¤ author's note ¤ Please leave a review! Thanks if you did. Just so you know, the great 'one by one, the penguins steal my sanity' line is Cuban Sombrero Gal's, it's part of the challenge.

Chapter 3: Of Evil Penguins and Electrical Bananas

Three days passed by. Three days which were necessary for Lily to see beyond her jealousy and to realize that, since April Fools' Day, she had not really seen James and Danae together. On Thursday morning, she decided to ask James about it. She didn't want him to know that she was jealous, and even that she was interested, but this was just too weird. It seemed that Danae wasn't James's girlfriend after all, and Lily wanted to know the reason why.

"Er, James?"

James had been walking out of the Heads' rooms. He turned and raised an eyebrow at her. Lily shifted from foot to foot but forced herself to look at him. She wondered why the hell she had arms and what she was supposed to do with them. She decided to cross them over her chest and took a deep breath, as if she had been offended by something James had just done.

"I was just wondering... are you dating Danae or not?" Lily asked, trying to achieve a business-like tone. "Because nobody's seen you two together since Monday."

James leant against the open door and gave his famous lopsided grin. Lily expectedly blushed. She suddenly realized it wasn't the first time that James made her blush.

"Are you interested, Lily?" James asked.

Lily tried but failed not to blush even more.

"I guess I am, if I'm asking," Lily huffed.

James was now smiling broadly.

"And why are you interested?"

She should have seen that one coming. Her cheeks were red again, and she really didn't know what to say. She wasn't going to tell him she was interested because she fancied him.

"You haven't answered my question," Lily said after an uncomfortable silence. "Are you dating her or not?"

James was still annoyingly smiling. "You haven't answered my question either."

Lily sighed. "I asked it before you did. Basic chronological order."

James chuckled. "You swallowed a Remus at dinner last night or what?"

In spite of herself, Lily cackled, but quickly regained her composure and glared at James.

"Danae and I aren't dating," James finally said.

Lily raised her eyebrows in surprise, trying to ignore the immense relief and joy James's words had brought.

"I don't understand," Lily said.

It was James's turn to be uncomfortable. He looked down and bit his bottom lip. Lily knew that look. It meant that James thought he was going to yell at her. And he was nearly always right about that.

"It was a joke," James said, in such a low voice that Lily thought she had misheard.

The words rang in Lily's head, repeated by dozens of little James Potters, bouncing merrily and laughing at her. Lily shook her head. This tiny James Potters thing was definitely worrying, especially as she had been seeing them quite often as of late.

"A joke?" Lily repeated, the disbelief clear in her voice.

"Yeah, you know," James said, still not looking at her, "for April Fools' Day."

Lily's green eyes hardened.

"And who did you think would find it funny?" Lily asked coldly.

James took a deep breath and finally looked at her. Lily was surprised to see the embarrassment gone from his face.

"I hate lying to you, Lily, so I'm going to tell you the truth. I only wanted to see if it would make someone jealous," James said slowly. "And apparently, it worked."

Without another word, James turned and walked away, leaving a flustered and flabbergasted Lily.

The first class of the Lily's day was Arithmancy, and she was grateful that James didn't take this subject. She was furious that the whole Danae thing was just pretending to see if she was jealous. But the worse was that James knew she was jealous. Lily decided the best attitude from now on would be to ignore James, even if she knew it would be practically impossible, since they were both Heads. She was thinking about it when she entered the Potions classroom, and she took her seat next to Mary without looking at anyone.

"Good morning, everyone," Slughorn said cheerfully. "I'm giving you back your essays about the different uses of oak's roots in Potions. Overall, they are quite good."

"Now, that was a fascinating subject to write about," Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes.

The marked essays magically flew from Slughorn's desk to the tables of the Gryffindor and Slytherin seventh years. Lily smiled contentedly when she saw she had got an O. Venus shrugged at her A, and James gave Sirius a high five, for they had both got an E.

"Today we will be brewing the Bone-repairing Potion," Slughorn announced.

Lily raised her eyebrows in interest, as she planned to become a Healer after leaving Hogwarts. Ten minutes of explanations followed, and then Slughorn began pairing up the pupils. Remus was paired up with Snape, James with another Slytherin, Peter with Marlene, Lily with Venus, and Sirius with Mary.

"Are you ready, Mary?" Sirius asked, smiling slightly. "I'm not all that good at Potions."

Mary giggled. "I'm not too good either."

Mary saw Sirius glance briefly at Venus, who occupied the table at their left, and she couldn't help but felt a little bit jealous. Like a lot of girls, Mary had had a crush on Sirius since fifth year. She knew she had no chance, and she had more or less grown out of it, but the rare times when Sirius talked to her still made her giddy. She felt like a blushing fourteen-year-old in front of him. Venus was a completely different story. Venus was beautiful and graceful; she never looked stupid or embarrassed, or shy. Compared to her, Mary felt plump and ordinary, even ugly. Mary shook her head; she really shouldn't have this kind of thoughts about her friend.

An hour later, the result of Sirius and Mary's association was disastrous. Their potion, which should have been transparent and gently boiling, was orange, and their cauldron was threatening to explode.

"What have you done?" Lily came to their rescue, frowning down at their cauldron.

Mary shrugged and admired the laughing lines on Sirius's face as he smiled helplessly at Lily.

"This is hopeless," Lily shook her head. "I believe Slughorn will be there any minute to interrogate you, after he's done talking with Remus and Severus."

Venus had approached silently behind Sirius's back, and Sirius was so busy stirring the potion that he didn't notice she was standing right behind him.

"How is it going?" Venus whispered teasingly in Sirius's ear.

Sirius jumped in surprise, causing the cauldron to fall over and the potion to spill on the floor. Unfortunately, Sirius's hands were in contact with the potion, and Sirius shouted in pain as it burnt him.

"Aaaaaah! I'm dyiiiiiiing!" Sirius howled, making wild gestures with his arms as though it would make the pain stop.

Everyone stopped talking and looked at Sirius.

"Are you alright?" Mary asked in concern.

"Do I look like I'm bloody alright?" Sirius asked moodily, still wincing in pain.

Not really.

Venus stood looking at him with a slight smirk, not looking the slightest bit guilty. Sirius squinted his eyes as he wondered how the girl could have the guts to say that.

Look at him, trying to scowl at me. Oh, but why does he have to be so bloody sexy all the time?

Sirius's eyes widened. It seemed that Venus had talked without opening her mouth, and that was quite worrying. Yes, quite worrying. But Sirius didn't have the time to register the important fact that Venus thought he was sexy, as Slughorn quickly went to Sirius's side and inquired about the symptoms.

"The potion burnt my hand," Sirius said. "But the goblin said it would be okay."

Slughorn goggled at him.

"What goblin, Mr Black?" Slughorn asked, frowning.

"Well, this goblin," Sirius said impatiently, pointing at an empty space on his right. "I don't see any other one."

And I don't see any goblin at all. The potion must cause the boy hallucinations.

"What?" Sirius exclaimed, panicked.

Slughorn looked even more worried. "I haven't said anything."

Sirius stared at him, his mouth hanging open in disbelief.

He must be kidding me.

"I'm not kidding you!" Sirius cried. "And why can't you see the goblin?"

"There is no goblin, Sirius," James said, frowning.

Sirius turned to James. Why wasn't James reassuring him?

Is he going nuts? Well it had to happen some day.

"James Potter don't you dare saying that!" Sirius shouted.

Every one was still staring at him in silence, some of them worried, some of them only curious. Sirius didn't understand why he seemed to be the only one who saw the goblin. He suddenly wondered about the penguins. Now that he had a few seconds to think about it, it did seem very strange that a dozen penguins had entered the classroom one minute ago. Penguins. In April. In Hogwarts. Noooot right.

"Can't you see the penguins, either?" Sirius asked feebly.

A few Slytherins sniggered. Sirius saw with a twinge of unease that the penguins were imitating their evil snickers. Sirius fancied there was a cruel glint in their eyes. And then, one of the penguins made his way towards him and said: "You are going to sleep."

Oh, Merlin. The penguins are talking.

This was Sirius's last thought, before everything went dark.

When Sirius regained consciousness, he was lying on a bed in the Hospital Wing. As soon as he opened his eyes he saw that the penguins had not gone away; in fact, two of them were sitting on his bed, staring at him with their fathomless, scaring black eyes. Sirius had never known penguins could be so frightening.

"Hey, Padfoot," James said softly.

Sirius looked up to see four worried faces. James, Peter, Remus and Lily were standing around his bed.

"Are you still having – hallucinations?" Lily asked haltingly.

James scowled at her.

Don't try to scowl, James, you only look more handsome.

Lily blushed slightly at her incongruous thought. She was glad that she alone had heard her words. Little did she know that an astonished Sirius had heard them, too.

"You know Slughorn asked me to ask Sirius about the symptoms," Lily said, justifying herself. "He needs to know exactly what Sirius is experiencing so that he can find a cure."

"Where's Slughorn?" Sirius asked.

"In the dungeons, trying to find a cure for you," Remus replied, looking at his friend in concern. "How are you feeling?"

"Well, my hand feels better," Sirius said.

"Are you still seeing the peng -?" Lily started.

"Ssh!" Sirius cut in madly, scowling at her. "Don't – don't mention them!"

It's too late, he's completely insane. He'll never recover. Better taking him at once to St Mungo's.

"Why not mention them?" Lily asked.

"Because... because I'm afraid of them," Sirius muttered.

As if on cue, the two penguins smirked. Hell, Sirius had never known that penguins could smirk! They started making faces at him. Sirius tried to edge away from them, but he couldn't. Straightening up, he realized with a start that a dozen other penguins had taken over the Hospital Wing, bouncing up and down the beds and singing crazy songs out of tune. Sirius tried not to listen too much to the lyrics. He was not one to be shocked, but the penguins went so far into sauciness that it was just plainly rude.

"Are there any other symptoms?" Lily asked.

Sirius noticed that she was holding a quill and a roll of parchment. He wondered if he should tell her. Being able to hear people's thoughts was fun, but Sirius knew that he had to give Slughorn every bit of information he needed, so that he could find a cure, and soon. The penguins were driving him mad.

"I can... er, it seems that I can hear people's thoughts," Sirius said ruefully.

Lily's eyes widened in bewilderment. It was obvious that she didn't believe him.

No. He can't be.

"Yes, I can," Sirius muttered wearily.

The penguins were now trying to shove a stick up Sirius's nostrils. Sirius supposed he should be grateful that they didn't go for another part of his body, but still. Better not wonder where that stick had been. He tried to push them away, but every time they jumped back on the bed.

"Okay, repeat what I'm thinking, then," Lily said challengingly.

It has to be something that no one knows... He's just kidding us anyway, he won't hear. Hmm... okay, I don't really hate James Potter, unless hating someone involves wanting to snog that someone senseless.

"You don't want me to repeat that!" Sirius smirked.

Lily frowned. "Go ahead, or I won't believe you."

"I don't really hate James Potter, unless hating -"

"Alright, I believe you!" Lily cut in quickly, blushing furiously.

The penguins were now shouting to Lily that they had told her so. Sirius sighed.

"Can you hear everybody's thoughts?" Lily asked, looking rather embarrassed.

Don't think, don't think, don't -

Sirius frowned. "It seems that I can only hear the thoughts of the person I'm looking at. For example, I'm looking at you, Lily, and I only hear what you are thinking. If I turn to James-"

Why is he looking at me like that? Oh wait, I mustn't think – no, don't look at Lily! I'm such an idiot.

James shook his head. Sirius chuckled.

"Well I've got to get going," Lily said hurriedly. "I'll tell Slughorn about all this, Sirius. Hope you get better soon."

But Sirius barely heard her words, because the two penguins on his bed had started talking to him. They looked more appeased, but Sirius had the feeling that if he didn't agree with them, they would do things that he wouldn't like. After one minute of Sirius listening to the penguins and occasionally nodding to please them, Sirius looked at his friends blankly.

"Electrical banana is gonna be a sudden craze," Sirius announced, repeating the penguins' words, as they had told him to do.

"What?"

"Yes, electrical banana is bound to be the very next phase," Sirius said.

"What the hell is an electrical banana?" James asked.

Sirius shrugged, looking on the verge of tears. It seemed that the penguins wouldn't let him rest. James struggled not to indulge in hilarity despite the situation comedy, because he was extremely concerned with Sirius's mental state, which seemed to be in grave danger.

Sirius looked at James, his eyes abnormally wide in worry. "One by one, the penguins steal my sanity."