Thunder. And rain. And lightening. It was dark outside. Nicky was soaked, but running. She could hear Red, she was calling out for her. But Nicky couldn't find her. "Ma? Mommy?!" She heard her voice again. It was closer this time, and Nicky turned, her eyes frantically searching for her. She felt like she was drowning, the rain was coming down in buckets. "Red!? Ma, where are you? I'm coming!" She spun around in the opposite direction just as a bolt of lightening lit up the sky, and thats when she saw it, about 20 feet in front of her. It looks like a hunk of stone. Her eyes narrowed and she moved quickly to the object, her eyes widening and her heart breaking when she realized what it was. It was a tombstone. Nicky dropped to her knees in front of it, and read the words etched into the stone, the rain still coming in earnest. 'Galina Reznikov. The world looks better in black and white...and Red. April 29th, 1955 - February 6th, 2017.' Nicky gasped loudly, her fingers reaching out to caress Red's name. "No. No! NO!" She stood up and looked around frantically. "Mommy, please!" She couldn't hear her anymore. She looked down when another bolt of lightening lit up the sky, and she saw a packet filled with a familiar white substance. She reached down and picked it up, feeling nothing but a pain unlike anything she had ever felt before. She looked up and let the rain wash over her, and tried hard to stop feeling. She didn't want to feel. Red was gone. She was gone...
Nicky sat up so fast she almost fell off of her bunk. She leaped to her feet, a dizzy spell causing her to drop back down onto her bunk. She looked around frantically, trying hard to get her heart rate under control again. She was so disoriented, but slowly she regained her senses. She was in Litchfield, in her bunk...deep breaths. Oh God. Red. She got up from her bunk again. It was after 5 AM. Red should be in her kitchen right now, but Nicky had to see for herself that she was okay.
As she made her way to the kitchen, she tried to gather her thoughts. The last few weeks had been difficult, to say the least. Red's prognosis, while not a stage 4 situation, had not been the best, either. Her chemo treatments were not easy. She had had a few of them already, and they had been taking their toll. Nicky had tried her best to get the CO's to back off of her, to let her rest, and most of the time it worked out in her favor. Nicky would put a cool cloth on Red's neck whenever she felt nauseous, and just a few nights ago, when Red's hair had begun to fall out, she had cut it all off herself in the salon. Red had asked her to do it. They asked for some privacy, and Nicky had held Red in her arms when she cried over losing her beloved red hair. Nicky had told her it didn't matter. She told her she was still beautiful, no matter what. That as long as she survived, as long as they were together, they could weather this storm and come out still in tact. Nicky did all that she could for Red. And still...she felt it couldn't be enough. Red deserved better. Red deserved so much more than what Nicky could give her.
She was relieved to hear Red's voice as soon as she turned the corner to the hall that lead to the kitchen. She sighed, her eyes filling with tears as her dream suddenly came back to her. Every horrible moment. Her steps took on a quicker pace, and when she finally made it to the kitchen she stopped dead when she saw Gloria and Red engaging in their usual banter, Norma looking on amusingly. Red wore a scarf over her head now, and she looked tired, but much better than she did the night Nicky had cut off her hair.
Red looked up when she saw movement and her eyes widened in surprise when she saw that it was Nicky who had come into the kitchen so early. She had been worrying so much about her girl. Nicky was so strong for her, but Red knew her girl better than anyone. Nicky was still like a child in so many ways. Not in the way she spoke, or the way she handled things, but in the way she watched Red's every move, as if taking her eyes off of her for even a moment would cause Red to disappear forever. Nicky was her child, and a child that had never really had a mother until she had met Red. "Nicky? What are you doing up so early?'
Nicky swallowed hard, and a couple of tears escaped before she could stop them. Red is here. Red is still here with you, Nicky. "Nothing I just...couldn't sleep."
Gloria and Norma quickly scattered as Red moved closer to Nicky, and Red could tell immediately that she was crying. She reached over to put Nicky's hair behind her ears. "What is it, did something happen?"
Nicky could only shake her head.
Red reached over and hugged Nicky close. Whatever was wrong, Nicky didn't want to talk about it. It seemed like she just needed her mother, and Red was happy to indulge her. "Everything is all right now, Nicky. I feel okay today. And I only have a few more weeks of these treatments to go before I find out what my prognosis is again. It'll all be over soon, sweetheart."
Nicky nods and squeezes her gently. Red had lost weight and she seemed frail, even though her eyes still shone with her usual fierceness. When they finally pulled away, Nicky looked so young to Red at that moment. She was looking down at her feet, shuffling them from side to side. Red put her fingers under Nicky's chin, genly forcing her to look into her eyes. "My girl. Whatever is wrong you can tell me."
Nicky nods again, and grasps Red's hand in her own when she moves it away. "I'm okay, Red. Really. I just needed to see you, that's all."
Red looks into her eyes, as if trying to figure out if Nicky was in fact, telling her the truth. She knew that half of what Nicky had just said was true, anyway. She had needed her. Finally she just nods and Reaches over to kiss Nicky on her forehead. "Go back to sleep. You can probably get in another hour or so. I'll be right here when you wake up."
Nicky nods. "Okay, I will." but she knew she wouldn't be able to fall asleep again this morning. She didn't want that horrible nightmare to come back. It had seemed so real. She managed to smile at Red before walking away, leaving her mother standing there to look after her as she walked away, a worried expression on her face. Whatever was bothering her Nicky, Red was going to get to the bottom of it. She just had to get busy with cooking, first.