Chapter Three: Back to Reality
Karen was just going through the motions on the way to the theatre. Whatever happy bubble she had been occupying beforehand had been popped sharply. She felt sick to her stomach that when she'd been ecstatic Ivy had been in so much pain. She didn't like the girl for what she'd done with Dev but she would never wish this on anyone. Oh my god, she'd been having sex with Derek when Ivy had been going through this.
She was becoming just like Ivy. She'd slept with the man she was in love with. Yes Derek didn't feel that same way about Ivy but that wasn't the point, it would still feel like twisting a knife in her back to her. She'd taken her part and taken her man.
"Hey," said Jessica, as she sat down in the theatre in the row behind some of the ensemble. The minute she had arrived Derek had stalked off, his long black coat billowing around him, looking every bit the dark lord. He hadn't said a word to her since leaving the hotel leaving her to believe the playfulness they had shared in bed was only ever going to be a distant memory.
"You know why we're here, right?" asked Karen. Although they were here to be told, news travelled so fast in the theatre business it was likely that everyone already knew. She gazed around the theatre hall. Everybody had to know because nobody had a smile on their face. She felt a tug at her heart strings when she saw Tom sat down at the very front being comforted by Sam. She knew he cared a lot about Ivy and the tears in his eyes looked like only a small indication about how much it had hit him.
"Ivy."
"I can't believe she would do this," said Karen sadly. "I never knew she was that upset."
"Well you wouldn't, would you?" scoffed Bobby. He softened when Karen mouth fell open. "I'm sorry, I know it was her fault you weren't bff's. I'm just mad at myself. We were busy getting drunk and celebrating whilst she was taking pills."
"I feel terrible," admitted Karen. "It was my fault."
"Don't blame yourself, Iowa, lord knows I love that girl but she is unstable all of her own doing," said Jessica, giving her arm a gentle squeeze. "How did you find out? None of us have seen you since you left the bar."
"Oh, I bumped into Derek on the way," lied Karen uneasily. She felt horrible for lying but there was no way she could tell them the truth. They wouldn't understand, and as much as she counted them as friends she knew Ivy was their friend first.
"Right, shut up," proclaimed Derek, striding up the stairs on to the stage. His mood, she noted, had not improved. "Knowing you lot, you already know what happened, but for those that don't; Ivy Lynn is now in rehab."
"No thanks to him," muttered Dennis.
"What does that mean?" asked Karen in hushed tones.
"Remember when he told her to take those steroids for her throat?" Karen nodded. "After that she started getting pills for everything."
She looked at the man on the stage who was still explaining what had happened. He had no compassion, in fact, he looked bored to be there. How could he care so little about someone he used to be intimate with? She felt sick about the night they had shared. The little glimpses of niceness were drowned by the fact he clearly had no heart.
"She's going to be okay and is resting," carried on Derek. "However she won't be back with us until we're back in New York and even then we don't know for sure. This means that whilst last night was brilliant, we now need to change all the blocking and some of the dance numbers before the preview tonight. So I suggest you get rid of your hangovers fast."
With that he stalked off the stage into the wings, Linda scurrying off behind him.
"The show must go on," sighed Bobby dramatically.
"Oh bloody hell," shouted Derek. Karen was watching from the theatre seats as the ensemble was rehearsing 'Smash'. Whilst most of Karen's parts were largely unaffected all the ensemble parts had to change to account for being one person down and poor Jessica and Sue had to take the lead in 'Smash'. She knew the bigger part you had the better it was for you but to have to learn it in a day… she understood the pressure. The pressure of Derek Wills. "Diving onto his lap should be sexy. You're not doing it to wind the guy. We'll start from the top."
"I think they've got it now," said Tom, walking towards the director. "You need to let them go and rest before the show."
"Last time I checked, Tom, you're not the director," said Derek, rolling his eyes. "I'll let you know when they've got it."
"Do you even care at all?" asked Tom, his voice laced with anguish. Karen had no choice but to overhear the loud heated conversation – along with several other people.
"Is this about Miss Lynn I presume?" drawled Derek.
"Yes, of course it's about Ivy!" exclaimed Tom. "She could have killed herself and you don't even care. She loves you."
"She loved what I could do for her," corrected Derek. "And had a temper tantrum when I didn't do it for her. I do care about her but I'm not going to feel sorry for her. What she did was a selfish cry for attention and you know it."
"Because of how you treated her!"
"She knew what she was getting into," sighed Derek. "It's not my fault she was living in a drugged up dream world."
"You're despicable," sneered Tom before marching off.
Karen didn't look away fast enough.
"What?" scowled Derek. "Oh wait, you bloody agree with him don't you?"
She didn't know what to say. He looked so angry, and not just in the usual tyrannical director way. She couldn't comprehend how someone she had intimately spent the night with could talk to her like that. She groaned as she saw something change in his eyes. Just for a moment that softness was back, tinged with disappointment before hardening up into a glare again.
"For god's sake," he shouted before storming off up onto the stage.
She could have gone after him but she was rooted to the spot. Appearances kept her still and she hated herself for it but there was no way she could let people think they were together. Whatever they were, they were not together. Show business was mean, whilst she was the star, if they found out she'd been with Derek she'd be crucified. Yet there was that one moment where he looked human and she was flooded with guilt. If she didn't know better it looked as though he wanted nothing more in the world than a hug. She did know better though and there was no way Derek Wills wanting anything from her other than perfection on stage.
Derek swirled his scotch around in his glass. He placed it back down on the bar a little more forcefully than necessary when the spinning made him feel dizzy. He groaned. Slumped on a bar stool he knew he had drank more than he should have done. Unsurprisingly he was the only one of the production in the bar tonight compared to last night's heaving one. None of them had wanted to go out because of Ivy but that had just driven him to drink even more.
No matter what Tom said, he did care. He didn't love her, he wouldn't pretend he did, but he did care. Bloody hell, how was he supposed to know she'd try top herself? He could have paid more attention but Bombshell was his baby, she knew that, the show required all his efforts. Ivy was supposed to be an enjoyable distraction to stop him from overworking and getting stressed. He knew she'd been around long enough to understand that. He should have seen she was wanting more; personally and professionally. It was all that consumed her and then there was nothing left when she didn't get it, and he was being blamed for both.
He couldn't put Ivy on that stage as Marilyn without having regrets. She would have been amazing, no doubt, but there'd always have been something missing. Maybe she didn't understand that. Of course, she was too upset to see that. He'd made a lot of careers in his own and on the other hand he'd dashed the dreams of others. He had always been cynical enough to know that's what happens in show business. Never in all his years had he cared this much and god it was making him feel old and weary.
He knew it was because of Karen.
This green, light new girl had made him see it differently. He knew she didn't stand for any of the show business nonsense of backstabbing and scheming. It had made her an easy target for someone like Ivy who had tried to get rid of her all the way through this process. He'd been more determined than ever to keep her in because of that as well as the fact it was Karen he saw in his daydreams.
She was his star. It wouldn't have been right with anyone else. He should have realised right from the moment he played casting couch with her. For once someone with principles. Not that he had any. It had amused him at first but then it had intrigued him. It pained him to see her with that tosser, Dev, because he knew that whilst she wanted the part more than anything it wouldn't be possible with him in tow. He was holding her back, he didn't believe in her like he should have done.
Hell, he had wanted to sleep with her since the auditions. Perks of the job. Yet he knew it would never happen. She was young and idealistic and deserved better than an old cynical man like him. It's why he was so surprised she had turned up at his hotel room last night. He knew it was rebound sex and she'd come to him purely from his reputation but at the time he pretended it was because she had wanted him. He'd let himself carry on believing this morning. He knew it was fairy tales. When he had pulled her into his arms she had been so tense it had hurt. He'd never had this from Ivy, she'd always been so happy to please him because she had wanted him to make her dreams come true. Karen already had that, she was just using him for sex. It made an unpleasant change.
"I'll have another of these," ordered Derek to the bartender as he downed the rest of his drink letting it satisfyingly burn its way down his throat.
"Actually could you get him a glass of water instead please," requested Karen, sitting down next to him. The bartender looked to him for agreement and he just shrugged with a nod. "How ironic, last night you came to take me to the bar and tonight I'm here to get you out of the bar."
"Why are you here?" asked Derek, frowning as the water was placed in front of him. It made him feel a bit queasy.
"Eileen asked me to come," explained Karen. "She was worried about you but knew you wouldn't listen to her. For some reason she thought I'd be able to get through to you."
"Because she knows I'd do anything for you," said Derek without thinking. At the sight of Karen's widened big brown eyes he panicked. "You know, being my star and all. Got to keep you happy."
"Of course," swallowed Karen, looking down at her clasped hands in her lap. "It's not your fault by the way. You didn't give me chance to say that earlier."
"Hmmm?"
"Ivy," clarified Karen. "What she did, she did herself."
"She was probably trying to prove she really was Marilyn even down to the suicide," snorted Derek.
Karen flinched. "It's when you say things like that, which makes me doubt how human you actually are. Sometimes I think you have a good heart and that maybe you just can't process your emotions and the moody womaniser director persona you've got is just an act. Then like today you're so cold it makes me think that actually you just don't have a heart."
"Regretting sleeping with me already, sweetheart?" joked Derek darkly. He took a swig of the water to avoid Karen's hurtful stare.
"It won't be happening again," she said carefully. "I think that perhaps you were right when you said if you were a good man you'd have sent me off to my own room."
"Darling, you wanted rebound sex and I was happy to oblige," drawled Derek. She was right; he should have sent her away last night. Temptation was just too much. She was clearly better off without him. He would inevitably spoil her and drag her down to his level in the end.
"Just another fling with another star?"
"Three for three Marilyns, I like to have the full set," said Derek, rolling his eyes.
"You're disgusting," gasped Karen, getting off the stool. "Get as drunk as you want, I don't care."
He watched as she stormed off out of the bar. He knew that he'd been the right level of pigheaded horribleness enough to truly put her off of him. He never expected to feel such a twinge in his stomach when she looked so upset though. He would never forgive himself if he drove her to the same miserable depths he had driven Ivy to. If he had to cause her only a little bit of upset now to prevent that, then so be it.
"Another scotch please."