It's like I'm your lover or more like your ghost.

I spend the day wondering what you do, where you go.

I try to just kick it but then what can I do?

We've all got our junk, and my junk is you.

SPRING AWAKENING, MY JUNK

THURSDAY, MARCH 16

Cupid's Chokehold; Chapter Four. Bella.

Jake called on Thursday morning. After apologizing profusely about calling so early and I repeating that I had always been an early riser he asked if I would come over to the reserve to talk.

"Just the two of us?" he asked.

"Of course, Jake," after agreeing to be there within the hour I quickly showered and ate breakfast. What I had told Jake about being an early riser was true, but that didn't mean I didn't enjoy sleeping in every once and a while, besides, it's been proven that after a stressful time you need more sleep. I fully believe that learning that your best friend is a werewolf and is set on fulfilling your every wish and whim and staking their life for yours counts as stress.

Call me crazy.

And I really must be because after everything I had been told about Jacob over the past day I was still planning on meeting him. But I trusted Jake. I knew he couldn't hurt me, I knew he wouldn't hurt me.

This had all happened before, different mythological creature, but same story really. Was I destined to always be intertwined in the lives of the dark storybook creatures?

As I drove to Jake's house I felt slightly guilty while thinking about what would have happened to Jake if I had never moved to Forks. Would his imprint have been on someone else? And what would happen if I were to visit Charlie in Forks (even though that hadn't happened in years) and run into Jake. Would I have been as accepting of his imprint? On the fact that he turned into a terrifying, grandma-eating creature?

Would he have told me or just let me go? Would I have felt the same draw to him?

It was an undeniable fact that I did feel something different between us. Something I couldn't name. Something I couldn't put my finger on.

Jake was sitting on his porch when I arrived in front of his house, his eyes were locked on me but it wasn't the welcome I used to. When he was working on the bikes he would run out to the truck and greet me, hold my hand, smile.

I realized then that even before the imprint Jacob loved me. Really loved me. Not the silly crush some boys at school had, but he really cared about me. Our relationship pre-imprint had been pushing the limits, toeing the line, constantly creating new boundaries. If Jacob was even more attracted to me now I would have to work twice as hard to keep those iron walls up.

But, at the same time, I didn't want to hurt him.

"Bella," he greeted and wrapped me into a hug. I was shocked first, he had showed none of the awkwardness I felt. Was I the only one feeling it?

"Hey Jake," I said softly wanting to pull away but not wanting to lose his warmth. Jake seemed to be perfectly content where he was nestled into the fluff of hair that had resulted from the moisture in the air, I pulled away but he continued to hold my hands in his. I knew the gesture meant more to Jake than it did to me, but as long as he stayed behind the carefully drawn line I was fine.

Jake let go of one of my hands and smoothed down my hair, I frowned at the gesture.

"Come inside," he said softly before leading me up the muddied walk way to his house, "Billy went fishing," he explained as I eyed the empty house. We walked into the kitchen, "Do you want some coffee?' he asked, squeezing my hand, "I know I woke you up early."

I shook my head, slightly exasperated by Jake's insistence that ten in the morning was early, I told him as much, "I'm a morning person, Jake. I get up with the sun," I looked out the kitchen window to the dreary landscape of grey waves again gray sky, "Figuratively, of course."

Jake noticed how I sat down at the table instead of the couch. It wasn't that I didn't want to sit next to him… it was just that I didn't want to sit next to him.

If I had thought it was hard to lie in bed with my emotions last night it was even harder being near the person who was causing the conflicting emotions. I loved Jake- as a friend. But I felt the pull, the need, the want to be near him, to be with him. It was something I couldn't deny to myself but I certainly wasn't going to admit it to anyone any time soon.

This was all terribly confusing.

I picked up a tangerine from the bowl on the table and began peeling off the skin, "Hello cutie," Jake said as he sat down across from me.

"Jake," I groaned, I was perfectly fine knowing that he cared for me and saw me in that way… well, I wasn't happy about it but I could live with it, as long as he wasn't pushing the limits like this, "You know I don't feel that-"

He smiled and picked up on the peels, "It's what the sticker says."

"Nice excuse," I mumbled, grabbing the peel and throwing the small pile away.

Jake grabbed my hand as I walked back to my seat, I flinched and tensed up. Every small touch meant so much more now that I was aware not only of his feelings but also of the imprinting.

"I'm sorry, Bells," he wrapped both of his hands around mine. His hands were so big they engulfed my own, my pale skin disappearing underneath his russet skin.

"I know, Jake," I said, carefully wrapping my other hand around his. Jake knew I didn't feel that same about him and he would respect that until I said something different, assuming I would ever say something different.

And I don't think I ever could, my heart was with someone else.

"You just can't understand how this is for me. I must sound crazy, but I worry about you all the time, I think about you all the time. We went running as wolves last night and the guys kept telling me to shut up, I think I drove them nuts from thinking about you," he sounded so emotional, he wasn't trying to be dramatic or get my attention or feeding me lines. This imprinting stuff was real. I must have looked confused because he explained that as wolves the pack could hear each other's thoughts. Nothing was private.

I pulled my hand away and sat down, "No, Jake, I understand. You feel like without me the world won't turn, the sun won't shine and there isn't any point in life. You feel like the only reason for getting up is that there's a chance you may see me," if it wasn't for my morose face Jake might have thought I was talking about him and when I glanced up I saw the pain in his eyes. The pain telling me that he despised the fact that I still loved and cared for a vampire, "I'm sorry Jake," I said, trying to smile, "But, I know exactly how you feel."

"You really still care about him," he said softly, his face was cold and hurt.

But I couldn't be anything other than honest, "I think I really still love him."

Jake walked over and pulled me out of the chair and into an unyielding hug, "Is there anything I can do to change your mind?"

I relaxed into his stiff embrace, "I don't think so."

Did I want to stop loving Edward?

AN: Expect more in about a week. Please review, even it's just one word. I like reviews as much as the next person. Also realize I will respond to them and answer most questions. I also send out quotes with my replies so you get some feeling of what the next chapter will be about. These quotes really do have something to do with what's going on.