Sanji didn't know why he put up with this, when you went to rescue ladies they were grateful and things didn't go wrong, you were a hero. Ladies didn't stand in the middle of the room sucking their knuckles and swearing at you around their fist for barging in at a hundred miles an hour and smacking them accidentally with the door. A lady would understand your reasonable concern for their welfare and thank you for thinking of them, and then perhaps with a coquettish flutter of their eyelashes ask you to gallantly tend to their delicate injured hand. Robin would certainly understand his honourable intentions, he could almost picture her serene little smile now. She certainly wouldn't look at him like Zoro currently was and accuse him of being a 'stupid floppy-haired dart-brow'.
Zoro removed his fist from his mouth and looked at his red knuckles which were still red and slightly weeping blood still, after a second he decided that his trousers were a good place to wipe the slobber on his fist onto. Sanji winced, ladies didn't do that either.
"I was worried, I thought the booze might have upset your medication." Sanji explained when Zoro demanded for the second time what the hell he was doing there.
"That was why you had to come yelling and screaming down the hallway, stomping along in your stupid shoes and then burst in here like a crazy person?" Zoro snorted folding his arms in displeasure.
"Yes." Sanji answered as his brain caught up with him. Zoro certainly wouldn't appreciate Sanji running in here to save him from a fight, and he even more certainly wouldn't do as Sanji asked and not join in said fight. So, lying like a rug was clearly the only option here.
"That's it?" Zoro asked raising an eyebrow apparently sceptical of Sanji's lie.
"Yes, well… the last thing that I wanted was to accidentally get you trashed after making you sick in the first place." Sanji said.
Good, don't lie so much as simply… answer a different question. You were worried so it's not like lying really… you just happened to be slightly more worried about him being attacked by vicious pirates.
Zoro gave Sanji a scrutinizing look, Sanji stared right black making sure to keep his face appropriately neutral. Actually, neutral was suspicious, Sanji altered his face to a condescending sneer. Zoro snorted and shrugged apparently satisfied. Sanji relaxed slightly, Zoro had bought it.
It was at that precise moment that Sanji realised that the universe hated him, and likewise he wasn't too fond of it either. A loud thud, then a bang, followed by Franky's muffled yell of 'STRONG RIGHT' and several further bangs drifted down from above.
Sanji prayed Zoro hadn't heard but as the swordsman's head snapped up to the ceiling Sanji remember that, oh yes, the universe hated him. Zoro was only selectively deaf, say, when being asked to do chores or told that actually that booze wasn't for him. When it came to hearing potential fights Zoro's hearing was almost superhuman.
"What the…?" Zoro murmured frowning at the ceiling.
"Hm?" Sanji asked forcing the nonchalant tone into his voice at all costs.
"Whadda ya mean 'hm'? What's Franky doing up there?" Zoro demanded irritatedly.
"What do you mean?" the cook asked blinking innocently.
"What do you mean 'what do I mean'? That noise! That bang and the yelling!" Zoro shouted angrily.
"I didn't hear anything." Sanji said innocently before moving in for the kill. He stepped forward and with his best concerned expression on felt Zoro's forehead.
"Are you hallucinating again? Perhaps you'd better go back to bed." He nodded firmly as he made to usher Zoro back in the direction of his bed.
"No I'm not hallucinating, are you?" Zoro shouted shoving Sanji away from him and heading to the door. Sanji panicked and grabbed Zoro by the shoulders and dug his heels in to the ground in a vain attempt to stop the blundering swordsman. Unfortunately this tactic was incredibly unsuccessful, leading only to Sanji being dragged across the room and leaving black streets on the floor from Sanji's black shoes.
"Stop…it!" Sanji growled out through clenched teeth. He planted his foot flat on the wall by the door and pushed back with his legs, effectively stopping Zoro from going any further with his shoulders still attached.
"You're supposed to be in bed resting!" Sanji snarled wrapping an arm around Zoro's neck for a better grip. If the stupid swordsman hadn't been sick then Sanji would have promptly kneed him in the kidneys and dropped Zoro like a sack of potatoes. Unfortunately the section of Sanji's brain responsible for him feeling guilt was already too overwhelmed from his poisoning of Zoro and then giving him alcohol to allow such callousness on top of all of that.
As further evidence to the universe ganging up on Sanji it became apparent that Zoro had no such qualms about not harming Sanji as he elbowed Sanji sharply in his solar plexus. Sanji landed ungracefully on the ground, thudding into Chopper's medical desk in the process and knocking all of the air out of his lungs as well as causing a bottle of… something to land smack in the middle of Sanji's forehead. Sanji sat up with a wheeze and examined the bottle that had fell on him.
A memory flared in the back of Sanji's mind. This was the medicine that Chopper had been giving Zoro, the medicine that quickly rendered Zoro either a) unconscious, b) docile and stoned or c) uncooperative and drunk. With this in mind, Sanji leapt up and flung himself on the back of the unsuspecting swordsman who was presently trying to open the door. He dug his foot into Zoro's gut, causing him to gasp out in shock. At the same time Sanji deftly uncorked the bottle of medicine and tossed the contents in Zoro's open mouth. Before Zoro could spit the medicine out Sanji clapped one hand over Zoro's mouth and pinched his nose with the other.
Zoro flailed and scratched at his assailant's hands. When that didn't work he threw himself against a wall, making sure that the blonde saboteur hanging on his back hit it first. He tried reaching behind him to swat Sanji off of him but his attempts at clawing at Sanji were fruitless and only caused a stream of profanities to be hissed next to his ear. Unfortunately all this activity was rapidly decreasing Zoro's limited air supply. He failed a little more before surrendering to his instinct to swallow then breathe. As soon as Sanji felt Zoro swallow the potion he released his hands and dropped from the swordsman's back and quickly placed himself between Zoro and the door and watched his adversary warily.
Zoro dropped to his knees trying to cough and make death threats against the cook at the same time, eventually the coughing won out.
Sanji watched Zoro carefully, he thought that in a way Zoro was a bit like a big cat, a tiger perhaps. He was all sharpness and brute strength and a certain promise of pain, but there was a gracefulness there in those rippling muscles too. Zoro looked up at him darkly and Sanji could almost swear that he felt the jungle around him briefly. Zoro struggled to his feet and stumbled sideways towards the wall. He glared at Sanji before launching himself at the cook, fist first.
Zoro's fist landed with a thunk against the wood of the door a few inches to the left of Sanji's face. His eyes slid left and looked at the fist with it's still bleeding knuckles. Had that been a threat of violence or had Zoro genuinely missed him? He looked at Zoro's face, his eyes seemed to focus and unfocus in succession. Sanji was putting his money on the medicine working.
"Lemme out!" Zoro growled, throwing himself in the direction of the door, apparently ignoring the fact that Sanji happened to be in the way. Sanji hadn't forgotten that Zoro was still competent of escaping and getting himself into trouble, he couldn't let Zoro get past him and out of that door, he had to stop him at any cost. Sanji lodged his knee quickly in Zoro's sternum and pushed back as Zoro's string of vague threats became more and more slurred and his attempts to open the door became clumsier.
Zoro groaned, his head falling forward bonelessly against Sanji's collarbone.
"Ow." Zoro grunted pulling backward and rubbing his forehead.
"Ow." Sanji agreed rubbing his collar bone, Zoro's head was pretty heavy and hard for a marimo.
Sanji could feel that practically all of Zoro's weight was against his knee, the man was hardly supporting himself and certainly wasn't putting up a fight anymore. Sanji relaxed his leg and stopped pushing back with his leg and instead focused on supporting enough of Zoro's weight with his knee to keep Zoro standing. It seemed like Sanji had lucked out and gotten docile and stoned Zoro, perhaps the universe didn't hate him after all. Zoro blinked at Sanji as if trying to get him into focus before reaching out and jabbing Sanji in the chest.
"Izzat the only tie you have or do ya have hundreds 'f black ones?" Zoro slurred tugging on Sanji's tie. Sanji rolled his eyes, oh yeah, stoned Zoro blathering the slightest thought in his head was most certainly back.
"I've got lots, but not just black." Sanji answered absently as he tried to juggle Zoro's weight from his knee to his hands. Zoro apparently didn't feel like being cooperative and squirmed out of Sanji's grasp to fall forward with a weighty thud onto Sanji's torso. Sanji cursed as he tried to lift Zoro back up to standing properly, Zoro laughed drunkenly at this. Sanji stopped halfway, there was no way that he was going to be able to wrench the apparently very heavy marimo up onto his feet if Zoro didn't want to stand on his own. And apparently Zoro didn't.
Zoro laughed drunkenly into Sanji's neck and slurred something that was so distorted and muffled against Sanji's skin that he couldn't make out what it was.
"Zoro… ZORO! Stand UP!" Sanji snapped struggling to heave Zoro up again. Apparently Sanji's struggling under Zoro's weight was funny to Zoro, Sanji could feel him grinning against his skin. Sanji registered the sharp pain in his neck before his stunned brain could even begin to piece together what had just happened. His eyes widened dramatically.
Zoro had bitten him.
Correction, Zoro was biting him. Still.
"What the FUCK Zoro!" Sanji yelled shoving at Zoro. But Zoro had at some point planted his hand firmly by Sanji's head whilst the other was knotted in Sanji's black tie, the only effect shoving Zoro had was to grate Zoro's canine along the fluttering artery in Sanji's neck. The swordsman growled darkly at him.
Sanji was usually opposed to fighting with his hands, but desperate situations called for desperate measures and if Zoro trying to bite his throat out wasn't a desperate situation then he didn't know what was. He pulled his arm back as far as the small space between him and the door would allow and punched Zoro in the gut. Zoro grunted, apparently unaffected, and shoved Sanji back in retaliation. Sanji realised several things at once, first of all that he'd absently lowered his knee when Zoro stopped standing upright on his own, but since Zoro had shoved his way closer to Sanji in retaliation his leg was now not so much raised threateningly as it was before as it was hooked around Zoro's hip which resulted in certain parts of him pressed up closer to parts of Zoro that he'd never pressed up to or desired to be close to before. Secondly, Zoro apparently wasn't trying to tear Sanji's throat out with his teeth so much as he was seductively biting and licking a trail up his neck. The desired effect seemed to be- oh god now he was biting his earlobe- something close to what Sanji's brain was presently experiencing. Or part of Sanji at least, half of his brain had simply shut down after Zoro had started devouring his neck like it was the best thing that Sanji had ever cooked and was now only documenting every place that Zoro was touching him. Like the thick fingertips clawing down Sanji's back for example, or Zoro's fist tightening in his tie, or the slight scratch of stubble and most of all the progress of Zoro's mouth across his skin.
The other half of his brain chose this moment to point out that not only was Zoro stoned and acting drunk but Sanji had made him so and further he wasn't actually a doctor at all and he had no idea how much of that medicine Zoro was supposed to take, but he was fairly sure that the recommended dosage wasn't ALL OF IT! On top of that idea firing the hot flush of guilt in Sanji's gut was the notion that Zoro probably had absolutely no idea who it was that he was throwing himself at. Sanji tried to wriggle out of Zoro's grip, but apparently the swordsman was incredibly determined to keep Sanji where he was and judging by the pleased sounding purr, Zoro quite liked the wiggling Sanji was doing in his bid for freedom. He hissed as he managed to crack his elbow on the doorknob hard enough to make his arm tingle and go slightly numb. He squirmed and tried to get his knee back into somewhere where he could lever Zoro off of him, the stupid swordsman didn't have any idea what he was doing or who he was doing it with.
"Zoro! Zoro it's me, not some girl. Let me go!" Sanji insisted squirming in Zoro's grip.
"Sanji…" Zoro groaned in Sanji's ear in a voice that Sanji knew would forever be burned into his brain. He'd never heard Zoro talk like that and he'd certainly never heard Zoro say his name in a voice like that. Zoro repeated his name in that same voice which managed to bypass Sanji's brain and dive right into Sanji's sex drive, he felt his hips buck involuntarily.
"Nnh… wanted this… mhmm… so long…" Zoro murmured hotly in Sanji's ear.
And with that Zoro pulled back, yanked Sanji's tie hard and crushed his mouth to the cook's. Sanji whimpered as the last of his resolve and common sense crumbled. From that point on Sanji only registered flashes of sensations, Zoro's tongue in his mouth, Zoro's hand shoved up underneath Sanji's dress shirt trailing sparkling heat under his skin. He felt the way Zoro's rough green hair felt fisted in his hands, he heard the jangle of Zoro's gold earrings clinking against one another, he felt the ripple of muscles in Zoro's abdomen flex. He locked his ankles around Zoro's back, hanging himself from Zoro's hips as the swordsman pinned him against the door, kissing him for all he was worth. Sanji was five foot and nine inches worth of burning bliss.
That was until he heard the footsteps coming down the hallway. Panic flared in his belly, quelling his passion as quickly as it had arrived. There were two possibilities, that it was an enemy coming to attempt to kill them or it was a nakama coming to check on them. Neither possibility was something that Sanji wanted to experience.
He thunked his elbows back on the door and pushed him and Zoro away from it with his hips, he ignored the needy groan from Zoro at the increased pressure and friction of their groins and instead moved his legs to ensure that Zoro would topple backwards on the floor rather than simply walk backwards with Sanji still attached. Zoro landed ungracefully on the floor with Sanji straddling his waist. Sanji spared the flushed swordsman spread beneath him a longing look before leaping up and bursting speedily out of the door and shutting it sharply behind him.
Chopper was only a few feet away from him and looking up at him with surprised eyes. Sanji, cheeks still burning, quickly launched into an explanation; that Zoro had attempted to escape and join the fight and Sanji had been forced to medicate him. Then he started with the lies, that Zoro went a little nuts, that he was delusional, that he was speaking nonsense, that he'd attacked Sanji. Sanji lied like a pro, talking rapidly over Chopper's angry reprimands about the medicine before excusing himself and running for his life. He ran fast. He ran to… well, anywhere that didn't have Zoro lying panting and wanting on the floor. He ran like a coward and shut himself in the kitchen and bolted the door firmly behind him.