Hannah didn't move or say anything. She didn't even notice Clay's hands on her shoulders, pulling her back a few steps. All she could do was watch in silent shock, while the rest of the crowd of students groaned or cheered.
We like to think that we know the people around us, the people we see at work and school everyday. But that's not really true.
Unconsciously, she reached up and grasped Clay's hand as the two of them gave each other an uneasy look.
A lot of the time, we don't even know ourselves, what we'd do in a certain situation, what we're capable of, good or bad.
The smaller, blond-haired boy spat out a mouthful of blood, picked himself up from the pavement and lunged at the larger boy, landing one punch before the larger boy was able to grab him in a headlock and pull him to the ground.
"Kick his ass, Monty!" one student shouted.
"Get up, Alex!" shouted another.
The shouting caused Hannah to finally glance around at the crowd watching, and she couldn't help but notice a few more familiar faces. Jessica, Courtney, Zach, Marcus, and Justin.
And when a certain situation comes up, we can be surprised by people, even though maybe we shouldn't be.
Whatever energy Alex was running on finally ran out as Montgomery knelt over him and punched him again and again until a hand grasped his arm.
"Stop it!" Mr. Porter barked, pulling Montgomery away from Alex. "I said stop it!"
"All right! God!" Montgomery said, as most of the crowd groaned in disappointment.
"What the hell is going on?" Mr. Porter asked, glaring at Montgomery.
"He started it!" Montgomery replied, gesturing at Alex, still on the ground, barely moving.
"Yeah, so what are you doing?"
Montgomery paused for a moment, and couldn't help but smirk a bit.
"Finishing it?" he replied tentatively, causing a few bystanders to laugh.
Mr. Porter wasn't one of them.
"You think that's funny?" Mr. Porter asked, grabbing Montgomery by the arm and leading him away. "Yeah? Come on. Let's go."
Hannah felt Clay's hands on her shoulders squeeze a bit tighter as he looked at Mr. Porter.
"Everybody, go to class," Mr. Porter shouted to the crowd. "Show's over, go to class!"
Hannah didn't need to be asked twice, turning around and walking towards the school. Clay stood there for a second, stunned, looking at Alex, still on the ground, then up at Justin, who seemed to be glaring at him, before rushing to catch up with Hannah.
"Holy shit," Clay finally said as the two of walked through the hallways, hand in hand.
"Yeah," Hannah said, sounding a bit detached.
"I mean, what the hell was that?" Clay asked. "Since when does Alex get into fights? I mean, Monty, sure, but Alex?"
Hannah just sighed
"Alex isn't nearly as complex as he thinks he is," she said with a shrug. "In the end, he's just a typical boy."
"I'm a typical boy," Clay said, looking confused. "I don't get into fights."
"You're anything but typical, Helmet," Hannah said with a chuckle. "Trust me, I know you."
"Attention, please," Vice Principal Child's voice announced over the intercom system. "Would the members of the school Honor Board please meet in the library? Thank you."
"Something tells me this is about what happened outside," Clay said, looking up at one of the speakers, then back at Hannah. "You gonna be okay?"
"I'm sure I'll manage, honor boy," Hannah said with a smile, before raising her head slightly with a hint of exaggerated bravado. "Hannah Baker 2.0, remember?"
Clay smiled back, gave her hand a squeeze, and walked off.
Hannah's smile grew a little more wistful as she watched Clay leave, before her gaze turned to another boy passing by at the end of the hallway. She started walking quicker, trying to catch up to him.
I always felt better with Clay around, but there was something else that kept me going as well.
She wasn't sure if Zach noticed her following him, but it didn't matter. Hannah Baker 2.0 wasn't going to be ignored.
"Tony, hey," Clay said, walking up to the other boy. "Did you see that fight?"
"I didn't see it, but word travels fast," Tony said with a shrug. "Unfortunately, so do pictures and videos, as you know."
"Hannah and I caught the end of it," Clay said. "I still can't believe that was Alex."
"And Hannah's okay?"
"Well, yeah, I guess," Clay answered, looking a bit confused. "I mean, it's not like she was the one getting beat up."
"I mean, in general, how do you think she's doing?"
"She seems okay," Clay said. "I mean she doesn't really want to talk about it much, but she's always happy to see me, and she always feels better when she confronts someone on the tapes."
"I think we need to be careful, cause she seemed okay before and look what happened," Tony said, shaking his head. "Look if hanging out with you and confronting them helps, then I'm all for it, but those are not long-term solutions."
Clay nodded uneasily, not sure what to think.
"Hey, Zach!" Hannah shouted to Zach in the empty stairwell, causing him to stop halfway down the stairs and look at her. "You got a minute?"
"Uh, Hannah," Zach answered, looking uncomfortable. "Actually..."
"Yeah, I wasn't really asking," Hannah interrupted walking down the stairs and stopping when they were at eye level.
"Look...this... this isn't a good time," Zach said, making sure no one else was around, before turning around and heading back down the stairs.
"Why me, Zach?" Hannah asked, loud enough to rattle Zach a bit.
Zach closed his eyes, sighed, and walked back up the stairs until he was facing her.
"Wow, so I guess we're really doing this, huh?" Zach asked curtly, looking around to make sure no one else was within earshot.
"Yeah, Zach, we're doing this," Hannah said. "I mean, technically, we could've been done months ago, but you decided to throw that note away, so here we are."
"Is that you think?" Zach frowned, pulling out his wallet.
"It's not what I think, it's what happened. And you-hey, what?" Hannah said, startled as Zach pulled a small piece of paper from his wallet, grabbed Hannah's wrist and thrust it into her hand.
The one with Zach's name on it... in Hannah's handwriting.
"You mean that note?" Zach asked, glaring at her.
Hannah unfolded the note she'd written months ago and stared at it for a moment, before looking back at Zach.
"I didn't throw it away," Zach said firmly. "I don't know what you think you saw, but that's not what happened."
Hannah only looked at Zach, stunned.
"Look," he continued. "You shot me down, and I didn't take it very well, and... yeah, I stole that stuff from you. You wanna call me out for that? Fine, I'll own up to that, but Hannah Baker is not all-knowing."
Hannah shook her head, suddenly confused.
"There is a lotta shit on those tapes that didn't happen the way you said it did," Zach said. "You know, Jess said you were the one that stopped hanging out, not her. And, I mean, Jesus Christ, you thought Clay hated you? Clay? The guy who worships you, the guy who'd probably take a fucking bullet for you? That Clay? The guy who keyed up my car because of me taking that stuff, and did a whole bunch of other crazy shit on your behalf while you were gone?"
Zach noticed her shocked reaction to this.
"Oh, you didn't know about that either?" Zach asked before taking a few steps down the stairs. "Guess there's a lot you don't know. Maybe you should get your facts straight first."
Zach continued to the bottom of the stairs, leaving Hannah standing there, before finally stopping halfway towards the door, turning and looking back towards her.
"I'm sorry, Hannah," he said softly. "Really, I'm sorry... but... you don't know the whole story."
Hannah could only stand there as Zach walked out the door.
That... hadn't gone quite the way I planned.
Hannah was a few steps from the library when she heard something she wasn't used to hearing in there.
Shouting.
"Hey," she heard Mr. Porter's voice say. "Watch the language!"
"You could've killed somebody," Marcus said, in a calmer voice. "It's our job to protect the students of this school."
"Seriously?" Alex's voice asked. "He could've killed somebody? And you're supposed to protect them?"
"Yes, Alex." Marcus answered. "That's what the Honor Board is for, to settle disputes between students so they don't spill out into the hallways."
"Yeah, the Honor Board," Alex scoffed, "cause you're all so honorable."
Hannah stopped at the door way and leaned her head in. Alex and Montgomery were both slumped in chairs, sitting across from the table where the Honor Board sat. Among them were Marcus, Courtney, Sheri, and Clay. Standing off to the side were Mr. Porter and Ms. Child. None of them seemed to notice her.
"Alex," Mr. Porter said. "This happened off-campus, so the alternative is the police."
"Okay," Alex said with a shrug. "Great, let's make a call, then."
"No one needs to make a call," Courtney said, quickly. "There's no crime. We can deal with it here."
"So anyone can get away with anything at this school and no one gives a fuck?" Alex asked.
"Language, Alex. Please," said Ms. Child.
"We're just saying that... it was no one's fault. Okay?" Courtney said. "It just happened."
"It didn't just happen," Montgomery interjected. "I mean, maybe I was driving a little too fast, but Alex lost his shit."
"Yeah, see?" Alex replied, putting his hands up. "I lost my shit. It's my fault."
"Goddammit, hey!" Mr. Porter said, sternly. "Watch your language!"
"I'm taking some fucking responsibility," Alex replied, defensively, before turning back to the Honor Board, "since you guys can't..."
Alex trailed off as he finally noticed her in the doorway. After a moment, the others turned to see her as well. Montgomery just rolled his eyes. Marcus, Courtney, and Sheri all suddenly looked uncomfortable. Only Clay was smiling, but Hannah couldn't help but notice a bit of wistfulness to it. The swelling and bruises on Alex's face made him hard to read. Hannah deliberately tried to avoid looking at him.
"Please, don't let me interrupt," Hannah said innocently, giving a seemingly friendly wave. "I'm curious what the Honor Board has to say about responsibility."
"Hannah, do you need something?" Mr. Porter asked, stepping towards her. "Cause this is actually a private matter."
"Sorry, I won't stay," Hannah said, before looking over the students at the table and giving a less-than-sincere smile, "I just wanted to talk to one of the Honor Board members. It's also kind of a private matter."
"Well, Clay should be done shortly," Courtney said, smiling nervously.
"I didn't mean Clay," Hannah said, shaking her head.
"Well... who did you mean?" Courtney asked, dropping her smile but looking even more nervous.
"It's fine," Hannah said, widening her smile. "I'll catch up with that person a little later. We'll have a little talk." She gave Clay a genuinely friendly nod, which he returned, and walked out of the library.
The other members of the Honor Board just looked at each other.
I'd decided I wasn't above letting people sweat a bit, but I'd already talked to Marcus, and Courtney would have to wait a while. But Sheri? She wouldn't have to wait very long at all.
It was about two hours later, when Hannah stepped into the gym. Apart from P.E. and the occasional assembly, Hannah generally avoided it. It reminded her too much of the many jocks who'd hurt her, the cheerleaders who'd betrayed her, and one perfect dance that someone had ruined.
Not today, though.
Hannah looked around at the various students. A few kids were running laps, while some of the cheerleaders were working on their routines. She could see Jessica across the gym, apparently being reprimanded by her coach for some reason. Jessica made eye contact with Hannah for a moment, before quickly looking away. It didn't matter though. Hannah wasn't here for her.
A few feet away, Sheri raised her arms, leaned forward and did a perfect cartwheel. When she stood back up, she heard someone applauding loudly. She spun around to see Hannah walking towards her, still clapping.
"Nice one," Hannah said, with the same insincere smile she's sported earlier. "Personally, I think the one you did at Jessica's party was a bit better, but, still..."
Sheri looked around, suddenly very conscious of everyone else in the gym.
"Hannah..." she started, gently.
"I think we need to talk, Sheri."
Clay had put the last of the papers in his locker when he heard the footsteps. He'd gotten a little better at hearing someone walking up behind him... or maybe just a bit more paranoid. Regardless, he turned to see Marcus and Courtney, neither of whom were smiling.
"What the hell is Hannah doing?" Marcus asked. "She's threatening us with teachers in the room now?"
"Is that why you let Alex off?" Clay asked in response. "I mean he was the one who started that fight."
"This isn't the time to be stirring shit up," Marcus said. "You've gotta get her to back off."
"So I've been told," Clay said, sounding somewhat bored.
"I heard Hannah was talking to Sheri," Courtney said quietly, leaning closer to Clay. "Do you know what would happen if people find out what happened to Jeff? Hannah knew about it and didn't tell anyone. She could get in serious trouble. Is that what you want?"
"I want her to do whatever she needs to do to get better."
"Is she getting better?" Marcus asked. "Or is she just going after people on the tapes cause she doesn't know how else to get over this? I mean, is she gonna confront Mr. Porter... or Bryce?"
"I don't know," Clay said, feeling a bit uneasy.
"And what is her endgame anyway?" Courtney added. "Is she going to just confront everyone and then just move on? Is that going to be it?"
"I said I don't know," Clay repeated, a bit more defensively.
"Does Hannah even know?" Courtney asked.
Clay said nothing.
"You know, you can pretend to be the supportive boyfriend," Marcus whispered, leaning closer, "but that girl has no idea what she's doing, and I think even you know she's playing with fire."
Clay tried to stay composed for a moment, then turned away to close his locker.
"Clay, we're saying this to you as your friends," Courtney said, gently.
"Right," Clay said, giving her a skeptical look. "Like you were Hannah's friends?"
"Don't say I didn't warn you, Clay," Marcus said in a much cooler tone, shaking his head as Clay squeezed by them and started walking away.
"Consider me warned!" Clay said loudly, forcing a smile and shrugging as he walked away.
Courtney sighed, while Marcus just stared at Clay.
"Okay, Clay," he said quietly. "If that's the way you wanna play it."
Sitting in the driver's seat of her parents' jeep, Hannah glanced at the address on her phone, then scanned the numbers on the houses as she passed them. She didn't know the area that well. Clay was the passenger's seat, regaling her with the Honor Board's decision about the fight.
"...so Marcus ended up recommending Montgomery get suspended for three days and Alex basically got off. The weird thing is I think Alex was just as pissed about that as Monty was, like he wanted to be punished."
"Maybe he should've been," Hannah said with a shrug.
"I mean... I know what he did, but you said he sounded sorry when you talked to him," Clay said, tentatively.
"One apology doesn't make up for weeks and months of leering and groping," Hannah said, rolling her eyes. "'Best ass'," she muttered bitterly.
"I know, I know," Clay said, sounding a bit embarrassed, "but...do you think the two of you might patch things up eventually? I mean you used to be friends."
Hannah looked uncomfortable for a moment, before turning her attention back to the street.
"Can we just focus on finding this place?"
"Sorry," Clay said, taking the hint. "So... Sheri just asked you to meet her at this address?"
"More like begged me," Hannah answered, rolling her eyes. "She said she wanted to prove to me that she's not like the others. I don't know, maybe I'm just getting soft."
"And you clearly brought me along because you're afraid you might be walking into a trap?" Clay asked with a slight smirk, causing Hannah to laugh for a moment.
"No, I'm... I'm not letting her off the hook that easy," Hannah replied, turning serious. "Jeff was your friend, so I think she owes you an apology too."
"Are they helping?" Clay asked, nervously. "The apologies, I mean."
"Yeah, I think so," she said, giving him a quick smile.
"You know, you can talk to me if there's a problem, right?"
"I know," Hannah said quickly, "but it's helping... what I'm doing now, I mean"
"But... what's gonna happen after?" Clay asked, his look of concern growing.
"After what?" Hannah asked, sounding a bit dodgy.
"After everybody apologizes," Clay said. "What then?"
"Well, I..." Hannah was silent for a moment before catching the number on one blueish-green house with diamond-shaped windows on either side of the front door. "This is it."
Hannah parked the car and got out, not noticing the stunned look on Clay's face as he looked at the house.
"What the hell?" Clay whispered to himself. "No way."
Clay stared at the house as Hannah walked up to the door and knocked, the memory of the last time he'd been there rushing back to him. He'd never ran that fast or that hard before.
And only once since.
The elderly woman who answered Hannah's knock looked at her curiously.
"Can I help you?" the woman asked.
"Uh, Mrs. Cantrell?" Clay said, stepping forward. "I don't know if you remember me."
"Clay, of course," the woman said, giving him a warm smile.
Clay gestured to Hannah, who was giving him a puzzled stare.
"Uh, this is Hannah... Hannah Baker," Clay said, feeling a bit uneasy.
"Of course," Mrs. Cantrell gave Hannah the same warm smile. "Sheri said a Hannah would be dropping by."
Hannah's confusion only grew as she saw Sheri, holding a pair of crutches, helping an elderly man, obviously the woman's husband, down the stairs.
"Hey, look who's here," the woman said to her husband. "He knows Sheri. Did you know that?"
"Clay," the man said with a friendly smile and he reached the bottom of the stairs. "Hello, how are you?"
"Hi, Mr. Cantrell," Clay said. "Hey, Sheri."
"Hey, Clay... Hannah," Sheri said, trying to stay composed as she looked at them, before turning back to Mr. Cantrell and handing him his crutches. "Sorry, let me help you to your chair."
"I can do it, I can do it," Mr. Cantrell said.
"I just love that you know each other," Mrs. Cantrell said, opening the door for both teens. "Come on in."
"Always trying to help people, right, Sheri?" Hannah asked, giving Sheri a cool look as they walked in, which Sheri tried to avoid.
"She's our little angel," Mrs. Cantrell said, beaming proudly at Sheri, before turning back to Hannah and Clay. "What a small world!"
"It really is," Hannah said, glancing at Clay suspiciously.
About fifteen minutes later, Hannah and Clay found themselves walking up the street, along with Sheri and the Cantrells' dog. Clay was stepping through the grass to make room for the two girls.
"The first time I came here, I tried to tell them," Sheri said, softly. "I stood on the front porch, and I just... I couldn't get a word out. I remember Mrs. Cantrell saying 'well don't just stand there, come in'." she said, mimicking Mrs. Cantrell's voice. "The next time I stopped by, they invited me to stay for dinner. The next time after that, I just helped hang some pictures, and now I just spend time with them, help around the house."
"You are their little angel," Hannah said. "Just like you were mine."
Sheri lowered her head.
"They don't know, do they?" Hannah asked. "About what happened that night?"
"What good would that do?" Sheri asked. "Mrs. Cantrell says he still has nightmares about it."
"What about Jeff's family?" Hannah turned to Clay. "You wanna weigh in here, Clay?"
Clay had been looking anywhere but at the two of them for the entire walk, feeling like a third wheel. Now, suddenly, the spotlight was on him, making him feel even more awkward.
"Look, Sheri," Clay said, clearly uncomfortable. "I... I'm not like you. I don't have a lot of friends. I lost one of them that night and I almost lost another one because of it."
"What do you want me to say, Clay?" Sheri asked, her eyes welling up.
"I want you to tell Jeff's parents."
"I will," Sheri said quickly. "Someday."
"You have to tell them now," Clay said, shaking his head. "Like today."
"Why today?"
"Because every day hurts, Sheri," Clay said, looking at Hannah for a moment, before looking back at Sheri. "The not knowing? It hurts. They need to know the truth."
"Clay..."
Before Sheri could say something, Clay looked down at his shoes, lifted his right foot and inspected the sole of his shoe.
"Oh, dammit," Clay groaned. "Just go on ahead. I'll find something to clean this off with."
The two girls watched as Clay walked back several feet and started scraping his shoe against the edge of the curb. Hannah, still walking, couldn't help but chuckle slightly.
"Classic Helmet," she said softly.
"So... you and Clay, huh?" Sheri asked, tentatively.
Hannah looked at Sheri, then back at Clay. They'd spent most of their time together and kissed a couple of times since she got back, but this was the first time someone had really asked about them being more than friends.
They were a couple... weren't they?
"Yeah," Hannah finally said, turning back to Sheri. "Me and Clay."
"That's nice," Sheri said, giving a shy smile. "I saw you two together at school and the Crestmont a few times. I always thought you'd make a cute couple. I'm happy for you."
"Well, he's a hell of a lot better than Justin," Hannah said, shooting Sheri a look, "or Marcus."
Sheri lowered her head.
"And you know he's right about talking to Jeff's parents today, right?"
"I'm sorry, Hannah," Sheri said, shaking her head. "I can't; not yet."
Hannah stopped and leaned closer to Sheri.
"I'm gonna go see them today," Hannah said, softly but firmly. "It's up to you whether or not you're there too."
"Why are you doing this, Hannah?" Sheri said, giving Hannah a pained look. "This is my secret."
Hannah just looked at her for a moment.
"Because it's my secret too, and I tried to live with it before... and I couldn't."
The two girls each exchanged a sad look before Hannah turned around and walked back towards Clay.
Justin frowned as he heard the knock at the door. This wasn't a good time for visitors, but he couldn't exactly tell her no.
"Hi," Jessica said.
"Hey," Justin replied, gesturing for her to enter the messy apartment. "Just be quiet, cause my mom's going through one of her things."
"You didn't answer your phone or my texts," Jessica said, clearly annoyed.
"I know," Justin answered quickly, "cause my mom."
"I needed to see you."
"Okay," Justin whispered, "just be quiet."
"We need to talk."
"Okay," he said, impatiently, as they walked to his room. Justin shut the door behind them.
"Just be quiet, all right?" he repeated, sitting down.
"Okay," she replied, sitting on the bed, sounding impatient herself.
"What's going on?"
"I was just... I looked for you after practice," she said, hiding how worried she was.
"Yeah, my mom needed me," Justin replied, clearly not noticing this. "She broke up with her boyfriend. She's all fucked up."
"They let Alex off."
Justin just shrugged. He wasn't sure what she wanted him to say.
"Things are getting messed up," Jessica continued. "That fight? Some scary shit."
"It's Hannah and her fucking tapes," Justin said, bitterly.
"Cause... she made it all up?"
"Yeah," Justin said insistently.
"I just... why would she do that?"
"Cause she's fucked in the head," Justin said, putting his hands up but trying not to raise his voice. "I mean her parents sent her away, for God's sake. And Clay's a love-struck idiot who'll do anything she says."
"And what about Tony?" she asked, still needing some reassurance.
"I dunno. Maybe he's fucked in the head too. Who knows? Look, Marcus says he's gonna get Hannah and Clay to back off."
"How?" Jessica asked, feeling a pang of concern. "He's not gonna do anything to hurt them, is he?"
"It'll be fine, all right? Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?"
"I just wanted to see you."
Justin just sighed and leaned his head back. Jessica looked at him, biting her lip and giving him a coy smile.
"Hey," she said. "Can I stay here for a while?"
Justin frowned.
"No, you know how my mom gets when she's like this."
"I know," she said sympathetically, before her coy smile returned, as she took off her jacket. "I'll make it worth your while, hmmm?"
She leaned over and started kissing him.
"Jess..." he said.
"Relax," she whispered.
"Come on, Jess,"
"Relax," she repeated, loosening his belt unbuttoning his pants.
"Jess," Justin repeated, clearly uncomfortable.
"Relax; it's fine," Jessica said, starting to move more urgently as she struggled with his pants.
"Jess, what the fuck is going on with you? Come on, come on, stop!" he said, shoving her off with more force than he meant to.
"What the fuck, Justin?" she yelled, looking up at him from the floor.
"I told you, my mom-"
"Your mom, what? Huh?" she asked, clearly upset. "It never stopped you before."
Jessica glared at him as she got to her feet and grabbed her jacket and bag. Justin didn't look at her.
"You're a real fucking prick," she said, storming out.
"Yeah, whatever."
Jessica closed the door behind her, pulled a bottle from her bag, and threw back a mouthful of vodka, before storming out.
Sitting at the table, Hannah looked around the Atkins' house.
The thing I remember most about that house were the pictures. Jeff's parents were obviously so proud of him. He was one of the stars of the school, but he still tried to help someone like Clay that most people wouldn't even notice. It made me wish I'd gotten to know him better.
Sheri hadn't shown. Well... that was fine. She had her chance.
She looked down at her hand and saw that Clay was holding it in his own. She hadn't even noticed.
Jeff's mother had given the two a warm greeting when they arrived, yet Hannah couldn't help but notice a tiredness on her face. Jeff's father seemed decidedly cooler to them, but that didn't bother Hannah. She'd be lucky if all they got was a cold reception after she'd said what she said.
"Clay, we're just so glad to finally meet you," Mrs. Atkins said, pulling glasses out of the cupboard. "Jeff was so fond of you, and you helped him so much with his grades."
"Yeah, it kept him playing ball, as a matter of fact," Mr. Atkins added.
"Well, he did that himself," Clay said, lowering his head. "I just, um... helped him with punctuation and word choice and stuff like that. You know, research techniques and..." Clay trailed off.
Hannah smiled at Clay's modesty.
"Well, we sure are grateful," Mrs. Atkins said, handing each teen a glass of water and joining them at the table. "You were a good friend to him."
"How come we haven't met you before, if you're such a good friend?" Mr. Atkins asked.
"Harris," Mrs. Atkins said, softly admonishing her husband.
"No, it's okay," Clay said, shaking his head.
Clay looked at Hannah, who gave him a supportive smile, before turning back to the older couple.
"Jeff and I..." Clay started. "We were just school friends, I guess. But he was older than me and on the baseball team and everything, and I wasn't really anybody."
Hannah instinctively squeezed Clay's hand at this.
"Actually, he did sort of help me a bit," Clay added. "I was... never very good at talking to girls. He knew I liked Hannah, and when she showed up at this party, I was so nervous, I almost left, but he wouldn't let me leave until I went up and... and talked to her."
"I... I didn't know that," Hannah said softly, with a slight smile.
"Well," Mrs. Atkins said, pulling her cardigan around herself, "sounds like you were somebody to him."
And to me.
"Yeah... He was really nice to me," Clay said, suddenly feeling the loss.
"So, what brings the two of you here?" Mrs. Atkins finally said, breaking the silence.
"Actually, it was my idea," Hannah said, speaking up.
"Okay," Mrs. Atkins said, waiting for her to continue.
"There's something you don't know about the night of the accident," Hannah said, struggling to speak.
"What about it?" Mr. Atkins asked, leaning closer.
This was it, the moment of truth, figuratively and literally. For the past week I'd been forcing people to own up to what they'd done. Now it was my turn.
Hannah's breathing became heavier. She felt like an icy hand was gripping the inside of her chest.
I'd tried to tell them before. I told myself that this time would be different.
"What is it?" Mr. Atkins repeated with a hint of impatience.
And it was. It was worse. I'd just promised them the truth about how their son died, and I couldn't deliver.
Hannah's eyes darted between the two adults, waiting for her to speak, then looked up at Jeff's smiling face in one of the pictures.
She opened her mouth but nothing came out.
Clay rubbed her hand, noticing her look of dread.
I froze. I couldn't say a word. It seemed to last for an eternity. I gave serious thought to getting up and running out of the house.
The truth is, I don't know what I would've done. But someone let me off the hook... with a confession of his own.
"I was the first person to get there," Clay said suddenly.
Hannah looked at Clay, confused.
Turns out there was actually a fourth story to tell about that night, one I hadn't known or even thought to ask about. What happened to Clay after I'd kicked him out of the room.
"I was walking home..." Clay said softly, "and I heard the crash."
Mr. Atkins put his hand over his wife's.
"I found Jeff," Clay continued, lowering his head. "I found him. I thought maybe I'd try CPR... something, I don't know."
Hannah just sat there in shock.
"It was me," Clay said. "I'm the one that called 9-1-1."
"So, you were at the party with him?" Mr. Atkins asked, after finding his voice again.
Hannah took a quiet breath, going back to that night.
"I was there," Clay answered. "I saw him just before he left. And I... I don't think he was drunk."
"You don't?" Mr. Atkins asked, looking at him in disbelief.
"No, he told me he wasn't, and I believed him. I mean, until..."
Hannah closed her eyes.
They'd forgotten I was even there. For once, I was grateful for feeling invisible.
"Look, it wasn't Jeff's fault," Clay said. "The stop sign on the corner... had already been knocked down earlier in the night. I don't know, the cops thought it was Jeff's fault, I guess. But it was already down." Clay, trying not to draw attention to Hannah, avoided looking at her as let out a sigh, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"How do you... how do you know about the stop sign?" Mr. Atkins asked. "Did you... did you knock it down?"
For one terrifying second, Hannah thought Clay would say her name, or even take the blame himself.
"No... no."
"Then why are you apologizing?" Mr. Atkins asked softly, as Mrs. Atkins wiped away tears.
"I- I... I'd been angry at Jeff since he died, because he told me at the party he was sober, and I thought he lied to me and did something stupid, and I hated him for leaving that way and I was... wrong. I was wrong."
"You didn't know the whole story," Hannah finally said softly, as much to herself as to Clay, as a tear rolled down her cheek.
Clay looked at her and shook his head in agreement.
In the end, my plan to come clean had gone off the rails. Lucky for me, Clay was there to save me... again, and not for the last time.
Maybe Sheri and I weren't so different after all.
Hannah closed the car door and stared at the house.
"Hannah Baker 2.0," she said bitterly.
"Going there was your idea," Clay said reassuringly, sitting in the passenger seat. "They got some closure because of you."
"Yeah, I'm a fucking hero," she whispered, still looking at the house.
"I'm sorry," Clay said softly.
"How do you know the Cantrells?" Hannah asked, finally looking at him.
Clay swallowed, unsure if the answer would help.
"I... I ran to their house that night," Clay finally said, "so Mrs. Cantrell would know her husband was okay."
"Of course you did," she said with a slightly cynical smile. "You're the only person who did the right thing that night... or today."
"Well, I've done my share of stupid things," Clay said, giving a facial shrug.
"Like keying Zach's car?"
"Oh, you heard about that, did you?" Clay said, looking embarrassed.
"Anything else I should know about you?" Hannah asked.
"Well, while you were away, I had Courtney take me by your house. She thought you were dead and I... may have neglected to tell her."
"Wow, that's dark," Hannah said with a hint of a smile.
"After she found out, she wouldn't talk to me for a week."
"Getting the silent treatment from Courtney Crimsen?" Hannah asked, her smile widening. "Ooh, that'll show you."
"Apparently, she did what she did because she was raised by two gay dads and she was worried what people would say if people found out she was gay too."
Hannah nodded.
"What else you got?"
"Uhhh, well... you know those bunny drawings you used to get in your bag in Mrs. Bradley's class?"
"Yeah? What do—" she stopped as she saw Clay's embarrassed smile and realized what he was saying. Her eyes welled up and she heaved a heavy sigh. She leaned over, rested her head on his shoulder and wrapped both hands around his arm.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Clay said softly. "I guess I—"
"Just keep telling me stories," Hannah said, her head still on his shoulder. "Good, bad, I wanna know everything."
"That could take a while," Clay said nervously.
"I hope so," Hannah replied.
"Uhhh, well, freshman year, my anxiety got so bad, my parents had me put on these meds," Clay rolled his eyes. "So that was fun."
"I'm sorry," Hannah said, gripping his arm tighter.
"Oh, and uhhh...speaking of being gay, I don't know if you heard the rumors going around about me that same year..."
I learned a little about myself that day, and a lot about Clay.
My plan to do something about one of the things that happened that night hadn't panned out. That would have to wait.
But maybe I could do something about one of the other mistakes I made that night.
Walking through the school hallways the next day, Hannah spotted Jessica in the distance.
Jessica spotted her too and immediately turned around. Hannah tried to follow her, but quickly lost her in the crowd.
Once Jessica was sure she'd given her the slip, she slumped against a locker, pulled the bottle out her bag, and took a drink, wincing as it went down.
"I'm guessing that ain't water."
Jessica turned to see Bryce approaching her with a smirk on his face.
She looked at him for a moment, then smiled and offered him the bottle.
"Why? You want some?" she asked with a slight laugh.
"Hey, I'll never turn down a drink from a hot girl," Bryce said with a shrug, taking a drink from the bottle.
I just hoped I wasn't too late.
Jessica looked at him for a moment, then took another drink.