INTRODUCTION TO ROMANTIC DESIGN
It was the early morning, and outside Greendale community college cars pulled up and students walked across the parking lot towards college like mindless zombies. The sun is shone bright and the sky was a clear blue. Inside the building the study group sat around their table, vaguely listening to the dean's announcement as they tried to wake up fully.
"Good day Greendale students! I just wanted to update you with a couple of things. It has been brought to my attention that people are just dropping the school newsletters. You did vote for them instead of me doing these announcements so I am hurt that you still aren't paying attention to them. But if you are just going to get rid of them as soon as they're off the press, will you please take care of them responsibly? We're trying to look after the environment here. Second on my list, will whoever has been hacking into the school system and replacing the computer wallpapers with profanity please report to my office, I've locked myself out of my account and need your help. And finally," blared through the speakers before a brief pause. "Jeff... and friends, please make sure you're in the study room in ten minutes, and brace yourselves because I have a surprise for you! To see off this wonderful day, here's some music."
Childish Gambino's "All the Shine" started to play from the speakers. Troy clearly enjoyed it. "Who is this?" he asked. The study group looked at each other and shrugged. "It's good," Troy said, dancing in his seat.
"Yeah," Abed agreed.
A few minutes later, Troy looked slightly annoyed; the music had stopped playing and the dean was once again speaking over the PA system.
"Sorry about that, I didn't know it would be so explicit," the dean said.
Annie looked at the rest of the study group with a huge smile. "I wonder what his surprise is."
"Ten bucks says it's something that sets our day back," Jeff said with disdain.
Pierce eagerly flicked through his wallet and slammed some money on the table. "I'm in! And while you're at it, I bet you another ten that the dean walks into this room with either a pun, or in fancy dress."
"That's hardly a bet, he does that all the time," Jeff replied.
"Take it or leave it, wimp."
"Fine." Jeff placed his twenty dollars on the table as Pierce added his second ten. Abed and Britta took the notes from both ends of the table and pushed them into the middle. They sat in silence while Shirley looks confused.
"Are you just going to sit there until he arrives?" she asked.
"Shhhh!" Jeff hissed.
They continued to sit in silence, looking around the room until the dean strolled in holding a box of beer, which he gently placed it on the table. Instead of an elaborate costume, he wore a simple suit. "How are my favourite students doing this morning?" he asked.
"Pretty good," Annie answered.
"Fine," Britta said at the same time.
"I wish the music was still on," Troy added.
Jeff smirked at a disappointed Pierce.
"No pun, breaking even is okay I guess," Pierce said before leaning forward and reaching for half of the money.
"Ah, not so fast," Jeff said, stopping him. "Dean, what is the beer for?"
"It's a gift to you all."
"Why?" Annie questioned.
The dean's mouth dropped open and his hands clamped at his waist. "I am offended that you think there has to be some kind of motive to treat you a-"
"Just tell us," Jeff interrupted.
"I was hoping you'd do me a favour," the dean admitted.
"What?" Britta asked.
"I want you all to design the new Greendale brochures to hand out to potential students for next year."
"Why us?" Shirley said.
"Because I like to think we're all friends, and friends don't make their friend's school look bad, like some of the other students did."
"What about our classes?" Annie asked in fear.
"I'll make sure you get a passing grade in all classes you miss."
"What kind of grade are we thinking?" Abed said in a colder tone than usual.
"C?" the dean suggested nervously.
"Keep thinking," Abed replied.
Troy looked at Abed. "You been watching Pawn Stars?"
Abed nodded with a smile.
"Okay, a B."
Annie waved her hand in an upward position. The dean rolled his eyes.
"Fine. You'll all get As."
"We'll think about it and get back to you," Jeff said.
The dean smiled and threw his arms in the air. "Great, I'll be... in my office." He walked out of the room as Pierce continued to go after the money.
"Pierce, get off!" Jeff yelled.
"Hey, I won one of them, the surprise was beer."
"No, the surprise is that the dean wanted us to advertise the school, the beer was just a bribe."
"It still counts."
"No, it doesn't."
"Alright, let's put it to a vote. Those who think I won raise your hands."
Nobody did.
"And I was right?" Jeff said, causing everyone to raise their hands.
"This is a joke." Pierce said.
Jeff leaned forward and slid all the money over to himself. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm sure we're all shocked the dean didn't use a pun."
"It doesn't," Pierce said, trying to avoid eye contact.
"Now on to the next item, do we help the dean?" Annie asked.
"Well an A for no work does sound good," Jeff replied.
"I hear you," Britta said.
"The only problem is that it would involve a lot of work," Jeff continued.
"How much work could it possibly be to make Greendale sound appealing?" Shirley asked. The rest of the study group looked at her, while she realised. "Oh."
"No. I agree. We all came here, something drew us here," Annie said.
"Yes, unfortunate circumstances that mean we'd have a hard time getting accepted into somewhere acceptable," Jeff said.
"Either way, we enjoy it here. It changed our lives. Pierce has been coming here for almost fifteen years, it can't be that bad."
"Pierce is an old, lonely, crazy racist who has been abandoned by everyone in his life but us. He's only here because he has nowhere else to be. No offense, Pierce."
"None taken, I just want you to know that at least thirty per cent of what you said was incorrect," Pierce said.
"Can we just get back to Annie pulling a Winger? I want to see how it turns out," Abed said.
"When did my name become a verb? I'm not Britta," Jeff said, half angry and half confused.
Annie continued with her speech. "I don't know about you, but meeting each other through this place was one of the best things to happen to me." Troy and Britta looked at each other and smiled, he then turned to Abed and reacted the same way, in return Abed raised and lowered his eyebrows. Jeff stared deep into Annie's eyes. "The least we can do is make an attempt at bringing more people here, so that maybe this place will have the same effect on them. Now who's in?"
Everyone in the study group raised an arm.
"I guess we should go and get the dean," Jeff said with a sigh.
The dean immediately rushed in. "No dean, no dean, I'm here. I was listening through the wall with a glass," he said, wiping a tear away from his eye. "That was one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard."
"Really? Did you grow up in a strip club or something? That would explain a lot," Pierce said, though the dean simply ignored him.
"I can't thank you enough for this, I might even go out and buy another smaller box of beer. Or maybe wine, would you like that? I'll just decide when I get to the store. Examples of our old material is in the filing cabinet in my office. I'll see you later." The dean left the room again.
Once he was out of the room, Pierce looked at Jeff with a smile. "Looks like you need to give me twenty dollars from your little green pile there."
"Uh, why?" Jeff asked.
"He used a pun when he came in, pay up."
"Yeah, I don't think so," Jeff said, rolling his eyes.
"Why not?" Pierce grew frustrated.
"He said it coming in the second time, that doesn't count. We only bet on the first time."
"Screw you, that counts! Someone back me up here," Pierce yelled, now angry. The study group exchanged a slightly nervous look. "Fine! But next time one of you needs my expertise for whatever mess you get into, forget it!"
"I'm sure we'll manage. Everyone ready?" Jeff said.
Troy, Britta, Abed, Annie and Shirley nodded and they all stood up and started to head out of the room. Pierce continued his rant. "One day I'll be dead, then you'll be sorry. Where are you all going?"
"To see what work we need to do," Britta said.
"Well wait for me." Pierce struggled out of his seat.
The study group stood around the dean's table, staring blankly at a collection of posters, brochures and leaflets.
"Hey," Chang said.
The study group jumped and screamed in fear and turn around to see Chang stood in the doorway with a huge smile on his face.
"Don't do that!" Jeff yelled.
"I'm sorry. What are you guys doing in here?"
"We're designing the new Greendale prospectuses," Abed answered.
"Prospecti," Britta said.
"Right the first time," Annie quickly added.
"What's that?" Chang asked.
"It's the things we send out to try and get more people to come here," Annie told him.
Chang smiled. "Ooh, can I help?"
"No... Actually yes, knock yourself out," Jeff said.
"Okay," Chang said enthusiastically. He then made a fist and prepared to punch himself in the head.
"Not literally. Well not yet anyway, way until we've finished the work, then I'll record it."
"Jeff!" Annie said.
"What? I was kidding. But not really."
"So how are we gonna split the work?" Troy asked.
"Well I won't be involved, I have my business to take care of," Shirley said.
"But you were one of the people who said we should do it," Britta said.
"I didn't mean right now. Ta ta." Shirley waved at them as she jogged out of the office.
"How about this? Annie and Britta, you two make the Brochure, Pierce and Abed make the posters, and Troy and I will make the leaflets," Jeff suggested.
"Boys versus girls, I like it," Pierce said with a smile.
"This isn't a competition," Jeff told him.
"Why does it have to be like that?" Britta asked.
"Well you and Troy are a couple now, there'd be too many distractions. Troy and Abed can't work together for the same reason. Abed is obsessed with movies, so I'm hoping he's made observations about poster design. Annie is the academic so she gets the brochure, which rules out those two working together. I can't work with Annie, because of slightly less distractions. Pierce won't do any real work, no matter what his job is, so this is the only way, any of you care to argue?" Jeff explained, barely taking the time to breathe.
"What do I do?" Chang asked.
"Do you know how to use a computer, or know enough about the school and it's courses to be of any use?"
"No," Chang said sadly.
"Then leave us alone." Chang slowly left the room with a sad Charlie Brown walk. "Now everyone get to work," Jeff continued.
The group split into their pairs and left the office.
Abed is stood in the photography room behind a camera that was fitted to a tripod. "Maybe we should just ask Jeff to do this."
Pierce stood in front of a white sheet, dressed in a red smoking jacket with a cravat and smoking pipe. "Nonsense! I've been coming to this school longer than anyone, I think that is enough to make me the face of it." He paused for a moment. "The literal poster boy."
"I guess I can understand that, but is the costume necessary?"
Pierce started posing in various stereotypical 'sophisticated' ways you'd see in classic paintings. "Are you just going to ask dumb questions, or are you going to take some pictures?"
Abed sighed and started to take photographs.
Annie and Britta sat at the table in the study room. Past brochures were scattered across the table in front of them, with a notebook and pen resting neatly by Annie's side.
"Shouldn't we be using a computer for this?" Britta asked.
"Not yet, we need to go through these and make notes on what needs removing, changing or adding."
"That seems a little old fashioned. I want a coffee, do you want a coffee? How about a sandwich?"
"Erm, no. I'm fine," Annie said, a little uncomfortable.
"How about going to the bathroom?"
"Do you need to use the bathroom?"
"Yes, but not to use the bathroom," Britta answered as she awkwardly winked at a confused Annie.
"Then I'll go with you."
"Great, we'll get Shirley too."
They packed up the stuff into Annie's backpack and headed off to the cafeteria. When they got there Shirley was stood behind the counter of her sandwich shop serving a customer with a smile, she then disappeared into the back room. Annie and Britta approached the counter where Chang jumped up and greeted them.
"Hi, how may I help you?" Chang asked.
Annie and Britta screamed, Chang then also starts screaming. Shirley rushed out in a panic.
"What's wrong? Did you toast your hand again? Oh hey, girls." Her face turned from panic to a smile.
"You've got Chang working for you?" Annie asked.
"He must have followed me here, I didn't have the heart to tell him to leave in his condition. To be honest I'm thankful for the help. Anyway, what brings you here?"
"We were wondering if you wanted to come to the bathroom with us," Britta said.
"Oh, I would but I can't leave Kevin alone with the shop, he still doesn't have the hang of things yet."
"You've started going along with the Kevin thing?" Britta said.
Chang held out some coins to Annie. "Here's your chang."
"We didn't order anything," Annie told him.
"Oh. May I help you?" Chang said with a smile.
"No thanks," Annie answered nervously.
"Yeah... We should get going," Britta said.
As Annie and Britta left, Chang lay flat over the counter on his stomach and waved at them. "Come back soon."
Jeff and Troy sat at a computer in the library looking at an empty word document.
"This is a lot harder than I thought it'd be," Troy said.
Jeff picked up one of the older leaflets and started skim reading it with little interest. "They're perfectly fine already, don't you think?"
"I don't think so. One of them mentions a new rock climbing wall, I've never seen that in the time we've been here. Another one is from two thousand and one."
Jeff flicked through the other leaflets. "Hey look, it's Pierce, and he has hair."
Troy looked at it but wasn't impressed. "That's nothing compared to the pictures he has in his house."
"Climbing wall removed after accident," Jeff said reading from another leaflet. "Huh, from the same year."
"What happened?"
"I don't know, that's literally the full article," Jeff said as he showed Troy the page reading exactly what Jeff had read.
Annie and Britta stood at the sinks in the women's bathroom.
"So what did you want to talk about?" Annie asked.
"I need some advice, and no offense but I was really counting on Shirley being here."
"Well, I'll still try my best. What's it about?"
Britta looked worried. "Troy and I have our first real date tonight."
"Are you saying that in all this time, you haven't been on a date?"
"We've been on dates. But Abed is always invited along."
Jeff had now typed "Greendale" into the document and was staring at it. Troy looked worried, fidgeting and looking around the room as he tried to work up the courage to speak. "Can you help me with something?" he asked timidly.
"Do I have to do anything?" Jeff asked without removing his gaze from the computer screen.
"No. I just need some advice, about women."
Jeff immediately turned to Troy. "Go on."
Britta remembered some of her previous dates with Troy (and Abed). One of them was their meal at a fancy restaurant. Troy was eating a steak, between a bite he looked at Britta and smiled, she smiled back.
"This food is to die for," Troy said.
Abed was sat at the side of the table between them. "Totally."
Another was a quiet night in at Britta's apartment, one she was sure would be the time they would become intimate. They sat on her couch with a glass of red wine each.
"So what do you want to do?" Britta asked.
"We could play doctors and nurses," Troy answered.
"Okay," Britta said as she took their glasses and placed them on the table. She smiled at him playfully.
Just as Britta thought her dreams were coming true, Troy yelled, "Abed!"
Abed ran into the room as Troy pretended to fall unconscious. "Nurse Perry, it looks like this man is suffering from type two brain decay, we need to get him to the operating theatre fast, or he isn't going to make it."
"Wow," Jeff said in shock.
In the bathroom, Annie also looked shocked.
"We had to act out an entire operation. And then we did follow ups to check on his progress," Britta told her.
"See, it's time to get serious about this or I might lose her," Troy told Jeff.
"I really like Troy, but that's no way to have a relationship, right?" Britta asked.
"I have a date with her tonight and I need to make it the best date ever to show her that being with me isn't all playing around," Troy said full of concern.
"Then you came to the right person. Here's what you do-" Jeff started.
"I think the best thing to do would be to just see how it goes. For all we know he might just keep Abed around to calm his nerves," Annie explained in the other location.
"Huh, I never thought of it like that," Britta said, getting somewhat calmer.
"If it really bothers you, you just have to tell him. If he still chooses Abed then you know it's not meant to be," Annie continued.
"I guess you're right. Thanks," Britta said before leaving the bathroom.
"Where are you going?" Annie asked.
"I have to go and get ready."
"Just so you know, we could have just discussed this in the study room," Annie said as the door closed.
Meanwhile in the library Troy looked amazed. "That is fantastic, are you sure it will work?"
"Look who you're talking to, I could get any woman I want." Jeff assured him.
"But Britta turned you down."
"Shut up and go and get ready. And Troy, if you need any help you only have to call."
Hours later, Troy was stood behind hid apartment door in a suit, he looked nervous and was breathing heavily. There was a knock on the door. Troy took in a deep breath, composed himself, forced a smile and answered. Britta was stood in the hall wearing an elegant red dress. Troy's smile instantly became natural. "Come in."
Troy led her into the candle lit apartment and sat her down at the table that had been decorated with flowers.
"Wow, the place looks nice," Britta said, sounding a little nervous.
"You haven't seen it all yet." Troy opened the curtains to reveal that the window had been covered with sheets of paper with a badly drawn Eiffel Tower on it. Britta smiled at it as Troy sat opposite her. "Sorry I couldn't afford to take you somewhere nice. I know that this isn't great but I'll try to make it up to you."
"Troy, don't worry about it. I can tell you put a lot of work into this, and it's wonderful."
"You ready for your appetizer?"
"Sure."
Troy clapped his hands. Abed - dressed as a waiter - walked in from one of the bedrooms with two dishes and placed them on the table. Britta tried to hide her disappointment.
"Don't worry he's not staying," Troy told her.
"Here you go, sir; ma'am," Abed said.
"Thank you, Alfred," Troy replied.
Abed smiled at Britta and returned to the bedroom. Britta looked at her food. "What is it?"
"Olive and gummy bear salad. I wanted it to be fancy, but still fun. Tuck in!"
Britta grabbed her fork and started to poke at her meal. When some stuck to the fork and wouldn't fall off she slowly moved it to her mouth, looking disgusted. She paused as it got close to her face, she then dropped it. "I'm sorry, but I can't eat this. I appreciate the thought you put into it, but these two foods together is just wrong."
"It's okay, you can just eat around the olives." When he saw that Britta still didn't like the idea he sighed and spoke again. "I thought something like this might happen. We'll go straight to the main course."
Troy stood up and started making his way to the kitchen area. He stopped and span back to face Britta. "Shoot. I forgot to make the main course." Britta looked back at him blankly, not knowing how to react. "I can't believe I screwed this up. Come on, I'll take you out."
"No, you don't have to-" Britta started.
"This was supposed to be a special night, so it will be," Troy interrupted.
"But what about the money?"
"I'll manage, come on."
Troy led Britta out on to the street. Pierce was dressed as a chauffeur and waiting for them with a limo. He smiled at them. Britta's mouth dropped and she turned to Troy.
"You set this up?"
Troy smiled slightly and walked her towards the car.
"M'lady," Pierce greeted her.
"Pierce," she responded.
Pierce opened the door for them and once they were in the car he closed it and climbed in the driver's seat and set off.
A short while later the car pulled up on a field on the school grounds. Troy and Britta got out of the car and walked to a small table already set up with a tablecloth, candles and flowers. They sat down.
"The flowers are for you," Troy said.
"Thank you," Britta said, picking them up and smelling them.
Abed and Jeff arrived with dishes and placed them on the table, they then smiled and left the couple to it.
"To start we have a regular salad. For real this time."
"I don't know what to say."
"Then don't. I know things haven't been great in the past, but from now on that is going to change. I've spoken to Abed and we agreed that we spend enough time together. So now we're free to have time dedicated to just us."
"Thank you, that is just what I wanted."
Pierce and Abed walked past the table pulling a cart containing a large Lego model of the Eiffel Tower.
"Oh my God," Britta exclaimed when she saw it.
"I didn't know what your favourite food was, so I made spaghetti. How about we do that scene from Lady and the Tramp? You can be the lady this time."
Britta smiled and let out a little laugh.
Troy walked Britta to the door of her building. It was now late at night and the air was calm.
"Thanks for walking me home," She said to him.
"I'm sorry I couldn't afford to keep the limo longer, we wouldn't have had to walk."
"It doesn't matter. I had a great night."
"Me too," Troy smiled.
Britta leaned in and kissed Troy on the lips. "Do you want to come in?"
"I better not, I should check on Abed."
Britta was disappointed but understood. "Then goodnight, I guess."
"Goodnight."
Britta watched as Troy started walking away.
"Ugh! I shouldn't have done that, I have no idea how to get back home from here," Troy whispered to himself, looking around nervously.
"Hey. Come in," Britta said to him.
Troy turned around and walked back to Britta.
Troy and Abed stood in the bedroom wearing pyjamas. They were dancing slightly as Abed spat a beat and Troy rapped badly.
"My mood goes up and down like a yo-yo. I get real emotional. But I would not change it though, because I do not care at all. Host Troy and Abed in the morning. Like to select our guests without warning."
Troy then took over the beat as Abed started rapping.
"Life does not come easy to me, so I like to think it's like TV. It doesn't feel like I'm on such a tightrope if I sort situations in TV tropes."
The two started singing in perfect synchronisation. "We are Troy and Abed, not just in the morning-" They went silent Troy and exchanged worried looks when they noticed Annie stood at the door watching them.
Moments later Troy, Abed and Annie were all dancing and singing.
"We are Troy and Abed," Troy and Abed sang.
"And Annie too."
"And we do not care if-"
Pierce was stood at the door in his pyjamas and interrupted them. "Will you keep it down? Some of us are trying to sleep," he said slowly, full of frustration.
When he left Troy, Abed and Annie shared a confused look.
"Did you two know he was here?" Annie asked. Troy and Abed shook their heads.