!" I exploded. "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

It was him. It was Gladstone. He was touching me. He was here.

"Remy, it's me! It's Remus. I won't hurt you!"

"No...no...no..."

I heard the door open again.

"Remus, get out!"

"But Lily, she needs me-"

"Get out! She is in shock. No one can come in here except me. Do you understand? She doesn't need you right now."

"Lily..." He was pleading.

"No. It won't help her."

"Please..."

"Sirius, get him out of here! Right now, or so help me, I will curse you both into the next millennium."

The door closed with a snap. It was quiet.

I whimpered. Everything felt raw. So exposed. So horrible.

"Remy, darling, you need to drink this. This will make it better,"

I turned away from the wall. Lily sat in the chair next to the bed, holding out a smoking goblet.

She nodded encouragingly. "There's a good girl," she said quietly, raising the goblet to my lips.

I gulped down the liquid as though my life depended on it. I had to make the pain stop.

"Good back to sleep, honey. You're safe now. Remy, you're so brave. Sleep now."

I sank back into the pillows, utterly wasted, utterly spent.

I floated back into the clouds. I floated all alone in the bright light. I floated, dreading the moment when I would have to wake up.

Author's Note:

Well, it's not the reunion I was expecting. I have a feeling it's not what many of you were expecting either. At first, I tried to get them to meet in Flourish and Blott's. That didn't work. I tried to get them to meet in St. Mungo's. That didn't work. Nothing was working. The final draft you just read just flowed. I started at 7:30 and finished at 9. Read it...Digest it...Review it.