Stan walked along the side of the Glimmer Corp building, his eyes scanning through the snow storm for something green, orange and possibly shouting and destroying property. Instead he found Kyle staring up the side of the building.

"You're calm." Stan said with surprise.

"Yeah, I won't give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to me. I'll try to keep my mouth shut the rest of the night. Besides, dude."

"Besides what?

"If I keep quiet and you do actually get to keep the Mission Impossible: Breaking and Entering Play Set, we'll never have to ask him for it again or be forced to invite him along when we do stuff like this. Also I'm pretty sure he uses the set to sneak into my room at night and if I can do ANYTHING to prevent that happening ever again I'll do it."

Stan smiled. "Thanks dude, I owe you, and I will put the set to better use that just fucking with you."

"You'll just use it to fuck with people that deserve it."

"Yep!" Stan set down the box and started going through it, "I do have a question for you, Kyle. Why didn't you want to help me save dolphins and whales last time?"

Kyle thought for a minute for a good response when they were joined by Kenny and Cartman. Kyle quickly clammed up again.

"Hey, Kahl, you rushed off in such a hurry you forgot your flashlight." Cartman had his fake angelic smile as he shoved the industrial flashlight into Kyle's hand. Kyle held his tongue.

"Kahl, aren't you gonna thank me?"

Kyle examined the flashlight in his hand: it was long, heavy and solid, could make a good weapon if needed. "Thank you Cartman, that was…very nice of you."

"And?"

"And nothing."

"No complement, Kahl? Fine, I didn't want to hear your annoying voice anyway."

Kyle gritted his teeth, his hands tightening around the flashlight. It would make a very good weapon indeed. Kyle looked at his other two friends. Kenny was watching him and Cartman expectantly. Stan was ignoring them however, laying out and setting up all the items in the Mission Impossible: Breaking and Entering Play Set. Stan wanted to do so much good with that set, while Cartman would just continue to use it for evil. Kyle took a deep breath, deciding to bite the bullet and blatantly lie to keep Cartman happy. If Kyle was overly nice, maybe Cartman would lose interest and leave him alone.

Kyle mimicked Cartman's sugary sweet smile. "Thank you, Cartman for bringing me my flashlight. You're always so thoughtful. Looking out for me and stuff."

Cartman looked baffled. "Is this some kind of sneaky Jew double bluff?"

"Whatever do you mean, Cartman?"

"I'll get you, Kahl!"

"I'd love to see you try." Kyle smirked as he swung his flashlight like a baseball bat.

Kenny laughed at both of them and shook his head as he went over to see what Stan was doing. Stan had been watching the entire scene out of the corner of his eye while securing a harness around his waist. He grabbed the first piece of the set, a grappling hook attached to a gun, to launch it. Stan shut one eye, taking aim at the roof and fired, the grappling hook gripped the railing on the building's roof. Stan tugged the rope to make sure it was taught and tied the other end of the rope into a sharp metal stake, using the double knot technique his Uncle Jimbo had taught him on one of their many camping trips. Stan recalled, with some annoyance, his uncle calling him soft earlier as he drove the stake into the ground with one foot.

"I'll show you who's soft…dick."

"What was that about soft dicks?" said Kenny, smirking.

"Nothing…here." Stan shoved the blow torch into Kenny's hands and took the rappelling set for himself. "You can climb this rope easily, right, Kenny?"

Kenny looked at the rope and up at the two story building. "It's awfully high isn't it dude? You don't have another harness do you?"

"Here, you can have mine. You're the only one cooperating with me today anyway." Stan quickly unsnapped himself from the harness and handed it over to Kenny, who took it gratefully.

"Thanks, that was really nice of you. I'm just afraid of falling."

"You won't Kenny. I made sure the rope was secure. You just haven't done this before right, when we rescued the baby cows?"

Kenny was busy strapping on the harness and attaching it to the rope when he froze. Stan never remembered his deaths, did he?

"I just don't want to fall. Falling would hurt a lot, it might even kill me Stan." Kenny gave his friend a hard look, sending mental vibes: remember, remember dammit. Stan just looked confused.

"I'll uh, stay down here and hold the rope for you?"

"Whatever, dude." Kenny shoved the blow torch under his hoodie so it was secure and climbed hand over hand up the rope until he reached the roof.

Stan was a bit unnerved at Kenny's attitude change and made a mental note to ask him about it later on, right now Stan had bigger problems to solve, one at a time. He now had to deal with his other two friends. Kyle kept his creepy fake smile on while Cartman continued to try and bait him, glaring the entire time. They had switched roles. If Stan was to get to the bottom of Kenny's bouts of emoness, he would also have to address just how annoying Kyle and Cartman's constant fighting was to the rest of the group. Stan knew Cartman didn't really give a fuck but maybe he could get through to Kyle. Kyle was supposed to know better, wasn't he?

"Your turn, Kyle. Up the rope."

Kyle wordlessly obeyed, tucked the flashlight under his jacket and grabbed the rope, climbing quickly.

Cartman joined Stan at the base of the rope. "Yeah, Kinny might be a wuss, all afraid of falling. Let's see if Kahl is braver."

Kyle was almost at the top as Cartman took the end of the rope and shook it hard. Kyle clung to for dear life. Kenny reached over the railing to grab Kyle's hand and pulled his friend to safety just as Stan pushed Cartman away from the rope.

"Stop that right now!"

"Stan, I was just holding the rope for Kahl, like you were for Kinny, It's not my fault Jews don't have a good sense of balance."

Stan nosebridgepinched. "Just get up there. I'm not going to help you face Kyle and whatever he's going to do to you."

"Now, Stan, you told him to be nice to me."

"Yeah I did. Stupid me. Now get up there."

With a bit of difficulty, Cartman climbed the rope to the top and got onto the roof. Stan quickly followed up the rope and barely got over the edge of the roof to see a large metal object fly by his head and down the side of the building. Kenny had fired up the blowtorch and had been cutting a hole in the side of the building when Kyle ripped it out of Kenny's hand to throw at Cartman's head.

"You son of a bitch, you tried to kill me!"

"Nuh-uh, Kahl, I was trying to help you, since you were being so nice!"

"I was only PRETENDING to be nice to you because of Stan, but fuck you!"

"That's fine! Stan can't keep my Mission Impossible Breaking And Entering Play Set now. This is what I wanted all along!"

Stan was busy unhooking the grappling hook and threw back down to the ground for easy retrieval later. "Nice going Kyle. You couldn't hold back twenty more minutes?"

"How's this my fault, Stan?"

"Kahl's a sneaky Jew, Stan. He went back on his word!"

"Will both of you shut the fuck up and think of the animals instead of yourselves? FUCK!"

"The animals? I only came along to piss off Kahl!"

Kyle launched himself at Cartman, shoving him roughly and screaming in his face. Stan rolled his eyes and went to observe the partial hole Kenny had cut into the roof.

"I'm not breaking them up again."

"Let them fight, Kenny. It's what they're best at anyway. I think with the weight between us maybe we can kick in, make the hole big enough for all of us to squeeze through."

Stan took the rappelling set and tied one end of the rope to an air vent, using the double knot technique again. Kenny took one end of the rope and carefully reattached his harness to it. Both boys held onto the rope as they tried to kick in the weak part of the roof Kenny had already cut. The metal finally gave way. Stan stepped back quickly but Kenny fell through the hole, the harness around his waist catching him in mid fall.

Stan looked down and called after his friend. "You okay Kenny?"

Kenny had shut his eyes, his gloved hands gripping the rope in terror. He slowly opened one eye, only mildly surprised he was not seeing the caverns of Hell but the walls of the Glimmer Corp office. He carefully unsnapped his harness and jumped down, knocking over all the contents on a desk.

"I'm fine, Stan, the coast seems to be clear. Pull Cartman and Kyle apart and get in here. I need a flashlight."

Glimmer Corp had a large lighted sign on top of the building and right now Kyle had backed Cartman against the back of it, holding the flashlight against Cartman's throat and yelling in his face. "I should throw you off the side of this building but I'm not a sociopathic asshole like you!"

Stan casually tapped Kyle on the shoulder. "Kenny needs the flashlight dude."

Kyle released Cartman and stomped off towards the hole in the roof.

"Did you see what Kahl did to me, Stan?" Cartman cried.

"Serves you right, fatass. Come on, let's go."

Kyle had dropped the flashlight down to Kenny and climbed down the rope into the office. Kenny busied himself looking for a light switch as Stan and a still sniffling Cartman followed down. Kenny located the switch in the small office and suddenly the outer room was flooded with light. Stan had tried to mentally prepare himself to see tons of mistreated animals but the other room held nothing but vats of chemicals used to mix the makeup products, the majority of the chemicals glittery.

"The animals must be downstairs. Kyle and I will go check it out, Kenny stay here with Cartman so they're separate."

"Fine with me." Kyle said, stomping out of the office. Stan simply shrugged and followed his best friend, leaving Kenny alone with Cartman.

"Kahl's such a dick. Can you believe that asshole tried to choke me?"

"I heard it. You really did deserve it though. I'm shocked Kyle put up with your little game for an entire half an hour."

Cartman just crossed his arms and continued to sulk. Kenny observed the computer that he'd knocked over when he fell.

"I know something we could do that may make you feel better." Kenny said, with a mischievous grin.

Kyle kept his fists clenched as he located some stairs in the back, stomping down them so his footsteps echoed in the empty building. Stan listened carefully to see if there were any signs of life down stairs, he found himself and Kyle at the end of a long hall with many doors. He carefully walked down the hall shining the flashlight that he had snagged from Kenny into each room.

"Help me find the animals, Kyle."

"Fucking fatass, telling me I went back on my word! What a hypocritical asshole! Can you believe him?"

"Kyle! Animals! Shut up about Cartman!"

"Oh right." Kyle took the right side of the hall while Stan took the left. "But he didn't let you keep the Mission Impossible Breaking and Entering Play Set. Doesn't that piss you off?"

"While I don't agree with him shaking the rope while you were trying to climb it, I do think it's half your fault for being over the top with him. I was half expecting to lose the set before the end of the night anyway but at least we got to use it long enough to get us this far."

At the very end of the hall Stan's beam of light shone through a glass window, the sounds of cages could be heard rattling. Stan's hand went to the door handle. It was locked. He stood on tip toes to peek through the glass; this had to be the animal testing room.

"You knew you would lose the set? You set me up, Stan!"

"I didn't set you up. Maybe I used both of you a bit to get Cartman to go along with it. Kenny and I expect you two to fight, it's nothing new these days."

Stan observed the door lock, seeing only a key card would open it.

"I'm sorry that's all I'm good for then. The one who has to fight Cartman."

"At least you're known for something, Kyle."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, you didn't see any key cards in the upstairs office did you?"

"Not that I remember."

Stan knocked softly on the glass and heard the sound of something small and alive scuffling around in what sounded like cages. This was definitely the animal testing room. Stan looked to the front of the hall at the front door.

"Kyle, check out the front door. It seems to be hooked up to some kind of alarm. Is there any way to disarm it?"

Kyle went to check. "Not that I can see. It seems the only way to get out from the bottom floor."

"Christ. Let me think. What if we set free all these animals and shooed them out the front door? We would probably have enough time for all of us to get to the truck and get away before anyone busts us."

"Good plan, dude. Only problem is that Cartman's fat ass might slow us down as we run to the truck."

"Kyle! Let it go with Cartman! I get that you two hate each other. Jesus, you would murder me if I talked about Wendy half as much as you talk about Cartman."

"Don't compare you whining about Wendy to me complaining about Cartman."

"I'm starting to not really see a difference, other than I LOVE Wendy."

"I-" Kyle sputtered.

"Actually I don't talk about how much I LOVE Wendy as much as you talk about how much you HATE Cartman." Stan smacked the glass on the door again, making the animals inside start to make noise and move around.

Kyle went to stand next to Stan at the door. "I'm sorry, don't be like that. You can talk about your problems with Wendy to me. I'm here for you, dude."

"I don't have problems with her. Right now my problem is how the fuck are we going to get in there with no key card."

"I feel bad that my fighting with Cartman is annoying you. He just pisses me off so much."

"Well I guess we'll just put some of your pent up anger to good use. Kyle you're going to have to break this glass. Don't let any of it get into the animal's cages though."

"What? You want me to punch through the glass?" Kyle just looked at his best friend skeptically.

"Yeah punch it. Pretend the window is Cartman's face. Do it, you'll feel better and it'll help me out."

"I'm not using my hand to break glass, Stan! That's crazy, what if I cut myself?" Kyle held his green gloved hand in front of Stan's face.

"Goddamnit, Kyle." It was Stan's fist that made contact with the glass, punching over and over until little cracks appeared in the window. The racket Stan was making was making the animals scramble around their cages, eventually the glass shattered in the shape of a hole slightly bigger than the size of Stan's fist. Stan shoved his arm through the hole and unlocked the door from the inside.

Kyle started wide eyed at what Stan just did. "You okay, Stan?"

"I already cut myself once today, nothing worse can happen and if it does I'm not afraid."

"You cut yourself? Stan? Stan?"

Stan rolled his eyes and opened the door, he bent down to scoop up the broken glass and threw it in a trash can. "Just help me, Kyle!"

Kyle flicked on the light switch and both boys faced two long rows of cages. Stan immediately turned to the first row of cages and opened it, pulling out a rabbit and carefully placing it on the floor. The animal cages closest to Kyle held a cat, Kyle got to work opening them up. The thought of cats reminded Kyle of Cartman again. "In all honesty, Stan you can talk to be about Wendy. I won't make fun of you and try to help you. You can trust me."

Stan had his back turned, freeing even more rabbits. He turned around holding the last rabbit to his chest, stroking its head with one finger and looking at it carefully. "Some of these rabbits have blisters on their faces, this one is really bad. I think I'll take this one home with me and take it by the vet tomorrow. They won't ask questions, I hope."

"And what about Wendy?"

Stan held the rabbit up to his face, observing the damage, it seemed he was talking more to his new animal companion than Kyle himself. "The only think I will say about Wendy is sometimes she's super lovey dovey and sometimes she's pissed off at me for no reason. My parents are the same way, I'm pretty sure everyone goes through phases like that. The anger I can handle, I just know not to do what my dad does to my mom. The only thing that bugs me is the lovely dovey side of Wendy would be a lot more enjoyable if I would stop fucking puking on her!"

Kyle listened to the entire thing as he went down the row of cages, releasing a bunch of cats. "So is this why we're doing all this? You want word to get back to Wendy so you look all heroic and shit?"

Stan had put the rabbit in his pocket and was continuing releasing all the rabbits down the row of cages. "It's not just for Wendy. The animals really needed my help."

"Yeah, you're doing a good thing, Stan." Kyle had reached the end of his row and spied something interesting on top of a desk, a Polaroid camera. Kyle grabbed the camera and joined Stan who seemed to be stuck at the last cage.

"Look." Stan half whispered. "I think he's dying." Inside the cage in the very back was a piglet lying on its side and breathing heavily. "I'm definitely taking this pig back with us."

Stan was busy unlocking the cage latch and carefully picked up the pig.

"Hey Stan, smile." Stan turned as Kyle took his picture, the pig in his arms. Kyle laughed as he waved the photo back and fourth waiting for it to develop. "Now you have something to give to Wendy as proof you were heroic."

"Maybe I will. Thanks, dude. Here, take the rabbit."

Kyle took the rabbit in his hand as he showed the picture to Stan. "You didn't smile."

"You surprised me, I wasn't ready. Also now I'm worried this company has some kind of deal with a nearby farm, I didn't except to see live stock here. Maybe the little tortured baby cow farm lost money and this is how they're making it up."

Kyle stuck the Polaroid in his front jacket pocket. "If we had the Mission Impossible Breaking And Entering Play Set we could investigate that."

Stan sighed as he picked up the pig and headed towards the exit. "Speaking of Cartman, I assume you don't want to see him, so herd the rest of these animals towards the front door while I get him and Kenny."

Kyle obeyed by busying himself picking up the rabbits that were now hopping around the laboratory floor. Stan held the sick pig as he made his way down the hall and back up the stairs where he left Kenny and Cartman. He pushed open the door with his shoulder and noticed there was sparkly liquid spilled all over the floor.

"Do that one, Kinny!"

Kenny had a broom in his hand going down his own row knocking over vat and vat of ingredients to manufacture makeup off a shelf, spilling the contents and adding to the mess on the floor. Both he and Cartman were laughing hysterically.

"Your turn,Cartman!"

Cartman, with a mop in his hand, shoved a tub off the highest shelf, a large cloud of purple shimmer powder came up, partially covering him.

Kenny laughed even harder. "You're all purple now, fatass! Oh hi, Stan. You set free all the animals already?"

"We did, the only thing is we have to let them all escape out the front door which will probably set off the alarm, so we have to be quick."

Cartman joined them, trying to beat the purple powder out of his coat. "Uh I don't wanna play anymore, Kinny. What's with the pig, Stan?"

"He's sick, Cartman, I was going to take him back with us so I can take him to the vet tomorrow along with a rabbit."

"Oh, I thought that was going to be your new girlfriend."

"Nice to see you got your attitude back with your time spent away from Kyle. Now get downstairs before I kick you in the balls while still holding a sick pig."

"You are such a pussy, Stan, can't take a joke." Cartman obeyed, starting down the stairs while still trying to get the powder off his jacket.

"You coming, Kenny?"

"One second." Kenny did one last run of the shelf, using his broom to knock all the remaining tubs off the shelf, different liquids spilling all over the floor. Kenny tossed the boom to the side and joined his friends on the stairs.

Downstairs Kyle had his hands full, trying to hold as many rabbits as he could while trying to round up a bunch of cats as well. He was in the corner next to the front door trying to shoo a cat from taking a swipe at one of the rabbits. "Guys, help me!"

Kenny quickly rushed over and picked up the remaining rabbit in his free hand, Cartman picked up the cat and patted him on the head. Cats were some of Cartman's favorite animals. He held out the cat to the rabbits Kyle was holding, hoping it'd take another swipe.

"Stop that! Do you need me to kick your ass again after I let these rabbits go?"

"I'd like to see you try, Jew!"

"Did I not just kick your ass less than twenty minutes ago?"

"You just had an unfair advantage."

"What, that I'm not hideously obese?"

"Ay!"

"Will you guys shut the fuck up and sort yourselves out?"

While Kyle and Cartman had gotten into yet another mini screaming match in the middle of the hall, Kenny had gathered the rest of the animals and Stan had his free hand on the door, just waiting.

"I'm sorry, Stan!" Kyle held the wriggling rabbits tighter as he went to the exit. Cartman retrieved the flashlight Kyle left behind and picked it up. He'd teach that stupid Jew a lesson.

"It's okay, Kyle. All of you be ready to run, on the count of three. One… two… three." Stan unlocked the door and pushed it open as the boys stepped out into the blizzard. Stan was expecting some kind of alarm to go off but it remained quiet. Kyle and Kenny ran through the storm and letting the animals they were holding go at the edge of the forest. With a bit of sadness, Cartman let go of the awesome cat that was pissing off Kyle so much, but kept the flashlight in his hand. Stan held back, herding the rest of the animals out of the building. He had just gotten them all out, when the yellow safety light on the outside turned red and a bell went off.

"Get to the truck! The cops will be here soon!" Stan shouted as he one handedly held the pig over his shoulder while getting hold of the truck keys that were in his pocket.

Kenny and Kyle both took off running to meet Stan at the truck, Kyle cursing himself at the last minute as he snapped on his seat belt. "I let the rabbit you wanted to keep go, Stan." He said as he climbed into the truck.

"Dammit Kyle, I wanted to keep him." Stan climbed in and put the pig sitting next to him on the driver's side and quickly turned on the truck.

Meanwhile, Cartman was cursing even more, running around the front of the building gathering the abandoned pieces of his Mission Impossible Breaking and Entering Play Set.

"Just leave it, fatass!" Kyle shouted from the truck.

"This set was expensive! I thought you Jews cared about stuff like that!"

"Ugh just leave him, Stan, let him take the fall for it."

"Ay I heard that! If I get any cop other than Barbrady I'm telling them you assholes put me up to it, which is true anyway!"

Cartman had grabbed the blowtorch and grappling hook set, yanked the sharp stake out of the ground and half jogged, half waddled, as only fats kids can do, to the truck. He threw the items on the floor and jumped inside, throwing on his seat belt. As Kenny held the gas down all the way Stan put the truck into gear and the frozen wheels spun and then finally the truck jutted forward into the forest just as blue and red police sirens could barely be seen through the snow on the opposite side of the building. The boys had managed to escape but the truck was speeding though the forest. Stan was trying his best at keeping the steering wheel steady while trying to avoid hitting anything.

"You assholes were going to leave me!"

"Well Stan stayed behind for you so if we get caught it's your fault."

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR SHIT, KAHL!" Cartman grabbed Kyle's industrial flashlight and smacked Kyle on the head with it.

"FUCK YOU!" Kyle punched Cartman right in the nose and again in the mouth causing Cartman to spit blood.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Cartman swung the flashlight so it made contact with Kyle's forehead.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP BOTH OF YOU! BRAKE, KENNY, BRAKE!" Stan shouted and jerked the wheel sharply to the right, barely missing a large tree. Kenny pressed the brake all the way down but due to the bad weather, the tires locked up and caused the truck to skid. The driver's side slammed into a huge, solid metal gate that belonged to the laboratory of Dr. Alphonse Mephesto. The objects and people in the car flew, the sharp metal stake from the Mission Impossible Breaking And Entering Play Set impaling Kenny through the chest on impact. Stan's head made contact with the window in a sickening cracking sound as the pig he had tried to save crashed up against him. Kyle reached out to his friend, everything seeming to go into slow motion before Cartman smacked him again on the head with the industrial flashlight, knocking him out.

Everything went quiet as Cartman looked over at his three unconscious, injured and possibly dead friends. Cartman smacked Kyle on the head twice more with the flashlight and then got out of the truck. He was really familiar with where they had ended up. Cartman walked to the edge of the forest and threw the flashlight as far as he could so no one would ask questions. He then gathered the pig over his shoulder the way Stan had done and made his way up the hill towards Dr. Mephesto's laboratory, singing Lady Gaga's Judas softly to himself. He was on good terms with the old genetic engineer, maybe he could barter some pig DNA for medical attention for himself, and maybe his asshole friends as well.

Author's TLDR- Haha I'm an evil bastard. Thanks for sticking with me readers. This fic is going to take a REALLY weird turn now. Mwahaha. Special thanks to Mad_Cow5678 for editing and helping make Cartman even more loveable and assholish than ever!

Also on Kenny's parts, I wrote chapter one pre Mysterion Trilogy but when I have more time I'll fix the first chapter so it goes along with the rest of it. For this part and now on, Stan and Kyle are unaware and do that mind blank thing whenever Kenny dies.

Also Happy Birthday Kyle! I love yew, you stupid Jew!