Chapter 4
Merry Christmas, Lily!
May your Christmas be as red as your hair! May all the Christmas decorations be good to you! May all the things because of which you love the writer of this letter come to your mind! May it also occur to you that because of peaceful Christmas you can't answer this by sending a Howler!
Yours,
James
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Merry Christmas, Potter,
and thanks for the Christmas card. Mum read it and she and my dad had a serious discussion about if it's safe to let me go back to Hogwarts. I told them that I'm not interested in you at all. Fortunately they stopped dreading that my stomach would be three times bigger before the summer. Now they're afraid that you're some hooligan or rapist who's just waiting for to make them grandparents before they turn fifty. So thanks to you for making my parents paranoid.
I hope there's more snow there than here. Try not to get suffocated by Christmas decorations. Or food. And tell Sirius that according to Alice he has to practice about hundred hours before all the Christmas Pudding has disappeared from his stomach.
Lily Evans
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Hi Lily,
don't be too shocked but as you can see I can write something else than those notes, too. At first, I was planning to just write them, put them into the envelope and send to you, but Sirius claimed that you wouldn't be able to decide in which order they should be read. Then I thought I could make numbers to them, you know, number one should be read first and then number two and so on, but Sirius said that you wouldn't bother to arrange them to the right order. And mum said that I should probably write a real letter, and because my mom was in love with my dad three years before she got him, she should know.
Remus checked the grammar, but it was seven o'clock in the morning at the time and we had been celebrating the previous night because there were only three hundred sixty days before the next Christmas and because there weren't any other people in Godric's Hollow (my parents claimed they had to go and visit my aunt, but I'll bet they just wanted to escape) so please be kind and don't blame Remus.
Peter broke up with Rose. He left her just after the Christmas. We thought it was cruel, but he said he couldn't have left her during the Christmas, because it would have been much crueler. And before Christmas he couldn't do it, because he had promised to take Rose to the Christmas Ball, and before it he didn't even want to leave her, but now he says that he just isn't interested in her anymore. Me and Remus are irritated (notice this: me to) but Sirius is satisfied. He's seen Emily (you know, the girl he could have maybe really fallen for) and Emily is engaged, nowadays, so Sirius speaks about how one shouldn't get stuck with just one girl even more than usual. Bearing in mind that this is probably going to be longest letter I've ever written in my whole life, I think he has a point.
We had a pretty ordinary Christmas. Sirius ate quite a lot of pudding. Afterwards I showed him the card you sent me and he panicked and exercised quite a lot. Next day we had bad difficulties with getting him away from the bed, because he just kept complaining how his stomach muscles hurt. By the way, he told me to tell you that you should be careful, because he's not sure if I have hiding abilities of becoming a hooligan, and you should be careful while we're patrolling in the corridors together. Peter and Remus are still trying to make his nose stop bleeding, because mum isn't at home. I didn't even know that I was that strong.
How do they usually finish letters? I don't know if I've ever done it.
James
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Potter,
you shouldn't really punch Sirius if he just happens to say some things that probably are very true, I mean those things about you being a potential hooligan. I hope Sirius won't die. Otherwise half of the girls in Hogwarts will pay someone to kill me for destroying their chances for Sirius. Personally I just don't get what's so special on him. And feel free to tell this to him. I guess his pride is still unusually high after that thing with ballot and stomach muscles.
Rose looked quite sad in the Christmas Ball. Peter should spend more time with Remus or you than with Sirius. Maybe it would save him from the Sirius' bad influence. I can't get what's wrong with Sirius and his stupid ideas of recycling girls, and about Rose and Peter I'm sorry for real. I guess Rose really looked like she had a crush on Peter.
Do you happen to have my bracelet? I think I dropped it when we were walking outside in the Christmas Ball, you know, a little before the clock was eleven, and I guess you lifted the bracelet for me but now I can't find it anywhere. And I don't really trust on my memories and speaking of which, I HAVEN'T FORGIVEN YOU, JAMES POTTER, THAT YOU ADDED FIRE WHISKEY TO THE PUNCH. It was stupid and thoughtless and childish and not intelligent at all and McGonagall was just right giving two weeks of detention to you four. In fact I was kind of waiting something like that from you, but I can't understand how you got Remus to help you. You should have taken you own drinks with you and not try to poison all the others, too. Merlin, James, there were FOURTH YEAR STUDENTS there!
And I'm shocked that the girl Remus liked was ALICE. Afterwards it feels quite reasonable, but when Alice told me that you had asked her what she would have answered if Remus had asked her to escort him, and she had said "no", I was quite shocked. I thought Remus liked someone else. Alice is my best friend! And you didn't bother to tell me! But I'm sorry for Remus, even though I guess Alice isn't. Her parents had invited the Longbottoms for a visit for Christmas, and I'm sure you remember Frank Longbottom? Alice has been talking about him quite a lot, but don't you dare to tell this anyone.
Tell Sirius that I'm gonna laugh my head off when he realizes that the puddings have destroyed his precious stomach and Thomas Avery beats him in a ballot.
Lily
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Lily,
why would AVERY beat Sirius in a ballot? Do you have something personal going on with Avery's stomach muscles? Didn't you just tell me that you haven't got anyone else in your mind? You need to tell me, because if I can't get you, I still won't let you go to Hogsmeade with some Thomas Avery. And Sirius has been jogging every morning so you can tell Alice that she doesn't need to be worried about the puddings. Besides, I guess his stomach muscles are beginning to be more intelligent than he himself is. Or at least Remus was thinking something like that yesterday and it sounded so intelligent that I decided to put it to this letter.
I'm quite perplexed that you even answered me. Are you being polite? Or do you hate me a little less than before? Would you visit us for New Year's Eve? (I'm now laughing, because you can't surely try to hex me for making propositions, because there's about hundred kilometers between us.) Remus told me to ask you by letter and not at school, because lately you've made some improvement with aiming. Sirius and Peter told me not to ask at all and instead pick up one of the angels from the play we were watching in the town. I told them to go to hell. Sirius and Peter, I mean, not the angels. The angels were rather pretty, actually.
I'm not gonna tell Remus that Alice has set her eyes on Longbottom. Remus would think that he's not good enough, because he hasn't got that kind of a stomach and I've had enough of friends worshipping their stomachs.
What, didn't you like fire whiskey? Don't you even try to deny, I saw how you smelled the punch and frowned and then drank anyway. You surely realized that there was some fire whiskey in it, but you didn't want to throw a fit forehand, because otherwise you wouldn't have been able to drink it. Nonetheless, you, Lily Evans, should sometimes send your intelligent brain to a little holiday sometimes and enjoy yourself. You don't have to be that tense all the time, no offense, you know I like you anyway but you are a little tense. You could use a little bit relaxing. And a little amount of fire whiskey has never killed anyone. Well, I heard that Moira Abbot ended up inside a little wardrobe with Sirius but you don't need to be worried about anything like that. If you were going to go to a wardrobe with Sirius, I would stop it even though you were half dead.
I have your bracelet. Sorry. I wasn't supposed to steal it, but when you asked, I went to check out the pockets of my robe and there it was. I guess I meant to give it to you, when I picked it from the ground, but I guess you fell at the same moment and I went with you and maybe I put it into my pocket because, to be honest, the bracelet wasn't exactly was I was thinking then.
Why are you sorry for Rose but not for me? I've liked you five years and you've turned me down about TEN THOUSAND times! Rose has liked Pete about five MONTHS and she's been turned down only ONCE.
James
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Potter,
so I should feel sorry for you? After being chased after five years by you, even though I've clearly told you that I'm not interested? Or is it my fault? Do you think I can be interested in anyone I want to? And I don't definitely mean that I would like to be interested in you, but even though I'd like to, it wouldn't work that way. Well, I can feel sorry for you in a very distant way, but I still think that you should have given up. Why the heck have you kept on? Do you have to prove to someone that you don't give up? Or can't you just stand being turned down?
And, of course, I answered to you. Someone has to be an adult here and being responsible includes answering to the letters. Besides, I couldn't have not answered when Remus had done such a great work and checked the grammar of the letter you sent me. Sometimes I'm really wondering what Remus is doing with you. Other than when it came to the fire whiskey and punch. And if this has come to an issue again, no, I don't hate you, Potter, I just dislike you. Though you may be tolerable when you're hundred kilometers away or when you aren't acting like a complete idiot. I hate you only when I have to hex you. And when I end up being in a detention because of you.
And no, I'm not interested in Avery, but I've heard some rumors telling that he's got quite a stomach. Personally, I don't fancy stomachs so much. And you're being rude to him just because he's Slytherin, so try to behave a little. In addition, I'm not tense at all and, what's more important, I'm not incapable on relaxing or having fun, as you claimed, nor have I anything against alcohol, but it doesn't belong to the school. I can very well drink a glass of fire whiskey with Alice on Saturday night but I'm not going to get drunk in school ball especially when I'm in fact actually responsible for the whole event with a boy, who himself happens to be drunk himself and whose ability of thinking isn't any good even when he's sober. So, next time when you're trying to add something to the punch, please at least try to think a little.
I don't remember falling to the ground and I don't especially remember you falling with me. Merlin, this is exactly why I hate fire whiskey. I want to REMEMBER things, don't you get it? Or at least things that mean something. I have to remember if I have to be ashamed of something afterwards or if I can act normally. It's important.
I'm not visiting you for the New Year's Eve. I'm sorry. Mum has invited some cousins that haven't seen me in five years.
Lily
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HAPPY NEW YER LILY EVANS! I'L SEND YOU A LETTER LATER! PADS GONNA EAT A WHOLE CHICKEN! I LOVE YOU LILY EVNS!
FOREVER YORS JAMES POTTER
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Lily,
if you haven't got a letter in a brown envelope yet, please burn the envelope without opening it. I'll answer your letter a little later. Now I have to go to puke.
James
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Potter,
I got both your brown envelope and the later message, in which you're desperately trying to make me believe that there's something else than sheer air between your two ears. Don't worry, I already knew you've gone nuts. I'm happy to hear that you had a nice New Year's Eve. I hope Sirius is still alive. The chicken apparently isn't.
Lily
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Lily,
the chicken died before Christmas. Mum bought it thinking that if all the relatives we haven't invited come anyway, we can feed them with the chicken. Well, they didn't come. We had a nice New Year's Eve, thanks for asking. Mum and dad went to see grandma about seven o'clock and we swore that the house will be there when they come back. All four of us were here, because Sirius would have been here anyway and Remus and Peter wanted to come, too. Emily's boyfriend bought us some bottles full of something that Muggles like to drink, and none of us knew how effective that was, so just in case we drank quite a lot, besides Remus, of course, who tried to be careful and didn't drink at all. Little before midnight Sirius got hungry and ate the chicken. It was quite amazing. I'm happy you didn't see it.
I haven't got much to tell you about the rest of the night. Emily had had a fight with his fiancé and she came to us a little after the midnight, and Sirius was already on a bad mood because of the chicken, so we knew that there wasn't anything good to come. Or at least Remus knew, me and Peter weren't sober enough to think that clearly. I'm not sure what Sirius and Emily did in the cellar. I'm quite sure Sirius can't be in love with Emily anymore. Remus claims that he was just trying to revenge her that he fell for her in the first place. I don't exactly get it. He liked Emily a few months and I've liked you many years. If Remus is right, shouldn't I be cutting my head off or something?
After Sirius and Emily had disappeared we didn't have so much fun. Peter missed Rose (yes, you read right, he has began to think that he really likes Rose, but now Rose doesn't want anything to do with him) and I missed you and Remus couldn't lift the spirit, because he was so sleepy. So, in the end our New Year's Eve was quite dull. And I'm sorry about that brown envelope. I have no idea what I put there, but Remus laughed at me quite much, when I realized that I had sent it. I'm gonna pretend that it didn't happen at all? Damn it, I feel like a bludger had had a crash with my head.
Well, I get it that you aren't planning to feel sorry for me. Remus and Peter agreed with you. They think you should be the one to feel sorry for because I've been chasing after you for years and you haven't liked it. But please, could you tell me that even once or twice you would have been happy with me trying to hit on you? At least a little? Have I been just terrible? I'm quite sure that if I wasn't stuck on you, someone could probably like me.
And I have no idea, why I have kept on liking you, but I can assure you that I'm NOT trying to prove ANYTHING to ANYONE. And I have no idea why I fell for you in the first place, Evans. Maybe it was your hair, or your annoying voice, or maybe you just were so stubborn. Anyway, I can't get you out of my head. It's not my fault. And what the fuck should I have been doing all these years? Sitting somewhere thinking whether I should speak to you? I'm not that kind of a person! I want to make things happen and not to wait if they might happen by themselves!!
Fuck. I guess I'm going to regret sending you this letter. If I can send this. If I find the owl. I guess it got frightened when Sirius ate that chicken.
James
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Potter,
I'm not going to tell you what was on that note you sent me, but I can assure that there's nothing shocking in there. In fact, it was quite similar to one you sent me when you were on third grade and drunk for the first time.
I won't say anything about your New Year's Eve. Sirius was VERY IRRESPONSIBLE and the rest of you were very irresponsible letting Sirius be irresponsible. I hope Peter is going to give Rose some space so that she can get a boyfriend, who doesn't have anything to do with Sirius Black. I can't understand how anyone could date any of you. You've ruined each other.
I had a very responsible New Year's Eve, thank you very much. My cousins were visiting us and they didn't understand anything I was talking about and, in fact, weren't interested in anything I was talking about, and eventually I told them I was going to go to sleep, then went into my room, locked up the door, opened the window and sat there looking at the stars. It was kind of nice, though. And the next morning I woke up before nine and felt quite good.
The school starts tomorrow, so I'm not going to write any longer. Have fun with your two weeks' "fire whiskey in the punch" detention.
And you weren't that terrible. At least you aren't anymore. Sometimes you were. Didn't you ever think that it wasn't so nice being in the centre of that big amount of attention? Everyone was staring, and all your friends were staring, and when I was in third grade I had a small crush on Remus and it wasn't nice at all. And then I got used to you trying to hit on me and it just began to be just annoying. But you weren't terrible, unless you were teasing someone who was smaller than you or who was Snape. That's still terrible, James Potter. But I can admit that you weren't terrible just because you liked me and told it to me.
Lily
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A/N: If you're reading, please let me know what you're thinking :)