Chapter Four

"Nikolas, I can't believe you did that," Alexis scolded after Ric walked out.

"I can. Good job man," complemented Sonny.

"Shut up Sonny. No, talk. Talk to me … Sonny, you have some explaining to do. Jax, Nikolas, do you mind giving us a minute?"

"Um, sure," Jax responded, running his hand though her hair.

"Alexis?" Nikolas asked, like a little boy.

"Yes, honey?"

He walked over to her and sat beside her, "You can't go into surgery like this."

"I know."

"I'm going to talk to Robin to see if they can do it tomorrow."

Alexis nodded and took his hand. "Okay. I think … I think that's a good idea. I need to talk to Sam."

Nikolas looked down at her for another minute and left to find Robin.

Sonny paced the room. "Alexis."

"Who else knows?"

"Jason. Ric came straight to my house after ... after I left you, Kristina, and Molly. I wish you had told me then that you saw it."

Alexis let out a hateful laugh. "What would you have done? Said? You would've kept defending Ric? Taking up for Sam?"

"I wasn't defending Ric to you that night. I was …" he walked closer to her on the bed and hesitated before he sat down. He stared at her hands. He took them in his and moved his eyes to meet hers. "I was telling you about yourself. You don't always let the people closest to you know what you want. What you're feeling."

"I didn't tell Ric that I was sick, so that justifies him sleeping with my daughter?"

"No! Alexis, stop acting like a child!"

"Oh my God, me like a child, you idiot …"

Sonny smiled as she pulled her hands away, but he wouldn't let go. "Okay, look. Stop. Just lay back … take a minute and breathe, you're getting upset."

Alexis did as she was told and continued to look in his eyes.

"We need to talk," she finally said.

Sonny nodded, knowing that they had to talk about more than just Ric and Sam … and even more than Kristina and Alexis' sickness.

"Three years of hating each other …"

Alexis nodded. "I'm not sorry for keeping Kristina from you," she said bluntly.

"I know."

She looked scared. "You hurt me, Alexis. And I hurt you, over and over, but we can't go into this right now, you know that," Sonny explained.

"I know."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Ric and Sam. I wasn't hiding it for Sam's sake. You were sick. You needed to focus on getting better."

She nodded once more, finally looking away. After a few moments, he saw the tears forming in her dark eyes. He squeezed her hands. "You're going to beat this."

The tears fell. "I'm scared."

"You aren't alone. I'm scared too. Alexis, I might have been angry at you for a long time now, but I don't … I don't know what I'd do without you being there, keeping me … keeping me here … in the moment … you help me Alexis, to live better, to be a better … daddy to our little girl … a better person." Sonny was crying now. "Please, Alexis, you have to beat this …"

She pulled him to her. She couldn't take watching him break down. She leaned up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, bringing him down with her. When she did, he started crying even harder. He couldn't live without this woman. His arms moved behind her, holding her tight. He was almost laying on top of her and he was afraid he would hurt her, so he pulled up, but she wouldn't let go. She wouldn't let up.

"Sonny," she whispered in his ear, "I miss you. I miss my best friend."

He squeezed her tighter, "I'm right here," he whispered back.

This is the scene that Sam and Lainey walked in on. They stood silently watching as Alexis looked at them. Sonny composed himself and sat up, allowing Alexis to wipe his tears off his face.

"I'll be in the waiting room," he said softly.

"Don't hurt Ric." She smiled.

"I'll try not to." He stood up and walked out, avoiding Lainey and Sam's eyes.

Lainey nodded to Alexis and walked out, closing the door.

Sam stood. It was obvious that she had been crying hard. Alexis knew this conversation would be difficult for the both of them, so she started.

"Sam. I … I'm sorry you had to find out like that that I knew."

Sam shook her head. "You shouldn't say you're sorry for anything. This is all my fault," she barely whispered.

Alexis just stared at her. "Come sit." She motioned to the bed … and Sam did as she was told.

After a moment of looking down at the floor, Sam looked over to Alexis, who hadn't taken her eyes off of her. "I'm sorry. I know that's … not enough …"

"That's enough Sam. I know you're sorry. I know why you did it."

Sam let the tears fall. "I was mad at you, I was missing Jason, I was drunk, but none of that makes it okay. He was …"

"My husband. I know. Sam, we don't have to talk about the details. I really don't want to hear them right now … or ever … look, all that matters is that it's done … it's out in the open and everything is still moving on. I … Sam …" Alexis wanted Sam's eyes on hers for this. "Look at me."

Sam looked.

"I love you, Sam."

Sam closed her eyes and the tears kept falling. She hated herself.

"Why? How could you LOVE ME?!" she yelled and stood up, walking over to the window. "How could you?! After what I did to you? Your family!?"

"Your family. Sam! You're forgetting that this is your family too."

"I know, and I screwed up … big time!! I broke both of my little sister's worlds apart!!"

"Sam, come here."

"No! I don't deserve this! I don't deserve to be forgiven by you."

"Well, too bad … come here … NOW!"

Sam didn't move. She tried to block her out … she wanted to run. She turned to walk toward the bed and mind her mother, but her mother was there, standing behind her.

Alexis took Sam's face in her hands. "You deserve to be loved. I don't mean by Jason, or any other guy … by me. By your family. We need to have a very long conversation about what that … woman did to you Sam … but for right now, you have to, hey!" Alexis noticed that Sam was looking away. "Hey! Look at me!"

Sam complied, looking up into her mother's eyes … there were tears.

"You hurt me more than I've ever been hurt before. When I came to the hospital that night … after I saw … I cried … but I have never cried that hard before."

Sam just looked, her eyes were stinging.

"No one has EVER hurt me that much, Sam. Do you know what that means? No one has ever, EVER made me cry that hard. Not Stefan, Ned, Sonny, Ric … I didn't even cry that hard when my sister died. You. You made me hurt. I wasn't crying over Ric! I was crying over you. Do you understand?"

Sam didn't. She didn't understand why Alexis could forgive her if she had hurt more than ever before. She had to shake her head no.

Alexis looked amazed through her tears. "You really don't get it? Sam, I've never been that upset because I love you more than I loved ANY OF THEM!" she screamed. "I LOVE YOU!"

Sam was sobbing. Alexis pulled her into her arms and didn't let go, even when Sam pulled away. "No, Sam, you're not leaving … I'm not letting you go … fight all you want. Hit me, push me, scream at me, you are GOING to accept this."

After struggling a bit more, Sam calmed down and finally wrapped her arms around her mother. She held her tight, as if it were the last time she would ever hug her.

Alexis let her go and cradled Sam's face in her hands. "You are loved Sam. You will be loved by me, and Kristina, and Molly … forever … do you get that? There is nothing that you could ever do to stop that. You're going to get over this self-destructiveness if it kills me." She smiled, but Sam didn't. 'if it kills me' played over and over in Sam's mind.

The two women stood there, Alexis in her hospital gown, Sam with her tears … and they nodded in agreement … it was time to start over.