Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or modern medicine. They are owned by Masashi Kishimoto and people smarter than me. Kishimoto does not rate that second category.

Senju Hashirama stood atop a mighty oak, raised from the ground with the use of his entirely unique Mokuton Blood line Limit. Across from him stood Madara Uchiha, atop the mighty Kyuubi, wielding his great war fan. Their chakra was charged, their weapons sharpened and gleaming in the moon's light. They were ready to have a battle that would reshape the land, and determine the course of world history for thousands of years to come.

But first, there were questions to be asked.

"Madara," the Senju said, speaking in a voice that echoed with sagely wisdom. "Why have you turned your back on your clan and Konoha? Why do you seek destruction?"

"My clan betrayed me! I should be the rightful ruler of Fire Country! And I would never have agreed to such a putrid peace with the Senju if I would not be rewarded for it!" Madara shouted back, Sharingan eyes glinting madly.

Hashirama recoiled in shock. "You mean to say-"

"YES!" Madara shouted, interrupting his foe. "This was my plan all along! To betray the Senju, and to take their DNA so that the Uchiha might be the rulers of this shinobi world, as we Deserve!"

"That's-" Hashirama said before something else caught his attention. "Wait, what did you say?"

"The Uchiha will reign supreme! We will sit atop the world as the elite! As gods! As-" Madara ranted, so close to his dreams he could almost taste the power of godhood.

"No no no, not that part," Hashirama said, waving his hands to stop the outpouring rant. "The part about taking the Senju DNA."

"What about it?" Madara said peevishly, annoyed at having his rant stride broken.

"Well…" the Hokage said awkwardly. "What are you going to use it for?"

Madara's smirk matched the smug aura set by his spinning eyes. "I intend to give the Uchiha, the TRUE Uchiha, the greatest Doujutsu ever conceived! THE RINNEGAN!"

"You're going to take my sperm and start impregnating the Uchiha women in hopes of renewing that ancient eye?"

"What?" the Uchiha asked, confused at the awkward turn the pre-battle banter had taken. "No, of course not. Don't be absurd."

"Well then," Hashirama said, also growing confused. "What are you going to do with my DNA?"

Madara swelled as he thought of his great plan. "I shall take the blood I need from your corpse. Then, injecting it into myself, I am going to gain the Rinnegan, and with it, the Elemental Nations, no, THE WORLD WILL BEND KNEE BEFORE ME!"

"So what you're saying is," Hashirama said, trying to match up what couldn't possibly be the master plan of the madman before him. "You are going to stab me with a needle, drain my blood, and then put that blood into you?"

"Yes."

"And then you'll receive the Rinnegan?"

"I see you now understand my devious scheme!" Madara said, once more holding his war fan at the ready, waiting on edge for the battle to begin.

Hashirama, on the other hand, was trying furiously to rub away the impending headache he was going to receive from the Uchiha Logic. "That's not how that works. You can't just inject yourself and poof, you get magical powers!"

"What? Why not?" Madara asked, getting increasingly put out by the conversations direction.

"That's not how genes Work!"

"What are those?"

The Senju felt his eyebrow begin to tick. "What are genes?"

"Yeah, those things. What are they?"

Hashirama tried very hard to keep his cool. "Genes are traits and characteristics embedded into the DNA and RNA of every living thing, from the tallest tree, to the lowest bacteria. These Genes are given to us by our parents, and are passed onto our children through procreation."

"So, my Sharingan and your chakra are both genes?"

"Nooo," Hashirama explained, once again mustering his patience. "Genes are sequences in DNA that signal the creation of different amino acids that eventually form our bodies. Genes, and specifically alleles are the very specific traits and characteristics that we possess, like your Sharingan and my Mokuton."

"Cool, so I'll just stab those with a needle and put those into my eyes." Madara said, shrugging in a simple fashion.

Hashirama, too, felt like shoving a needle into Madara's eyes.

"You can't just suck the genes out of someone! You would have to rewrite and recode your entire DNA sequence!" Hashirama screamed, wrenching his hair in frustration.

"I think you can." Madara returned.

"NO, you can't do that!" Hashirama screamed again.

"What are you, some kind of an expert on genes? You're the gene doctor?" Madara said waving his hands mockingly.

"No," the Hokage said through gritted teeth. "but I've spent years researching considering that every time I make a new tree for battle, I am essentially creating life, so genealogy might be a little important in what I do!"

"Look you do things your way, I do things mine-"

"BUT YOU'RE WRONG!" The Hokage shouted, losing his cool once more.

Madara's eyes began to narrow suspiciously. "I think that you are just trying to stop me from using you to gain my true power!"

"That isn't the path to true power!" Hashirama shouted. "That is the path to a botched blood transfusion!"

"I think I'll gain God's eyes." Madara said doubtfully.

"NO, YOU'LL GET HEMORRHAGING IN YOUR BRAIN!" The hokage screamed, close to clawing his own eyes out.

"What, next your going to tell me I can't make a clone out of you and do a brain transplant to get a loyal minion, or create a clone army of you using bijuu chakra-" Madara was stopped by Hashirama's first attack.

"FUCKING UCHIHA!"

And that was the first ten minutes of the battle that would shape the world.

AN

Why does nobody in Japan actually know how hereditary traits work?