The hospital room was deathly white, which struck Carmilla as ironic. Here they were, witnessing the miracle of life and all she felt around her was the lingering presence of death. Then again, it wasn't too far off. Death was here.
She diverted her gaze toward Laura cradling the baby in her arms on the hospital bed. The doctors had advised earlier that day that Laura should get some rest after undergoing the delicate procedure but Laura insisted that she could handle things just fine as long as she got to hold her daughter. The doctors tried to argue but Carmilla stepped in and convinced them to leave. She might have done a bit of glamouring but Laura didn't need to know that. She had other pressing things to worry about.
"What did they say about Noah?"
Laura's voice seemed to echo across the room. It made Carmilla feel like they were far apart in a cavernous pit but, really, they were only meters apart. She didn't expect Laura to want to talk about this so soon, but she had to answer. "They said Noah tried his best. It was complicated from the beginning. Something about malformation and inadequate organs. I didn't really understand most of the terms. Cupcake, you should get some rest—"
"I saw him, you know?" Laura spoke without meeting Carmilla's eyes. She was fixated on the rise and fall of her daughter's chest as she slept in her arms. "He was so handsome but he barely moved. He didn't make a sound. He was still alive, wasn't he? If only for a few minutes…"
Carmilla left her seat and stood by Laura. She placed a hand on top of Laura's, which was supporting the baby's side. "He's lucky he still got see his gorgeous mom." She was trying to cheer Laura up and she meant every word. "If I were to die, I'd want you to be the last thing I see. That wouldn't be such a bad way to go."
Laura let out a chuckle as she leaned her head on Carmilla's arm. "You're just saying that, you big meanie."
"No, I'm not. I mean it. And I also meant it when I said you should get some rest. The little buggers took a toll on you and you need to recharge. She'll still be here when you wake up. I'll make sure of it."
Laura brought her daughter closer to her face and rubbed their noses together, meriting a little whimper from the newborn. "Mommy will see you later, Emma. Be a good girl for Carm." The newborn responded with a yawn and didn't bother to open her eyes. Laura carefully handed her over to Carmilla who already had the bassinet ready.
"She'll be fine," Carmilla assured after wheeling the bassinet a few meters away from them. She cupped Laura's cheek and brought her face closer until their foreheads touched. "Get some sleep." She let their lips touch and it felt like it was the first time in a long while that she'd had Laura to herself. She missed this. She missed Laura.
Laura broke the kiss with a smile and whispered thank you against Carmilla's lips before she reclined on the bed and closed her eyes. It had been a long day and a long nine months. She figured she indeed deserved a bit of rest.
Once Laura seemed to have drifted to sleep, Carmilla turned to the bassinet. She stood over the baby and felt the space around her implode. She couldn't count how many times she'd told Laura that everything would be okay while she, herself, broke down on the inside. Every moment she wasn't with Laura during the pregnancy, which was scarce, she thought of running away. She had all the chances to do it and she almost did it today. When one of the doctors told her that one of the twins couldn't make it, she knew Laura would be devastated. She was so tired already, physically and emotionally. She had put up with the struggles of Laura's pregnancy while keeping her emotions in check, namely her anger and frustration over the entire situation. She had gotten rid of Will but that didn't give her enough comfort. There were still the consequences of her decision to take responsibility for raising Laura's child and also dealing with Laura's father, who still couldn't get over the fact that his daughter had gotten pregnant at nineteen. He agreed to provide some support but wanted as little to do as possible with his grandchildren, or rather, grandchild.
"Shit. What the hell am I supposed to do?" Carmilla muttered under her breath. The baby didn't stir and neither did Laura. "At least it's just you now." She knew it was insensitive of her to be grateful that the other twin didn't make it, but who could blame her at this point, really?